“I’m not with Cara. You assumed and when I saw how much that hurt you, I let you believe it. Pretty fucked up. I wouldn’t steal your girl, Jake. No matter how pissed I was at you.”
I absorb that information, nodding. He’s not with Cara.
“Cara was with Colton for years, but when they broke up, I kinda stepped in. Not as her boyfriend, but as her comfort. She sleeps with Dane most nights. Always has. Old habits die hard,” he explains with a shrug.
“Colton?” I ask, not knowing who the fuck that is and positive I’m not going to like the answer.
“Colton Evans. He’s a good dude. He started dating Cara freshman year. They broke up about eight months ago.”
That stings. I put Cara in a box in my life. She was a seventeen-year-old girl, hurt and broken. I was going to go away, fix myself and come back to help her heal. At eighteen I truly believed in that plan. Six years later, it sounds as stupid as it was.
I rub my buzzed head and lean forward, my elbows resting on my knees as I right my foot on the floor.
“She looks happy,” I whisper.
“She is happy.”
“Are you happy, Sawyer? I saddled you with a lot of responsibility. I’m a shitty brother,” I huff, meeting his strong gaze.
“I’m happy, Jake. I know shit was fucked up for you in Connecticut. It was pretty fucked up for me too. We all needed to heal. I didn’t have to take any extra responsibility because you were gone. There was just an empty place without you. I missed you, man,” he says genuinely. “I was obviously fuckin’ pissed too. You don’t know the little Coopers. You’ve missed so much good shit. We all come from crap and Mom and Dad made it their mission to give us all the good we missed. You didn’t get that.”
“It was the right thing,” I give the same lame excuse I’ve been giving for years.
“I get where you’re comin’ from with that. And some of it might’ve been right for you. But parts of it were still wrong for the people who love you.”
“I’m seein’ that now.”
“You’re a dad,” he says in shock. “Mom and Dad filled us in about her but still. You pulled a Nick and Kat Cooper, sweeping in and takin’ that little girl on. Pretty fuckin’ cool.”
“She’s the best thing I’ve ever done. I’m better because of her, Sawyer. I have no clue what I’m doin’ now though,” I scoff.
“I can help. We all can. Since Mom’s been poppin’ out kids like a factory right alongside Aunt Shanny, we’ve got some serious skills,” he says in that cocky way Sawyer has.
His eyes sparkle and his mouth tips at the corner. I missed his face. Pictures didn’t do him justice.
“I almost lost her. It’s my job to protect her and she was taken right out from under me. I can’t fuckin’ tell you how fucked my head is right now.”
“You saved her,” my brother snarls. “Twice, Jake. You took a baby on when you were twenty. You’re her father. And this shit that went down in Chicago…If she comes from where Cara came from, you just saved her a lifetime of demons.”
“She seems okay. Psych wasn’t really worried about her. I’m supposed to get her in therapy once we set down roots, but for the most part, she’s just a little skittish. She was only eighteen-months old when I got her away from that fucker. No signs of sexual trauma or physical abuse. It still doesn’t make sense. And now with everything…there’s more to this than we know,” I grumble.
“She was lucky. Be happy for that shit. Take it from me, the bad stuff was hard to watch Cara recover from,” he retorts knowingly.
I don’t know what Cara went through because I ran off like a pussy.
“Cut yourself some slack, man. I can see you beatin’ yourself up. You did what you thought was right. She’s better now. A lot fuckin’ better,” he assures me.
“You wanna go shoppin’ with us tomorrow? Riley needs clothes. All of her stuff was in the safe house in Chicago and the fuckers that took her tore it up and torched it. I grabbed a few things in between travel, but she needs more. I’m still not great at the girly stuff. If it consists of weapons or tactical training, I’m good to go. Otherwise, I suck.”
We chuckle at that, all of the tension expelled from the room. I need to keep the subject off Cara. At least for tonight. My head’s a mess, and I have Riley to deal with. My emotional baggage can wait until another day.
“You should probably get a gun safe,” he replies, nodding at my piece.
“I’m not that bad,” I huff. “I’ve taught her about gun safety from the time I got her. She knows her way around weapons.”
“Do you let her play with dolls or is she only allowed action figures?” he teases.
“We’re a doll free zone,” I joke.
“Pussy.”
“Dick.”
We both smile at the easy banter and my heart feels ten times lighter.
“Daddy?” Riley’s little voice calls out from the doorway of the bedroom.
“Hey, Princess,” I coo. Yes, I fucking cooed.
“What the hell is she wearing?” Sawyer hisses at me under his breath as I walk over and scoop up my sleepy girl.
“I only had my T-shirts,” I answer with a shrug.
She’s swimming in my shirt. I tied a knot at the bottom, but it’s fallen out. It’s dropping off her shoulder and dragging the floor. It’s pretty cute and a little sad.
“I’ll be right back,” Sawyer grunts, walking out of the suite.
“Why’s your mad brother here?” Riley asks, looking up at me with drowsy light grey eyes.
“He wanted to talk so he wouldn’t be so mad anymore,” I respond honestly. “Did we wake you up?”
“I had a bad dream,” she whispers.
“You wanna tell me about it?”
She shrugs, looking away from me and staring through the picture window leading out to our terrace. Mitch is down the hall, screwing the young woman who checked us in. I made sure his room was as far away from us as I could get it. Riley doesn’t need any more trauma. With Mitch’s need to fuck loud and often, we’re used to keeping him separate. Earplugs were my best friend before Riley came along. Now Mitch is a little more controlled with his dick but only just.
“That scary man came to get me. He said I was a bad girl and I would be punished,” she says quietly. “I don’t want him to get me.”
“He’s never gonna get you, Riley. He’s gone forever.”
“Like my mommy?” she asks, peering up at me.
“Your mommy?”
“The scary man told me she was gone forever, like all bad women should be.”
My stomach churns at that. He talked to Riley more than I knew. He fucking talked to her about her mother! I wish I could kill him all over again.
“I’m sorry he talked to you about that. He was a sick, crazy person, Riley. I’m so sorry you had to spend any time with him. But he will never get you again. You’re safe now,” I assure her with a firm kiss to the dimple. I have no idea what to tell her about the rest. I need to get in contact with the psych unit again. I’m in over my head with this shit.
She nods and leans into my chest.
Sawyer knocks on the door and I leave Riley curled up on the couch to answer it.
“We’re in luck,” he announces. “I had an overnight bag of Jessie’s in the car.”
He digs in a duffle bag and pulls out bright purple pajamas covered in butterflies. Sawyer tries to hand them to me, but I nudge him to do it himself.
“Hey, Riley,” he says softly.
She darts her eyes around until she spots me. I nod at her that everything’s okay and she relaxes, looking over at my brother. He settles on the edge of the couch and wiggles the shirt and pants at Riley.
“Those are pretty,” she says through a dimpled smile.
“All yours, Princess.”
She tentatively reaches her little hand out as Sawyer passes the clothes to her.
“I’ll be right back. Don’t move,” she orders my brother and he nods dramatically.
“Those dimples are a problem,” Sawyer mumbles, watching the closed door along with me.
“I’m aware,” I reply with a snort.
Riley bursts out of the bathroom, running into the room. She stops in front of Sawyer and me where we’re sitting on the couch and spins with her arms in the air, dimples pinching in tightly.
“Perfect,” Sawyer and I say in unison.
She pushes her light brown hair behind her ears, trying to get it away from her face as she giggles. It’s worse than the dimples. I feel it in my gut and that shit wrecks me every time in the best way possible.
“You want me to braid your hair?” Sawyer asks with emotion in his voice.
“Really?” she gasps, looking to me for approval again.
I nod.
She jumps into Sawyer’s lap and wraps her arms around his neck tightly, whispering, “You’re my favorite new uncle.”
He laughs loudly and holds her to his broad chest. They sit like that for a while, and I watch them together. She’s missed so much in life because of my selfish choices. I had this amazing family I could have given her. Instead, I’ve dragged her around the world while I fed my hunger for blood and learned to parent through the Internet.
I’m officially an asshole of the highest order.
After their cuddle, Sawyer sets Riley on the couch next to him, pulls out a black brush and a little white rubber band from the duffle bag. Then he brushes her hair, separates it and weaves it together like a pro. I’m in awe.
He’s Nick Cooper’s son. The fists he pounded me with are evidence of that along with the protective gaze he has around our family. But watching him with Riley, he’s just as much Kat Cooper’s son too. There’s a soft, easy love coming off him that wasn’t there when we were younger.
“All set,” Sawyer announces after he puts the rubber band in her hair.
Riley runs her hand down her braid and smiles brightly at me before spinning to kiss Sawyer’s cheek. Then she crawls down the couch and curls up in my lap. I wrap my arms around her and kiss her forehead.
“Can we watch my movie again?” she requests through a yawn.
“Sure,” I agree. “Can you grab the remote?” I ask Sawyer.
He snags it off the coffee table and we settle in together to watch Frozen. Riley falls asleep before I have to listen to the annoying songs again and Sawyer sighs in relief when I switch the channel to hockey.
“If I never have to watch that movie again, it’ll be too soon,” he whispers.
I smirk at him before turning serious.
“I love you, Sawyer. I’m sorry I took off on you. I won’t do that again,” I say strongly, holding Riley against my heart.
“Love you too, man. Glad you’re home.”
I’m waiting for Sawyer. I know he went to see Jake. He didn’t say that’s what he was doing when he left, but I could feel the tense nervousness vibrating around him when he walked out the door.
I want to go to Jake too. Ever since Nick and Kat left, I’ve been talking myself in and out of going to his hotel. I’m not the same girl he walked away from all those years ago. But I swear, when he looks at me, I feel like her again. And not in a bad way. I feel like my world is just beginning when he pins me with his soft brown eyes.
I always have.
Now that I know he’s here in the same city with me, needing help, I’m having a hard time remembering how abandoned I’ve felt. Kat and Nick filling us in on what Jake’s been up to for the last six years has made a lot of my anger fade too.
He was protecting us from afar and becoming a father to a little girl. It’s hard to be mad at that. I’m still hurt. I may always feel hurt, but I can still be Jake’s family. He needs his family right now more than ever.
Sawyer quietly enters the house well after midnight and I prepare myself to find him a bloody mess. If he attacked Jake again, I doubt Jake or his friend Mitch would stand by without retaliation. But when Sawyer enters the living area, I find the best smile I’ve seen on his face in a long time.
“Hey,” he beams.
“Hey,” I beam right back because it’s contagious.
“I went to see Jake.”
“I know.”
Sawyer flops on the couch next to me, settling a warm hand on my knee.
“I told him we’re not together.”
“Okay.”
“He seemed pretty relieved,” he says, looking at me from the corner of his eye for my reaction.
“Okay.”
“Jake asked me to go shopping with him and Riley tomorrow.”
“Okay.”
“Cara, come on,” he grumbles, turning to face me.
“What?”
“Don’t what me. You know what. You’re tryin’ to shut down.”
I am. I don’t know what else to do right now. I’m overwhelmed and a little scared. Sure, Jake’s here now, but there’s a good possibility he’ll be on a plane back to Virginia in a few days. Jake’s not leaving the DCA. He needs it. I know he needs it, and I’m certain he’ll be back at his job sooner rather than later. I refuse to get my hopes up. I’ve made that mistake before.
“It’s a lot to take in, Sawyer,” I huff. “I’m glad you two made up. I just don’t know what I should do.”
“You should go shopping tomorrow.”
“Huh?”
“It’s time, Cara. You’ve been waiting for him for six years. Jake’s it for you and now’s your chance to grab a hold of him and never let go,” Sawyer says sweetly.
“You’ve lost your mind,” I scoff. “Jake’s here for a week tops. He’s got a job to get back to and a daughter to take care of. Her bodyguard was murdered. She was kidnapped and strapped to a bomb. Then I fucked up and almost got her blown up. There’s no way there’s anything with Jake and me after all this time and those fuck ups.”
“I hate that you’re a girl right now, because I really wanna punch you,” Sawyer growls. “If you’re too chicken to go after what you want, maybe you’re not healed as much as I thought you were.”
“Low fuckin’ blow, Sawyer,” I sneer, climbing to my feet to get away from him.
“It’s the truth,” he snaps, following closely.
“Why don’t you practice what you fuckin’ preach?!” I shout, slamming the cabinets shut after retrieving an unnecessary glass.
When I spin around, Sawyer’s hulking presence is towering inches from me. His disheveled black hair has been recently raked and his espresso eyes are narrowed with anger. Sawyer Cooper doesn’t intimidate me.
“Where’s Mia, huh? When are you gonna make that move? How many years have you been fuckin’ around with that situation?”
I poke him in his solid chest with each question, punctuating each blow.
“You know what, Cara? This isn’t about me. You have no fuckin’ clue what I’m goin’ through with Mia. Just like you don’t know that my brother would move heaven and earth to make you happy. He just needs to know the risk is worth it. Pull your head outta your ass and take a risk that my brothers and I don’t have to force you into,” he snarls before turning on his heel and leaving.
I slow my breathing and put the glass away before settling myself back on the couch. How is it all of a sudden my responsibility to put myself out there for Jake? He left me. More than once. And the last time I put myself out there, he didn’t give a shit.
Five years, eight months ago
“Come dance with me,” Jake says in a commanding yet soft way.
He looks amazing in his tux with his recently buzzed blond hair and his more muscular frame. It’s been three months since he went to the training farm and he already looks more like a man than the undercover high school student I met months ago.
I almost lost it when I saw him the first time, walking Kat down the aisle. I wasn’t the only one who was emotional. Nick crushed Jake so tightly in his arms I’m pretty sure he crack
ed a few of his ribs. I didn’t cry like the rest of the women in my family though. I just soaked in his new look and tried to memorize it so I can carry it with me after he leaves again.
“Okay,” I respond quietly.
He leads us to the middle of the dance floor as a slow song I don’t know filters through the speakers. I stare at Jake’s neck, avoiding his eyes. I can’t be this close to him and hold myself together under his watchful gaze. It’s like he can see straight through to my soul when he looks at me. I don’t want that right now.
“Eyes up here, sweetheart,” he gently prods, tipping my chin up with his rough fingers. “There she is,” he says through a smile when I look into his rich brown eyes.
He pulls my body flush with his, one warm hand at the small of my back. With the other, he interlaces our fingers and holds our hands over his heart. I leave one arm loosely around his shoulders and follow every move of his hips. It’s a simple back and forth sway, but the room feels off kilter with each movement.
“You look stunning,” he compliments.
The light purple bride’s maid dress is really pretty. I’ve never worn something like this before. I felt nervous until Shannon told me I didn’t have to wear it if I was uncomfortable. She always sets me at ease before I can get too anxious. I love my sister.
“Thank you,” I whisper, darting my eyes away from his.
“Don’t hide from me, Cara.”
“I’m not the one who walked away,” I snap, looking right into his eyes when I do.
“I didn’t leave you,” he soothes, tracing his fingers lightly at the base of my spine. “I need to finish sniper school.”
“You left and you’re not comin’ back any time soon,” I disagree.
Jake’s brow furrows, but he doesn’t argue. I know what running looks like and Jake’s an Olympic champion at it.
He drops my hand and I think I’ve pushed him too far when all I want is for him to hold me closer.
He does. He wraps his other powerful arm around my body and smashes me against him, forcing my other arm around his neck. Then he nuzzles his face into my throat and my eyes flutter shut. His smooth skin against mine feels like butter. He smells musky and manly with a hint of cedar.
Escaping the Blackness (A Cooper Brothers Novel Book 1) Page 12