Tristan is serene and calms my tears, gentle caresses, up and down my spine, as his strong hands and warm heart holds me close, he takes my hand to his lips and kisses my palm and I throw my arms around him and cry harder, I have missed him so much.
After all these years the Tristan Bach, I always knew existed, shows up! With all the strength and devotion any women would die for, he tells me without circumspect what is in his heart.
“Aria, I love you” I have never felt so complete and so content, I never get what I want, and now that he is here, the tears flow and I can’t stop them as I snuggle to his warm chest and he holds me tight in his arms I let loose and cry my eyes out over everything, from the past two years, his deceit, my broken heart, the terrible fights, the constant arguing and banter not to mention the fact that he left me and I vanished departed from anyone finding me, I cry harder when I realize that we have been through our own separate hell alone with no one to comfort us or understand our depth of pain, and how we both have suffered our own loss of one another it is hard to deal with even as I’m in his arms and he is like a balm soothing my tortured soul. My wounded tattered feeling have scars that run pretty deep. I don’t say any of this to him it’s all too painful to even digest.
Tristan kisses the top of my head and hold me tight to get me to calm this is the cry that I have been needing, I let it all go with the hopes that I will cleanse these feeling of animosity I have towards this man and free my aching injured heart.
Tristan is comforting me as if I am a wounded lamb, he doesn’t scold me we don’t talk, he just lets me get it all out, I have hidden this from view, from my heart and from my thoughts so I could function and now that he is here, he is the only one who can help me through this.
-------<>-------
When an ex offers solace because of the pain he has caused you is it wrong to let him comfort you?
I have been asking myself this question because if it sounds like cheating and it feeling like cheating It sure as hell is cheating. The fog has cleared from my clouded head and we are cuddled up in my huge bed that is adorned in silver gray jacquard bedding; I have pillows all along the custom tufted silver grey square head board, we just sink like we are on a cloud. Tristan sighs as he rocks me and coo’s me to stop crying, he lets me get it all out, he kiss’s my tears away until they subsided and I want for nothing in his arms, he is sweet, caring, gentle and most of all loving and affectionate towards me. It is what I always wanted from this man, sadly he is too late with his displays of affection’s, I belong to someone else.
I look up at him after I stop crying. My eyes are red, and swollen he kisses a tear left on my cheeks, his eyes are sincere and I remember how he was once my only happiness, he was the one who colored my world, who filled my life with song and romanced me every chance he got.
Looking at him now he is stronger, more refined and more caring, if I am not mistaken he looks a bit wounded as well, he looks hurt and worried, he reminds me of how I looked when he left.
I rest my head on his chest as he cradles me in his arms, his lips at my forehead he holds me and for just a little while longer I just want it to be us.
“Aria all the tears I’ve caused you, I had no idea how bad I hurt you, you were the only one who believed in me when no one else did, I don’t blame you for moving on with your life, I just wanted my life to be worthy of you, to take care of you for the rest of my life”
He kisses the top of my head, and he sets me off again, the memory of him walking out on me, he was so cold and callus to me, I remember the pain, his harsh words,
‘Aria we are through, over
you are too involved in my life
you are no good for me
and I am not changing my life for you!’
It still hurts as I recall his harsh words and his dreadful awful tone it runs through my mind, he was such a pistol, young and arrogant and I was so naïve. It was a killing combination in the corporate world but in our personal life we tortured each other to the point of no return.
Tristan holds me tight as my emotions get the best of me and the flood gates open anew. I had no idea what would happen if these feelings were ever brought to surface how would I deal with them and the truth is I had no idea.
Tristan knows pain and suffering he deals it, he manages it and he consoles it, but mostly he soothes me and just lets me get it all out, he is kind and considerate two characteristics he has never shown me before he has enraptured me in them tonight.
I have never faced any of this, it was too hard to deal with so I just buried it and tried to move on with my life and the only way I knew how was to throw my heart and passion into my store, it became my heart and desire for the past two years I eat, drink and sleep Business as Usual it is my only solace.
I don’t know how long or what time it is but after a while I calm down and I have to admit that no one has ever done this for me since my parents and my grandmother when I was very little. He is playing in my hair as he caresses my curls away from my face, his loving eyes speak volumes as he looks at me and kisses my nose I have never had this before, this feeling of love security and adoration.
“Aria I don’t blame you for the choices you made….you did what was right for you, I need to do what is right for me…and me coming here was not right for either one of us. You have a life that does not include an old boyfriend…I need to respect that and let you honor that ring on your finger.”
I cling onto him and suddenly the words are out of my mouth.
“Tristan don’t go!” he stills and he kisses my head.
“I don’t think I could leave you… not like this, not again!”
His words warm my aching heart, as I sit on his lap toying with his fingers that are holding me close. He holds me in his arms as I lay back and looks up into his eyes, gosh I feel cherished, this complicated, and unrelenting ego maniac finally admitted that I mattered in his life that I was someone of significance an entity that gave him direction.
All I ever wanted from Tristan was for him to love me, care for me and treat me good, after all this time he comes to me as the man I always wanted. I throw my arms around his neck and his lips are at my ear.
“My sweet Aria I’m so sorry for all the time I wasted”
“You have always spoken to me with words and I have always looked at you with feelings”
“It was easier to be mad instead of face my feelings for you Aria”
My tears subside, just being in his arms; he calms me and soothes my aching heart, and as all reason and interest return to my brain my thought process is rather curious about this Tristan Bach of 2012 that I hardly know. My lips are at his ear.
“Tell me how you got the restaurant going?” I feel his smile at my neck as he kisses my neck and sends tingles down my spine, yes only he does this to me it is both alarming and eye opening.
“Oh Aria this whole thing started with what you said, how I loved to cook and drink, it was the basis for the whole idea, I started playing around with recipes and got some local attention and then when the food show came here I was one of the up and coming restaurants to be scene at”
He starts telling me how it all came about. I can tell he has waited a long time to tell me about all he has accomplished. I look up at him tear stained and happy for him.
I smile his eyes are alive with his passion for what he does, he has found his true calling I always championed him for something like this, and he made it a reality, it is so pleasing to hear what he
has accomplished, his success is like a dream come true for me.
I hold onto him as he props himself against all the pillows on my bed, he settles back all comfortable and relaxed as he kisses my fingers and caresses my head he tells me about his travels, his knowledge of fish and how he makes his own pasta and breads. He holds me close and every once in a while a tear falls and he kisses it away. He makes me laugh as he remembers things we did, that I have even forgotten.
“Aria rem
ember when we use to call the tow truck company to bring us home because we were too wasted to drive?” I laugh because that was always us we would have a killer day or a deal that was out of the park and we would celebrate to a point where we were beyond getting home.
“We were so nuts, so crazy so foolish Tristan” I am so comfortable in his arms as we recall some of the happier times we shared together.
“Nuts about you, crazy about you, I was the fool who let you go.” He holds me close and I secretly never want him to let me go. Tristan encloses his strong and safe hold around me, I am comforted and at ease and I am happy that he cares.
“Tristan no one is fool proof” he opens his eyes and cups my chin, you are even more beautiful then I remembered, your smile that lights up a room, your velvety soft lips that molded perfect to mine, your eyes that always see though to my soul, I have never forgot how you loved me, I couldn’t hurt you anymore and now I will do whatever it takes to get you back, let me trade my apology for a promise”
As much as I want to make him mine, I can’t, he must see that I have chosen a life, that I have made plans, and that I have moved on.
“Tristan it’s over, it’s in the past, and we can’t change what happen”
“I hate myself for what I did to you”
He moves to kiss me on my lips and I put my finger to his lips
“Please don’t” he kisses my finger.
“As you wish” I cuddle up against his chest, he kisses my forehead and he holds me tight and tells me about our first date:
It was fall mid-November and a huge deal was on the table we were in the board room for hours, several CEO’s left kicking and screaming, most knew there free ride was over, it was the biggest corporate take-over that no one knew about, Tristan and I worked the whole thing out and fired the CEO, the CFO the Chairman of the Board and we saved the jobs of thousands of people, afterwards Tristan took us all out to celebrate and after everyone had left he and I were the last two in the bar at the Hilton, we stayed and got dead drunk. The two of us bonded shared a moment and got to talking, and we had the best time getting to know one another, we just hit if off immediately, he was hanging on my every word and the fact that we put the whole deal together by ourselves was brilliant, no one knew, we strolled in there as two rookies and hit a grand slam out of the park, the news made its way around that there were two corporate killers on the loose and it was us.
I smile as his deep voice sooths me, it resonated through his chest. He sounds so sincere and loving, as he recalls our business dealings in great details as I may say his facts were accurate and precise on how we became partners at the Firm and from that moment we were inseparable until we weren’t.
Tristan left the Firm right after we broke up, he was gone, I was left to pick up the slack, I had to get the last two deals sign sealed and delivered, sadly I left at the end of that year. He brings me back to the now.
“Aria I have missed you so much” his words are soothing as his arms comfort me. I can’t lie to him
“Missing you was a daily ache for a while there; I just never mentioned it to anyone”
“The last six months were the worst, you haunt my dreams, you are constantly on my mind in my heart, I would wake up and think I saw you, and then I didn’t know if you even wanted to see me, that was the hardest part facing you, facing all of this, well I never in a million years thought I would be facing you engaged. I just always prepared myself for your anger at what I did and how we left things, but I never would have imagined that you would be someone else’s” his words tell me he is shocked, well frankly so am I as I think about it I’M ENGAGED!
“I never thought you’d remember me, I just thought out of sight out of mind, no calls, no letters no nothing for two years it was over, dead and buried” he kisses my head as he hold my hand and caresses my knuckles.
“I was becoming unglued over the past few weeks and I was about to hire a private detective and then there you were today, you took my breath away when I saw you, I couldn’t believe my eyes, the second that our eyes met I knew it was you” he kisses the top of my head.
I nuzzle against his chest and that is the last thing I remember as his voice lingers and fades and I fall asleep in his arms, sitting on his lap and it is the best sleep I have had in a very long time.
Chapter 9
THE RECIPE FOR MAKING LOVE
June 16, 2012
Saturday
I wake to a new day in the window, well rested, really well rested, best sleep, gosh I never sleep this good, I’m grateful I’m not hung over and I’m happy that I didn’t let Tristan fuck my brains out last night, I sit up and then panic hits me, where is Tristan?
I bolt out of bed, and knock on the bathroom door, no response, I open it slowly, peek in, he is not here!
Oh no he left! My heart is racing then sinks he’s gone! I quickly run downstairs like the house is on fire or something, and there is music coming from the kitchen, Tristan is dressed and cooking in my kitchen! Oh thank God he is still here
I stop and catch my breath, the sight of him makes me happy, the sight of him in my kitchen cooking is hot, he is wearing his clothes that I laundered for him, his white shirt is open at the neck, his black slacks fit him too well, wonder who dresses him? I have to admit he is pretty damn easy on the eyes.
He looks up and sees me standing at the entry to the kitchen.
“Well, well look who’s up… Coffee?”
He is holding the coffee pot and gestures me into the kitchen.
I’m grinning from ear to ear, he’s still here, he didn’t leave! He hands me a cup of coffee and ushers me to sit down at the kitchen table, the sun is shining, the birds are singing and Tristan Bach, has made me breakfast, wow it’s like I woke up in the merry old land of oz.
“You didn’t think I left, did you?” he could always read my mind, he looks hurt and surprised by my reaction, should I tell him the truth or should I lie.
“Actually I thought last night was a dream when I woke up and you weren’t there!” Good come back Macy I take a sip of my coffee and it is good, hot, steamy and wakes me up…kind of like this God in front of me.
He smiles and shakes his head from side to side as if to say how I dare think that way of him.
“Aria a dream or a nightmare?” I smile slightly I don’t want to go there
“Some of one and less of the other” It’s nice to know he can joke about it now, me not so much.
He sees my smile fade and he knows it was always a nightmare when he would leave me for that slut-bag-ugly-whore who abused him.
My thoughts are immediately interrupted by the heavenly aroma of stuff French toast; oh wow I’m so impressed and starving actually! A word about Tristan and food, he is a phenomenal cook, I mean off the charts, he is the food guru, just listen to what he has made for breakfast, stuff French toast I know I had Italian bread here so he made his awesome sweet batter and then breaded it with toasted almonds and shredded coconut and pan seared it until it was crispy and delicious. The heavenly filling is cream cheese mixed with confectioners’ sugar blended with fresh strawberries and pineapple, than whipped till light and fluffy. He stacks them like a sandwich dusting them ever so gently with confectioners’ sugar. They are sex on the plate and an orgasm in your mouth, so good! This was our breakfast at six am when we were out all night, he would make it for me and those were the good memories I have of us.
We sit down and feast on old habits as we find out they die hard.
“Oh Tristan All this was in my kitchen?” he nods yes as he digs in.
We chat and laugh as we recall happy times, most of my memories are good, but when he was bad they were worse.
I have to say the troubled despondent one looks pretty much the same, tall, dark and handsome were always his top three assets, although he seems a bit softer around the edges, a tad older harboring a more mature disposition but what has always been my weakness is that smile that had me at hello.
&n
bsp; His weary temperament eludes to his battles whereas the old Tristan that always caught me between a rock and a hard place, he was always a bad boy with worse intentions, he was crude, and par for the coarse, far from the humble man I met last night.
I listen to him and just take it all in, he informs me that he has not seen his ex since we were together, which made my suspicions about her right all along that she hindered him from furthering his life, she held him back from success and, she never took any initiative to encourage any growth or success for Tristan or herself for that fact. I just hope she leaves him alone, damn I hope I can leave him alone.
I watch his mannerisms, he is delightfully entertaining as we share the fruits of his labor, he mentions his parents and how they have wondered about me, and had high hopes for us, but the one thing that stops me in my tracks is when he says my name it sends thrills through me, again things he doesn’t need to know.
He laughs and a glimpse of his boyish smile radiates as he pours orange juice for us, we sit next to one another, but we turn to face one another as we talk about his family, how they still can’t believe his transformation, how much he has accomplished and mostly how he has grown up, matured and taken control of his life.
There is no dead silence, I tell him how I started my store and he is impressed, he leans back and smiles at me the whole time, his eyes are bright and his smile lights up his face, he admits that he had no idea that Business as Usual was mine, he heard of it, but never put the two together and scolded me why I was not in the ads that he saw everywhere.
“Aria I could have found you sooner, I would have come running” he kicks himself for that he says shyly.
“I hate taking pictures of myself, and Oliver he didn’t want to be the poster boy so we used the clothes and the name together with the catchy slogans that got us noticed” I sip my coffee and he looks a bit unnerving.
A Wedding Affair (The Wedding Affair) Page 11