She looked flustered and confused, a bit embarrassed. Damn, he had not done this well. Naturally. But he still thought it a grand idea and hoped she would consider it. “Miss Reynolds? Have I put my foot in it too far this time? You must think me a complete idiot and wish to fling me over this railing to land crashing on the dancers below. But I assure you, I am quite serious. Will you consider it? Marrying me, I mean, not sending me over the railing.”
Philippa was glad she was seated, else she would surely have collapsed from astonishment. Could this truly be happening? Her very first marriage proposal after an acquaintance of half an hour? It was incredible.
More incredible was the fact that she was actually thinking of accepting.
Could she? Should she?
It would certainly be the answer to all her prayers. She could finally relieve her family of the burden of looking after her, and have a home and family of her own. It was what she had always wanted and never dared hope would happen. And her husband would be this tall, handsome soldier who did not patronize her. Yes, he was a bit rough around the edges, but that was part of his charm. Others might not see any appeal in the stern expression he wore, in the severe lines of his face, in the way he never smiled, or in his unpolished way of speaking. But through years of watching people in society while not herself participating, Philippa had learned to read a person’s character rather well, through his face, his movements, his speech, his behavior. There was much more to Captain Beckwith than met the eye. She sensed something troubling or painful beneath his austere demeanor, a vulnerability about him that touched her, though he would not want to hear her say that. It intrigued her, though, and made her want to know him better.
What better way to get to know him than to marry him?
Heavens, had she lost her mind?
“It is an interesting idea, Captain.”
“Ah. I am encouraged that you have not rejected it outright.”
“No, I have not. Quite foolishly, sir, I am considering it. Seriously considering it.”
His eyes brightened, though he did not smile. “As you should. It is an excellent idea. And quite logical. People enter into marriages of convenience all the time. And think of all those arranged marriages among people in our class, marriages made solely to expand rank or fortune. Those are marriages of convenience, too—convenient for the families. Why should we not be able to do the same? Would it not be exceedingly convenient for us to marry? You would like to be married, and I need to be married. Quid pro quo, Miss Reynolds. Plus, not to put too fine a point on it, but it is likely that neither of us will ever find anyone else who will have us. You because of your limp, and me because of my roughness and moodiness. We are both misfits, in our own ways. Why not join forces?”
“Well, that is certainly plain speaking, sir.”
He looked chagrined and was about to speak again—no doubt to apologize for his bluntness—when she held up a hand to stop him. “Do not apologize, Captain. Plain speaking is most definitely in order in such a situation. And so, let me be plain with you, if I may.”
When he nodded, she continued.
“I have said that I dislike being patronized for my lameness. One of the reasons I am willing to consider your offer is that you have not done so. You have been straightforward and honest with me. If we were to marry, I would expect that sort of honesty to continue. If I wanted indulgence, condescension, and well-meant cosseting, I could remain with my family.”
“I think you can rely on me not to cosset, Miss Reynolds.”
“Good. But you are a soldier, sir, and no doubt protective both by nature and training. Which is a good thing, for the most part, but I have no wish to be overly protected, packed in cotton wool like a fragile doll. Nor do I wish to have everything done for me. I am lame, not an invalid. I would not want my disability to encourage coddling. I would hate that from you, above all things. If we marry, you must promise not to coddle me.”
He placed his hand over his heart. “No coddling, I promise. I further promise not to treat you like an invalid. If I thought you were the sort of woman who wanted such treatment, I would never have suggested an alliance because, believe me, I am not the sort to coddle. It pleases me that you want to do more for yourself. In fact, it rather irritates me that you have apparently not been allowed to do so. However, if you should happen to trip and fall flat on your face, or if you are thrown from a horse, am I to be allowed to help you up? Or must I leave you to your own devices, sprawled on the ground with your skirts around your ears?”
Philippa laughed. Oh, she really did like him. “I will ask for help when I need it, sir, I promise.”
“All right, then. Do you have any other concerns we should discuss?”
She had a thousand of them, and would likely have a thousand more when she took time to think about it. But none of them could be answered with any certainty, so what was the point of airing them? “The promises you have made are sufficient for me at the moment.”
“Very well.” He frowned and began to pace the short length of the balcony. After a long, silent moment, he spoke again, keeping his head down, his gaze on the floor, as though embarrassed. “There is more you should know about me, ma’am. I’m a bad bargain, to be sure. I have no social skills, as you have seen, and don’t really care if I ever develop them. I fear I will never fit in, and quite frankly I don’t care much about that, either. I prefer my own company to anyone else’s, which is why I have spent the last year alone. I am battle hardened and battle scarred, in both body and … and mind.”
He stopped pacing and ran a hand through his longish, dark blond hair. His mouth was a grim line set in the harsh planes of his face. Philippa suspected it was difficult and painful for him to admit to any aftereffects of war, especially those of the mind. She did not entirely understand what that meant, but she knew that had she been thrown into battle to kill or be killed, then she would not have been able to shake off the effects either. She had often wondered how men returned from war and fell back into ordinary lives so easily, after all they’d been through. Maybe it wasn’t always so easy.
“Look here, Miss Reynolds,” he said. “You need to know that I am frequently cross and irritable for no reason. I can be dreadfully impatient. I am accustomed to command others, and tend to order people about. I don’t sleep well and often wander the house at night. And I sometimes drink too much.” He shook his head. “There. I’ve sunk myself, haven’t I? You’ll want nothing to do with me now.”
“I can be cross and impatient, too, when people fuss over me or treat me as if my crooked hip somehow affected my brain. Do you know there are people who raise their voices when they speak to me, as though I were hard of hearing? Why would they think that because I limp I must therefore have a whole host of other problems as well? No, Captain, you have not sunk yourself. Indeed you have risen in my esteem once again through honesty. We both have our crosses to bear. Perhaps we can ease each other’s burden.”
“Yes, perhaps we can.” His silvery blue eyes, clear and steady, were fixed intently on hers. “Shall we try?”
“First, I want you to be honest with yourself as well as with me,” she said. “Are you absolutely certain my lameness does not bother you? That you will not be embarrassed to be seen with a wife who cannot walk properly?” She probably ought not to have given him the opportunity to reply to such a question, but it needed asking. No matter how much she wanted to fall into this impetuous scheme, she could not go through with it if she had any suspicion that he might, in time, be sorry he married a cripple.
“I’ve known countless good men,” he said, “whose limbs were blown clean off by French artillery, or savagely amputated by a camp surgeon.” She winced and he added, “I’m sorry. That was too vivid, was it not? You see how unfit I am for polite company? In any case, each of them was still a good man, even when missing an arm or leg. You merely have a limp, Miss Reynolds. A serious one, to be sure, but just a limp. You still have all your important bits
, as far as I can tell, and your brain is obviously in fine working order. My gut tells me you are a good person inside.” He tapped his chest. “Where it matters.”
All her life Philippa’s family had said that her character was more important than her crooked body. But for the first time, this man, this stranger, actually made her believe it. Made her believe that he believed it. She almost fell in love with him on the spot.
By God, she was going to do it. This rough-edged, plain-speaking soldier just might be worth taking a chance on.
“All right, Captain. I think we have a bargain.”
She reached out her hand to him, but he did not take it. Instead, he looked her squarely in the eye, as though measuring the sincerity of her commitment.
“Before we agree to anything, Miss Reynolds, I must warn you one more time that I am no prize. You might want to think twice or three times or ten times before aligning yourself with me. You see, I have certain … demons I contend with. “
“Indeed, sir, I can see that. One is tempted to describe you as dark and brooding. But you are almost blond and your eyes are blue … no, more gray than blue. Could one describe you, then, as light and brooding?”
His lips gave the tiniest twitch, as though they wanted to smile but he would not allow it.
“No,” she said, “that doesn’t sound right at all, does it? Fair and brooding? No, I think not. We shall have to devise another description for you. Reserved? Stern? Perhaps we shall just wait until those demons disappear, and then we may describe you as that handsome gentleman who is always smiling.”
This time he did smile, and it transformed his face from severe to almost boyish. Dear heaven, he was gorgeous.
“Ah. See? I knew you would be very handsome when you smiled. You must do it more often.”
“Perhaps with you, Miss Reynolds, I will have more reason to.”
He took her proffered hand, and instead of shaking it, as she’d expected, he brought it to his lips.
“Miss Philippa Reynolds, will you do me the very great honor of becoming my wife?”
“I do believe I will, sir.”
And so, it was done.
Chapter Two
I cannot say I am entirely happy about this.”
Philippa’s mother had that concerned look she so often wore, brows furrowed, lips pursed. It was not surprising, considering what she’d just learned. Philippa had hoped, though, that she and William might be just a little bit pleased for her. But Captain Beckwith stood very stiff before all their questioning, giving no hint of warmth or humor. Despite keeping his unruly tongue surprisingly in order—not a single curse or indelicate comment had passed his lips—he was not making a favorable impression.
“I know, Mamma,” Philippa said. “This must come as a tremendous surprise.”
“That is putting it mildly,” her brother William said. He had behaved with as much severity as the Captain, and with considerable less civility. “I would never have expected so rash a decision from you, Pip. It smacks of … desperation.”
Philippa flinched. Was it truly the desperate act of a hopeless, helpless female, to align herself with a perfect stranger?
Who was she kidding? Of course it was.
But she did not believe she would have agreed to it with just any gentleman. She had never met another gentleman who was so open and honest with her, who did not make her feel like a poor, pitiful lame girl. So, it was a serendipitous moment of desperation joined with opportunity. And by God, she was not going to let this opportunity pass her by.
“It may seem a desperate action, William, but I assure you it is not entirely so. The captain and I believe it will be a good arrangement for each of us. Captain Beckwith is a fine man, William, a soldier who fought bravely for our country. I would be honored to be his wife.”
“And, of course, you would be a countess one day,” William said. “We must consider that, Mother. I suppose it could be a good match for our Pip.”
“I trust it will be a very long time, sir, if ever, before I inherit the earldom with your sister as my countess.” A muscle twitched in the captain’s jaw. It was the only indication that his back teeth must be clenched fair to cracking, that he was making a prodigious effort to keep his temper in check. “My brother is barely forty and healthy as a horse. In the meantime, you should have no concerns for Miss Reynolds’s welfare or security. I have a profitable estate in Oxfordshire, a generous settlement from my father’s estate, and a handsome annuity from my maternal grandmother. I am happy to have my man of affairs lay out the particulars for you, at your convenience.”
“I will take you up on that offer, Captain,” William said. He turned to Mamma and said, “I am willing to accede to Pip’s wishes in this matter. What do you say, Mother?”
She turned to the captain, who had remained standing throughout, his hands clasped behind his back. “You must understand, sir, that our Philippa has lived her whole life among people who know her limitations, and anticipate the requirements of her condition. She is not an ordinary girl, sir. She needs looking after. I’m afraid it is hard to imagine her getting along without us.”
“You speak as though you never intended for her to leave you, ma’am,” the captain said. “And yet I believe this to be the third Season when you have brought her out, in hopes, one assumes, of finding a husband. Well, she has found one. Though perhaps not one to your liking.”
Philippa’s mother had the good sense to flush at his words. “I just want my only daughter to be happy, sir. Yes, I have long hoped she would be fortunate enough to marry, but in the end, it is difficult to let her go, to give her into the care of someone else. Anyone else. I do not know you well enough, Captain, to have any objections to you personally. It is merely the way this has come about. This … this arrangement you have made after a single meeting. It is hard to imagine that you fully comprehend her special needs.”
Philippa hated being discussed as though she were not right there in the room, sitting no more than a foot away from her mother on the sofa. But Mamma meant well. She always did, even if Philippa sometimes felt suffocated by all those good intentions.
The captain caught her eye, and a look of understanding passed between them.
“I have known Miss Reynolds only a very short time, ma’am,” he said, “and yet I believe I comprehend precisely what she needs. I would make it my life’s work to ensure her happiness.”
Would he? Or was he instinctively falling back on the good manners his mother taught him? Philippa studied his face for a moment. His gaze had not left hers, even though he’d addressed Mamma. No, this was not artful dissembling to placate her mother. He meant it. He really would try to make her happy.
He was already doing so.
Her mother heaved a deep sigh. “All right, then. I will agree to this impetuous marriage of convenience. But do not think for a moment that I will allow a rushed-up hole-in-the-corner wedding. I will not have people thinking a quick marriage is necessary. There will be a proper courtship, Captain Beckwith. In public.” She turned to Philippa. “You must be seen together at social events. And I want you to spend more time getting to know each other. At the end of the Season, if you still feel that you want to go through with this, my dear, I will not stand in your way.”
Philippa leaned over, wrapped an arm around her mother’s shoulders, and gave a squeeze. “Thank you, Mamma.”
A short time later, she walked with Captain Beckwith downstairs and to the entry hall. Her mother granted them these few moments alone, and there was so much to be said. Philippa could not contain herself, and the words came spilling out.
“I think it went well, do you not, sir? I so admired how you stood up to my family throughout their ruthless questioning. It was not completely without a rough spot or two, but overall you gave the impression of a serious gentleman who will take good care of me, which is, of course, their primary concern. They will not think I have made a frivolous choice. Impetuous, yes. Frivolous, no.”
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br /> “I do not imagine anyone thinking me frivolous.”
“Indeed, no. You are the most somber of gentlemen, who’s probably never experienced a moment of frivolity in his life. Ah, there’s that smile again. I do wish you had shown it to Mamma. You could have won her over completely with that smile.”
“I doubt it. Your mother is a fearsome woman. I do believe I’d rather endure a dressing-down by Wellington himself than to stand again before Lady Reynolds’s fierce interrogation.”
“She only wants what’s best for me, Captain. Do not begrudge her, or William, the right to be protective of me. Oh, but sir, when William asked who had introduced us, and you looked over to me with one eyebrow cocked, I had to bite the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing. I was sure you were going to mention Lady Kumquat!”
He grinned. “I was tempted, just to see your reaction. But neither your brother nor your mother would have bought that tall tale. I’m not certain they bought my excuse of not remembering the woman’s name, but then you jumped into the breach, changing the subject before either of them could pursue the matter. To be honest, I suspect they both know full well that we had no formal introduction, but there is no point in worrying about that now.”
“One thing I am sorry for, Captain. I know that the whole idea of our bargain was for each of us to bypass the Season and the marriage mart. However, Mamma will not be gainsaid on this. She will insist on a full Season. If that is completely unacceptable to you, I will understand if you wish to back out. There will be no dishonor in doing so, I assure you.”
He stopped walking and touched her elbow to turn her toward him. “I will not back out, Miss Reynolds. I gave you my promise, and I have no intention of breaking it. Yes, the idea of a full Season of society events makes my belly ache, but I will gladly go through with it if you agree that, in the end, we will wed.”
It Happened One Season Page 32