I felt sick.
She thought I’d bailed on her.
The pieces started to click into place. It was one more reason for her to legitimately think I was a Class-A douchebag.
The elevator signaled its arrival, but I wasn’t ready to leave. I held the open button with one hand and didn’t take my eyes from hers. “I left a note for you on the bedside table.”
“I didn’t see it.” Thoughts and feelings chased each other through her gaze.
“It’s true. Believe me. I’d never have done that. No matter what I was going through.”
I couldn’t deal with the feeling churning my guts right now. So I held my breath and waited. And prayed.
Eventually, Ava softened. “OK. I’m glad, Nate. I’m glad you’re not that guy.” She broke our eye contact and stepped off the elevator.
A wave of relief washed over me at her acceptance. It unsettled me to realize how much I needed her forgiveness. Craved her approval.
We walked down the hall just inches apart. I unlocked the door, waiting for her to go in first. Ava stepped out of her flip-flops and let out a disgruntled noise at the dampness of her heels that were drying by the door. She muttered something that sounded like, “Come on, it wasn’t that wet.”
Seeing her standing in my foyer, wearing my clothes and talking to her waterlogged shoes, gave rise to a new and disconcerting truth.
I didn’t just want this girl’s approval. I wanted her to fucking adore me.
Nathan.
You
are
so
screwed.
Ava straightened, leaving her shoes where they were, and glanced toward the kitchen. “We still have half a bottle of wine.”
I mentally shook myself. “You’re on.”
She padded barefoot toward the kitchen. And just like that, everything was back to normal.
Or as normal as it could be with this new, uncomfortable truth kicking in my stomach.
Chapter 13
Ava
My face was pressed against something warm. Sunlight streamed in the window. I was lying on the couch next to a sleeping dinosaur.
Scratch that.
Nate was on his side, his back to the back of the couch, and I was curled into his chest. His arm was draped across me. The fingers resting on my hip were tucked just under the waistband of my pajama pants, like he owned me.
He smelled like the ocean, and I wanted to bury my face in his neck. Maybe suck on it a little.
Instead, I lifted my head. His eyes were closed and dark lashes brushed his cheeks. His lips were full and just parted.
I’d never seen him sleep. He looked so … peaceful. The one time I’d woken up in his bed, it had already been empty.
That had hurt. Even though he hadn’t owed me anything then, I’d felt cheap. Like we’d shared something, however strange and short-lived, and he’d thrown it away by walking out on me.
Finding out he’d left a note shifted things.
We must’ve fallen asleep around two in the morning. After getting home from the movie we’d talked for three hours, laughing and teasing. He’d told me about growing up in one of the most watched families in the city. I told him about SoCal, my family, and my best friend. I’d even shared how we’d got the idea to start Travesty by the pool one night, and that we’d named it after one of Lex’s mom’s rants about our chosen careers.
The fact that Nate and I were so different made the conversation better. I’d call him out when he spoke carefully. He’d push harder when I brushed something off.
Now, lying next to him, there was a growing heat in my stomach.
Which meant I needed to get the hell out of there.
Attraction I could ignore, or at least manage. But there was no room for feelings. Even mixed-up, wine-scrambled ones. Nate was still on the other side of the case that would make or break everything I’d worked for.
The problem was, waking up next to Nate Townsend was like being dropped, starving, into the middle of a five-star, all-you-can-eat buffet and being told you couldn’t touch a thing.
It’d be so easy. You might never have another chance. You’ve earned it for all the trouble he’s put you through.
I stretched forward an inch, breathing him in, then carefully touched my mouth to the corner of his. Any doubt about whether I was crossing a line evaporated as I felt his morning stubble under my lips. I’d crossed the line all right. Ran over it, naked, carrying flaming batons.
Guiltily, I tried to pull back.
The fingers at my hip slid further under the waistband of my pants, holding me in place.
We weren’t just close, I realized too late. We were really close. My nipples were tight from rubbing against his chest through the thin T-shirt. The hardness of his body made me intimately aware of the softness of mine. His strong thigh slung over my hip held me down. At least he wasn’t—
“Did you just kiss me?” Nate’s voice was a sleepy groan.
Oh shit.
Why couldn’t I resist doing something impulsive for once?
“I—” I cleared my throat. “I didn’t know you were awake.”
His lashes raised enough that I saw slivers of blue beneath them. “I wasn’t. Some things are worth waking up for.” Nate muttered something I couldn’t understand, but didn’t release his hold. The hand on my lower back kept me against him, and the tighter he held me, the more I wanted to squirm. Squirming just made me rub against him more. It was torture.
Before I could say another word, think about what I could’ve or should’ve or would’ve done, I was on my back.
The air was squeezed from my lungs as Nate’s body pressed into me. I felt each part in turn. His hands pinning my wrists above my head. His chest resting squarely on mine. His hips and the awareness between his legs.
“What the hell, Nate?” My heart thumped wildly in my chest.
“Don’t tease me, Ava. If you’re going to kiss me, do it right. If you’re not …” He trailed off. His thumb stroked my wrist without releasing my hands. He must’ve felt my pulse explode.
His gaze moved between my eyes and my mouth. A dare.
I wanted his mouth on mine. There was no question. But …
I bit my lip.
He groaned. The sound went straight to my core, where I was already wet from pressing against him. “Every inch of you is telling me to take you right here,” he muttered. “The couch may not remember what we did here last year, but I sure as hell can’t get it out of my head.”
There wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. There wasn’t enough oxygen on the planet for the way he was making me feel with his mouth and his hands and his … Nate-ness.
“I should go,” I managed. As if saying the words could make me move toward the door.
“Don’t.” His hoarse voice was a command and a plea.
Before I could raise myself up, Nate’s mouth crashed onto mine.
His tongue pressed at the seam of my lips and they opened for him, wantonly.
Yes. As much as I was terrified to admit it, this was what I wanted. Not stolen, half-asleep kisses. This. Him on me, over me, showing me.
It felt like he was desperate to prove this was what we both needed. He lowered himself to one elbow, releasing my wrists so his hand slid down to fist in my hair. He tugged on the strands, tilting my head back to give him better access.
I was drowning in an ocean of sensation. My resistance was burned away by his touch, and my fingers crept under his T-shirt. A whimper escaped me. Nate nipped at my bottom lip, sending shockwaves through my skin. I grazed my nails across his lower back, which made him flex his hips into me.
Fuck.
Nate dragged his hungry mouth down, running hot kisses along my jaw and up to my ear. Catching my earlobe in his teeth and teasing it with his tongue. Sucking it. I arched against him on a moan they probably heard in Brooklyn.
Somehow it felt better than last year. Because I knew him now, or thought I did. And I wan
ted to let him in. Let him everywhere.
Nate released my hair and trailed his hand up under my shirt. I hadn’t taken my bra off before falling asleep, and it was thin and lacy. He slid his thumb under the edge to stroke the tight peak.
I think I’m going to die.
“God, you’re perfect.”
His hand moved lower, grazing my abs and sliding inside the top of my pajama pants. Close.
So close.
I was already wet for him. When his fingers grazed my swollen clit, my nails dug into his biceps as my whole body bucked. Nate rubbed maddening circles that built me higher. In two minutes flat I wanted him more than I wanted breath. He was holding me between his mouth and his hands and his hips, sending sensation to and from every part of me. I ached and trembled.
“Fuck, Ava. I’ve thought about this. So many times. But I never thought I’d have you again,” he confessed roughly in my ear. His words penetrated my hazy brain.
And somewhere deep an alarm went off.
This is all wrong. Because although something had shifted between us last night, nothing outside this apartment had changed at all.
“Nate.” My voice was tight. My orgasm was close but I fought it.
He didn’t seem to hear, or he didn’t get it.
“Nate!” I said it louder, pushing at him.
Nate froze. He pulled back, sliding his hand up to hold my waist, his thumb resting gently on my stomach. I felt dampness on his fingers and forced myself to ignore it.
“Did I hurt you?” The need and concern in his gaze nearly undid me.
I swallowed. “No. But … we can’t do this. You know we can’t.” I implored him with my eyes to understand.
After the longest moment he dropped his face. In denial, or acceptance. I could feel my heartbeat against his forehead. When he raised his eyes, the coolness was back. As quickly as he’d pinned me down, Nate rolled onto his side to let me up.
I pushed off the couch and bolted to the bathroom, where I washed my face and straightened my clothes. When I came out, Nate was in the kitchen.
“Thanks for … for last night. And the clothes,” I added lamely. And the clothes?
All of it was horrible, inadequate. But words were hard to find, and my number-one priority was getting out before I ended up in his bed.
He watched over his glass of water while I crossed to the door. “Anytime,” he said finally.
The word hung in the air between us.
I lifted my phone from my bag where I’d left it, seeing Lindy had texted that she’d put my key under the doormat. Thank God. I let myself out, padded across the hall, and found the key. Inside the door of my apartment, I let myself melt down.
What the hell just happened?
Before I could start replaying or analyzing, my phone buzzed. I was startled to realize it was only eight am.
We’re still on for tonight?
It was Josh, texting to confirm we’d go to see a ball game. I’d completely forgotten. In fact, I’d forgotten Josh even existed all last night and this morning.
You are the worst kind of person.
Pushing down the discomfort, I spent my morning answering emails for Travesty, then showered and got dressed again before heading out for groceries.
Josh picked me up at six. The Yankees clobbered the competition. I was way more into spectator sports than actually playing them, but today my heart just wasn’t in it. At least Josh was cheerful enough not to notice. Or polite enough not to comment.
He insisted on taking me to an upscale restaurant for a late dinner, but I couldn’t focus. All I could think about was eating Thai with Nate last night. The cheap food and strange conversation.
“What do you want to do after?” Josh asked me.
“Actually, I’m feeling a bit sick.” It wasn’t a lie, but I knew it wasn’t a bug.
Ever the gentleman, he drove me home. “Want me to walk you up?” His handsome face was tinged with concern.
“It’s OK, but thanks.”
“Is there anything I can do?” I shook my head. “Ava. I really like you. I just wanted you to know that.”
I softened. “This was fun. I’m just beat. Can we do something next weekend?”
“Absolutely. Call you later.” When he leaned over to kiss me I tilted my head so his mouth landed on my cheek. I didn’t want his mouth on mine right now. Didn’t deserve it.
I was a little buzzed from the wine at dinner, and when I unlocked the apartment I felt lonely again. Maybe I should call Lex. Hell, even Jordan, who’d been at the apartment at least twice a week lately working on numbers with Lex.
In the end I settled for music. Pink’s “So What” blasted out of the speakers. The pissed-off vibe suited my mood. Pausing over the sink, I drained a glass of water in three gulps while staring out at the skyline.
Why couldn’t I get into my date with Josh? He was rom-com perfect. Even Ryan Reynolds would approve.
Then there was this morning. Nate might’ve kissed me, but I’d kissed him back.
You dry humped him back.
On the sound system, “So What” gave it up to “I Knew You Were Trouble.” Taylor Swift’s upbeat verse segued into a chorus about a girl who’d fallen for an unattainable guy and gotten her heart stomped.
TSwift knew all about my kind of problems.
At one in the morning I switched the music off to get ready for bed. My phone rang just after I’d tugged on pajamas and crawled under the covers.
“Hello?”
“Ava.”
I didn’t ask how he’d got my number. He was smart and resourceful enough to have found it a million ways—Carl, John, maybe even the doorman. But my body was suddenly tingling and he hadn’t said a damned word except my name.
“Why are you in my phone, Suit?”
“You have my shirt,” he murmured, like he was half asleep.
“I didn’t know there was a twenty-four-hour return policy.”
“Not usually. That one’s my favorite.”
What grown man has a favorite T-shirt?
What grown woman cares her neighbor gave her his favorite T-shirt?
“You’re not getting it back tonight.”
“You’re afraid of what’ll happen if you come over.”
His challenge fueled my pride. “I’m not afraid.”
“Then tell me one thing. After that I’ll let you go.”
“Good.”
Silence came down the line. I waited, my body vibrating with anticipation.
“Are you wearing my shirt?” he asked softly.
“I—” My cheeks flushed.
“Shit. You are, aren’t you.” His voice dropped.
I didn’t respond, and he couldn’t expect me to.
He shifted. I could hear it over the phone. Was he in bed too?
I rolled onto my back, feeling sweat break out on my forehead. “Why are you really calling, Nate?”
Seconds ticked by. “I can’t sleep.” His clipped response was husky. “Last night … and this morning.” He groaned, and a bolt of lust went straight down my spine. “Shit, Ava. You were five seconds from coming on my hand. It’s not something a guy just forgets.”
I hung up. Then I got out of bed and yanked Nate’s shirt over my head, replacing it with the first one of mine I could find. The blue Hello Kitty shirt barely covered my ass.
I ran across the hall, not bothering to put anything else on, and pounded on the door.
Nothing happened.
Open the door I texted, breathing heavily.
A moment later he did. Nate was dressed in plaid pajama pants and a black T-shirt. His short hair was spiky, and he looked every bit as worked up as I was.
“You want your shirt? Here you go.” I tossed it at him. I started back across the hall, then turned around on impulse. “Actually, we’re not done. What were you thinking this morning?”
A level blue stare pierced my skin as he stepped closer. “What was I thinking? You kissed me.”
/>
“That was innocent, Nate. What happened after? Not so much.”
“You can’t look at me like you did last night, this morning, and expect me not to kiss you back,” Nate said. I started to protest but he cut me off. “Whatever’s between us …I don’t understand it but it sure as hell isn’t innocent,” he ground out. “It’s mindless and it eats at me, Ava. We can watch a movie. Eat in a public restaurant. Argue with each other. None of it’s innocent. Because in my head, every second you’re flirting with me. And every second I’m kissing you.”
Nate took another step closer. His chest was rising and falling as he looked down at me. “I’d almost convinced myself to stay away. But Christ. Now that I know why you hated me, it’s that much harder.”
Part of me wanted to say Enough of this shit. To demand that he kiss me. The way he’d—we’d both—been thinking. To finish what we’d started this morning on the couch and let both of us claim the release we needed.
But surrendering to this man was terrifying. I remembered sitting across the conference table from him, him interrogating me. That we’d be doing that again in court, with everything Lex and I’d worked for hanging in the balance. It made my throat hurt.
I could make this easier for us. I took a breath, the fresh air in my lungs fueling my short-lived bravado.
“You’re right, Nate. There is something between us. But no matter how attracted I am to you, I can’t pursue it. I want more than groping on a couch. And Josh … Josh is a good guy. The right kind of guy for me. I need to give that a chance.”
Nate was still watching me, his face unreadable, as I shut the door between us.
Chapter 14
Ava
I was beyond grateful when my BFF arrived on the red-eye from LAX the next morning. There was a stack of Travesty NY stuff to deal with that needed Lex’s know-how and tact.
But the real reason I was glad? I just missed her.
Lex and I met the first day of kindergarten. We were sitting in a circle, writing our initials on pieces of paper with crayon. I’d found some contraband glue and glitter, so I was happily creating my masterpiece when I noticed she was writing the same initials, A.C., in her green crayon. I took my paper over to show her.
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