“It feels like standing on top of the world.”
I don’t even notice at first that his hand has settled on my leg and he’s inching it up my thigh. I pull my leg away, but he leans closer and captures my gaze as he goes in for the kill.
“I could take you backstage sometime if you want,” he offers sweetly. “We could bum around and maybe have some fun to keep up the high after the show’s over.”
“Oh, no. I mean, I appreciate the offer…and you’re r-really hot, believe me…but I c-can’t.”
“Why not? Are you seeing someone?”
“I…uh…”
Raven saves my inebriated self by yanking me off the couch just at that moment. She spins me around to face her, causing the room to whirl around me like a top. I grip her elbows, unable to hold myself up on my own.
“Whoa, Raven…don’t do me like that. What’s…what’s going on?”
“Come, darling. The others want to hear the Grim Weeper’s daughter sing. It’s time for karaoke.”
Karaoke. That sounds like something I should have zero trouble with.
Raven leads me to the mini-stage with the karaoke machine and sets me up with one of the few British pop songs I know, “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)” by Spice Girls. In my stupor, I can barely make out the words on the screen, but I remember this song by heart because Ana and I used to sing it together constantly when we were about ten years old. It was our friendship song. I used to hear her singing it in her sleep when we’d have sleepovers together. Under normal circumstances, there would be no way in hell I could ever mess this song up.
The only problem is that after all those drinks, the sounds are warping in my head. The words are pouring out of my mouth, but the tune doesn’t sound right, and neither do I. For some reason, I can’t get the notes right no matter how much I strain for them. Dipping and squawking, I continue to embarrass myself until Raven yanks me off the stage, snapping the mic from my hand.
Everything after that is a blur, even when Raven drags me outside to a limo and sends me home by myself.
Chapter 8
August 10, 2015
Humiliation Station Stop Two
I thought my bikini top situation was the number one most embarrassing thing that could ever happen to me in my entire lifetime. I figured I had reached the peak of public humiliation, and it would all be a downhill slope from there. I’ve been relaxing at parties lately because I thought the worst was over, but…
Well, I managed.
I topped the pool incident. Big time.
I went overboard with the drinking at the karaoke bar because I was talking to Ethan Cavett and I got nervous. By the time Raven dragged me to the front to sing, I was completely wasted and had no idea what I was doing. I guess I inherited Dad’s “bad drunk singing” gene. Everything sounded all wrong in my head, and because of that I screwed up a song I’ve been able to sing flawlessly since I was ten.
Some douche canoe recorded me while I was warbling like the canary that ate the cat. Now all of the U.S., U.K., and well, everyone, has heard me singing terribly and they’re slamming down snap judgments right and left just like they did during the summer. Memes are popping up all over the internet with my stupid drunken face and the caption:
“Now we finally know why the Grim Weeper weeps.”
I haven’t left the bathroom since this morning. I don’t know if I’m ever going to come out. Now, in addition to being the Basket Baby, a.k.a. Jacie Redinger’s castoff daughter, I am a disgrace to the Grim Weeper’s legacy. This is absolutely my worst nightmare come to life. I don’t even know if Dalton’s going to want me in the band after this, or anyone else for that matter. I may have just kissed my dream goodbye.
I have to get out of here. I can’t face Grandmum’s disdain or Raven’s lecturing. I can’t look my father in the eye and know how much pain I’ve caused him through this either. I just need to get out of this house, go back to Kentucky, and never look back. Obviously that’s where I belong. I can’t even meet a member of a boy band without screwing up my life, so it’s pretty clear I don’t belong in this celeb lifestyle and never did. I want Ana. I want Maggie, my beloved Chestnut mare.
Next time you hear from me, I’ll probably be at the Lincourts’s house. Mission Back Where I Belong is a go.
Ttyl,
Mads
***
Once everyone finally gives up on getting me out of the bathroom, I wait for them all to fall asleep and then sneak out into my bedroom. For the next half hour, I tiptoe around the room, avoiding making even the slightest noise in fear of waking anyone up. My arms glide in slow motion as I pack my suitcase and gather my carry-on bag and computer case. Then I search the room with my iPhone flashlight to ensure I haven’t missed anything. As soon as I’m satisfied, I creep out of the room and rejoice to find the hallways dark and utterly empty.
My plan is to hail a cab once I’m down a few blocks and head to the airport to take the first flight home. Dad gave me a debit card of my own before we went to New York, and I still have five thousand dollars in my bank account. Luckily, I think that will be just enough to cover the cab, the flight home, and some of my own expenses once I get there. I’ll probably stay with the Lincourts if they let me, and I want to pull my own weight.
Lugging my heavy rolling suitcase down the marble stairs without noise is a feat. I applaud myself in my head as I approach the front double doors. Then every fiber of my being startles when I hear a throat clear behind me.
“Running away, are we?”
I swallow the lump in my throat as I turn around to face Grandmum. She’s huddled in a plush white fleece robe. Her face is drawn and pale without her makeup.
“Um…I can explain…”
Grandmum approaches me with her arms crossed in front of her chest and a withering scowl. “You brought our family name to scorn in front of the entire world, and now you’re dashing away from the scene to save your own skin? You’re just like your mother.”
A chill settles in my bones. Jessica Redinger is one person I do not want to emulate.
“I’m sorry…I really am, but I can’t stay. I’ve embarrassed everyone enough. I just need to go back to the countryside where I belong.”
Grandmum arches a furry white eyebrow. “You’re not going back to California?”
“No.” I shake my head vehemently. “I’m going back to hiding in Kentucky. People might find me there, but at least I won’t be in the spotlight anymore.”
Grandmum appears to consider that option. “Ah…I see.”
It stings that she suddenly stopped fighting for me to stay as soon as she found out I’d be out of the spotlight. She doesn’t want me to stay just because I’m her granddaughter. The Redingers only care about one thing: public image. If you’re out of the public eye, they couldn’t care less what you’re doing. It’s all about perception. All about the family name.
A few probing questions and stuttering answers later, Grandmum finally consents to letting me go. She doesn’t make any moves of affection or general courtesy as I leave. In fact, she calls her driver to take me to the airport and whirls around to head up to her bedroom without another word. I thought Nana was harsh before I met this woman. She makes Nana seem like a damn puppy. If Jess grew up with affection and love this sparse, I might truly feel sorry for her.
Speaking of Nana…time to get out of here.
I hand my luggage to the driver and settle into the back seat of the limo. After we’re down the road a ways, I take out my phone to text Dad so he’ll know where I’ve gone. As much as I don’t want him to come after me and drag me back to L.A., I don’t want him to freak out when he wakes up because he has no idea where I am, either. I can imagine the first person he’d accuse would be Jess, and then a huge family feud would ensue.
Me: When you get this, I’ll be on a plane going back to Kentucky. Sorry for running away, but I can’t face these scary bitches for one more minute.
Me: Love you.
>
Me: Sorry for ruining your life.
A warm tear courses down my cheek. I hit Send and lock my phone. I took Dad away from his life for seventeen years only to constantly screw him over. He probably won’t even follow me. Dad and Cass will go back to L.A., have a new kid, and live their lives out in peace. Either that, or they’ll reunite the band and try to piece together the shards of their shattered dreams. I don’t care what they do as long as I don’t have to be around to witness how much better their lives are without me.
There’s only one person on this planet I have never let down. I need to see her again before I lose my mind.
***
My hand trembles as I lift it to knock on the Lincourts’s front door. The shiny brass knocker pounds against its plate, reminding me of a drum beat.
The pastor pulls the squeaky front door open, looking hungover with sleep. His salt-and-pepper hair is ruffled and his glasses are all askew. He scrunches his eyebrows to study me in the dim lighting, and then he tightens his plaid robe around himself and smiles.
“Madison Daley, as I live and breathe. A certain daughter of mine is going to be delighted to see you.”
I sigh with relief. I worried he might toss me out the moment he saw me because of the mishaps of the summer, but I guess Ana explained to him that it was all an accident.
“Good morning, Pastor Lincourt. I’m sorry to barge in like this, but something happened in London and I really need my best friend right now. Could I stay here, at least for a day?”
“Sure! Come on in.” He steps aside and ushers me in with a hand at my back. Then he grabs my luggage and tugs it inside.
I step over to the staircase that leads to the upstairs bedrooms and gesture to Ana’s room with my thumb. “Can I?”
“Of course. She’ll be pleasantly surprised, I assure you.” Pastor Lincourt flashes me a warm smile and drags my heavy bags over to the side. I thank him quietly and tiptoe up the stairs to Ana’s room, my heart pounding with excitement.
I twist Ana’s doorknob silently and push the door open. I smile at her beautiful sleeping face. She always manages to look like an angel while she’s sleeping, while I more closely resemble a slaughtered possum in the middle of a two-lane highway. I sneak over to the side of the bed closest to the door and kneel beside her, grinning as I shake her awake.
“Morning, Sleeping Beauty,” I whisper.
Ana groans and shifts in her sleep. “Mom, it’s not even light yet.”
“I’m not your mom. Don’t ever call me that again.”
Ana’s eyes fly open and promptly water up with tears. “Mads?”
“Hey, girl.”
“Mads!” Ana shrieks and throws her arms around me. “Oh my God, I missed you so much!”
“I missed you too.”
“Are you really here? Am I dreaming?”
“You are not dreaming.” I grunt against her vise grip around my neck. “But you’re really crushing me right now.”
“Sorry.” Ana releases my neck and grips my shoulders. “What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in London for a month?”
“Yeah, that definitely didn’t work out. Did you see the latest headlines?”
Horror contorts her face. “Yeah…I saw everything. Are you okay?”
I squeeze my eyes shut in an attempt to stop the tears, but it’s hopeless. “No. I really need an Ana hug.”
“Here.” Ana scoots over on the bed to give me room to join her. I pull off my Converses and settle into bed beside her. Ana wraps her arms around me and lets me blubber out the whole story—beginning to end—of how much my life has sucked for the past two weeks. She doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t shush me, just hands me tissues from her nightstand and listens like the amazing friend she is. After fifteen minutes of venting, she squeezes me tightly against her and tells me it’s all going to be okay. My phone rings for the tenth time since I touched down in the U.S., but I ignore it again, needing nothing right now more than I need some BFF therapy and to be left alone.
***
After a gorgeous breakfast spread courtesy of Mrs. Lincourt, I head outside with Ana and her siblings to play a makeshift game of baseball. The only team sports I’ve ever played or needed to play were with the Lincourts. There are so many of them they could form their own basketball team, and they often do at home. I’ve never been that great at any organized sport, but they’re gracious and let me stand in the outfield as if I’m actually good for something anyway. I have to admit, my throwing arm isn’t too bad. If only I could aim…
Ana’s little brother Andrew pitches a slow ball to their little sister Abigail, and she swings her stubby arms and misses. I chuckle at the cute scrunched up angry face Abigail makes whenever she misses the ball. She’s only nine, but she thinks she has what it takes to play with the big dogs. Hate to tell her, but I think she’s going to end up joining me in the outfield pretty soon.
She gets one more strike, and then on the next pitch—miracle of miracles—she smacks the ball hard with a ferocious swing and it soars up into the air in my direction. As she darts to first base, I lift my glove to shield my eyes from the sun and another miracle occurs. I actually catch the ball.
I start to celebrate my little victory, but then I notice Abigail’s horrified expression and the tears that are welling up in her eyes. Before it’s too late, I loosen my grip and let the ball fall to the ground. The others cheer her on to run to second base. I “scramble” for the ball and wait just long enough to throw it so that Ana’s brother Aaron can’t tag her out.
As the others cheer for Abigail, Andrew glares at me under his ball cap the way only a thirteen-year-old can. “Mads, can’t you do anything right?”
My chest clenches and heat rises up my neck. I wait until the inning is over and then I rip my glove off and stalk to the side.
“I think I’m done,” I mutter loud enough for them to hear.
Ana leaves her position at first base and follows me to the front porch. We sit down side by side on the porch swing. She threads her arm through the crook of my elbow.
“Mads, just ignore Andrew. He’s a jerk. I saw what you did for Abbie. That was really nice of you.”
I turn to examine my best friend’s face and can’t help but mirror her smile. “Thanks. I couldn’t stand making a nine-year-old cry.”
Ana snuggles against me and leans her head against my shoulder. “You’re a good person, Mads, and you do a lot of things right. You play a rockin’ guitar and I know you can sing. You just need to show the rest of the world that drunk singing incident was just a fluke.”
I nod and lay my head on top of hers. “I guess you’re right. I don’t want to be seen by the world right now, though.” Ana just nods and lets the conversation fade.
About two minutes after that exchange, two rental cars pull up in the driveway. My heart falls into my stomach. It’s Dad and Cass…
And Jess and Raven.
They came all the way out here to get me. Dad and Cass I don’t mind, but the last people in the world I want to see right now are the ones I’m not sure I can trust.
I clench my fists at my sides as I stand from the swing and approach the steps to await the inevitable uproar. I know I screwed up by leaving like that, but when Grandmum didn’t stop me, I figured I was doing the right thing. The devastated look on my father’s face right now as he springs out of the driver’s side is absolutely making me question myself. He slams the car door shut and runs at full speed up the sidewalk to meet me. I cringe, but then he throws his arms around me and stifles a sob in my shoulder.
“Madison…sweetheart, what were you thinkin’? Flyin’ by yourself? You know how dangerous that could have been!”
“I…I just wanted to get out of everybody’s way—”
“Stop.” Dad jerks back and pins me by the shoulders. His brown eyes drill into mine. “Don’t you ever insinuate you are ‘ruinin’ my life’ or ‘in my way.’ You know you mean everything to me. I don’t give a shit
what anyone else says.”
The waterworks start up again. I sniffle like a scolded kindergartener. “Dad, I’m sorry. I read the headlines and just panicked—”
“I know.” Dad pulls me back in and cradles me against his chest. “I’m sorry people are so cruel. I must have failed as a parent if you can’t see I would never hold this against you.”
“No…” I squeeze him back for all he’s worth. “It’s not your fault. I just don’t know if I can do this anymore.”
“Do what?”
“Be in the public eye. Open myself up for all the world to see.”
Dad smoothes my hair and kisses the top of my head. “Like I said before, we’ll do whatever you want to do. I’m just glad you’re safe. Don’t ever run away like that again, do you hear me?”
I nod against him and let the pain wash away in a flood of relief.
Chapter 9
August 17, 2015
Returning to L.A.
Things have been pretty peaceful here in Kentucky for the past week. The Lincourts enjoyed meeting Jess and Raven and Nana seems to have latched onto them already. In fact, it seems like she gets along with Raven better than she ever did with me. She clearly has no idea what she’s really like, but whatever keeps her off my case. I took advantage of the solitude to reconnect with Maggie and show her I still love her. I don’t know how I’m going to say goodbye again tomorrow. I can see in her eyes how much she’s missed me and how confused she is that I keep going away.
After a long talk with Dad, I decided I need to face my fears and head back to L.A. in a few days. My music dreams are still alive and well. I can’t give up before I even try. Dalton assured me he still wants to do this band thing with me no matter what, so that’s what I’m going to pour myself into in the weeks before school starts. These two and a half weeks without my guitar have been pure torture. I can’t wait to lose myself in music again.
The Sister Code (D.O.R.K Book 2) Page 5