There was regret in his eyes and etched into his handsome features. “I can’t make that kind of promise.”
“Why not? There’s an entire police force out there. You’re injured and on leave. You aren’t in top form. Let someone who’s got full strength handle things for you.” The pleading in her voice reminded her of the little girl she’d once been.
Mommy, Daddy, please don’t go. What if the race car crashes? What if the cord breaks? What if…what if…what if…? So many variations on the same theme and none of them had made a damn bit of difference. They’d walked out on her, anyway, until one day her worst fears had been realized—they hadn’t come back. From the uncompromising look on Jake’s face, he was going to do the same thing.
And, without warning, Brianne realized she had to let him. Because she was no longer that scared little girl, but a woman who’d already undergone the very terror she feared. And she’d survived.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I have to do this,” Jake said.
“I know.” Though Brianne didn’t like it, she forced herself to admit she understood his reasons. Being a cop was part of who Jake was. He couldn’t walk away from a case. And she wouldn’t ask him to again.
“You understand?” His shock was tangible. His body jerked backward as if she’d slapped him.
She nodded. “Because I know you. It just couldn’t hurt to ask if you’d let someone else handle things.” The fact that she understood why he had to do this didn’t make it any easier to let him do his job, but she had no choice—just as she had had no choice but to pull herself together and raise Marc.
Until meeting Jake, Brianne had never acknowledged her inner strength, had never had a reason to face or begin to understand herself and the person she’d become. She’d always thought of herself as vulnerable, but she saw now that that was an illusion and she respected herself in a way she hadn’t before.
She met Jake’s stare. In the blue depths of his eyes, she saw a mixture of awe and uncertainty. He wasn’t sure he could trust her faith, and Brianne understood his reasons went beyond her dislike of his job. Jake’s ex-wife had bailed out on him—not just on his lack of money, but on him. Brianne couldn’t do the same.
She leaned over and brushed a kiss over his lips, a gesture meant as a show of faith. He grabbed on to her face and turned the kiss into something deep and meaningful. Or so she chose to believe—because she loved him, she thought once more. And she refused to sit back and let him risk his life to protect her, not without a little help in return.
She lifted her lips from his. “Go do your stuff,” she murmured.
He glanced at her, his eyes wide. She’d shocked him again. She wondered if he’d expected her to fall apart; if he believed, because her anxiety had resurfaced, that she couldn’t cope at all. It was possible. After all, he’d withheld the truth and hired a PI behind her back. She waited for him to question her, but, without another word, he walked out of the lounge, and a few minutes later returned with her watchdog. David was a burly guy with a baseball cap perched over blond hair and unemotional brown eyes.
She shook his hand and turned away. Though she was grateful for his presence, she was too consumed with the notion of proving to Jake as well as to herself not only that she was strong, but that she was his equal, that she could deal with the Ramirez situation, too. And, in the process, she intended to make sure nothing happened to her fantasy man.
Because when this mess was over, she wanted him alive and well. Not dead on the street. Her stomach churned and dizziness fought its way back, but Brianne, through deep breathing and sheer force of will, managed to stay in control. She’d impressed herself, and a smile fought its way to her lips.
She didn’t have a clue how things with Jake would wind up. She still didn’t know if she could accept the detective and his lifestyle—for herself and forever. Whether he even wanted her beyond this summer was also an open question.
The answers would come, Brianne knew, after Ramirez was out of their lives for good.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
EVEN BEFORE Jake left her at the hospital, Brianne realized the only way out of the situation was to face down her fears. Only then would she know if she could handle Jake’s kind of life. Only then would she know if she had the courage to approach him and ask for forever.
An hour after Jake’s departure, Brianne drew a deep breath and walked into Marina Brown’s hospital room. The uniformed cop hadn’t given her a hard time, other than to check her hospital badge against hospital records. Mentioning Jake Lowell’s name hadn’t hurt her cause, either.
“Hello?” Brianne called to the woman curled into a fetal position in the bed.
“Hi.” The girl pushed herself up against the white pillows. “Are you another one of the Social Service people?”
Brianne shook her head. “No. I’m…” She swallowed hard. “My name is Brianne Nelson and I need your help.”
Brianne figured if she heard Marina’s story and discovered how the young woman had gotten drugs from The Eclectic Eatery, perhaps Brianne could attempt to do the same thing herself. It would take some doing, and she’d have to ditch her private investigator, but she’d manage. She’d worked in the hospital for years and knew every back alley and door. She could lose her tail easily. If she could actually get possession of drugs, she could prove the restaurant was the supplier, something Jake said the police had yet to do. After that, the cops could link the restaurant to Ramirez and put him away.
And Brianne would have taken the first step in getting the drug-dealing criminal out of their lives. She didn’t think she was smarter than New York’s finest, she just needed to take back her life and her future. Ramirez had intentionally and nefariously stolen her freedom, while Jake’s behavior—despite the best of intentions—had taken away her control. But between them they had brought back her worst childhood fears. The adult Brianne had to conquer them.
Fifteen minutes later, after an honest exchange with the young woman and a promise to visit tomorrow, Brianne had the general means by which to order drugs from The Eclectic Eatery. She just had no way of knowing which item on the extensive menu was the key. But she’d figure it out.
Brianne rubbed her palms up and down her forearms, then glanced back at the door, behind which the young girl lay with an IV in her arm. She also had a dead boyfriend.
Brianne refused ever to be in that same position. She wouldn’t let anything happen to Jake.
“YOU INVOLVED a goddamned civilian,” Lieutenant Thompson said in a low growl, eyeing Jake with fury in his eyes.
“Not intentionally, sir.” Jake remained standing before his superior, and waited for the smoke to clear and the older man’s anger to blow over.
Thompson’s face reddened and he kicked a metal garbage pail across the room and into the wall. Obviously the storm wouldn’t end anytime soon. Jake didn’t blame Thompson for wanting a piece of him. At the moment, he’d like to rip a piece of his own hide as well—for not leveling with Brianne the minute he’d realized Ramirez was tailing her.
But that was hindsight.
Now he acknowledged that Brianne was the strongest woman he knew. She’d overcome her past and raised her brother, and if she’d experienced a resurgence of any anxiety, she knew how to handle it. She’d proven that to him this morning. But at the time he’d realized Ramirez was watching her, Jake hadn’t known how she would react; keeping her in the dark had seemed the best means of protection.
But he had another reason for remaining silent—one he didn’t like admitting. The truth was that he hadn’t wanted to give Brianne the chance to turn him away. She hadn’t done it yet but she still might. It was something he wasn’t ready to contemplate.
“You questioned a goddamn police witness while officially off duty,” Thompson snarled.
“I didn’t question her, sir. We had a friendly conversation.”
“Friendly, my ass,” he muttered. “And your shoulder?”
“Hurts some.”
“I don’t care how it feels. Is it operational?”
“Close enough.” Jake winced as the lieutenant took another shot at the garbage pail. “Did you ever play soccer, Lieutenant?”
The older man scowled. “I don’t even want to know the reason you held out on me.”
Jake let out a groan and lowered himself into a chair by the desk. He might as well admit to the lieutenant that disillusionment had bit his sorry behind. “Ever since Frank died…” Jake began.
Thompson waved a hand in dismissal. “I said I don’t want to know. Not until this is over and Ramirez is behind bars. For now, get your ass into the physician’s office and get yourself certified as fit.”
Jake nodded, knowing he had no choice if he wanted in on the official end of busting Ramirez.
“Do I know everything now?” the lieutenant asked.
“Yes, sir.” Everything but the fact that Brianne was more than his physical therapist. If the lieutenant knew things were personal—and they were damn personal—he’d be even more furious than he already was.
This morning, she’d accepted him for who he was, cop and all. No woman had ever done that for him, not even the one he’d married. Jake hadn’t expected the gift from Brianne, not in light of her past, and certainly not after she’d discovered his betrayal. She’d deserved better from him.
“I want to talk to this Brianne Nelson.”
Jake started to argue, then shut his mouth. His gut reaction was to protect her, to leave her out of the loop. But he’d played the game that way once before and it had backfired. He hadn’t a clue if she planned to walk out on him when this was over, or what he intended to do about it. But he could only deal with the here and now. And Brianne could handle a talk with the lieutenant.
Jake planned to play things straight with her from here on out. “She gets off work at five. I’ll bring her down then.”
Thompson raised an eyebrow. “I thought you were her patient, nothing more. I’ll have her picked up and brought down here. You don’t need to act as her bodyguard.”
Jake would guard Brianne’s body with his last dying breath, but he wasn’t about to fight with Thompson now. Jake ignored the comment and decided to spring his plan on the lieutenant instead. “Since I’ve been out asking questions and making his life uncomfortable, Ramirez wants me as much as I want him. I figure we can set me up as a target—”
The phone rang, interrupting him.
“Thompson,” the lieutenant barked into the phone.
For the first time since Jake had walked into the office and leveled with his boss, the room grew silent. Finally Thompson said, “Well, I’ll be damned.”
He hung up the phone and eyed Jake with a glare that made the hair on the back of his neck prickle. “What’s up?”
“We’ve got our link between the drugs and The Eatery. Looks like we can shut the place down.”
Jake leaned his hands against the old metal desk and rose. “Let’s go. I’d like to shake the hand of the person who scored.”
“I’m going. You’re heading for a physical. But don’t worry. I’ll congratulate your girlfriend for you.” The lieutenant smirked, telling Jake he’d guessed about his personal relationship with Brianne.
“What?” The muscles in Jake’s back and shoulders tensed and his heart lodged somewhere between his chest and his throat.
“Apparently Brianne Nelson ditched the bodyguard you said was so good and went to The Eclectic Eatery, where she figured out the right request and scored. Then she called the cops. I don’t like a civilian involved, but we’re halfway home.”
The lieutenant looked damn pleased they’d connected the restaurant to the goods, but Jake’s gut clenched in pure fear. Brianne had put herself in danger, and if anything had happened to her…if he’d lost her before he had the chance to tell her he loved her…
He loved her. Why the hell hadn’t he realized it sooner?
“Your girlfriend’s got talent,” Thompson said.
“She’s not my girlfriend,” Jake answered automatically, his thoughts still reeling from his realization. He ignored the lieutenant’s disgusted look. Jake never shared his private life, and despite his self-made promises to the contrary, he sought to protect Brianne now. Again, when it was obvious she didn’t need his protection. Hell, she probably didn’t even need him.
But he needed her. Hell, he loved her, he thought once more. Admitting it to himself wasn’t half as hard as it should have been. The harder part would be admitting it to Brianne…and seeing if she walked anyway.
If she was alive and well. “Is she…”
“She’s fine. Safe and talking to our guys. But if she’s not your girlfriend then why do you look like you’re going to bust a gut unless you get the hell out of here? I knew there was more to this story. You’re holding out on me again, Lowell. And I don’t like it.”
Jake knew when to shut up, so he remained silent. It was the only hope he had of joining Thompson to see Brianne.
Thompson’s thoughts returned to the case. “With a little luck, any employee who’s scared enough of hard time will roll on Ramirez—if they can ID him. And we’ll have him behind bars.”
“If he doesn’t get Brianne first.” Jake started for the door.
“Stop!” Thompson barked.
Jake paused. “Make it quick, Lieutenant. Much as I respect you, I’m out of here.”
“If you want to return to this department—ever—you’re taking a physical. Now.”
In that instant, Jake’s dissatisfaction with his job and his intent for the future crystalized into one thought: Brianne. Jake hadn’t just been dissatisfied with his career, he’d been dissatisfied with his whole damn empty life.
He didn’t have time to think it through now, but he knew his solitary lifestyle and a cop’s frustrated duty were the core of his restlessness—summed up with his unpredictable hours and cold meals eaten alone while struggling to nab scum like Ramirez only to have them go free. It had taken Brianne bursting into his life to show him the light.
Jake turned to his superior, a man whom he respected and who’d taught him everything he knew about good police work, procedure, leadership and even friendship. Thompson knew how to balance the two well. Jake would like to sit the older man down and break it to him gently but he didn’t have the time.
“Sorry, Lieutenant, but to hell with the physical.” To hell with the department. The only thing that mattered was Brianne, and when Jake got his hands on her, he was going to kill her. Then he was going to kiss her and make love to her until she was too tired ever to move again.
The older man’s eyes narrowed, and he pinned Jake with his glare. “I’m not having the Ramirez case thrown out again because one of my men put his dick before his brain and screwed up.”
Jake didn’t take offense. Both men were taking a stand. “Then we’re in agreement,” Jake said.
The older man slammed his hand down on the desk—a gesture of frustration, but also an expression of understanding because Thompson knew what was coming and didn’t like it.
“I’m not one of your men anymore,” Jake said.
Thompson swore, but must have known Jake was serious because he didn’t argue. “We’re out of here. But we’re not through, Lowell.”
Jake nodded. He owed the older man an explanation, after he got finished with Brianne. Scoring drugs at The Eclectic Eatery! What the hell had she been thinking? He clenched his jaw until his teeth hurt. He didn’t give a damn how much he loved her, he’d shake her until her own teeth rattled, he thought, overcome by both fury and fear.
By the time Thompson pulled his car up to the restaurant, now surrounded by cops, Jake was in a sweat. He grabbed for the handle, opening the car door before the sedan reached a stop.
“I suppose you’re still going to try to feed me that bull about how she’s not your girlfriend?”
Jake ignored the lieutenant. He jumped out of the car and ran to find Brianne.
“
IT WAS EASIER than I’d thought it would be,” Brianne told the uniformed cop who was watching her but not really listening. It was his job to guard, not to listen. Besides, she’d already given her story to the detective named Duke, who’d immediately called someone named Lieutenant Thompson. Brianne had a hunch it was only a matter of time before Jake arrived and wanted to strangle her.
She lifted her hair off the back of her neck. The heat was trapped inside the stifling police cruiser where they sat on a side street near The Eclectic Eatery. She’d called the police from a pay phone around the corner—after she’d ordered take-out and discovered she’d actually scored drugs by asking for The Garden of Eden. The description had been simple: a bouquet of mixed greens, tomatoes, bean sprouts and flowers. After her delivery of poppies, the word bouquet had jumped out at her and she’d made sure to use it in her order, along with the salad’s name. She’d guessed correctly, and in return she’d received a silent nod and, along with her order, little colored pills. She recalled Marina in the hospital bed, and shivered despite the heat.
The police were now waiting for a court-ordered search warrant, and then they’d close down the place for good. Would one of the employees rat out Ramirez? Brianne didn’t know but, Lord, she hoped so. The thought of the man’s voice and his ability to find her easily put her nerves on edge; she clenched her fists, resting them in her lap.
She still didn’t know where she’d gotten the courage to walk into that restaurant in the first place. But somehow, she knew she’d succeed. God knows, she didn’t look like a cop, so the restaurant staff shouldn’t suspect anything. Still there’d been so many unknowns—was Ramirez already there or was he following her?—yet she’d ditched David, anyway. Not only because she wanted this situation over with, but because she didn’t want Jake taking any risks on her behalf. Because she loved him. Her heart still rose to her throat when she admitted it to herself.
And when Brianne loved, she took over. She’d seen herself do it with Marc and now she was doing it with Jake. She put her head in her hands, knowing she still had to face him. In order to prevent him from making himself a target, she’d put herself on the line instead. He’d be furious, she knew, but at least they were a step closer to getting Ramirez out of their lives. After they’d linked Ramirez to the drugs, the case would be over. But for Jake there would be another one after that, then another.
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