“Ian did you have a good night tonight at your bachelor party?”
“I had a wonderful time once my fiancé came home” I feed him his delectable creation as I sit on his lap, we pass the tequila back and forth and we got smashed.
We finish our burgers, it’s midnight, way past Ian’s bedtime.
“Come Aria bed” Ian stands me up and I am wobbly.
“Don’t fall sweetie” he stands and puts the dishes in the sink
“Hey where do you think you are going?” he is laughing as I am being serious.
“Come here sweetheart, you miss me already?
“Ian I want you to do that all over again”
“Which part” I stand hold out my hands to steady myself as if I am on a surf board, but I’m standing on the floor of my kitchen.
“All of it, minus the cards” he laughs as he reaches for me so I don’t fall down, he pulls me into his arms we are both naked, and drunk, stumbling and inebriated, I can barely see straight and I still want more.
“Aria I love you when you are like this”
“I love you when you—r like this” he kisses me and pulls me to him close skin against skin. Our warm bodies are aching for one another.
“So you like it rough?”
“I like it when you fuck me Ian”
“I love it when you are wet for me”
“Ian I want you to do that to me again” he laughs as I am slurring my speech, kisses me and we stumble.
“Ok but upstairs in bed not in the kit-chen”
“I don’t know if we can do the stairs”
“Do you want to take the elevator?”
We both start laughing so hard and I got a feeling I’m not good at standing anymore as I stumble and he pulls me into his arms.
“Do I have to carry you, up all the way, up the stairs to our bedroom?” ok he is drunk and running his words together.
“Ian I will take the stairs just watch” I walk past him as I hold onto the walls searching for handles that are not there.
Ian is laughing as he watches me falter and I almost fall but he is right next to me as he catches me in his arms and he walks me up the stairs, there are like a hundred steps, hundreds of these steps, I’m gonna get these cut down first thing tomorrow, no one needs this many steps in a house what was I crazy putting in all these steps!
We walk down this long, I mean this is a long hallway that is carpeted, but yet again no handles on the walls, it is longer then I remember and we make it to our bedroom door and I knock and we both listen with our ears to the door as we look at one another and start laughing again.
“I think it’s safe Ian lets go in” he opens the double doors as we stumble back, he hits his head with the door.
“Are you ok honey?”
“Aria tomorrow I am taking off these doors!”
“Yes good idea and I’m taking down some of those stairs, there are way too many of them, who needs that many stairs in a house?”
“Ok Aria tomorrow I will cut them down for you”
“Thank you Ian”
We both walk into our bedroom, naked, drunk, stumbling over one another as we hold onto one another, we almost fall but we have each other ,we make it to my side of the bed and he holds me.
“Ian we made it” I start cheering, he purse’s his lips to kiss me and I fall backwards onto the bed, “Where did you go?” Ian looks down.
“Oh there you are”
I am reaching for him as he grabs my legs and swings them on the bed and I am all over the place moving around.
“Ian come here I want you again”
“You want me again?”
“Yes again and again and again…” Ian shifts me over as he comes and lies next to me as I am mumbling to him as I am sprawled out on the bed.
“Tristan make me come”
“Aria WHAT DID YOU SAY?” I fall dead to the world as I pass out naked next to Ian.
Chapter 36
I Believe in you and me
June 28, 2012
I awake alone I look at the clock and it's after seven am I have a head ache, I need coffee and I need to pee. I grab my robe from the chair and knock on the bathroom door no answer I use the bathroom and wash my face as I wonder where is Ian and I hope he is ok he never drinks like this and on a school night jeez what were we thinking.
I go downstairs and Ian is in the kitchen, the cards are all picked up our clothes are all piled neatly on a chair and the kitchen is cleared of dishes and of course the tequila is put away.
“Hey there good morning Ian”
I walk over to him as he stands by the sink looking out the window over the backyard
I put my arms around him his back to my front
He walks out of my embrace
“I'M LATE I GOTTA GO” he is irritated and he is cold and distant
“Ian are you ok?”
“I gotta get going I'll see you later”
“Ian what's wrong! Please tell me?”
He looks at me and he has tears in his eyes, a feeling of worry overcomes me to where I start to shake
“Ian please you are scaring me what is going on?”
Again he says nothing and he looks at me, and in one swift move he grabs his briefcase and walks out. What the fuck!
I chase after him
“Ian for goodness sake please tell me what’s wrong?”
He doesn't acknowledge my existence and he gets in his car and takes off.
Oh my gawd what the fuck just happened here?
A chill runs through me as I sense something is terribly horrible wrong I call Ian and he doesn't answer his cell.
I have to find out what's going on I mean last night we had the best time ever. And now he is giving me the cold-shoulder .
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It’s Thursday and I am going to do my confession before my wedding, if I am still getting married, three phone calls to Ian and no answer this is just not right.
A word about confession it is something I feel strongly about and I don’t want to start our marriage with my infidelities, my somber mood, or my wayward thoughts.
I get dressed for work at nine and then I head down to St. Pats Church to rectify what I have done and what I have failed to do.
I take a seat in the pew with the stain glass window of Mary Magdalene, on bended knee; it has been our family pew for years, yeah go figure. I sit and pray that I can make a proper confession; an honest and forth right confession and make a mends to my life. I am joined by an elderly lady in a scarf who is a few rows ahead of me in a pew, another elderly lady with a lace shall around her head comes out of the confessional and takes a seat in a pew in the distance. Well I guess I’m up next.
Bless me Father for I have sinned…
This is between me, God and my priest so please forgive me if I don’t explain or go into detail about what happens. Father Bogart has always said God answers knee mail.
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After my confession I follow suit, I return to my pew and begin my penance, I am tearful and I am full of emotions, I’m happy that I’m blessed with my faith, I think as Christians and Jews as well as Muslims we should all feel that we are blessed to be witnesses of our faith.
I have my head down, Father Bogart taps me on the shoulder,
“Come feed the birds with me” I’m more than happy to oblige, Father Bogart and I go way back, whenever something was bothering me he and I would go and feed the birds he has always been the one to make me see things clearer and accept them as they are the serenity prayers comes to mind”
‘God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference’
We head towards the front of the church and I make the sign of the cross as I dip my fingers in the holy water and look at the Holy Mary statue that my dad said when they were kids their pennies paid for back in the 1930’s .We walk out th
e side oak door of the church to the church grounds.
“Aria I still remember how you and Sister Jean use to bake the bread for holy-communion when you were a little girl and now here we are planning the rest of your life”
We go for a walk around the church grounds, the statues, the grotto, the birdbath we park ourselves beneath the huge cherry tree and cut bread into little pieces and toss them into the distance. The birds gather one by one, as they feast, Father Bogart and I have one of our famous chats.
“Aria tell me? what ponders you?”
“Father Bogart some days I think I am so overwhelmed by the whole process”
“Try not to lose the true meaning of what is happening, it is a sacrament in your faithful journey”
“I guess that is it, I am so caught up in the whole process that I am losing sight of what is really important”
“Well this may seem to be a wayward question but what is really important to you?”
“I don’t know anymore, Ian is a fine man, he is good to me, we have known one another for half our lives” I’m sure it will be a great marriage.” I sit and toss the bread before us.
“I can’t tell you how many couples get caught up in the materialism of the event, I’m sure that what you are feeling is due to what you confessed”
Father Bogart hit that it right on the head, his statement stops me dead in my tracks, I’m plagued by nervous knots and doubt! I am troubled that my choices of what I want, what I settled for and what means the most to me are not in direct compliance with what makes a catholic marriage and honors the sacrament that we are entering into.
“Do you want for anything more Aria?”
“That is another question that lingers in my mind.”
“Aria you have always been the constant, work, school, your family, you have always made your decision with God; you must make sure that what you are entering into is based on God.”
Again issues that make me question my choices.
“Oh Father Bogart, I have been tempted, and I have sought out and I am succumbed”
“Aria God forgives you; don’t you think you should forgive yourself? It will take time, patience and prayer. And remember, “no one got drunk on the word wine; you have to experience it, just like life.”
“ Father Bogart I can always trust you to put my life’s pondering questions in an analogy I can relate to!”
He smiles and breaks off the last pieces of bread and flings it for the birds.
“Aria just remember this life we have here on earth is such a small part of our whole existence, we are here for such a short time, just make sure that the one you pick is who you want to spend all of your existence with, this is boot camp in preparation for the hereafter”
A tear falls from my cheek and Father Bogart grasp my hands, come I think coffee might be in order.
I gladly follow Father Bogart into the rectory and we share a cup of coffee and some paska bread that I made for us this morning, it’s a yellow eggy sweet bread made with raisins and nuts and we spend the morning going over the family and the grand kids and then Father Bogart has mass at noon and I have to get to the store.
Father Bogart has such a special place in my heart, when my mom was sick he would come and see her and give her the blessing of the sick with the holy oils, he jokes and says she needs an oil change, till this day he still does it after mass. I am blessed with my faith, I am blessed in this day and age to have the same priest this long at our parish, and he has made me see that the love of a good man is a blessed union. Now that my head is in the right direction I just gotta get my heart on board. She is always getting me in trouble and it is usually with Tristan Bach.
-------<>-------
First things first I check my phone no messages from Ian, I call him and leave him a stern message
“Ian I don’t know what I did, please let me know, you are mad at me about something please meet me at the store this evening”
There I sound serious and stern and he has had all day to stew.
I get to the store Oliver is busy with fittings and some new clients are interested in full wardrobes which consist of three suits that mix and match, we include five shirts in three different styles and a full tuxedo with all the studs, cumber bun and cufflinks and two vest, in colors of their choice, four ties of their choice, and two cable-knit sweaters, all for the reasonable price of course. All wardrobes are done in two weeks or less and all are up to you for color, combination and fabric. I had one customer asked if the tux came with a date, and I informed we are not in that type of business.
I have to say most of our clients love the whole package.
We get everything that needs to be done finished and we get a chance to sit for a moment at six pm Oliver is having a dinner this evening with his family who are here visiting so he is out the door at six after I dress him and tie his tie.
He walks out and I hear him in the back ground
“Oh hello there she is right over there having a drink”
I get all flustered and excited I hope it is Ian, I pray it is Ian, it has to be Ian…
I look around the corner at the new fall suits and around the corner is Ian, our eyes lock and I am frozen to the spot I am in.
He has a very somber look on his face he is wearing his graphite suit white shirt and silver grey tie, his dark hair is disheveled probably from him running his hands through it all day, his chiseled jaw is stern and he is not giving anything away.
“Ian can I get you a drink…coffee?”
“I’ll have what you’re having” he comes and takes a seat at the bar as I make him a stoli on ice.
“Ian please tell me what is going on?” he throws back his drink and looks at me
“How could you Aria?” I am shocked what is he talking about is it Tristan and what I did is all of this finally coming to a grinding halt?
“Ian I have no idea what you are talking about, is it something I did? Is this about last night? Are you made at what happened last night?” I take a sip of my drink and he is fuming at me as he fills his old fashion glass again and turns it up yet again. I guess I’m not the only one who needs courage in a glass.
“Ian you are scaring me”
“Well now you know how I feel when you pull your shit on me!” he is mad and angry with me at least now after sulking all day he has organized his thoughts and ironed out what to say to me.
“Ian please talk to me please!” I look at him as tears well up in my eyes
“You know what Aria I use to think that only an animal would make a girl like you cry and then I got to witness how harsh and brass you can be” he looks at me and he is hurt, obviously I have done something, he is beyond reproach he is disgusted with me, like he is at his wits end.
I walk around to him and stand in front of him
“Ian do you want to hit me go ahead I know I more than deserve it, I have cheated on you , I have behaved like a whore and I went to confession today and I still feel like shit so if you want to take out your anger on me you have every right too I am sorry for what I did, I love you I want you and I had a long talk with Father Bogart after my confession and he said that I can never lose sight of you, of us, Ian I am sorry for cheating on you, you’re a good man and you deserve better than me, you always have, maybe that is why I never pursued you I always thought you were too good for me” Ian shifts and he looks at me as I slip on the high boy next to him we face each other.
“Ian please talk to me” he looks at me and he holds my face and searches my face for something anything I don’t know a tear falls down my cheek.
“Aria I never thought I was too good for you, I just started thinking what is it that he has that I don’t?” my tears are now free flowing as he lets me go and I now know what this is all about.
“Ian it was never about you”
“I wish that were true”
“Ian you have to believe me when I say this, I love you”
“I believe you… tha
t is not the issue”
“Ian please tell me or this wedding is off and by that I mean I will grab you and my dress and we can get married tonight in Vegas” he looks at me as he lets out his held breath
“Aria I want you to want me the way I want you”
“I thought we were doing great last night”
“Aria I need to know that you want me Ian Bollinger and that you are done with Bach”
“So this is what this is all about? Well let me put your mind at ease dear professor, Bach has moved on from me, he has bought a wedding ring from Tiffany’s and is probably engaged as we speak”
Ian’s face lights up and he is whipping the tears from his dear face.
“What, how do you know this?”
“Mark who works at Tiffany’s said he came in and purchased a wedding ring told him he is getting married”
“I see”
“Ian the truth is I was a receptacle, a convenience really, nothing more, he never wanted me the way you want me” on my words as tears prick my eyes he pulls me in his arms and kisses me
“I don’t deserve you, you loves me so much”
“Those words hurt me Aria please you have always been all deserving”
“Ian this isn’t about self-deprecating I just need you to understand I’m yours”
“Oh Aria I love you so much and I want us to work, I want you to give me the opportunity to make you happy” I show him my engagement ring.
“You already made me yours the day you put this on my finger”
“I love you so much Aria I always have, I always will”
“Fine, I was serious let’s get married today I finished my dress” he holds me to him and I calm down as I sense his apprehension leave his body as he relaxes.
“I would love to run off with you but Saturday we make it legal”
“Ok Saturday we make it legal, you will be mine and I will be yours” I kiss him and hold him in my arms as my last tear falls onto his cheek. He deepens the kiss by tantalizing my tongue with his as he taste and sees how much I have missed him all day.
A Wedding Affair (The Wedding Affair) Page 47