Elana encourages Maya out of the kitchen, as I move the table back up into the dining room, which is now finished. After a bit of back-and-forth conversation, they disappear and when they return both Eve and Amelie are with them.
‘I’ll re-assemble your desk and get it in situ, if you like, Elana. Is everything in the utility room?’
‘Yes, and thanks, Luke. The screws are on the windowsill. The PC is in the sitting room and it’s safe to turn it off. I didn’t leave anything open.’
Eve says ‘hi’ as we pass and by the time I begin carrying the parts through, the girls are upstairs and Elana and Eve are alone in the sitting room. The door is open and it’s not so much that I’m listening, but their voices carry out into the dining room.
‘Are things any better?’ Elana’s voice reflects concern.
‘Not really. When Rick’s away we talk several times a day on the phone, but it’s not the same. We put the trimmings up last night and it was just the two of us. He doesn’t seem to be interested in being a part of family life any more. And all he talks about is work, or moving house, and I’m beginning to wonder if we have any emotional connection left between us.’
I usually try to keep the noise down. This is one occasion when I’m trying my best to generate something, anything, so that I can’t hear what is, quite clearly, a private conversation. However, once the desk is in place I have to knock on the door and disturb them anyway, to disconnect the PC.
‘Sorry to interrupt. The desk is done and I’ll have this up and running shortly.’ I begin pulling out the leads and gathering up the pieces of kit.
Elana and Eve sit in silence and I try to work as quickly as I can.
‘There, I’ll leave you in peace now.’
Elana smiles appreciatively, but Eve sits there looking down at her lap, miserably, as I make my exit. I guess we all have our own set of problems. It’s pretty depressing, though, to think that even a couple like Eve and Rick, who seem to have pretty much everything they need, have ended up being unhappy. How can things go so badly wrong? No one sets out to cause problems for themselves, even if they end up causing other people problems because of their idiocy.
Rick’s a solid guy; he works hard and is ambitious. But I hardly know them and even I could see that Eve wasn’t happy when I was working in Hillside View, so surely it’s in his interests to fix that before it’s too late?
Guess when you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to stand back and see what’s going on. I shake my head, as I start sorting out the leads to get the PC up and running again. It occurs to me that life is a form of agony, interspersed with what can often feel like only a handful of happy moments. It isn’t about money, having things, or success – it’s about taking pleasure from the small things in life. The big things will happen, anyway, to a greater or lesser degree, and all you can do is work hard and keep pushing forward. But moments like taking time to be a family and enjoying the simple pleasures like trimming a tree, for instance, are important. Rick’s one lucky guy, but it looks as if he might be about to blow it if he isn’t careful.
Maya appears and runs through to the kitchen to fill up two bright-pink plastic drinking beakers sprouting glittery straws. As I fold the dust sheet, a sprinkling of sawdust I didn’t realise was there shoots up into the air and settles on the dining table. She smiles.
‘Uh oh, you’ll be in trouble.’
I stoop under the sink unit to get out the dustpan and brush, but when I turn I see Maya writing in the dust.
‘I’m sorry? What’s that about?’ What a strange thing for Maya to write.
‘I remembered the message from Daddy. He said he was sorry.’ Maya picks the beakers back up and hurries away, leaving me puzzled as I quickly sweep away the evidence of my carelessness. That little girl certainly has one huge imagination and I’m surprised she even remembers sharing her dream with me.
Chapter 30
Luke
Making an Effort
Hey, Lisa, I was working and couldn’t get back to you. Busy day. How was yours?
I press send and leave my phone on the worktop as I push a load of washing into the machine. I’m trying to get everything sorted ready to pack a small bag to take to Mum’s for the weekend. I left Elana’s early, passing on dinner as there are chores I need to do here and I made good progress today at Bay Tree. Ping.
Hey, Luke. Assumed that was the case. Okay day for me. Didn’t mean to pull you away, but wanted to make contact just to check out that you’re happy to meet up.
Fair enough, I’d probably be thinking the same thing if I’d given her my number and never received a call. I begin typing and then think, what the heck, texting is too restricted. As I press the call button my throat goes dry and I swallow hard as she picks up.
‘Luke?’
‘Yep. Thought it was easier to chat than type.’
‘Lovely! It’s nice to speak to you. I was a bit worried Cheryl might have made Greg talk you into this. They certainly seem to be getting on very well.’ She sounds genuinely pleased that I called. I thought it was easier to get the tricky stuff said and see how she takes it.
‘So it seems. I’m a bit rusty when it comes to the dating thing, to be honest. It’s been a while.’
‘Same here. Awful, isn’t it? I’ve pretty much dated the same guy off and on since school. Then one day he made it clear it wasn’t going anywhere. It’s just easier to keep doing the same thing, without giving it too much thought, isn’t it? So here I am, six months on, and still trying to let go of the past.’
I like the fact that she’s prepared to be up front. That’s why I made the call.
‘Has Greg mentioned my situation?’
‘No, he just said you were a great guy,’ she laughs.
‘That was helpful, then.’
‘Well, he was hardly going to admit that he probably had to call in a big favour to please Cheryl, who is determined to get us together.’
Straight to the point, I like that.
‘My situation isn’t straightforward. I have an eighteen-month-old son and an ex-partner who are still very much a part of my life.’
‘Oh, I see. That makes sense now. I was a little hurt when you didn’t call me, to be honest. I mean, I’m not that bad and it was only a coffee I was proposing.’
Now it’s my turn to laugh. She has a sense of humour.
‘I just don’t know if I’m good company at the moment. Even a year after the break-up it’s tricky still. I have to put them first, of course, but with having to work extra to make the maintenance payments, it doesn’t give me much time, or money, for things like socialising. I wanted you to be aware of my situation because I don’t think it’s fair to try to hide it.’
‘I wouldn’t have guessed. How old are you?’
‘Twenty-four, and Greg told me you’re twenty-one. Is that right?’
‘Yes.’
‘I’m not looking to get into anything long-term, if I’m honest, but I’m up for a drink and a chat.’ There’s a split-second pause before she replies.
‘This is quite a brave step for you, by the sound of it. That means I should be flattered.’
It probably would have been easier if she’d cancelled the date and put the phone down on me. However, I feel a bit mean-spirited. Having knocked her confidence once by ‘losing’ her number, now it would be a bit awkward to refuse going for a friendly drink.
‘Obviously a lady who likes to take risks.’
‘Some risks are worthwhile, others – well, you live and learn. Let’s wait and see what happens. Nice talking to you, Luke.’
***
It’s a very disturbed night and I find myself constantly drifting in and out of sleep. My pillow feels like lead beneath my head and I keep turning it over, pummelling it with my fists. Then I realise that all I’m doing is winding myself up and the way to relax is to get up and do something.
It feels like weeks since I sat down at the computer. One glance at my inbox confir
ms it’s full of the same old junk mail, so I haven’t missed anything much. There’s only one email that’s of any interest and it’s from Paul, a programmer I met online, and we bounce problems off each other. He’s been checking a little software program I wrote and he thinks he’s found the bug.
As I trawl down the other emails, highlighting them, ready to press delete, there are a few Facebook notifications. Most of them aren’t of interest, but one informs me that Anita Price has changed her status. I hesitate for a second, then click through and her page opens up on the screen in front of me. The header is a photo of Anita with Joe in her arms, and it’s an old one. But on the top left-hand side, under her personal information, there’s a one-line entry that says she’s ‘In a relationship’ with someone named Chris Johnson.
I can feel the colour draining from my face. I sit staring at the screen. This is the last thing I expected to happen and clearly I must be naive to think she wasn’t going to find someone else. Heck, I’m meeting up with Lisa for a date, so why am I so shocked? But this is a real statement for the world to see; it isn’t just a date, but something that has probably been going on for a while. There’s no hint of jealousy in my mind, just anger that another guy is in her life and around my son, and yet she didn’t have the decency to tell me. Suddenly what I thought was that a bad enough night has turned into a nightmare. How am I supposed to handle this? Is this guy seeing more of my son than I am? Then realisation dawns. Anita is handing over Joe to me this weekend so they can go away together. This could actually work in my favour and that’s something I didn’t see coming.
***
‘Dad, if you don’t need me again today I thought I’d head over to Bay Tree. I want to finish laying the flooring and start putting the skirting boards back on. If I can get there for a few hours tomorrow, then I’ll offer to help out with the painting. Elana said she’d handle that herself, but it’s going to be a lot for her to do on her own.’
‘I won’t need you until Monday. I have a three-day job for you next week, pairing up with Greg. Replacement ceiling and some plastering after a massive water leak. It’s an insurance job. You sound tired, my son. Is everything okay?’
“Fine. Just had one of those nights, you know – mind wouldn’t shut off and I couldn’t sleep. Guess it’s the excitement about having Joe this weekend.’
I feel guilty not being straight with him, but he wouldn’t know how to handle it, or what to say. I don’t want to upset Mum or tarnish the thought of the weekend, so the less said the better.
‘Well, try to finish up early today. I’m sure Mrs James will understand.’
‘Will do. Give Ma my love.’
Chapter 31
Elana
Peeling Back the Layers
Diary Log – day 499. 11 days to Christmas. It’s hard being a single parent. Heck, it’s hard being on your own. I’m scared of facing the future without someone by my side – is it selfish of me to admit that? At the moment work is keeping me sane and focused, how sad is that? Maya is growing up fast and I have to set a good example. Change needs to be embraced, and actions speak louder than words.
When I arrive back from the school run Luke is sitting in the van on the drive. He jumps out, grabbing an armful of tools from the back.
‘Hello, I didn’t think you were going to be here again during the day. I feel bad now, because I stopped off to do some shopping on the way home.’
‘Change of plan. I’ll finish off today and if you want some help tomorrow with the painting, then I’m available. Think about it and let me know.’
He doesn’t sound his usual self and his face looks a little drawn. When we get inside he starts work immediately and it’s obvious he doesn’t want to talk. I pack away the shopping, leave a mug of coffee on the side for him and make myself scarce.
I don’t know where to start today. I know I said I’d paint through tomorrow, but I have a few urgent things still to sort, including an awkward phone call I don’t really want to make. I have presents to wrap, as it’s only a matter of time before Maya stumbles across one of my hiding places. It feels like every cupboard has something hidden inside it. Then I have to buy the tree ready for Saturday. It’s no use panicking and if Luke is good enough to offer his time tomorrow, then that’s not an offer I’m going to refuse.
But first things first. I need to do some digging to find out more about Seth Greenberg and the influence he seems to have over Aiden.
I re-read the interviews I did with each of the other band members, refreshing my memory and trying to assess who seemed closest to Aiden. I need to talk to the person who would be most likely to understand why Seth succeeded where his predecessors failed. I decide that Stevie Harrison is probably the most likely candidate. I was rather surprised to have discovered an underlying sense of mistrust between some of the group members when I talked to them individually. I suppose it’s probably understandable, given the circumstances. Aiden grabs the limelight all the time and over the years the other members have become the group behind the star. When the band was originally formed there was, I’m sure, equal status. Certainly each of them is undoubtedly an icon, recognised by their peers as being among the best in their field. But Aiden stands out and while Firehead is news, Aiden is always bigger news.
‘Stevie, it’s Elana James. I wonder if I could ask you a couple of quick questions?’
‘Hey, Elana. No problem. Something you forgot?’
He was one of the easier ones to interview, although there were times when I knew there was a lot more he could have shared. There were incidents that two of the other band members were more than happy to shed light on, feeling no need whatsoever to cover Aiden’s back. But as this is a safer topic, I figure I might get the answers I need.
‘Not really. I’ve come to appreciate that Seth has been an enormous influence on Aiden. The two seemed to hit if off from the beginning, am I right?’
‘Yeah. Seth doesn’t try to lay down the law; he realised that confrontation doesn’t work with Aiden.’
‘Did Aiden know Seth before he took up his appointment?’
Stevie takes a second before responding.
‘I’m not sure where you are heading with this, but as far as I know they didn’t have history, if that’s what you mean.’
‘I’m just trying to understand why they work so well together, when Aiden himself admits he rarely listened to the advice his previous managers gave. What made him trust Seth?’
‘Don’t know the answer to that one. Maybe Aiden was tired of fighting at that point. Seth arrived at a time when Aiden was at his lowest and even his mum had given up trying to make him see sense.’
I scribble that down. ‘She wasn’t speaking to him at that time?’
‘Look, I think you have to ask Aiden about this. I wasn’t exactly in a good place myself at the time and maybe I’m not remembering it right. Have you interviewed his mum?’
He’s clearly not happy to go any further, but there’s something he’s not telling me.
‘Briefly, but Seth sat in on the interview as she wasn’t prepared to see me on her own.’
‘Well, maybe I don’t remember it right. Like I said, you know the amount of drugs we were doing at that time and we were touring virtually non-stop. Life was a bit hazy and it’s a wonder nothing really bad happened. Look, I have to go.’
He’s being honest, but for some reason I’ve made him uncomfortable by asking a simple enough question. What does he know that he won’t tell?
‘Well, thanks for your time.’
‘Aiden said you’re coming to the New Year’s Eve party? So you get to meet the guy face to face at last.’
That’s strange. Why would Stevie know that? He wouldn’t be aware that every time I was supposed to meet up with Aiden, he’d had to cancel the appointment. So Aiden must have actually told him that. Was I right all along and Aiden has been deliberately avoiding me?
‘Yes. Seth suggested it.’
This time
the pause is long enough for me to wonder if we’ve been cut off.
‘He can run, but he can’t hide.’ He laughs and I’m left wondering what exactly that means.
Chapter 32
Elana
Why Do I Feel So Old?
Luke was quiet all day yesterday and left early, saying he had a headache. That didn’t stop him working non-stop, though, and when he left the skirting boards were on and undercoated, and he’d applied the base coat to the newly plastered walls. When I said perhaps he shouldn’t come back today after all and tried to reassure him I could cope, he wouldn’t listen. I hate to admit it, but it’s great having him around and I will be sorry to see him go. I know he’ll be here off and on through until mid-January, but at some point the money will run out. It’s just nice having a man around and, as Eve so kindly pointed out, he’s easy on the eyes. Too easy. And smart. And kind-hearted. And about ten years too young.
Ding-dong.
And here he is; I wonder if he’ll want to talk about whatever was bothering him yesterday? I can’t ask, of course, but there isn’t much we haven’t talked about. So something really unexpected must have happened.
‘Morning. The kettle is on.’ As usual, he bends to undo his boot laces and when he stands back up his trademark smile stares back at me. He takes in my old t-shirt and paint-splattered jeans, without comment.
We both peer down at his feet and it’s holey-sock day.
‘Behind on the washing again,’ he smirks.
‘Why don’t you just throw it away?’
He looks at me as if I’ve said something really dumb.
‘And risk having a day when I can only find one sock to wear?’ We both start laughing.
‘There are other options,’ I reply, but he shakes his head.
‘I need a woman to organise me,’ he admits.
‘I don’t buy that. Are you telling me men can’t do it for themselves?’
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