My Boyfriend is a Monster

by Coates, J. H.

  Keeping her mouth shut and not revealing how much of a tea snob she actually was, she was also impressed he didn’t even swirl the tea for that one last gulp.

  Standing up he noticed that she went from being cute when he sat down to absolutely beautiful as he was leaving. Watching her clean he did not want to appear creepy by just standing there watching and thought he should make his exit. “Thank you Miss Lily, it was an experience.”

  “That’s me, an experience,” she said wishing she could take it back. Not knowing how many of those “Epic Fails” she had today, she was sure it was a record.

  Smiling he put a bill on the table. “That is for the tea.”

  “Whoa, tell me you want change?”

  “For the perfect tea,” he said correcting his intention.

  “We nailed it?”

  “You nailed it,” he said graciously heading towards the counter.

  Attempting to ring up Nathan’s tea since he was already standing there and Todd continued to gossip with the ladies at the table, Martin eventually figured it out. “Four dollars my friend.”

  “And the two ladies that were ahead of me earlier,” he reminded him.

  “Right,” Martin remembered. Deciding to do the math in his head instead at attempting the register he eventually decided it too was taking too long. “Let’s say an even ten.”

  “More than fair,” he said throwing some change in the tip jar.

  Noticing that Nathan was leaving Todd paused the table he was entertaining and leaned back in his chair. “I’ll be over this week Mr. Caesar and remember, you said I can touch it,” he said beginning to laugh and returning to the table to explain his joke.

  Then from behind him he heard, “Hey Mr. Caesar.” Nathan turned around as Lily continued. “You never answered me about your name.”

  “Am I related to the original Caesar?”

  Smiling she waited for him to reply.

  “As a matter of fact, I am,” he said taking his sunglasses from his pocket and putting them on.

  “Really?” she asked thinking that maybe they should have been talking about this instead of tea or confessions from Todd.

  Walking out the door and before it shut he replied. “Really.” And then he was passed the window and gone.

  Heading down the street he felt pretty proud of himself. Now that was suave, he thought. Or was that just totally nerdy? Deciding not to overthink it he decided for now, he made a cool exit.

  CHAPTER 6

  ONE: The Bump In

  Lily could never bring herself to jog. She wanted to, she really did but she just couldn’t do it. She tried a treadmill but the thought of just running in one spot going nowhere made her mad. Once she even tried to give herself a goal like making it to a store. If she could accomplish this feat she would allow herself to buy something from that store. But soon into her jog she found herself arriving at that store, on a bus and buying something anyways. She usually threw in a cinnamon bun for trying. Did it make sense? No, but to her, neither did jogging.

  So she walked.

  She walked everywhere and she loved it. She could actually keep a pace and carry a conversation if she was walking with someone. She could enjoy the cities beauty and ignore the not so beautiful. Especially in her neighborhood and bumping into everyone she knew, she could trade gossip or talk about the latest episodes of whatever she watched (which being single was a lot).

  Walking briskly down the street on a beautiful early morning she noticed the sky was already sprouting big fluffy white clouds and the sun was shining. There was enough of a breeze to make it brisk while overhead the sun shined its warmth to make it comfortable. Feeling like she forgot something she started to slow down since she wasn’t too far from home and could go back if need be. Slowing down and finally stopping she couldn’t shake the nagging feeling that she forgot something.

  She had earphones running from her phone to her ears so it wasn’t that. Believe it or not she checked her feet since one time she actually went for a long walk and forgot to put her sneakers on. Checking her pockets she felt her chap stick and juicy fruit as well as some change in case she walked to far – which happened 5 weeks ago when she walked all the way to W. Blackhawk St (this ticked her off since she realized she practically walked right past the Chicago Fire Department and didn’t even take in any of the scenery).

  She was wearing her hat and sun glasses and she obviously dressed herself correctly since there were no awkward stares or pointers. Giving her leg a quick shake she could feel her e-book was in her pant leg along with her keys. She couldn’t put her finger on it but she was positive she was forgetting something and began searching vigorously like she just got busted - by herself.

  Patting down her arms and legs not knowing what she was looking for Lily did not realize she was turning back and forth in little half circles and getting closer to the busy street. Left then right then left again looking like she was about to break out in dance if you were watching her from a distance but up close you could see the confusion on her face and she looked more like she was going to yell out “The dingo’s took my baby”.

  Money for a new top!

  It popped in her head like a light bulb as she looked up in triumph. Barreling down on her with the screeching strain of brakes being pushed to their limits was the deafening sound of a horn. It even over powered her late 90’s pop in her ears, she froze. She wondered what that smell was as smoke billowed from the ripping of tires on pavement, then thought of only one thing, the attractive new customer named Nathan Caesar. Suddenly realizing that she was about to be hit she waited for her life to pass before her eyes. Then Lily thought it had better hurry up and braced herself.

  Feeling a strong yanking sensation Lily was lifted from her feet and pulled to the sidewalk by some magical force. The impending explosion of her body did not happen as the screaming bus flew by. Following closely behind was blue tinted clouds of smoke and a smell of burning rubber that made her want to gag.

  “I would’ve died,” she whispered to herself while turning around. “I would’ve splattered on the window of that bus,” she told the stranger hoping they knew who saved her. “I mean, the morning commuters would have been screaming at the sight of me sprawled out on the windshield. My arms and legs spread wide and my tongue just hanging out,” she babbled on. Then she heard herself say it. “Like the movies.” But she didn’t think of anything to warrant the comment. What was like the movies? She asked herself. Smelling the pungent whiff of burning rubber and seeing the smoke drift around her she repeated it. “Like the movies.”

  Everything sounded hallow and distant. She felt disconnected. And when she turned her head or moved her arms she felt like she was in a dream.

  “Are you alright?” a voice asked calling out from somewhere.

  Looking around for the person who might not be alright Lily started to panic when she couldn’t find the person who wasn’t alright. Pulling out her cell phone she wanted to call the police or an ambulance but was aghast she could not remember the number.

  “Are you alright?” the voice asked again. But this time she felt a tug on her shoulder. Turning around she saw the most beautiful man she had ever seen. She was captured by his eyes and drawn to his lips and started to go in for a test drive with them until he politely stopped her.

  “Lily, are you okay?” Nathan asked.

  “You’re beautiful,” she replied trying to touch his face.

  Grabbing her hand gently he looked her over to see if she was hurt.

  The bus door opened and an elderly gentleman came running down the little stairs and seemed to look around the front of the bus, maybe for some splatter residue. Turning towards her and Nathan he let his relief make way for his anger. “Goddammit Lily,” he yelled. Throwing his hat from one hand to the other he expanded with a little exaggeration. “Gave me a goddamn heart attack.” Holding his chest the bus driver took a deep breath then started to slowly make his way over.

  Rea
lizing the driver obviously knew her Nathan winced when he got to them.

  “What were you thinking girl?” the driver asked giving her the once over a couple times to make sure she was okay.

  Realizing how beautiful he was she reminded herself that he was very attractive yesterday. And she was already hoping to further their nonexistent relationship in something more existent. But when a man saves your life . . . Boy do they become hot, she thought surrendering to her lust.

  Turning to Nathan the bus driver asked, “What’s wrong with her?”

  He just shrugged. “Shock I suppose,” he said as Lily let him hold her in his arms gazing back at him.

  Looking her over the driver snapped his fingers in front of her eyes but they never turned away from Nathan. “Jesus Christ, did I clip her?” he inquired, frightened that her state might be permanent.

  “No . . . I think it’s just shock,” Nathan said. Reading the bus drivers name tag he tried to calm him as well. “I wouldn’t worry too much Hank.”

  Giving Nathan a quizzical look he wondered how this stranger knew his name.

  “Your name tag Hank, I read your name tag,” he said reassuring Hank the bus driver there was no black magic at work.

  “Oh Yeah right,” he replied. “Sorry, guess I’m a little rattled too.”

  Filling the air with sounds of approaching sirens the first was Chicago’s finest. Then the ambulance pursued them and shortly followed by the kid popular fire engines. Little pockets of people had started to form around the bus trying to decipher the extent of the current disaster. Looking onward for some it was a relief and to others a bit of a disappointment since there didn’t seem to be any horror or gore to tag and upload.

  “Lily,” Nathan yelled directly to no avail. Flattered by her shock induced infatuation he was starting to feel the eyes of amateur sleuth’s piecing together what happened. “Lily,” he called again giving her a bit of a shake.

  “I think you have to smack her across the face,” Hank said giving his two cents. “You know, to shock her back,” he added just in case anyone was thinking there wasn’t any science involved in his suggestion.

  “I think that’s hysteria, and I’m not slapping her.”

  “You just gonna let her stare at you like that?”

  “She’ll snap out of it,” he said giving her another shake.

  “Well you want a coffee or something while were waiting?” Hank asked with a little more dry audaciousness.

  Stopping himself from laughing Nathan decided he liked Hank the Bus Driver. “Lily, hey Lily,” he called again. Being on this earth for over two hundred years and learning almost nothing medical he made a mental note to start. Reading thousands upon thousands of books and recalling a ton with instances where a slap procedure was performed and adding in the amount of movies it seemed to work in, he was leaning towards slapping her, lightly of course. Or should he?

  Deciding to help, Hank yelled at her directly. “LILY.” Turning to Nathan he pressed the slapping suggestion again by way of sarcasm. “You going to wipe the drool from her mouth while the police interrogate this vegetable?”

  “You slap her then,” Nathan said holding her out a bit so Hank could get a good enough aim.

  Hank looked at her and then at Nathan. “I’m not going to beat on no defenseless women.”

  “Come on Lily,” he said giving her a couple of light taps on the cheek.

  “Why is he hitting that lady,” a voice from one of the bigger crowds shouted out.

  Nathan turned to Hank. “Really?”

  “Somebody should stop him,” another voice cried out.

  Nathan just stared at Hank who decided to help and turned to the crowd. “This woman is in shock Goddammit.”

  Hearing the crowd just murmur with disapproval he decided to help again. “Fuck you people, and mind your business.” Leaning back he gave “a job well done” look, for himself.

  “Thanks Hank.”

  “No problem.”

  Turning back to Lily Nathan noticed a more present look in her face. “Hey.”

  “I didn’t die?” she asked.

  “Nope, you wondered out into the middle of the street, in front of a moving bus but-”

  “You pulled me back.”

  Nathan smiled. “I was in the neighborhood.”

  Smiling back Lily started to slip back into the same gaze until Hank cleared his throat.

  Turning her head she was surprised. “Hank.”

  “Lily,” he said almost formally.

  “You almost killed me,” she remembered.

  “Well. . .” Hank thought for a moment but couldn’t come up with any evidence or excuse to discredit her accusation. “Ayuh, I guess I did,” he said and paused, then offered a sympathetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

  Smiling back she shook her head. “Sorry I stepped in front of you.”

  “Scarred the shit out of me,” Hank admitted.

  “Me too,” she laughed.

  Pulling up behind the bus Nathan knew the ambulance and fire engine weren’t far behind. He wanted to bump in to Lily this morning but not quite like this. He was thinking of a more “Hey what are you doing here, let’s get some coffee” kind of bump in. Not the “Hey look at me I just saved your life” kind. Seeing how she was looking at him made him realize that he could not have planned it any better if he tried . . . and he did.

  TWO: 15 Minutes Earlier

  Walking down the street Nathan saw Ms. Johnson coming up the street with a lonely grocery bag in her arm greeting him with a giant smile.

  “Well good morning Nathan,” she said stopping.

  Nathan was a little pressed for time but could spare a few minutes for Ms. Johnson. “Good Morning Florida, can I give you a hand?”

  “Just some vegetables I needed,” she said holding her hand up to block her mouth and whispered. “Maybe some fudge too, but you hush about that,” she laughed. “Where you off too today?”

  “Just out for a walk,” he said almost guilty.

  “Going to get a tea?”

  “Nope,” he said a little too quickly.

  “That’s good,” Florida said with a hint of suspicion.

  This threw Nathan off a bit. “Why would that be good?”

  “She ain’t working today.”

  Suddenly he felt like a kid again. Sometimes it was hinted that he was guilty, but not coming right out and accusing. Nathan decided to play dumb. “What, do you mean?”

  “Lily ain’t working today,” she repeated.

  He wasn’t sure how she knew but she did. Thinking it was best to still play dumb he continued the ruse. “That’s good because I wasn’t going for a tea anyways.”

  “I know honey.”

  “You know what?”

  “I know you’re not going for a tea.”

  “Good. Because I’m not,” he repeated.

  “You’re going for a walk,” she confirmed, if that’s what he wanted to hear.

  “Yup,” he said with a little less confidence.

  “The old bump in.”

  Deciding he was coming off dumber than he wanted too Nathan decided to fess up and find out what power of perception or telepathy this mere mortal had. “How did you know?”

  “Oh please, I was in the coffee shop last Tuesday when Martin told you that Lily wasn’t there. I knew you had a little crush on her by how disappointed you looked. Then he told you every Tuesday and Thursday she works half days and goes for her walks. And today is Tuesday.”

  “Nice deduction, maybe I really wanted a tea,” he challenged.

  “Honey there are lots of things people can live without, love is not one of them.”

  “A bit presumptuous,” Nathan said thinking she may be getting a little ahead of the game.

  “I was also there Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. I was there Saturday, Sunday and even though she had Monday off, you popped in just in case.” She began to laugh. “I saw how you looked at her when she wasn’t looking. Tha
t’s a little more than a crush. Besides, this fine women in front of you was the victim of a, bump in.”

  “And how did that go?”

  “Thirty seven years of wonderful marriage,” Florida admitted.

  He smiled then remembered. “I thought you said you were married for forty five years.”

  “I was. Thirty seven of them were wonderful,” she chuckled. “Now go on or you’re going to miss her.”

  “Have a wonderful day Florida,” Nathan yelled already jogging down the sidewalk.

  “Good luck sweetie.”

  Waving back at her he crossed the street and out of sight. Ducking down an alley and checking to make sure no one was looking Nathan bent his knees then shot straight up the side of the building. Grabbing onto the railing as he came to them he used the fire escapes to propel himself upward until he was standing on the edge of the roof. Calculating how much time he spent with Ms. Johnson he deducted that Lily was about two minutes ahead of him.

  For the last week he had been getting tea regularly and talking with her, if you consider three, sometimes four teas a day regular. No one thought it strange though since he was opening a book store a couple blocks away and they were the closest coffee house around. Every conversation since the first got better and better until he wanted to be with her all the time.

  Closing his eyes he could see her behind her table staring back at him. Her smile was so genuinely beautiful it made him want to contribute to its cause. Hearing her voice just out of memory was soothing to his imagination. He loved how honest her laugh was and the way it made him feel when it burst into the air. She was smart and funny and honest and the more he thought of her the more beautiful she became. She was shy but wasn’t afraid to say how she felt or what she thought and he loved all of it. All he really knew was that he enjoyed being around her and now he started to crave it. Seeing her for a few minutes when he wanted a tea wasn’t enough anymore.

  Leaping across the buildings he ran along the roof tops until he spotted her walking across the street and heading towards Grant Park. Running out of roof top and buildings to keep his cover he watched as she was getting closer to the park. Noticing the streets below getting busier he would have to “Bump” into her soon, but the thought of it started making him nervous.