“No, Parker. It’s ironic.” Jack’s words carried a hard, cutting edge. I felt the dream around us shift. Mom was waking up. “So ironic—because you’ve known a Builder almost your entire life and you don’t even know it.”
chapter ten
I woke to the sun peeking past my curtains. From the pale tint, I could tell that it was still fairly early. My clock read eight a.m. and I groaned. I always tried to sleep in later than this on weekends. I didn’t always wake up when my Dreamer did; mostly I’d just shift into my void, or, as Jack called it, the Hollow. But for some reason when Mom woke up that morning, so did I. Jack was still out cold in his sleeping bag.
What did he mean, I’d known a Builder almost my whole life?
Tossing my blankets off, I put my feet on the floor, then casually reached out and nudged Jack with my toes. He didn’t even twitch. I pushed him a little harder and he rolled from his side onto his stomach, but still didn’t wake up. I yawned, stretched, and shuffled to the bathroom. If he didn’t wake up by the time I got back, I’d try again.
I looked in the mirror above the sink as I washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face. I leaned in for a closer look. Lately, I’d started to look more normal. The dark circles under my eyes had lightened, although this week they’d started getting darker again. My right eye was less swollen than it was yesterday, even though the entire eyelid—top and bottom—was now an angry purple bruise. My cheeks, beneath the healing asphalt scratches, were fleshed out a bit.
More than once over the last couple of months, Addie had said I was “starting to look human.” I figured she might not feel the same way when she saw me now.
Their flight back from Florida was supposed to land by noon, and knowing my friends, they’d head over here as soon as they got home. I was glad. Judging by the last few days, my life tended to fall apart when they weren’t around.
Leaning back from the mirror, I jumped when I saw Darkness standing behind me.
“Stop doing that,” I snapped.
He smiled as I turned to face him, but once again it didn’t reach all the way to his eyes. “What else am I supposed to do?”
“Go away.”
“Why don’t you?” His smile fell away and his gaze was icier than an early morning in January. “We’ve both always been here. Why do I have to disappear and you get to stay?”
I opened my mouth … then closed it again. I didn’t know how to respond to that question.
“That’s what I thought.” He smirked and leaned against the wall again. “I’m not going anywhere.”
“You are evil, and I’ll keep fighting you. I won’t let you have control again.”
His voice mocked me. “Right and wrong, evil and good. Not everything is so easily defined. You don’t have a clue what this is like for me. I’m not as simple as you think.”
“Complex or not, every time you have any bit of power everything goes horribly wrong. That ends now.” I spit out the words before walking out and leaving him in the bathroom.
“Maybe I need to let you see exactly what it’s like to be me.”
His words made me spin back around, but he was already gone again.
Stepping over Jack’s still sleeping form, I went back to my bed. I reached over onto the desk, grabbed my phone, and re-read Mia’s text:
Had a bad nightmare last night. Miss you more than I thought I would. We should talk when I get back.
What did she want to talk about? I hoped “Miss you more than I thought I would” had just came out wrong. I figured that in a few hours, I’d find out. Instead of replying, I sent a new text to all three of them:
Some stuff happened yesterday and Jack is back. Come to my house as soon as you can.
I didn’t really want to get into any more detail right then. Would telling them about the Takers just scare them? But if one of them knew something about that Cooper guy, that could help. Could I tell them I’d ended up in jail? Addie was the only one who knew about Darkness. Could I tell the others? Tell them I wasn’t always myself …
Tell them I’d killed Dr. Freeburg?
Picking up a glass of water from my nightstand, I dipped my fingers in it and stood over Jack. I shook a few drips onto his neck and face. He gasped and bolted straight up, wild eyes blinking fast and holding both hands above his head.
“What? Wh—what?” he sputtered, and I would have made fun of him if he hadn’t looked so terrified.
“It’s just a few drops of water.” I kept my voice low, not sure if I’d just heard my mom in the kitchen or not. “Calm down.”
Jack took a deep breath, but I think he was trying to burn a hole through my forehead with his eyes. “I’ve lived half my life in the desert. A couple of drops could lead to a flash flood in minutes. Not so funny.”
“Okay, okay … I’m sorry.”
In the silence that followed, Jack lay back down on his pillow and stretched. “That’s something you’ll have to learn to avoid. Getting too attached to the Dreamer.”
“What do you mean?”
“You woke up when your mom did because in your head somewhere, you doubted what we did in that dream. You convinced her that everything was okay, but now you need to believe it yourself. We didn’t hurt her. She isn’t at risk because of what we did. If you can’t stop worrying and separate yourself from Dreamers, you run the risk of undoing all or part of the things you said to her. She could forget the stuff you said about the drug suspicions, she could forget that you told her not to remember you, or she could forget everything.”
“Okay, Obi-Wan. I’ll try not to doubt myself.” I scratched my elbow. “So who is it?”
“What?” He tilted his head to look at me.
“Who is the Builder you said I know?”
“Oh.” He closed his eyes and relaxed back into the pillow before finally answering. “It’s Addie.”
I watched him for a minute, waiting for the joke … the punch line that had to follow. Addie couldn’t be a Builder. It made no sense. I shook my head. “No, she tried to control her dreams once, back before the fire. She couldn’t do it. Not enough for me to sleep.”
“You’re kidding.” Jack didn’t open his eyes, but a sarcastic smirk snuck across his face. “A Builder with no training couldn’t control her dreams? That’s unbelievable.”
“I’ve seen her dreams. There wasn’t anything obvious. How can you tell?” Jack was really rubbing me the wrong way, and I’d spent less than twenty-four hours with him.
“It isn’t very easy to tell, but it has to do with her amount of control. She can change dreams when she wants to. She doesn’t get stuck in nightmares like normal people would.” Jack spoke with absolute certainty, but was frowning when he continued. “I knew for sure when I watched a nightmare she had about Finn dying, and by choice turned it into a memory of them having a snowball fight. Normal people can’t do that.”
“Yeah, I’ve noticed she has more control … I just didn’t realize what it meant.” I picked up my running shoes and grabbed some socks from my drawer. If Addie was a Builder … an entire wonderful future seemed to open up before me, but I closed it before I could consider taking even the first step. There was a lot to consider here. I wanted to be with Addie because of who she was … not what she could do for me. I shouldn’t get ahead of myself. “So how does she learn, then?”
“I’ll teach her.” A small smile curved up the corner of Jack’s mouth, but it disappeared when he opened his eyes and found me glaring at him.
“How?” I asked, even though I knew what the obvious answer was. I hoped I was wrong. Jealousy flared inside me at the idea of Jack spending time with Addie in her dreams.
“The same way I taught you.” Jack stared straight back at me and I could almost believe he didn’t notice that this bothered me. “I’ll start tonight.”
But then that damn smile popped up at the corner of his mouth again.
“Don’t you have a Builder already?”
“Yes, but Libby is shared
between several of us … ” He let the insinuation hang in the air.
My voice came out more like a growl than I’d intended. “Why don’t you go back to your Builder and let Addie practice on her own?”
He lowered his chin and frowned. “Because being left on your own worked so well for you?”
My hands clenched into fists at my sides as I struggled to control my rising anger. “But … don’t you have more to teach me?”
“No. For right now, you should focus on practicing what I’ve taught you so far.” Jack sat up. “Mia should be the perfect person to practice on. Plus, you can catch up a bit on whatever form of sleep she offers you.”
Every word out of his mouth was making me angrier: Jack spending time in Addie’s dreams, acting like Mia was some sort of lesser person just because she wasn’t a Night Walker. I tugged my shoes on harder than necessary and threw on a sweatjacket. “I’m going for a run.”
As I grabbed the door handle, I heard Jack’s voice behind me. “Try not to bump into any Takers this time.”
“I’d probably prefer them to you,” I muttered as I pulled my bedroom door shut and walked to the kitchen. Mom sat with her coffee at the kitchen table. I stared at it, wondering if her desire for it this morning might go back to what I’d said to her in her dream last night. I didn’t like the idea of controlling people that way. I’d have to be very careful with my newfound power.
“Good morning, honey.” Mom smiled and looked down at my shoes. “Going for a run?”
“Yeah … ” I thought for a moment before asking the question on my mind. “How did you sleep last night?”
“Pretty well, I think.” She took another sip and then gave me a knowing look. “Don’t worry. I haven’t had any more middle-of-the-night breakdowns.”
I winced at the memory of her sobbing on the beach. She didn’t remember any breakdowns, anyway. I tried to cover it with a grin. “That makes two of us.”
“Good. Oh, I was wondering, I had a few appointments added to my schedule this morning. Could you run a few errands for me when you’re done?” She handed me a paper with a list scribbled on it. “Pretty please?”
“Sure, Mom.” Stuffing it in my pocket, I jogged out the front door into the still-cool morning air.
chapter eleven
Between running like my life depended on it for an hour straight, then hopping in my car and doing the errands Mom gave me, it was after noon by the time I got home. Finn’s text had said they were on their way over, but I wasn’t sure if he’d texted from his house or the airport. Either way, they would probably beat me to my house.
I was caked in dried sweat and starving by the time I turned back onto my street. The only thing that could make me smile at that point was sitting parked at the curb in front of my house—Mia’s purple pick-up truck.
I parked in the garage. When I climbed out of my car, I heard something that made me stop and listen. Even from out here, the sound of Addie’s laugh made me smile. It had been a long time since I’d heard her laugh like that. It sounded like some time with Mickey might have helped a few things after all.
“I’m not kidding. This is really the cheese.”
I stood in the doorway for a few extra seconds … there was no way I’d heard that right.
Pushing the door open silently, I walked the few steps toward the kitchen and peeked around the corner. I saw Finn first. He sat at the counter, his face scrunched up as he stared at the television set. It was tuned to the news. My stomach dropped as I caught the tail end of a piece about a couple more people who had been reported missing. Then it moved on to a story about some guy who’d pled innocent to charges of killing a complete stranger. There was something about the smug smile on the district attorney’s face that told me he felt like he’d won his case already.
Now that I knew what Takers could do, I couldn’t help but wonder how much of this might be caused by Cooper or others like him. And what they might do next.
Mia sat next to Finn, biting her lip as she twisted back and forth on her barstool. The movement snapped me out of my dark train of thought. “I’m still confused, Jack,” she was saying. “You’re here because you’re helping Parker now? Since when? And when will he be back?”
“It’s kind of complicated. I think he’d rather tell you, but he should be back soon.” Jack’s voice came from around the corner, and I moved one step closer so I could see him.
He was standing with Addie over a box of mac and cheese. He’d cleaned up and was wearing a dark red shirt, his brown hair smoothed back out of his face. He was standing way closer to her than I wanted him to. Darkness flared inside me, and it took everything in me to hold still and not let loose. I took a deep breath and counted: 1–2–3.
Mia froze on her stool, and when I glanced at her, she grinned and hopped to her feet. “Parker!”
She jogged across the space in an instant and threw her arms around me. It was unexpected and jarring. Not that she’d never hugged me or anything; she’d gotten more and more comfortable over the months that I’d been sharing her dreams. But something about it felt different after reading the text sent from her phone—and I didn’t know if it was her or me that was causing it.
“Hi, Mia.” I started to extract myself from her arms, suddenly aware I hadn’t taken a shower yet, but then Finn stood up and I saw his shirt: The Voices in My Head are Telling Me to Kill You.
For once, it was just too much. The visuals I’d been avoiding all day pelted me from all directions: Dr. Freeburg’s dream, his body, the bloody paperweight I’d swung at his head, the unity I’d felt with Darkness at that moment … then that same wholeness when I’d gone after Jack. I knew now that I’d killed Freeburg. I had no proof—there was none—but I was sure all the same.
My skin felt hot and icy cold and I stood, staring, with Mia hugging me and everyone’s eyes on me. Finn’s expression was oddly blank. Addie’s mouth dropped open in a cute little “o” of surprise that warmed me a bit in spite of all the other emotions fighting for control.
“Wow, what happened to your eye?” Mia asked, but I didn’t want to get into all that until I’d taken a minute to calm down.
“I see you all got acquainted.” My voice was soft and flat.
When I saw Jack step forward and place a hand on Addie’s shoulder, I felt that familiar fury bubbling inside and knew I had to get away—I had to calm down. Right now, before I ended up hurting someone else.
Grabbing Mia’s hands, I pushed them firmly down to her sides. She took a quick step back in surprise.
“Sorry, guys. Just finished my run, need to grab a quick shower.” I backed down the hall toward my room. “Be right back.”
Instead of my familiar routine of a cold shower to keep me awake, I turned the water as hot as I could stand it and leaned my head against the tile, letting the steaming water run over my shoulders and down my back. Everything in my world felt changed since my friends had left a week ago. I wasn’t even sure where to start.
Darkness still growled low and dark in a corner of my mind. Something primal in him had reacted to seeing Jack touch Addie. He had a jealous streak, but now, knowing Addie was a Builder and could help me, his need for her was stronger than ever. I felt it to my bones, and half of me wanted to let him loose. It might feel good to teach Jack a lesson. But I still needed Jack’s help.
More than that, I knew Addie. She’d be less than impressed … in fact, there was a good chance she’d never talk to me again for doing something to Jack. And I would deserve it.
“Shut up.” My whisper was impossible to hear over the water pounding down on me. “Your instincts are not going to help here.”
Darkness growled louder for a moment, then said, “Fine.” And my head was silent for the first time all day.
I was so shocked I sat there, waiting for one minute—two. Then I grabbed the soap and scrubbed my body, getting out every inch of frustration and resentment Darkness had left in his wake. I didn’t know how long he�
�d be gone … but I wasn’t going to waste the time.
I hurried out and got dressed in five minutes flat. As I came back into the kitchen and plastered a large, happy smile on my face, my hair was still dripping down the back of my neck.
“Welcome back!” I went to where Mia sat on her barstool first, feeling bad about the way I’d pushed her away before, and gave her a quick squeeze. “Hopefully I smell better this time.”
She laughed and I knew all was forgiven. “Thank God.”
I walked around her to Finn. His smile was back …
although something seemed off behind his eyes. I clapped him on the back in one of our customary man-hugs.
Then, putting on my best fake-mobster accent like we’d done for an entire evening the last time we’d watched The Godfather, I said, “Did Mickey take care of yous all like he promised?”
Finn’s smile blossomed into a full-on grin. “Well, he didn’t make us swim with the fishes like yous was afraid of.”
“Oh please, not this again.” Addie laughed behind me.
I turned toward the other side of the kitchen island where she was scooping mac and cheese into bowls with Jack hovering directly behind her. I took all my frustration and ignored him, focusing on her. She smiled wider than I’d seen in a long time. At least Disney World seemed to have done the trick for her. In that case, everything I’d gone through this week was completely worth it.
Walking around the counter, I wrapped her in a tight hug and lifted her off the floor. “Don’t yous dames give us no lip, ya hear?”
She giggled right into my ear and my heart thudded so loud and hard against my chest I swear she had to be able to feel it. It was an incredible feeling, knowing I still had the ability to make her happy like that. I needed to do it more often.
Making them happy made me happy. I didn’t know where I’d lost sight of that, but I felt so much better in that instant than I’d felt in a long time. It made one truth suddenly, stunningly clear. I’d been doing everything wrong. I needed to do everything I was doing in this moment more often. Be with my friends, make them happy, and hug Addie.
[Night Walkers 02] - Paranoia (2014) Page 9