“No, I’m here to see someone about a delivery.” He flashed her a grin and took an appreciative sip. “I haven’t been back to the village for a while but this place seems new. Been here long?”
“Almost a year now, don’t know where the time goes! Hope you like the new look, I had a total refit when I came here and de-modernised it. It’s not that I don’t like change but if something’s worked well why not bring it back?”
“Absolutely!” The man raised his glass. “Here’s to what works.” He touched glasses with Pam and started to read the chalk board menu on the wall. “Food looks good too. I think I might find somewhere local to stay tonight; I need to find some storage and I haven’t had any luck so far.”
“I can’t think of anywhere in the village but how about the caravan park about ten miles south of here towards Ripley? They usually have somewhere available short-term and the rates are very reasonable.”
“Sounds good, I’ll check them out. Thanks.”
Pam got up. “Let me see if I’ve got one of their leaflets. I’m sure I saw one earlier. Hang on a moment.” From the window she saw Mark’s van pull up. “If I can’t find it Mark might. That’s my lodger, he grew up here.”
The man looked at the van outside. “OK, well I’ll be in the beer garden having a cigarette.” He took his drink and walked through the pub and out of the back door. Pam continued to hunt through her pile of leaflets.
Mark came in with his tool bag, a streak of paint across his face and jelly on his overalls. Pam stifled giggles and raised an eyebrow.
“Don’t ask. Don’t even go there. For some reason the couple who booked me for a job thought I was a children’s entertainer and when they found out I wasn’t the kids pelted me with jelly. Only upside is that while I was there the mum decided to get her downstairs bathroom repainted. I’m back again tomorrow for the upstairs one.” He grinned. “Maybe I should learn some magic tricks just in case it happens again?”
“Could you magic up the number for the caravan park? There’s a bloke in the beer garden who’s thinking of staying there and I promised him some information. No idea where my leaflet’s gone, they usually leave a stash with me.”
“I can’t magic the number but I’ll give him directions. How do you fancy one of those stand-alone leaflet holders? You supply the wood and I’ll put it together for you, it would be a lot neater than what you’ve got at the moment.” Mark put his bag down and started walking towards the beer garden.
“Oh, Mark?”
“Yes?”
“Would you mind driving me to a supplier by the sea tomorrow? I haven’t met him before and I’d rather not go alone.”
“Sure thing.”
The man outside was inhaling deeply on a rolled-up cigarette and nodded to Mark as he approached.
“Want one?”
“Thanks but I don’t smoke. I hear you’re looking for directions to a caravan site?”
“Yeah, that or any cheap storage place. I’ve had a delivery of some items that I need to put somewhere safe until I can move them on.”
“Illegal?”
“No, mate, just something I wouldn’t want to be seen with, if you get my meaning.”
Mark sat down opposite him, intrigued. “Go on, you have my full attention.”
The man looked around, sheepishly. “Got a delivery of dolls, nice ones, straight from Japan, bargain price.” The information came out in a rush. “But my wife, well, like I say, not the kind of thing I want to be seen with.”
“Really? My girlfriend’s really keen on dolls, she’s got a whole display of them.”
“Er… mine are customised, you know? Special.”
“Are you selling them? I’m getting married in a few months and seriously struggling to think what to get my fiancée for a gift. If it’s something unique then she might really like it.”
“Yeah, they’re for sale but…” The man looked at Mark’s earnest face and gave up. A sale was a sale after all. “Sure, why not? They’re expensive though, we’re talking top-of-the-range here.”
“Just as well,” Mark said gloomily, “that seems to be the only kind she goes for. Wait here while I get my wallet. Can you deliver it here?”
“Sure. Just take care not to open the box in front of any children, yeah?”
“Right, I wouldn’t want them to get jealous!”
The man lit a cigarette from the butt of his last one and watched Mark head off into the pub. Yes, he could’ve been clearer that his dolls were generally meant for men with certain needs but perhaps his girlfriend was really open minded. He decided it might be best to make the sale and then leave the area for a while.
The burglar alarm from the tea room was a shrill, insistent demand that would not be ignored.
Geoff was passing so was the first to respond to the noise and found Luke on a stepladder prodding the alarm with a screwdriver. Accurately judging the antiques dealer to be incapable of finding the off switch he quickly stepped in and disabled the alarm.
“Thanks, Geoff, I’m useless around electrics. I’d totally forgotten that I’d set the alarm before I went out and it almost gave me a heart attack when it went off! The last time I tried to put a plug on the toaster the lights in the whole house went off for a week. Babs told me that if I ever tried anything like that again she’d leave me so I stick to antiques and light entertainment and she keeps the number of a handyman on the fridge.”
Geoff laughed. “It’s fine. Dad wasn’t around when I was growing up and Mum has very fixed ideas on gender roles so I spent a lot of my early years fixing things. I was the only twelve-year-old in my school that knew how to change the oil in a car.”
“Useful stuff.”
“Not bad, if I ever want to retire from the police force early I could probably set up as a mechanic, I suppose. Babs isn’t with you?”
“No, I came home to find a note from her on the table to say that she’d gone to stay with a friend on the coast for a week and had closed the tea shop. The note was a bit short so either someone’s upset her or I’m in trouble for some reason. I’d ask but her phone’s off.”
“Sounds a bit ominous if you ask me.”
“I don’t know what to tell people when they ask why the tea room’s shut and it feels as though every other person coming into my shop asks the same question,” he sighed. “Maybe I should send flowers just to be on the safe side. What says ‘sorry’ the best, do you think?”
“Volume, I reckon,” said Geoff with a grin.
Luke chuckled and moved the ladder to one side.
A beeping sound could be heard from the kitchen and Geoff and Luke both looked in that direction. The aroma of freshly baked lemon cake was getting stronger, Geoff’s stomach made a loud grumbling.
“Sorry, probably time I was leaving.”
“Hang about, how would you like a piece of cake and a cup of tea? Least I can do really and Babs does the best lemon cake this side of the next county. There was one ready to pop in the oven and I couldn’t resist, she must have made up the mix before she left.”
Geoff hesitated, but only for a moment; he’d heard good things about Babs’ baking prowess. “Go on then, that’d be great. Smells delicious.”
The two men made their way through the tea room and into the snug kitchen that was Babs’ second home. Luke opened the oven door and breathed in deeply; he took a cloth from the work top and reverently withdrew the cake. He never had the patience to wait until a cake was cool enough to ice so reached for a nearby bag of icing sugar and sprinkled a generous amount on the top.
“What kind of tea would you like? We have Lap Sang, Darjeeling, Earl Grey… well, actually I think we’ve got most of them, or perhaps a coffee?”
“Coffee please.”
“Cappuccino, espresso, late, mocha…?”
“Instant?”
“Ah, I think that’s the one we don’t have. I’ll do you a basic ground coffee.”
With the skill that comes from practice, L
uke cut two identically sized slices of cake and moved them onto two plates while the coffee machine did its job.
By the still-glowing fire in the dining area they picked up their forks and started working their way through the cake.
“Delicious,” said Geoff. “How does she make it so light?”
“The secret is to whip the mixture so it’s almost like a mousse when it goes in the oven.”
“I’ll definitely give that a try this weekend.”
There was a pause in the conversation, a slight awkwardness tinged with embarrassment.
Geoff broke the silence first. “Since Mum’s moved in we’ve gotten into the habit of afternoon tea on Sunday. It’s… been nice.”
“Nothing wrong with afternoon tea, nothing at all,” agreed Luke, himself a staunch fan of fondant.
“I just have to make sure that my colleagues never find out. It’s not exactly going to do my leadership credentials any good if they discover that I’m laying out doilies and French fancies on a regular basis, is it?” They both laughed, and then there was the pause again. “Is it me or do you think it’s getting hot in here?” Geoff loosened his top button.
Luke raised an eyebrow and studied Geoff more carefully; little points that he’d somehow managed to overlook gradually came into focus. Manicured hands, slightly more hair gel than necessary and lips that looked so soft they must be frequently smothered with balm. The use of doilies. Well, well, well…
Draining his tea, Luke leaned back in his chair. “Babs and I try to get away to a spa at least once a year to recharge our batteries and get buffed up before the winter sets in.”
“Really?” Geoff wiped a bead of perspiration away from his forehead.
“Oh yes. Of course, we don’t do everything together but our marriage works because we complement each other’s needs. There are some needs that have to be met outside of our marriage but the important thing is that, emotionally, we will always be faithful to each other.”
Geoff looked at Luke and understood. “So you have an open marriage?”
“I wouldn’t go that far; Babs and I just have an understanding that works for us.” He leaned forward and put a hand gently on Luke’s knee. “I think I saw a bottle of brandy in the drinks cabinet, could I tempt you?”
Geoff took a deep breath. “You know, I rather think you could.”
April
Babs stormed into Luke’s antique shop, picked up the nearest vase and smashed it on the floor. Luke came running over with his arms outstretched.
“You’re back!” He looked at the smashed china. “What are you doing?”
“I’m losing my patience, that’s what I’m doing! How could you have been so stupid as to be seen by Camilla? Of all the people in this village it would have to be that back-stabbing, vile, evil bitch.”
Luke quietly locked the front door and changed the sign to “closed”.
“It’s nice to see you. I was beginning to wonder if I was going to have to track you down and drag you back. Come on, sit down and tell me what happened?”
“That witch Camilla waltzed into the tea room and said she’d seen you with a man in a compromising position. I can’t believe you could be that irresponsible.”
Luke held his hands up in protest. “No, not guilty. Absolutely not.”
“So what was she going on about then?”
He thought for a moment. “The closest I’ve been physically to another person in public was when I helped a customer who walked with a stick into his car. He wasn’t good on his feet and leaned on me when he was negotiating the door. Ignore her, darling; the woman’s a menace to decent society. I’m so sorry she bothered you, you know I’d never do anything deliberately that would cause problems.”
Calming slightly, Babs sat down in an antique chair. Luke sat next to her.
“You’re the love of my life; I’d rather throw myself off a cliff than upset you.”
“To be honest I didn’t think you’d be that stupid.” Babs wiped a stray tear from her face with a tissue.
“Thank you. I do have a new friend at the moment though, but he’s as like-minded as I am about keeping things discreet, so no problems there.”
“Who?”
“Geoff Tonder.”
“Really? Well, I can’t say I’m surprised that he is… you know, but I didn’t think he was your type?”
“I know, me neither. Funny old world.”
“Is it… serious?”
Luke shuffled his chair closer and put an arm around her shoulders. “My love, unless Camilla tells you I’ve been spotted with George Clooney, who has suddenly learned to make your amazing lemon cake, then this isn’t a conversation worth having.”
Babs breathed out. “Sorry about the vase.”
“Sorry about Camila.” He gave her knee a squeeze. “I do have an interesting titbit of gossip though, about our holier-than-thou Camilla, but you have to promise not to breathe a word about it to anyone.”
“Go on.”
“Well, Geoff was telling me that he recently arrested her husband for curb crawling!”
“No!” Babs gasped. “Not ‘too good to be seen with mortals’ Paul?”
“The very same, and never mind being seen with them, Paul has been regularly asking for services that even shocked the regulars!”
“No!”
“There’s more…” He leaned closer. “This isn’t the first time he’s been picked up either. Last time he was found with someone who gave him crabs! I wonder how he explained that to his precious wife?”
“Well! I’d rather have our life, however unconventional it might seem to other people, than theirs.”
“But you can’t tell anyone.”
“That’s fine, it’s enough that every time I see either of them, I’ll know.”
“… and that’s when I realised I’d ordered the wrong type of doll.”
Mark was sitting at the back of the Feisty Ferret with James trying to find the right words.
“You bought a sex doll by accident? Seriously?” James tried not to laugh.
Mark went red. “Keep your voice down; someone might hear you! It wasn’t deliberate, stop laughing!”
“Then stop making me! How do you accidently buy a… you know what?”
“Tammy has this long list of things that she absolutely has to have for the wedding and I wasn’t really paying attention. She said she wanted an Action Doll for her collection as a wedding present and I was chatting to someone in the pub last month who said he could get one at cost price for four thousand.”
James spluttered into his pint. “You didn’t think that was strange for starters? I mean, four thousand for a plastic doll?”
Mark shook his head. “She can spend more than that on a lipstick so no, it didn’t strike me as strange.”
“Bloody hell!”
“Tell me about it. So the doll turned up this morning and it’s like a real woman, it’s even in proper clothes, and I have no idea what to do with the thing.”
“Please tell me it’s not second hand.”
“Still in the wrapper, thank God.”
“Where is it now?”
“In the van. There was a bit of a tense moment this morning when I got pulled over for a flat tyre and the officer offered to give me a hand changing it with my spare but luckily his radio went off and he had to do something more important. I can’t keep it here; imagine if one of Pam’s kids found it.”
“You’re not suggesting that I keep it for you, are you? You only have two kids to worry about; I have a whole school full of them!”
“Just until November and then I can burn it in a bonfire and it will go up with the rest of the Guy Fawkes celebrations. No one needs to be any the wiser. Please? It could easily slip into that garage of yours.”
James’ garage was his pride and joy and facilitated his hobby as a kit car enthusiast. His tools were gleaming and well organised. His mother thought he had OCD but his grandfather, a retired mechanic, would ha
ppily sit in the garage and drink tea while reminiscing. Along one side of the room was one long unit for cupboards, shelves, drawers.
“I suppose I could always lock it away, but seriously, mate, if it’s so much as a second after November 5th and that thing is still under my roof, I’m posting it to wherever you’re living and you can explain things to Tamara.”
“Thanks, I really appreciate that.”
Doll having been delivered and securely locked away, James headed over to the school for some late night paperwork. It was a bad habit of his but it needed doing.
Two hours later and he sat back in his chair and stared blearily at the piles of paper on his desk. With a sense of purpose he grabbed his mug and went to the staff room for some more coffee. The state that the year five maths homework was in, a whisky would’ve been better but for now, he would have to make do with caffeine.
The school was in darkness either side of the main hallway and as he went down he opened classroom doors to double check the caretaker had closed the windows and none of the children had left any personal items. When he was at school the lost property box would contain a football, a jumper, pencil cases and maybe a comic or two. Now it was full of iPhones and electric gizmos. He was tempted to sell the lot to pay for next year’s school trip.
The door to the staff room was open and the light shone out. James wondered who else was burning the midnight oil; generally he preferred staff to do marking at home. Teaching was irregular hours with evening meetings a given so he encouraged people to spend the time at home as much as possible. Tonight though, a friendly face would be appreciated.
The coffee maker had a full pot of fresh coffee waiting and he gratefully poured himself a cup. The door shut behind him with a barely audible click. James opened a cupboard to raid the biscuit barrel and selected a couple of bourbons. Feeling hungry he found some coins in his pocket and swapped them for a pack of charity sweets. For a school that promoted healthy eating for the children, the adults were incredibly hypocritical. He put the sweets in his pocket, cupped the bourbons under the mug with his right hand and with the left went to open the door. It was locked.
Love, Lies and Lemon Cake Page 14