Each day was a struggle at work, going through the motions like a robot. At the end of the day, I didn’t know how I’d made it through. But I did.
When I’d gotten home one day, Wiley had finally asked, “Daddy, when is Miwwy coming home?”
I’d been putting him off with things like, she’s sick, or she had to go out of town. I couldn’t keep doing that.
“Son, we need to talk.”
“Okay.”
We went to the couch and I pulled him up on my lap. “Wiley, sometimes grown-ups do things that we don’t quite understand, right?”
He nodded his head up and down in an exaggerated manner.
“I’m sad to say that Milly isn’t coming back.”
“How come?”
I had to be honest with him and not blame her. “Because I did something that hurt her.”
“Did you make her faww down and need a Band-aid? You can just kiss it and make it better.”
“Well, that’s a good idea, but it’s a little more complicated than that because I hurt her feelings. Do you understand that?”
He shook his head, and said, “Nuh uh. Can’t you just get her a popsicle? Wike a red one?”
“I wish it were that simple, big guy. But it’s not. I upset her, so she went away.”
That was when his expression crashed. “Went away? Where’d she go?”
“I don’t really know.”
“Did she weave wike that wady who was my mom?”
Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit.
“Not like that. She didn’t leave you, my man. She left me and there’s a big difference. You know why? Because she loves you. More than all the hot fudge sundaes in the world put together with whipped cream on top and sprinkles too.”
The tiny creases between his eyes had me worried.
“Why’d she weave you?”
“Because I said something stupid to her.”
“Then maybe you should go tell her you were stupid and pinky swear you won’t do it no more.”
“That’s a good idea.”
“Daddy, draw her a picture too. Make it have wots of fwowers. When Cassidy got mad at me once, I made her a picture with fwowers. She wiked it a wot.” His huge eyes had me nodding right along with him.
“That’s a great idea. Can you help me?”
“Yeah.” He hopped off my lap and ran to his room. When he returned, he was carrying a big pad along with his big box of markers. Kneeling down by the coffee table, he spread everything out and asked, “What do you want to make her?”
“How about a dad, his son, and the dogs?”
“Okay, but don’t forget the fwowers. Girls wove fwowers.”
“That they do.”
We went to work on our piece of art.
Wiley said, “You make the dad and I’ll make the son. We’ll both make the dogs.”
“That’s a good idea.”
I was no artist so when we were done, there wasn’t much difference between my work and Wiley’s.
“It’s good, isn’t it?” he asked.
“It’s terrific.” What I didn’t tell him was I had no idea of where to send it.
I snapped a picture of it and texted it to Ellerie.
Me: I need your help. This was Wiley’s idea and we need to know where to send it.
Ellerie: Send it to me.
She texted me her address. I thought I’d get more help than that, but I was wrong. I mailed the picture the next day. Maybe when she saw it, she’d have a change of heart.
My final opportunity to see Milly was at the fundraiser at Central Park. I took Wiley, just in case. I was thinking that maybe she’d be more apt to approach him than me. I wandered around the place, my eyes on the lookout. The bands played and people danced. Wiley had his face painted and we did have fun. I saw a lot of people there, including my father, mother, and even Ava. But I never even caught so much as a glimpse of Milly.
I had a chance to pull Ava aside and begged her to help me. She stared at me with a hopeless look in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Hudson, but I promised her I wouldn’t tell.”
“Is she okay?”
“She’s fine. Just fine.” She opened her mouth as if to say more, but then shut it and smiled.
“If you hear of anything …?”
“Sure.”
Maybe Mom was right. Maybe I should take the attitude of to hell with her getting angry. I wanted to know where she was. But then when I found her … what? It might not matter. If she ran from me, that was her message loud and clear. It took me a couple of months, but eventually, I took her advice. I hired a PI to find out what happened to her.
Two weeks after I did, I had the answer. I was pissed. There was so much I wanted to say, so many things I needed to say, but it all had to wait because if it didn’t, I would find myself in the same boat I’d landed in earlier. And what good would that do?
Chapter Forty-One
Milly
Four Months Later
Atlanta, Georgia
The bell chimed, signaling a customer had entered the store. I was filling in for Ells today at her store. It was a Saturday morning in early November and people were gearing up for Christmas. When Pigs Fly was always busy, but this time of year was especially crazy. Ells’ business had exploded a few years ago and she always had six employees in the store. She was out of town this weekend and someone had called in sick, so Ells called me because she was in a jam. I knew the store inside and out, so I was the perfect one to call in times like these.
I had been arranging some adorable Christmas ornaments on one of the many trees we had all decorated during the week when I glanced up to see him standing there. Ice blue eyes, the very same ones I saw in my dreams every night, sent heat racing down my spine like wildfire.
“Hi, Milly.”
“Um, hi, Hudson.”
Everything in the room disappeared and it was suddenly only the two of us. I had practiced this moment over and over in my head so many times, but now it was like I hadn’t prepared at all.
He walked over to me and I had to look up … way up. Had he grown taller or had I just forgotten how tall he actually was?
“How are you?” he asked. His eyes slowly roamed my body, lingering on my huge and always growing belly. He had to know I was larger than what I should be.
“I’m fine, great. You?”
He didn’t look me in the eye when he answered as he was still staring at my baby bump. “Good,” he said slowly. “When are you due?”
“January,” I said, smiling sweetly. His brow furrowed. I had to tell him, let him know the truth or else he’d think I was carrying a twenty-pound baby. Taking a quick glance around, I spotted one of the other employees and got her attention. “Carrie, I need a few minutes. I’ll be back in thirty.”
“Okay, Mills. Take your time.”
I took hold of Hudson’s arm and dragged him out of the store, around the corner to the coffee shop.
“What would you like?” I asked.
“Uh, a coffee.” I wanted to roll my eyes. He was clearly addled. “Go grab us a table and I’ll be right back.”
He was dazed. I went to the counter and ordered two lattes, one decaf, and put it on my tab. Then I sat down with him.
“How can you go two more months?” he asked. “I don’t mean to be rude, but—”
“I’m having twins, Hudson.”
“Oh, no wonder you’re larger than … did you say twins? You’re having twins!”
“Shh. Everyone is looking at us.”
He jumped out of his chair and strode out of the coffee shop with me staring after him. I grabbed our coffees and followed. I found him pacing the sidewalk outside. When I started to say something, his hand flew up, palm facing outward, and he stopped me. Then he paced again. Back and forth. I counted ten long strides in each direction. I wondered how long this would go on.
He eventually stopped, and his mouth was pressed into a hard, thin line. He was pissed.
He was right. His words punched me straight in the heart. I hadn’t thought about Wiley and felt absolutely horrible about it.
“Nope, didn’t think so. You were so wrapped up in your own shit, you failed to even bother to see what was going on in anyone else’s lives. And now this. Twins. You couldn’t even bother to pick up the phone and say, ‘Oh, hey. You’re going to be a dad to not one, but two kids.’ What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“You hurt me. I was so …” I blinked several times to clear my vision. Those first couple of months were a haze. I was in damage control because all I did was relive the day I lost Simon. It was the most frightening time of my life. I was paralyzed with an amalgamation of grief and fear. At night I would wake up screaming, which was one of the reasons I moved out of the apartment. I had to get away. I stayed in a hotel for several weeks and then left Manhattan when the event was done. I mounted up huge debt, but it was impossible for me to remain in that apartment. It was essential for me to take care of myself if those babies were to survive, so I ran.
“Get over it. I apologized repeatedly. Begged to talk to you. Would’ve done anything for you. I told your sister because you wouldn’t give me the time of day. And then you moved in the middle of the fucking night. I have a word for people like you. Coward.”
He paced again, and I had to agree with him.
“You’re right. I am a coward. A huge one. I’m afraid of having these babies.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me so at least I could’ve been there for you? That’s all I wanted to do.”
“I freaked out.”
“You could’ve told me instead of running.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I should throw back your own words to you. I don’t know if I’ll ever have it in me to forgive you. But you know what, Milly? I won’t ever do that to you because I love you. I love the hell out of you. You don’t run from people you love, and I’ll never run from you. I’ll always be there for you if you give me the fucking chance to prove it. And hell if I know why.”
His chest moved in and out, almost as though he just ran for a solid hour. My hands covered my mouth as a sob pushed its way out. I was the worst kind of person ever. What had I done to this man? To us?
“I’m a terrible person. Oh, my God. I’m so awful.” We stood there and stared at each other for the longest time. Then I inched my way up to him. “I was so afraid.” I was still afraid … afraid that he’d push me away, because really, who could blame him?
But he didn’t. He put his arms around me as I wept. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
He didn’t speak. I didn’t want him to say it was okay, because surely it wasn’t. We’d just have to find a way to work past this, if we could. Maybe he’d find a way to forgive me. Who knew. He was a better person than me.
“Is there someplace we can go that’s private?”
“Yeah,” I sniffed.
We walked to my car and drove home.
“Is this that car you wanted to sell?” he asked.
“Yeah, I drove it back here after I ran.”
“Maybe it’ll come in handy after all.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s an SUV and you’ll need it for the twins.”
I hadn’t thought of that, which was pretty stupid on my part. Apparently, I’d become an expert on stupid lately.
When we got to my house, which wasn’t far, I said, “I went more than a little crazy after I found out I was pregnant. I told Ells if she ever breathed a word to you where I was, I’d kill her and never speak to her again. Hudson, I’m so scared the same thing will happen to A and B that happened to Simon.”
“A and B?”
“That’s what I call the babies. I haven’t named them yet. I’m having a girl and a boy.”
He told me how he hired a PI to find me. And how upset Wiley was, which made me bawl even more. I’d hurt too many people.
“I can’t believe you’re having twins. Marin just had a girl and a boy too. Twins.”
“It’s your fault, you know. There are no twins in our family.”
“And everything’s been okay?”
“Yeah, but they doubt I’ll go to my due date. Twins rarely do.”
“When I saw you I was like, ‘damn, she must be due any minute. But my calculations weren’t adding up.’”
We were both silent. Then he blurted out, “I’m going to be a part of their lives.”
“I was actually going to call you. I tried a couple of times but then chickened out. I knew you’d hate me.”
“Not gonna lie. You definitely pissed me off.”
“I don’t blame you.” I played with the hem of my sweater.
“Will you move back to New York?” he asked.
It was a bold question.
“I mean after the babies arrive. I know you don’t want to come now, with your doctor and all.”
I chewed on my lip. How would I do this without my family nearby?
“My mom would help, and I already have Carly and the extra bedroom.”
“Are you asking me to live with you?”
His eyes nailed mine. “No. I’m asking you to marry me.”
I gulped. “Oh, Hudson.”
“I know it’s unexpected. But I want to raise our family together, with Wiley. You know?”
“How can you even want me after how I treated you?”
“I love you, Milly. You don’t just stop loving someone because of something like this. I wasn’t exactly perfect either. I should’ve opened my arms to you the night you told me, but I was stupid too. I said some terrible things to you, but never ever meant them. So why don’t we call it even and move forward?”
“I can do that.”
“Promise me one thing.”
“What?” I asked.
“If there is ever another issue, you won’t run, but talk to me first.”
I stuck my pinky out and waited for him. He gave me an amused grin, along with his pinky.
“Deal.”
“Oh, you never answered my question.”
“What was that?” I asked.
“Will you marry me?”
Chapter Forty-Two
Hudson
She stared at me open-mouthed, and I noticed her throat move as she swallowed. If she thought for one millisecond I was going to let her get away a second time, she was badly misinformed. There would be no repeat of the last several months.
An immense relief washed over me as her head moved up and down and she spoke the words I’d prayed she would.
“Yes. I’ll marry you.”
“You don’t seem very excited about the prospect.”
Her hands, her lovely hands reached for mine. “Oh, Hudson, it’s not that. I’m scared of everything these days. The babies, and now this. What if …”
“I’m not Harvey or whatever his name is.”
“Harry.”
“Harry. I’m not going to cheat on you or leave you if something goes wrong. I’m not that guy. And I know you’re not Lydia either. We’re two different people, Milly. And as far as the babies go, you can lean on me. I promise to be there for you. Well, that’s not exactly true because I have to go back to New York. I have a business to run and a son up there. But … I can come back and forth until A and B are born.”
“You’d do that for me?”
“Of course I would. I’d do anything for you.” I pulled her onto my lap and then we laughed. It was q
uite a different Milly than the last time I did this. “May I?” I wanted to touch her belly, but I wasn’t just going to rub it like Aladdin’s lamp.
She took my hand in hers and placed it there. “This is where one set of feet usually wakes me up at night. We either have a punter or soccer player.”
“That’s what Marin said when she was at the end of her pregnancy with Kelsie and Adam.”
“How are her babies?”
“Just fine. They both kick their legs all the time though, like Aaron. Kinsley is convinced they’re going to be Irish step dancers. One can only laugh.”
“Hmm.” A distracted look came over her. I kept rubbing her belly. It amazed me how firm a pregnant woman’s belly was. Before Lydia had Wiley, I always thought they’d be soft, like a baby is.
“You’ve been feeling okay, though?”
“Yeah, I have. During the first part, I was tired all the time, but that’s all. Otherwise, I was fine. I’m starting to get tired again.”
She hummed again.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“I’m just thinking. Maybe I should move now. It’ll be so much harder with two babies, don’t you think?”
“What about your doctor?”
She doodled a circle on my arm and didn’t speak for a while. I didn’t push, nor did I remind her that she’d been gone from the shop much longer than thirty minutes. Yeah, I was being selfish.
“Before I left Manhattan, I saw Dr. Lynch. I wonder if my doctor could hook me back up with her.” Then her eyes zeroed in on mine and I knew she wasn’t just thinking. She was totally serious.
“You want to hear my thoughts?”
“Sure.”
“Yes, a move would be much easier before the babies. We could get you settled, the nursery set up, and so forth. I was also thinking of getting a bigger place. Maybe I could get on that now. A four bedroom, yeah? Eventually, we’ll have to move out of the city, I think.”
From Ice to Flames Page 27