Desire. It had chased him through the house all day, ached deep inside him as they finished the meal. It whispered want to him as they cleaned up the kitchen, and it grew noisier in his head two hours later when they put the girls down to sleep for the night.
There was a part of him that believed that if he had her, if he made love with her just one time, then she’d be out of his system for good and it would be easier for him to tell her goodbye the next morning.
But there was another part of him that feared it would never be enough, that if he made love to her once then he would want to repeat it again and again. And she represented everything he didn’t want in his life.
With the girls in their cribs for the night, they went back down to the living room where she sat on the sofa and he sat in the chair opposite her. He wanted to maintain as much physical distance from her as possible and yet be in the same room.
“I’m sorry things worked out the way they did for you here,” he said. “You know you could take Justin to court, force him to at least pay child support.”
“I would if it meant my babies having something or nothing,” she replied. “I absolutely believe every child has a right to have the financial support of both parents. But in this case, the girls are well taken care of. And, to be honest, I’m ready to walk away from Justin and not look back.”
A flash of pain crossed her features. “He’s obviously not ready to be a father, and making him pay child support isn’t going to change that. Someday he’ll have to answer to the girls, but he doesn’t have to answer to me.”
“You’re a strong woman.”
She smiled and nodded. “Yes, I am. And you’re a strong man, and I hope the day comes when you can stop carrying the sins of your father on your back.”
He sat up straighter and looked at her in surprise. “I’m not doing that,” he protested.
“Of course you are,” she countered. “I think we’ve both been doing more than our share of that,” she replied. “Trying to make up to Natalie and Justin for things they didn’t get in their childhoods, things we didn’t get in our childhoods. Personally, I plan on making some changes when I get home where Natalie is concerned. She’s going to have to learn to stand on her own. It’s past time I cut the cord. I have three baby girls to focus my energy on.”
“And what happens in the fall when you go back to work?”
“They go to a terrific day care.” She gazed off into space thoughtfully. “I have to admit there’s a part of me that would love to be a stay-at-home mom until they got to be school-age. I have my contract for working next fall sitting at home on my desk. I haven’t signed it yet. I love teaching, but I’m also aware that I can’t get back the girls’ toddler years. I’m lucky in that if I don’t live lavishly and am smart, I can afford to make a decision rather than the decision being forced on me.”
“Whatever choice you make, I’m sure it will be a good one. You strike me as a woman who only makes good choices.”
She smiled with a touch of humor. “Don’t forget there were two of us in that bed when the triplets were conceived. I acted as stupid and reckless as Justin did that night. I’m ashamed to admit I hardly have any memories at all after a certain point in the evening, but there’s no question that I decided to throw caution to the wind and let the booze and Justin sweep me away.”
“Tell me more about this MysteryMom who brought you here.” He knew she was probably eager to go to bed so she could get an early start in the morning, but he wasn’t ready to tell her good-night. There was a part of him that wasn’t ready to tell her goodbye.
“I don’t know a lot about her personal life. I connected with her in a chat room for pregnant and single women. I just lurked for about a week and I noticed that she gave good advice, seemed knowledgeable about pregnancy and single parenting. She even gave one of the women in the chat room enough information to help her find the father of her baby who had disappeared when he’d found out she was pregnant. I finally started posting and told a little bit about my situation. Then MysteryMom and I started emailing each other outside of the chat room.”
“And you became friends,” he replied.
She nodded. “Cyberfriends. Good friends. Especially when I found out I was having triplets. I was more than a little freaked out, and she saw me through some of my rough moments.”
He wished he would have been there for her, when she needed somebody to rub her tired back, when she just wanted somebody to talk to, to fix her a cup of tea or whatever. “I’m sorry you had to go through it all alone except for the support of a cyberfriend.”
“I have a feeling even if I’d found Justin the day I discovered I was pregnant I would have still gone through it all alone,” she returned.
“What about other friends?” he asked.
“I have acquaintances, but true friendships have been a little difficult to maintain. First there was my involvement in Natalie’s life, then the triplets’ arrival pretty much chased away any of my other single women friends.”
“That stinks,” he replied.
She smiled. “Not really. It was mostly my fault. I was just too busy to be a friend.” She raised a hand and yawned. “And now I should probably call it a night. I’d like to get an early start in the morning.”
She got up from the sofa and a wild panic shot through Jake. These were the last moments they would have together alone. He knew she was right, that once she returned to Wichita the odds of them maintaining any kind of relationship were minimal. He’d send birthday presents to the girls, call to check in on them every once in a while, but for all intents and purposes his connection with Grace would be severed.
And that’s what you want, he reminded himself as he got out of his chair. He’d said goodbye to dozens of women in his lifetime, and she should be no different than any of them.
And yet she was different, a little voice whispered in the very depths of his soul. The other women who had drifted in and out of his life hadn’t made his heartache for something undefined, something he felt he needed and yet found that very need frightening.
“Go ahead and sleep in my bed again tonight,” he said as they walked toward the stairs. “I’ll bunk in Jeffrey and Kerri’s room again.” He didn’t want her anywhere near the room with the sliding glass door, and he would sleep with one eye open throughout the night.
He’d taken necessary precautions to make sure that nobody got close to the house again. Jimbo was camping out on the front porch for the night, and Rick Carson, another ranch hand, was bunking down on the back porch. Bunking down wasn’t really the right term. Both men had promised to keep their eyes and ears open throughout the dark hours of the night, and Jake trusted those men as much as he trusted anyone in his life.
Jake would stick to his promise; he’d keep her safe and sound until she left here to go home. As they climbed the stairs, he tried not to inhale the familiar scent of her that called to every raging male hormone in his body. He tried not to imagine that he could feel the heat of her calling to him, wanting to share with him.
As always she stopped in the girls’ room and checked each little child. He thought of Bonnie’s flirting with him, of how Casey tucked her head down when feeling particularly shy, of Abby laughing with delight as he played peekaboo with her. Grace wasn’t the only female here who had found her way into his heart. Each and every one of the triplets had also crawled into tiny places that would make them hard to forget when they were gone.
How had this happened? How had he allowed them all to get so close? They weren’t his…they were never meant to be his.
“Then I guess this is good night,” he said when they finally reached the door to his room.
“It doesn’t have to be good night,” she replied. The green of her eyes shone overly bright in the hallway light.
“What do you mean?” His pulse stepped up its rhythm.
“You could sleep in here with me.”
Her words, so unexpected and so entici
ng, caused his heart to momentarily skip a beat. His head filled with a vision of her between his sheets, her lips swollen from his kisses and her naked body pressed against his.
“Grace…” He wasn’t sure what he intended to say, but his voice came out as a hoarse whisper. He needed strength, but he wanted to be weak.
“Tonight we make love and we sleep in each other’s arms, but you don’t have to worry about anything changing, Jake.” Her eyes shone with both desire and a promise. “I still leave here in the morning. You still get your life of being alone.”
Wrong. It was all wrong, his conscience suggested. You’re strong enough to resist this temptation. You need to be strong enough to resist. But he wasn’t. He was weak where Grace was concerned, and at the moment he couldn’t think of anything he’d rather do than make love to her.
Big mistake, he thought as he followed her into the familiar bedroom that suddenly felt like a strange and wondrous place.
Chapter 10
As Jake turned on the lamp next to the bed, Grace took off her sling and placed it on the nearby chair. Her hands trembled slightly as she thought about what she was about to do.
There was absolutely no doubt in her mind that they were going to make love. She wanted this, she wanted him, and even ultimately knowing that it was going to be just another one-night stand with a Johnson man couldn’t change her mind.
She was doing this for herself, making a memory that would bring a smile to her lips, a warmth to her heart when she needed it in the weeks and months ahead.
Somebody had tried to kill her, and just for a little while, just for tonight, she wanted to pretend that somebody loved her.
Jake stood inches from her, frozen except for the burning hunger in his eyes, a hunger that filled her up with a heat she’d never known before.
“You don’t have to worry. I’m on birth control,” she said, wanting to get that issue settled right up front. There would be no set of triplets or even a single baby made tonight.
He took a step toward her, her breasts making contact with his broad chest. “This isn’t right,” he said, his voice low and filled with deep longing.
“But it isn’t wrong, either,” she countered. “We’re both single. Our hearts belong to nobody. I want you, Jake. I want this before I leave here tomorrow.”
His mouth crashed to hers at the same time he wound his arms around her and pulled her against him, and just that easily she was lost in him.
There was no thought of going home, or of taking care of babies. There was no worry about her sister or who might have tried to hurt her. There was only Jake. Sweet, strong Jake.
His scent smelled like home, like sweet comfort, and his kiss tasted of hot, wild desire. Everything seemed to be happening in a dream, a wonderful dream that she wanted to last forever.
She didn’t remember taking off her clothes, but found herself naked in his bed. She didn’t remember seeing him undress, but he was also naked with her beneath the sheet, his body all hot muscle beside her.
As he drew her into his arms for another searing kiss, her hands caressed the width of his back, loving the feel of muscle and hot flesh beneath her fingertips.
He kissed just as she’d imagined he would, with intensity, with command and yet with a gentleness that melted her senses even more.
A small moan escaped her as his lips left hers and began to blaze an exploratory trail down the side of her throat, along the line of her collarbone. When his tongue lightly flicked across one of her taut nipples, a flash fire of sensation shot through her.
His hands cupped her breasts as his tongue loved first one nipple then the other. Tangling her fingers in his thick hair, she was lost to everything except the man and his caresses.
One of his hands left her breast and began to stroke slowly, languidly down her stomach. Every muscle in her body tensed with the anticipation of his intimate touch.
Teasingly, he slid his fingers down the outside of her thigh, then moved to the inside of her thigh and stopped just short of where she wanted him most, where she needed him most.
She mewled in frustration and was rewarded by his husky chuckle. “This is a one-shot deal, Grace. I don’t want to be in a hurry. I want us to take our time. I want this to last all night long.”
His words caused a shiver of delight to race up her spine. Yes, she wanted to be in his arms, with his hands and lips touching her all night long.
When he gazed at her with those dark, intense eyes, when he stroked her skin with his slightly work roughened hands, she felt like the most beautiful woman on the face of the earth. No man had ever looked at her the way he did. No man made her feel like she did at this time.
There was a moment as his lips drank of hers that thoughts of leaving intruded, that her heart folded into itself in anticipation of the pain it would feel the next morning when she bid him a final goodbye and drove away from here.
Still, she shoved the thought away, not wanting to think, just wanting to feel, to be in this moment with this man.
He was fully aroused, his hardness pressed against her thigh, and she reached down and wrapped her fingers around his velvet soft skin, eliciting a low, deep moan from him.
She felt him throbbing in her grasp and loved that she was doing that to him, that she had him so aroused and ready to take her.
And she wanted him to take her. A sweet urgency of need sizzled through her as they continued to touch and taste each other.
She cried out in pleasure as his fingers finally found the center of her, moving against the sensitive skin and calling forth a tidal wave of pleasure. As the wave rushed over her his name escaped her lips as her body shuddered with the force.
His eyes shone with satisfaction as the shudders finally stopped and she released a sigh of sated pleasure. But he wasn’t finished yet.
He rolled on top of her and she opened her thighs to welcome him, her need rising once again as his mouth found hers in a kiss that seared her soul.
Still kissing, he eased into her and released a sigh of utter bliss. “I think I’ve wanted this since the moment I first saw you,” he whispered.
She closed her eyes, not wanting to see the depth of emotion his contained, knowing that it was the emotion of the moment, one that would be gone when their lovemaking was over.
He moved inside her and her breath caught in her chest at the sensual assault. Then there was no more thought as their hips moved together, friction firing up a wildness that consumed her.
Her second orgasm washed over her as she clung to his shoulders. While she was still trembling with the force of it she felt him reach his own.
As sweet as her joy was, the sudden depth of her despair at the knowledge that it was over whispered through her made tears burn at her eyes.
“Hey, you okay?”
She opened her eyes to see him gazing down at her, a look of concern on his face. She swallowed against the threat of tears and offered him a smile. “After that how could I not be okay?”
For several long seconds they held each other’s gazes. She wondered if he could see the love shining in her eyes. Unfortunately, she couldn’t read his; they remained dark and enigmatic.
He kissed her then, a deep kiss that tasted of love and yet also held more than a whisper of goodbye. When the kiss ended she rolled out from under him and went into the bathroom.
Minutes later she stood in front of the bathroom mirror and stared at her reflection. If it wasn’t insane, she would pack up the girls at that moment and leave with the scent of him still clinging to her skin, with the taste of him still sweet in her mouth. She would leave before she spent the rest of the night in his arms, letting him dig deeper into her heart.
But she wasn’t going to drag her girls out in the middle of the night. And she wasn’t going to deprive herself of the rest of this night, even though she knew each moment she spent with Jake would only make the pain of leaving in the morning worse.
It was crazy, wasn’t it? To even wa
nt a future with him—to see him as the soul mate she’d always dreamed of. It was stupid and weird to believe that there could ever be a future with the brother of the father of her children.
When she left the bathroom and got back into bed, Jake immediately pulled her into his arms. She smelled the soapy scent of him and realized he’d washed up as well.
He turned out the bedside lamp and she fit neatly into the spoon of his body. Once again she found her self giving in to him, settling into his arms as if it was where she belonged.
“Did I hurt your shoulder?” he asked, the words a soft whisper just behind her ear.
“No, it’s fine.”
“Are you sure you don’t need to hang around here another day or two to let it heal a little more before you head back?” he asked.
What she wanted was to hang around here another ten, twenty, fifty years. She wanted to be with Jake for the rest of her life. She wanted him to be the father of the triplets. But that was fantasy thinking, foolish wistfulness.
“I should be able to handle going home tomorrow with no problem,” she replied.
“I have to confess there’s a part of me that’s going to miss you and the girls.” His arms tightened around her.
She held her breath, waiting for, desperately wanting something more from him. Just ask me to stay, she inwardly begged. Just tell me you want me and the girls in your life forever.
A long silence grew, and then she realized he’d fallen asleep.
Squeezing her eyes closed, she realized with a heart-sickening finality what she’d known the first time she’d met Justin—that there was nothing for her here.
Jake awoke early, before dawn had even begun to streak tentative light across the sky. Grace was no longer in his arms, but rather sleeping soundly, curled up in a fetal position on the opposite side of the bed. He wished there was enough light so he could watch her sleeping. To fill his heart with the sight of her, her hair sleep-tousled and all the worry gone from her face.
Cowboy's Triplet Trouble Page 12