by Abigail Kade
I changed her diaper and brought her downstairs to the area we’d set up for her to sit and play. Before I sat her down with her soft blocks to play, I held her tight and walked to the window. She loved looking at the snowy forest and the view out beyond to the mountains miles and miles away.
“This is a million-dollar view, you know. I can see why Finn lives here. I’d love to live in a place like this too.”
Ameria placed her hand on my cheek and showed me an image of Finn and then me. I felt a sense of peace fall over me. She’d been doing this off and on the whole week, showing me images of things she wanted or recent memories I would recognize. She never did it in front of Finn. I wondered about that, but there was no way I could ask her, and I definitely couldn’t ask Finn. It would have been so much easier if he knew my secret.
“Yes, I know. Finn makes me happy too. He’s wonderful, but I don’t know if he’ll ever let me in. Do you?”
She just smiled and chewed on her fist—no answers there today. I had been working on words with her while I was here, and I told Finn it was important to talk to her and tell her the names for everything at this age. She was learning language right now, and she’d soak everything up like a little sponge if given the opportunity.
I pointed to the tree that grew tall right next to the railing of the porch, and I asked her, “Do you see the tree, Ameria? It’s a big tree, isn’t it? There’s lots of big trees out there.”
She looked out the window, then pointed and said, “Da da, dee.”
“You’re getting closer. No dee, it’s a tree. Can you say tree?”
She looked at me, then out the window again, pointed, and said, “Ma tee?”
I was so excited that I hugged her tight and gave her a big kiss, dancing her around while she giggled.
“Yes! It’s a tree! You’re so smart, missy ma’am. We need to learn some more words now.”
Just as I was about to turn from the window back to the play area to teach her more words with her toys, I noticed a dark figure moving through the trees down below. I froze and stared. I couldn’t make it out at first, but I kept tracking the figure. As it approached the cabin, I could tell it was a giant black bear. It didn’t seem scared of the building and actually walked as if it knew where it was going.
When the bear had gotten to the house, it lumbered up the stairs to the back porch, then walked toward the windows where we were standing. It was fascinating to see such a large wild creature up close. The closer it got, though, the more uncomfortable I became. This was no ordinary bear. This was a shifter, a woman in her bear form. A moment after she got to the window, she saw me inside holding the baby. Then all hell broke loose. The bear reared up on her hind legs, roaring and snarling and charging the window.
Ameria hid her head against my neck and whimpered, so I covered her head with my arm and turned her away from the window, still keeping an eye on the creature going nuts outside. I expected her to lunge through the window any second. If she did, I had enough power to protect us and fight. I gathered my power to do just that when all of a sudden, the bear stopped cold, looked back over her shoulder, then turned and ran back the way she’d come.
It took me a while to calm down and deal with the buildup of power I’d pulled to me. While dealing with that, I comforted the baby, and she eventually settled down to sleep on my shoulder. Instead of putting her down and puttering around the house, I sat in Finn’s comfy leather chair by the window and stood vigil. I didn’t know if the bear was a friend or foe to Finn. Was she an old flame? A jealous lover? Better question, was he even Bi?
I didn’t have any of those answers, but I knew I’d have to tell Finn what happened. I couldn’t tell him it was a shifter, though. I mean, I could break down and tell him the whole truth about who and what I was. It would be awkward for sure, but he wasn’t my only consideration. I had to think about my own predicament. I was already in so much trouble for even helping him this much. If I told him the truth, it would be even worse. No, I’d have to tell him it was a bear and keep the rest to myself. With my decision made, it felt like I was giving up on any possibility of ever being with Finn. That was a harder hit to my feelings than I would have imagined. For the second time today, I realized I was much more invested in my big grumpy Mage than I’d thought.
I watched the woods until the sun was beginning to set in the distance, and finally, I heard Finn come through the door. A few hours of sinking further and further into depression at the loss of someone I never even knew I wanted so much had taken a toll. As always, too much time to listen to all the dark and negative thoughts in your head was always a bad thing.
When he’d taken his boots off by the door, I stood up and met him by the sofa, baby still held close in her sleep. It was not lost on me that this was the exact place he’d run away from me earlier. It stung to think that he’d left me to go find out if the roads were clear so he could get rid of me once and for all. Yes, the evil voices in my head had been working overtime today. I didn’t want to think about it anymore. I wanted to run away like he did, but there was only one place I could go and be completely alone.
Handing him the still sleepy baby, I turned away quickly to conceal the tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks. As I walked to the bathroom, I threw my words over my shoulder, trying to keep my voice even.
“She’s been sleeping for a while. She’ll need changing and a bottle when she walks up. Oh, there was a huge bear that came up to the window and went ballistic for some reason when it saw us. It ran off, but I kept a lookout in case it came back. I need to pee and take a shower. I’m borrowing your robe again while I do some laundry.”
I didn’t wait for a response. I just disappeared quickly into his huge bathroom and shut the door, locked it, then leaned my forehead against the cool surface, letting my silent tears fall.
I pulled my navy sweater off with a little more force than necessary and threw it across the room towards the counter, not caring if it made it. Next, my long sleeve gray Henley went the same way. I ripped my jeans off, then kicked them to the floor and flung my boot socks onto my pile. Frustration hit me and I kicked the clothes, just because the small aggression felt good for just a second.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I watched the tears of sadness but also futility. My blond curls were a mess. Back home, I had never been able to cut it, so as soon as I’d left, I’d gotten a buzz cut. It had felt great at first.
We didn’t have pointed ears like the elves, so there was nothing to hide. We looked human, except we weren’t. The longer I’d been among the humans, the longer I had let my hair grow again. I had even grown a beard, but it didn’t suit me. Luckily it didn’t grow fast, or I would have a few days growth from not shaving this week.
I stroked my chin and jaw, feeling the scrape of hair there, but what did it matter. With my hair a mess and my blue eyes red with tears, I had never looked or felt more human in my long life. I felt helpless, weak, and like I was being thrown around by fate instead of staying above such things. I felt human, but I wasn’t. And that was the problem, wasn’t it?
Not for the first time this week, I wondered. Was I doing the right thing? Was not telling Finn the whole truth a colossal mistake? Telling him might make things better for now, but it would make things much worse for me in the long run.
Roughly wiping my tears away, I took a deep breath and decided the answers to any or all of those questions didn’t matter right this minute. I turned the shower on as hot as it would go and waited until the whole bathroom looked like a sauna. I shucked off my boxer briefs, then stepped under the hot spray to try and relax at least some of the tension I had been holding in the whole week.
Once again, my thoughts wandered to Finn. I considered trying to relieve some tension by rubbing one out but decided it wasn’t the best idea. Jerking off in the shower while also crying was the very definition of pathetic. I had already hit close to that target today, and I wasn’t going to try for the loser grand prize.
Heaving a sigh, I washed quickly, giving myself a much-needed pep talk. The weather would be better tomorrow. I’d be able to get down the mountain again. My adventure would be over soon, and I could indulge in my fantasies back at my tiny apartment in solitude. Or not. I’d have to decide what to do at that point.
Finishing up and drying off, I didn’t know why the idea of being alone was so depressing now. Being by myself and having my own place had been a dream of mine literally forever. With all my siblings and everyone else always around back home, the thought of having somewhere all my own, alone, had been my idea of heaven.
Now after spending time with Finn? It didn’t seem as satisfying. Maybe it was time to go home. Father had been asking me to come back and take over some of my duties again. If I couldn’t have what I wanted, or more precisely who I wanted, maybe it was time to give up this dream and go home.
Wrapping up in Finn’s massive forest green fluffy robe, I tied it so I would be decent and not trip, then left the bathroom and took my laundry down the stairs to the garage and started a load. I added some of the baby’s things as well. I saw a few of Finn’s things in a basket, but I wouldn’t dare wash Finn’s clothes. They were probably some special ancient wool or something. I could imagine me washing his kilts and sweaters and having them come out in the perfect size to fit the baby.
Feeling a bit off-kilter from my emotional turmoil, for just a second, I desperately wanted to throw one of his sweaters and a kilt in the load and see what would happen. I snickered as an image popped into my head. It would be awesome to see the princess in one of his sweaters and kilt. I refrained, but it was a very close thing.
After I started the load, I took a deep breath and went back upstairs. I knew I’d been hiding partly because of what I’d done earlier and Finn’s reaction. I had pushed and flirted, and Finn had run away. Deep into feeling sorry for myself, I couldn’t help sliding into self-recrimination. I could take a hint. I’d just back off and bide my time until I could leave. Maybe the road would be okay tomorrow, and I could start making plans to finish up here and go back home.
“Hey, Henry. Look!”
I was startled by Finn’s ecstatic call, so I hurried into the living room and saw why he was so excited. Ameria was standing on her own, balanced by holding onto the ottoman by the chair. She stood there a moment, and then with Finn prompting her by holding up her puppy, she took a tentative step toward him. She took one more before she fell on her bottom and then crawled the rest of the way as fast as she could to get her puppy from Finn. My heart, which had been in the most bottomless pits of depression, was instantly full of joy. She was walking!
“That’s so fantastic! She took her first steps! You should write that down in her journal thing you have. I think that’s a great thing for a family to have for a baby.”
Finn was smiling so brightly, but when I spoke, his smile dimmed. It could have been because of the enchanted journal I wasn’t technically supposed to know about, but more than likely, he wasn’t thrilled with me being here and getting in the way.
“Oh, uh, yeah. I’ll write it down tonight. The journal has been a big lifesaver so far, so I’ll make sure to write everything down for when she goes back.”
There was so much between us that we couldn’t talk about. No wonder we hardly spoke. I wanted to ask him about the other Mages and what they’d written about Ameria when she’d been with them or who she was destined to go to next. For obvious reasons, I couldn’t ask any of that. I had gotten curious and thought about peeking once or twice, but I didn’t. I was supposed to be a good guy, not break the rules. I snorted because how many had I broken just by being here.
Changing the subject was the only option. Considering safe topics, I settled on the only thing we could talk about that we obviously had in common.
“You said she was almost one year old. When is her birthday?”
Finn looked perplexed. “It’s this month, I know, but I’m not sure of the date.”
“You don’t know your niece’s birthday? You should text somebody and find out. You can’t let her have her first birthday without a party. Even if it’s just us.”
I sat on the sofa, and Ameria crawled over, then pulled up to stand beside me. She handed me the puppy she still held onto, so I asked her, “Oh, thank you. I love puppy. Do you love puppy?”
She looked at the stuffed dog, grabbed onto it, then replied, “Pupupupu.”
“Did she just say puppy?”
Finn looked doubtful until she crawled over to him, showing him the dog and telling him, “Pupup.”
“I’ll be damned. She walked and learned a word today.”
“Actually, she learned two words today. She also said tree.”
Finn picked her up to put her on his lap. “Did you learn to say tree, princess?” She squirmed to be put down, then crawled to the window, pointing out, and said, “Tee. Ma tee.”
Finn stood up to go see but stumbled a little, grabbing his calf where I saw a long scratch that was red all around it.
“Finn, are you okay? Where did you get the scratch?”
He looked down like he didn’t know what I was talking about but then continued to the window and brushed it off.
“Oh, that, it’s nothing. I got scratched by a branch or something on the trail. It’ll be fine tomorrow.”
Now that I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself, I noticed that Finn didn’t look good. His skin was pasty with a sheen that looked feverish. I wished we were closer so I could just walk up to him and feel his forehead, but after this morning, I didn’t know what we were to each other or where the boundaries were.
Ameria was chewing her hands and getting fussy, which I knew meant she was getting hungry.
“Did Uncle Finn feed you, princess?”
“I tried to get her to eat, but she was more interested in trying to walk. I think she’s ready now, though.”
I gathered the baby so I could get us some dinner. I had never wanted to drink, but a glass of something would have been fantastic right about now. If I couldn’t have any alcohol, then I could at least have carbs. The tension in the cabin was still heavy. Being forward hadn’t worked out for me today, so ignoring the tension was for the best. I could pretend everything was fine.
“I’m going to make something for us for dinner while my clothes wash. Do you want anything?”
“Yeah, that would be great. I’m going to go check on that birthday real quick. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Finn went slowly up the stairs to his office. His demeanor and obvious injury were troubling. What could affect a Nightshade Guild Mage enough to make them weak like that? To make sure he didn’t fall down the stairs, I watched him until he got up to his office, which was a locked room on the upper floor. He hated technology, so all his devices, those that he actually had, were kept up there, he said. I imagined an old Gateway desktop from 1998 and a Startac cell phone from 2000.
After he made it into the room and closed the door, I took Ameria, who was continuing to fuss, to the kitchen. I placed her in the highchair Finn had put together and gave her a few puffed rice cereal pieces while I made her some oatmeal. I grabbed a frozen pizza from the fridge and put it in the oven, using a little of my power to get it up to temperature instantly. I could have just willed it done or created a nine-course meal, but that would have given me away.
While I was feeding Ameria and getting more oatmeal on me than in her, I thought I caught a glimpse of something dark dash by the window. One second it was there; the next, it was gone. I stared out for so long, trying to catch another glimpse, that Ameria got tired of waiting and dug both hands into the bowl of oatmeal, spreading it all over her face. I quickly brushed the glimpse off as nerves and shadows from the descending darkness, and I got a wet cloth to clean the baby as best I could.
After I cleaned up the mess we’d made, I gathered up the princess for her much-needed bath. As I was walking past the windows, I thought I saw movement among t
he trees outside. Shaking my head, I decided I needed to quit imagining things and stay focused on the task at hand—no need to borrow more trouble than I already had.
Chapter 5
Finnegan
Finnegan: When is Ameria’s birthday?
The text was sent on the private and secure group app, Magecaster, that Luna, one of the Nightshade Guild Mages, had built so we could communicate without fear of hackers. I had only used it once to tease one of the other Mages, Nic, about putting what looked like rune tattoos on the baby. I’d snapped a pic and texted it to the others when I’d gone to get the baby, saying I’d known she would do something crazy. She was a well-known paranormal tattoo artist, so it was natural to yank her chain about. I’d known they were temporary, but the others didn’t. It was fun seeing their reactions until she’d shut it down. I hadn’t thought I’d need it, but I had no one else to ask about this, and surely one of them would know. While I waited for a reply, I tried to shake off the exhaustion that had hit me this afternoon.
I felt like hell.
I’d felt drained all evening, ever since my walk into the old-growth forest. I had gone out to recharge, and I had felt fine on my way back until I got that scratch on my leg.
I looked down at my calf. The long thin cut looked worse now than it had earlier. The redness all around looked like it had gotten bigger. I was supposed to be able to heal something like this in minutes. I heard the notification sound ding repeatedly, so I picked up the phone and tried to focus on the conversation I had started.
Sunny: Isn’t it this month?
Cale: No idea. How’s she doing?
Isla: It is this month, but I don’t know the day.
Morwen: Her first birthday is this month? We should celebrate somehow.
Demi: We can’t celebrate and keep her a secret.
Isla: Demi’s right. All eyes are on all of us right now. Any suspicious moves and the word will get out where she is. We’ve still got paras watching us.