the Wedding (2000)

by Steel, Danielle

  What if I decide we can't see each other there? she asked. It wasn't going to work if they hung around kissing each other all the time. Brandon certainly wasn't going to like that.

  I hope you don't decide that, he said calmly.

  I don't know what to do, she said, feeling like a child, and he smiled at her, took her key from her hands, and opened the door for her.

  I've got some ideas, but I don't think any of them are appropriate given the situation. He kissed her on the lips again, gave her a small shove inside, and handed her the key, without ever leaving the hallway. What about tomorrow?

  I'm meeting with Haverton and the promoters again, and I've got a couple of other meetings uptown. And then she remembered a dinner meeting she'd made with an attorney who couldn't see her any other time. It was going to be a long day, and she wasn't going to have much time to see him. I don't think I'll be through till nine, maybe later.

  I'll call you then. He leaned toward her and kissed her again, and she felt peaceful as she closed the door to her room, and he went back downstairs to the lobby.

  She thought about calling Brandon then, and this time she knew she couldn't. It would have been too dishonest calling him, pretending that she was sitting in her room, thinking of him. She knew she had to stop seeing Jeff, or at least kissing him, but the thought of giving it all up was far too painful. Maybe she could just treat it as a small, unimportant interlude, a few kisses, and then everything would be back to normal once they went back to California. She was still telling herself that an hour later when Jeff called. She jumped when she heard the phone, and she almost didn't answer it. She was sure it was Brandon. He hadn't called that day, and there had been no messages from home. And when she picked up the phone, she felt instantly guilty.

  Hello? She felt like a criminal as she held the phone, and at the other end Jeff laughed.

  Oh, God, don't ever try to play poker. You sound awful.

  That's how I feel. Jeff, I feel so guilty.

  I thought you would. Look, you haven't done anything. The damage can be repaired. You haven't broken his trust, and if you really feel better that way, we can take a breather. He offered it to her, but it cost him dearly to make the sacrifice. As often as she'd let him, he wanted to see her.

  I think we should, take a breather, I mean, she said unhappily. I just can't do this.

  You're an honest woman. It's a damn shame, he teased, but he didn't want to tear her apart. The thought of not seeing her again, though, almost killed him.

  I can't see you tomorrow night, she said, suddenly firm, as he felt a vise squeeze his heart.

  I understand. Call, if you change your mind. She had all his numbers. Will you be all right? He barely knew her, but he worried about her.

  I'm fine. I just need to get my equilibrium again. The last two days have been completely crazy.

  And very nice, he added, longing for her lips again, and afraid he'd never have them. He had called to say good night, and instead he'd given her the opportunity to run away, which was not what he had intended.

  The last two days were wonderful, she said, thinking of the skating, the hansom cab, and kissing him in the snow. He had completely bowled her over. And now she had to concentrate on real life, and going back to Brandon. I'll call you, she said, choking on her own words, thinking of Jeff again, and not Brandon. Good night, Jeff.

  Good night. He never told her why he'd called. He had called just to tell her that he loved her.

  Chapter 7

  Wednesday seemed endless to Allegra as she made her rounds. She had some appointments, uptown and down, a late lunch, and finally a last-minute dinner with a tax lawyer who did work for one of her clients. It was a long day, and as she walked down Madison Avenue from the restaurant, to get some air, she thought of Jeff for the thousandth time since that morning.

  She had held firm, and it had almost killed her, but she hadn't called him. She couldn't, their feelings were too raw, the power of what they felt too strong. It was too dangerous to play with the fire that drove them.

  And as she walked along, she looked casually into a bookstore, and there he was. His face on the back of his book stared at her from the window. She stopped, and looked deep into the eyes that said so much, and in spite of herself, she walked inside and bought one.

  Back in her room, she set it on the table next to her, and looked at him, and then finally she put it in her briefcase. There was no message from him, nor anyone else. A stack of faxes had come in, and she had had long conferences on the phone with Bram Morrison and Malachi O'Donovan that morning. Carmen had left a cryptic message with Alice that she was okay, and everyone else seemed to be holding their own. Only Bram had a problem there had been an odd threat against one of his children. It had come by phone, and the Spanish housekeeper had scarcely understood what the man said, but it didn't sound good. Bram had called the police himself, and had put bodyguards on both his children. It was just as she had explained to Jeff, the problems were limitless, contracts, threats, decisions, tours, licensing, exploitation of all kinds, and the endless contracts.

  But she found no solace in her work tonight. All she could think about was Jeff, and then, finally, at ten o'clock, he called her.

  How was your day? He tried to sound non-threatening, but he was so nervous, his palms were wet. Just hearing her voice and knowing he couldn't see her made him unhappy.

  Fine. She told him about Bram, both the tour and the threat, and Jeff thought that the threat against Bram's kids was disgusting.

  Those people are sick. They should all go to jail. How was the rest of your day? he asked, and she looked mournfully across the room at her briefcase.

  I bought your book.

  You did? He sounded pleased. It cheered him up to think she'd actually thought about him. What made you buy it?

  I wanted to have your picture. She sounded like a little kid, and he laughed, and wished he could put his arms around her.

  I could come by and show you the real thing, he said hopefully, and this time she laughed.

  I don't think we should.

  How's Brandon? he finally asked after a pause. He hated the sound of the guy's name by now, but he was curious if she'd called him.

  I called a little while ago. He was out. I'm sure he's all wrapped up in his trial.

  What about us, Allegra? Jeff asked softly. He hadn't been able to concentrate on anything, think of anything, make sense at all since that morning.

  I guess we're on hold, until we learn to control ourselves, she said, and he chuckled.

  I'll buy you a little stun gun and you can zap me every time I get near you. You'd have to use it a lot though.

  I'm as bad as you are, she said, still sounding guilty.

  Don't be so hard on yourself, for heaven's sake. You're only human. And you did all the right things. You stopped me. You sent me away. You told me you wouldn't see me again. He counted her virtues, hating every one of them, but respecting her for her courage and ethics. She was determined to be faithful.

  Yeah, I did all that, she said, correcting him, after I kissed you, repeatedly, I might add.

  Listen, counselor, kissing is not a crime in this country. Take it easy. This is not Victorian England. You did all the right stuff, you should be pleased with yourself, he reminded her, still wishing she were less faithful to Brandon.

  I'm not pleased. I'm miserable and I miss you, she confessed, and they both laughed.

  I'm glad to hear it, he said, beaming. How does tomorrow look, or does that make any difference?

  Pretty busy, and no, it doesn't.

  I figured that, he said, sounding depressed. When are you going back?

  Friday.

  So am I. Can we at least fly back together? I promise not to do anything outrageous on the airplane. She laughed at the idea, but then that didn't seem smart to her. Why torture themselves? They obviously couldn't keep their hands off each other.

  I don't think so, Jeff. Maybe lunch in L.
A. sometime.

  Come on, he complained, that's bullshit. We deserve better than that. Can't we be friends, at least? This doesn't make sense. You're not a nun, you're a woman. And you're not even married to the guy. And his guess was she never would be. But by the time she figured that out and got free again, God only knew what he'd be doing, or where he'd be living. Timing was important in life, and he had no intention of waiting to see her again until she gave up Brandon. At the rate she was going it could take years. Allegra, just see me once, before you go back. Please. I need to see you.

  You don't need to, you want to, she argued.

  I'll make a real nuisance of myself if you don't. I'll come to the hotel and lie on the floor in the lobby. I'll bring the hansom cab back and bring the horse through the revolving door. He always made her laugh, and he made her happy. What are you doing to us, you silly girl? What's this all about?

  Keeping my word. Living up to a commitment.

  That guy doesn't know the meaning of it, and you know it. He doesn't deserve this. And neither do I. At least let me take you to the airport.

  I'll call you in L.A., she said firmly.

  And say what? That you won't see me because of Brandon?

  You said you wouldn't push me, she reminded him, feeling frazzled.

  I lied, he responded calmly.

  You're impossible.

  Go read my book, or look at the picture. I'll call you tomorrow night.

  I'll be out. She had to try to discourage him, but she really didn't want to.

  Then I'll call you later.

  Why are you doing this?

  Because I love you. There was a long silence at her end, and Jeff waited and closed his eyes, knowing he shouldn't have said it. All right, I don't love you. That's insane. I like you very much, and I want to get to know you. There was a small, silvery laugh at her end. You know, Allegra Steinberg, you're driving me insane. And how are you going to represent me if you won't see me?

  You don't have a deal right now anyway, she reminded him, and he sounded outraged.

  Then get me one. What kind of a lawyer are you?

  A crazy one, thanks to my newest client.

  Go away, go back to him, he played with her, I don't want to see you anyway. And besides, you're a lousy skater.

  Yes, I am, she agreed with him, laughing again, but they both treasured memories from the night before when they'd gone skating. And as she thought of it, she found it hard to believe that it had been only a day since she'd seen him. It seemed like an eternity. How was she going to survive in L.A. if she didn't see him?

  You're a lovely skater, he said warmly. You're a lot of wonderful things. And I suppose one of those virtues is faithful. I just hope I'm lucky enough to get someone like you one day. The women in my life always seem to take the broad interpretation of fidelity to include at least half a dozen people, or most of the adult male inhabitants of a small city. Anyway, I'll call you tomorrow night, Miss Steinberg, he persisted politely.

  Good night, Mr. Hamilton, she said primly. Have a lovely day tomorrow. I'll speak to you in the evening. She couldn't tell him not to call; she liked talking to him too much, and it gave them both something to look forward to, which was fortunate because the next day proved to be dreadful.

  It poured with rain, cabs were impossible to find, the subway broke down when she finally tried that, and all of her appointments either ran overtime or were canceled. And she felt like a drowned rat by the time she got back to the hotel at six o'clock to change. That morning, she had been invited to the Weissmans' for dinner at seven-thirty. And just to keep her mind off Jeff, and so she wouldn't sit in her room and think of him, she had accepted. He had sent her long-stemmed red roses that morning. They had made her smile, but he hadn't broken her resolve. After two years, she owed more than that to Brandon. And she knew he was faithful to her. Despite his many failings, wandering wasn't among them. She had been surprised at herself with Jeff. Nothing like that had ever happened to her before, being seized in the grip of an irresistible attraction.

  She was going back to L.A. the next day, but she hadn't spoken to Brandon since Monday. She'd called and left messages several times, but he was always out, or in court, or at meetings. It was unnerving not talking to him, but she decided that it was probably her punishment for almost having been unfaithful. She had been bad enough, kissing Jeff repeatedly, and she knew that if she'd seen Jeff again, she wouldn't have been able to resist him. She was sad but relieved to know that she would be out that night if he called her.

  She wore a red wool dress and her hair down, with her winter raincoat. And she tried Brandon one more time before she left, and was told again that he was in a meeting, and she left a message that she'd called, and hurried downstairs to have the doorman find her a taxi.

  It took the doorman half an hour to find a cab, and she was late when she arrived, but so were most of the guests, for the same reason. The Weissmans were expecting fourteen for dinner. Andreas had already told her that Jason Haverton would be there, and two or three of his other writers.

  Allegra was introduced to a very attractive young woman as she came through the door. She was a very controversial feminist writer, another of Andreas' clients. A well-known newscaster was there, a correspondent for The New York Times, the director of CNN and his wife, and an actress Allegra's mother knew who was appearing on Broadway. Allegra made a point of saying hello to her before she sat down. The woman was very respected, and very grand, and she had made a sweeping entrance into the room, which had been observed by all. It was the perfect New York gathering for a rainy evening.

  They were all there save one, and the doorbell rang one last time. She looked up as he entered the room, and she realized that she should have known. It was so obvious. Neither of them had guessed, and Jeff looked even more surprised than she did.

  Destiny, he said, looking at her with a small, wicked smile, and she laughed, relieved, and far more pleased than she wanted to admit, and unable to fight it any longer. She held out her hand to him, as though they'd just met. No, Allegra.

  Did you know? he asked in an undervoice, as he sat down next to her, his hair still damp from the rain, and he looked incredibly handsome.

  Of course not, she said, her eyes alive with all the feelings she had been fighting. It was all he could do not to kiss her in front of the Weissmans.

  Tell the truth. He was teasing her now, and enjoying it. Did you arrange it? You don't have to be embarrassed to tell me. She gave him an evil look, and he laughed as he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek, and then went to get himself a Scotch and water. He was back instantly, and sat in quiet conversation with her for a little while, and then Jason Haverton joined them. He was pleased with the deal they'd arranged, and his qualms about having a movie made from one of his books had been dissipated for the most part by Allegra.

  She's quite something, the older man said to Jeff admiringly, when she went to say something to Andreas. She's good at what she does, and good-looking too. He sang her praises as he sipped a gin and tonic.

  I just hired her, Jeff confirmed, amused by the conversation.

  She'll do well for you, the older man reassured him.

  I hope so, Jeff said, as she rejoined them.

  It was an interesting evening for all of them, and it seemed the perfect way to end her stay in New York. And as they put on their coats to leave, Jeff left with her. She had given up keeping him at bay, it was so natural just being with him. And he looked so happy as he left with her. He seemed very proud, and very protective.

  Do you want to go somewhere for a drink? he asked harmlessly. That is, if you trust me. His eyes were gentle and loving.

  You were never the problem, she smiled up at him in the elevator as they left. I was.

  I think we both were. Do you want to come to my mother's place for a while? It's three blocks from here. I promise to behave myself. And if I start to get out of control, you can leave whenever you want to.


  You sound positively dangerous. Allegra laughed at all of his precautions. We ought to be able to manage that, don't you think? But in truth, neither of them were sure, as she shared his umbrella and they walked the three blocks down Fifth Avenue to his mother's apartment.

  The wind was fierce, and she was almost blown against him, as they walked into his building. It was a co-op building much like the one where the Weissmans lived. There was one apartment on each floor, and in each case, the elevator stopped at a private, individual lobby. The building was small, and the apartments were not large here, but they were well laid out, the views were excellent, and it was a very handsome building.

  The elevator lobby on his mother's floor was all done in black and white marble, with an antique table and chair she had bought at auction at Christie's. And inside the apartment were a large collection of English antiques. The fabrics were delicate yellow brocades, and gray silks, and a few subtle chintzes. It was well-done, but somehow the atmosphere was austere. It was only in a small study with a leather couch that she and Jeff felt they could sit and chat comfortably. It was the only room he really liked, and Allegra picked up a photograph of his mother and studied it with interest. She was tall and thin, and she looked a great deal like him. But the eyes were sad, and the lips were thin, and it was hard to imagine her smiling. She didn't look like much fun; it was hard to compare her to Jeff. His whole face was touched by laughter and good humor.

  She looks very serious, Allegra said politely, so different from her own family where everyone smiled and laughed and cried and talked, and her own mother was so pretty.

  She is serious. I don't think she's ever really been happy since she lost my father, he explained to Allegra.