Each breath is labored. I step back, the backs of my knees hit the couch, and I sink down. “You could’ve stopped him.” My vision becomes blurred with tears. “You could’ve told me or anyone. If you had, maybe this wouldn’t be my goddamn life.”
“If I thought for one second he was serious, I would have,” he explains. I look at him as he crouches in front of me with a pained expression. “I swear.”
My body shakes as I feel everything come rushing forward. It’s as if I walked in on him all over again. All I can do is sit here in disbelief. He went to Jeff and didn’t come to me. But Jeff didn’t tell us. All of this is so fucked-up. I fight back the urge to scream. Why couldn’t he trust me?
Jeff grips my hand. “He came to the office and begged me to rehire him. I explained that I couldn’t. The investors didn’t want to work with him after the money he lost on a bad tip. No accounts were going to trust him, but he begged still. He told me he was desperate and he hadn’t told you he was fired,” he pauses, drawing in a deep breath. “I explained that my hands were tied, but if I could help—I would.”
I can tell he wants to say more. I squeeze my eyes as the beads of moisture fall down my cheeks. “Go on,” I murmur.
“He said he probably wouldn’t see me again but made me promise I’d check in on you and the boys. I had no idea why the hell he would say that, so I asked him, but he said he’d be leaving.”
A howl comes from my throat as I fall apart. My hands cover my face and Jeff’s arms encircle me. “Why?” I ask again, trying to make sense of this.
“I thought he meant leaving town, not this. When I heard, I couldn’t face you.” He rubs my back. “I’m so sorry. I never thought he was serious. I didn’t think he meant this.”
Jeff sits with me for the next hour as I process everything he says. He’s struggling with guilt, and I’m battling to get through another minute. We talk about how bad off I am financially, and Jeff offers to help, but when he hears the numbers, his face says it all. There’s no way to fix this. It’s not just a simple cut, it’s an artery ripped apart. The utilities will be off soon, the bank will take the house, and there’s no way to stop it.
It’s clear that from this day forward, I have to leave the dependent girl I was behind and stand on my own feet.
Three Months Later
“I’ M NOT GOING.” CAYDEN STANDS at the door with his arms crossed. “I don’t want to move. I hate this.”
He’s not the only one. I feel the same way. Logan has been the only one handling it somewhat well. Since being told that we had to vacate our home within sixty days, our lives have fallen apart. I’m barely keeping us together with Scotch tape and bubble gum.
“I know you don’t want to go. But we have nowhere to live, Cay. Nana and Papa have a big home, and as soon as we have enough money to get out of there, we will. This is temporary.”
At least that’s what I’m deluding myself into believing. Last night I spent two hours sobbing as I packed the rest of our things. I had to sell all our furniture and anything we couldn’t fit in the small trailer. Basically, we’re bringing nothing but clothes and personal items.
“You’re making us go! This is where we lived with Dad! This is where he was. Why are you trying to make my life miserable?”
“Yes, Cayden. That’s my goal, to make you miserable. We have no choice. We have nowhere to live.”
He grumbles under his breath before he puts his headphones back on. This is the new normal with him. All he does is watch videos or listen to music. He’s angry, while Logan is depressed and clingy. At times, I wish I could behave like them, but there’s been no time for me to feel. I’ve spent hours trying to find a way to avoid having to go back to Tennessee.
But, it’s inevitable. I have to live with my parents, work on the ranch, and face every person who told me I’d be back. The only good thing is that he’s not there. It’s going to be bad enough, at least I won’t have to face the boy I ran away with.
Angie grabs the last box as Cayden and Logan reluctantly get in the car. I stand in the doorway with conflicting emotions. This is the home we brought the twins to. It’s where they took their first steps, learned to ride bikes, it’s where so many memories were made and where I saw our future, but it’s also filled with pain. I haven’t used the master bathroom since I found my husband there. I can’t go in there. I see his body, even though I know it’s not there. My heart races from simply touching the doorknob. Instead, I use the one in the hallway, where no memories haunt me.
I close the door with tears in my eyes. No matter what the last few months have brought into our lives, this was home.
Angie leans against my car door with her sunglasses over her eyes, even though it’s overcast. “Hey.” She attempts a smile.
“This isn’t forever,” I say the words with such conviction I almost believe them. “I’ll be back.”
Angie steps forward. “I know.”
“I swear I will. I want updates on the bakery, even though I’m not an owner anymore.” It was the first thing I had to sell. Since we aren’t really profitable, there wasn’t much to make off the deal, but it got me through until now.
“It will always be part yours!” she admonishes me.
“Tell Patty to lay off the extra sugar. Remind Beth that she has to make smaller batches for the banana cupcakes,” I ramble, trying to avoid saying goodbye. “Oh, and get a dog or something so you don’t become a recluse.”
She smirks and wipes away the tears under her glasses. “I remember when you showed up from bumfuck Tennessee. You had your cowboy boots, painted-on jeans, and your hair was . . . well.” We both laugh. “You had the year we don’t talk about, and then you met Todd. I remember wishing we could be sisters. I never knew it would come true. I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. I would give anything to keep you here. You’re my best friend.”
A tear falls from behind her glasses and I step closer. “You’re my best friend, too. You’re my sister. And I know you want us to be here. Lord knows I don’t want to go back there. But I don’t regret anything. Even if I knew it would’ve been this way . . . I wouldn’t change anything.”
Her arms wrap around me as sadness falls around us. The blanket of despair has been covering us for too long. “Promise me that you’ll call once a week. And that I can come visit.”
“I promise.” A tear falls from my eye. “And I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Anytime you need to come here, I’ll make room. Who needs a living room?”
We both giggle, and it hits me . . . I may not see her for a long time. I don’t know when I’ll be able to afford to make the trip. I have enough money to get to Tennessee and that’s about it. There’s so much to tell her. Things I never got a chance to say.
“Listen.” I wait until she looks up before I continue, “You need to open your heart. I know that dickhead broke it, but let it heal. Don’t work too hard, take some time to enjoy things. Also, your hair looked better brown. Fix that.” I wink.
“Asshole.”
“You saved me when my world fell apart before. You’re doing it again whether you know it or not.”
“I think you have that backward, my friend.”
She smiles before pulling me into her arms. “Take care of yourself. I already miss you and the boys.”
Now it’s my turn to cry. “I wish . . .”
“Me too.”
“I’ll call you soon.”
We hug once more before I get in my car that was paid off a year ago. Thank God for that. The boys wave as we leave the past behind us, only to have to come face to face with my childhood. I watch the house I built a family in, along with the life I thought I would have, fade away in the rearview mirror.
“Are we there yet?” Logan asks for the hundredth time.
“If you ask me again, I’m going to tie you to the roof,” I grumble as we cross the Tennessee state line.
“Do it again!” Cayden taunts. They then begin to annoy ea
ch other, which drives me crazy.
We drive for hours before we enter Belford County. The knots in my stomach constrict with each passing mile. The place is beautiful. It’s quaint, loving, and all up in your business. It’s the quintessential small town. Memories of why I left cause me to tense. My fingers grip the wheel as the muscles in my back squeeze tighter. Being here brings the memories front and center. I can feel the air getting heavy. I keep telling myself we had no choice and that it’s just until we can get on our feet.
My mother and father didn’t hesitate to ask us to come live with them when I told them about our financial situation. My childhood home sits on over four hundred acres of land with a house that could fit practically everyone that lives in the town. Daddy built it himself from close to nothing. His parents owned the land, but he vowed to give Mama a place to be proud of. When I was born, they finished the first round of renovations. Each time Daddy could, he built her more.
Driving into town, I see a few store owners come to their windows. I try not to slink down in my seat. They most likely knew I was coming home the minute Mama hung up. While she’s not the town gossip, there’s no doubt she’d be singing this from the rooftops. Her baby girl and grandbabies moving here is everything she ever wanted.
“Boys.” I call their attention. “We’re here.”
“What is that?” They both have their noses to the glass as they take in where I grew up. “It looks like an old Western movie!”
I laugh. “It’s downtown.”
Cayden groans and puts his headphones back on. Logan keeps watching as thirty seconds later we’re out of downtown. “That’s it?”
“Yup,” I state matter-of-factly. “Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.”
“Where’s Target? Or the mall?”
I sigh. “About four towns over.” The life they know is gone. Out here, there’s no hours of video games, but there’s also no risk of ever being bored. When you live on a ranch, there’s always work to be done. I grew up reining in cattle, harvesting the eggs, and milking cows. They’ve never seen a horse, let alone ridden one.
Logan’s voice goes rises a notch. “Four towns? Mom! What if we need something?”
“Well.” I chuckle as I speak, “You wait until we can take the ride.”
Cayden mumbles under his breath about hating life. When I told him we had to move, he called his best friend and asked if he and Logan could live there. Of course that was never going to happen, but he pleaded. Leaving their friends and school hasn’t been something either one has accepted well. I sympathize—it’s not easy for me either.
I get to the edge of the driveway and park. “Townsend Cattle Ranch,” Logan reads the large white sign above us. “Are we going to be Townsends now?”
“No,” I say immediately. “You’re a Benson, always will be. Your daddy gave you that name. It’s a gift you’ll never have to return.” I smile in the mirror. That’s something Mama said to Cooper when we were kids.
Logan lets out a sigh of relief. “I didn’t know.”
Cayden removes his headphones as I turn in my seat to face them. “Listen, I know you’re not happy about this. It’s been a lot of change for you in a short amount of time. But there’s a lot of fun things to do around here.” Lie. “And the schools aren’t bad.” Another lie. “Plus, you’ll make some new friends that might even be better than the ones you left.” God, I’m getting good at this. “Promise me you’ll try to make the best of it.”
They both nod. Whether or not they actually will is another story. I put the car in drive and head down the longest road I’ve ever been on. Each inch feels like a mile. The rotations of the wheels have a link to the pit in my stomach, forcing it to tighten as we move.
Mama and Daddy are on the porch watching us approach. “There you are!” Mama yells out as we exit the car.
“Mama, Daddy.” I smile as I look at my house. I’ve only been here once since I left seventeen years ago. The boys were less than a year old, and we visited for no more than two days. The entire town told stories about how my ex and I were destined to be together in front of Todd. It was extremely uncomfortable. After that, Todd paid for my parents to visit us twice a year. “You painted,” I muse.
“It’s been almost eighteen years, Presley. Of course we painted.”
It amazes me how my mother can scold me while she kisses my cheek.
The boys look around in wonder. They knew I was raised in the country, but I think their version of country and mine are a little different. Todd thought we lived in a rural area in Pennsylvania. I would laugh and roll my eyes. These boys have no idea.
Logan and Cayden assault my father with questions.
“Do you have a lot of horses, Papa?”
“Can we ride a horse?”
“Do you eat the cows you have here?”
“Is this a petting zoo?
“Does the rooster wake you up or do you have electricity? What about Wi-Fi?”
“Boys, boys.” I place my hands on their shoulder. “Easy. Yes, we have electricity. Yes, we have a few horses, and Papa doesn’t kill the cattle here, he sells them.” Then they kill them. Minor detail. “Let’s get our stuff inside and then I can show you around, okay?”
“Presley!” Cooper calls out as he walks toward us. I haven’t spoken to my brother much. I’m praying this won’t be too awkward.
“Cooper!” I smile as he gets closer. I walk toward him and he yanks me into his arms. He’s freaking huge! “Holy crap, are you bench-pressing the cows? You’re like a bear.” I don’t remember him being this tall. I’m not short, but he’s well over six foot. His chest is wide and his arms are insane. My little brother is all grown.
“I’m sorry to hear about your husband. I would’ve been there, but I had to run the ranch.”
I look at the ground and wish people would stop talking about him. I’m tired of people’s sympathy. I don’t want to be this grieving widow who’s lost and sad. No one can even begin to understand the anger I have, especially since I have to hide the truth. I can’t help but hate him for what he’s done to the three of us. He set off a bomb and left me with the fallout. “I understand, Coop. Thanks.”
He tickles my sides and becomes animated again. “But look at you, all city girl.”
“Look at you, all country,” I say, giggling.
He laughs. “Not all of us got to experience life outside of here. Someone had to run the ranch when you left to be with your boyfriend.”
Well, that took a lot less time than I thought. “Cooper.”
“You left, and I stayed. It’s just the truth.”
I roll my eyes and bite my tongue. I have a feeling the teeth impressions I’ll have on my tongue will become permanent. Cooper got the short end of the stick according to him. When I left, he was forced to take over the ranch. He had big dreams of leaving here and moving to a city. He was smart and could’ve done it, but then Daddy needed to retire, and I left. He’s resented me ever since.
“It wasn’t like that,” I try to defend myself.
He shakes his head. “You ran off with him and never came back. It’s exactly like that.” Cooper walks toward Mama who watches me with sad eyes.
Looks like it’s going to be a long few months . . . or longer.
I CAN’T SLEEP. I STARE at the ceiling in my room. The same room I lived in for eighteen years. I figured they would’ve at least taken my posters off the wall, but no. It’s a time warp in here. This whole house is. The boys almost cried when they saw their room. Flowers everywhere, on the walls, the sheets, the border . . . you’d think a florist vomited in there.
I glance at the clock—five a.m.—might as well get up.
I head downstairs to where Mama already has breakfast started. “Mornin’, Mama.”
“Mornin’, sugar. You sleep well?”
“I did. What’s for breakfast?” It’s a lie, I’m getting really good at them now. If she knows, she doesn’t say anything, though.
She
whips something in the bowl and my stomach rumbles. This will be the one thing about being home that won’t suck. “Just the normal things. Go on out to the coop and grab us some eggs.”
“Okay.” I’ve always hated the chickens. There was one hen who is evil and always tried to attack me. Mama used to make me go if she needed a good laugh.
I grab the basket that has sat by the back door since I can remember and head out toward the animals who are not my friends. It’s like time has stood still out here too. Everything is the same, and it makes me want to scream.
I grab a half dozen eggs with no drama and head back to the house.
“Presley?” A deep, familiar voice stops me in my tracks.
My heart pounds, and my blood runs cold. It can’t be him. I turn slowly, praying it isn’t. He shouldn’t be here, not here, not now. Slowly my gaze lifts and relief floods me. It’s not the blue eyes and dark brown hair I expect to see. Instead, it’s a pair of honey eyes and light brown hair that I’d know anywhere. The one person in this town I actually am happy to see. “Wyatt!” My smile is automatic.
“I’ll be damned! I thought that was you, but I didn’t know you were visiting!” He rushes forward and then hoists me in the air. He smiles while shaking his head. “I can’t believe it. Presley Townsend in the flesh.”
“Benson now.” I laugh as he squeezes me tight. “What are you doing on the ranch?” I ask as he puts me down.
“I’m the new foreman.”
I slap his chest in excitement. “Foreman? Here?” That makes no sense.
“I didn’t want to work for my family, so I came to work for your brother. You know how that goes, don’t ya?”
Wyatt Hennington has been a part of my life since birth. His mama and mine have been best friends since they were kids. He’s also the younger brother of the boy I ran away with. The boy who gave me my first engagement ring, my first broken heart, and the reason I never wanted to return to this town.
“That’s . . .” I struggle to find the right thing to call it. “Understandable, I guess?”
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