“Fuck!” I roar. Ella flinches in my hold and my family stand as one, ready to protect my wife. If I wasn’t so fucking pissed I’d be thankful. I’d never hurt my beauty. Never, and for my own family to be worried for my state of mind I know I need to tone it down. “Listen to me beauty. Nothing you ever do will send me spiraling to drink. I won’t do it again. I love you, and you’re all I need. You’re my balm. I didn’t think. I needed to clear my head and a drink gave me time to get myself under control. We need to find out who is sending these fucking letters,” I say, nodding towards the letters now spread out on the kitchen table, and then looking at Spencer. I know my brother with be at my side for anything, and now is no different. He looks as angry as I’m feeling, but that’s not possible. He may love my wife like a sister but he doesn’t know a love like I have for Ella. It’s all consuming and that fucking petrifies me. If anything was to happen to her I know I wouldn’t be able to go on. I couldn’t go back to the blackness, the darkness.
“What the fuck?” Spence spits. “What the hell is this Damon?”
“Ella’s apartment has sold so she went to sort through her things. They have all been posted since she’s moved into here,” I reply.
“Who would do this?” my mum asks. I look to Ella but she’s not paying attention.
“Beauty?” I question. “Do you have any idea who this could be?” Ella slowly nods her head, biting her lip. Tears brim in her eyes and she looks lost. “Who baby? You need to tell me.”
“Simon,” she whispers.
“Who is Simon, Ella?” my dad asks.
“Oh he’s just an ex,” Ella replies, avoiding eye contact with me and swallowing hard. I narrow my eyes at her.
“An ex?” I question.
“Yes,” my wife snaps. “An ex, Damon. You have exes, I have exes. Jesus, don’t make something big out of this. He’s harmless, just leave it.” Ella tries to walk away but I’m quick to stop her. She’s going nowhere. She knows, as much as my family and I do, that was an overreaction. She’s trying to cover something up.
“Ella,” I growl. “The fucking letters are not harmless. Have you read them? They’re threatening. Don’t tell me not to fucking worry.”
“Damon,” my mum reprimands. I clench my jaw, holding back the words I want to spew.
“What makes you think it’s Simon?” Spence asks. He’s got his head in the game. I’m so angry that question didn’t even enter my head. Ella’s reaction to the question makes me look at her, really look at her.
She’s desperate to get something off her chest, but she’s scared. I can see it. This is what she looked like when she told me about her past on our wedding night. This something big.
“He... I’ve seen him... once or twice,” Ella says, timidly. “Simon is harmless. He’s... it’s just... I think he still loves me. Erm... I... we.” She takes a gulp of air and pauses, letting out a sigh. “He told me he loves me and I told him it’s too late. He just... he’s lonely.”
“You’ve seen him? Where?” I ask.
“I don’t remember. I’m tired, and I need to lay down for a little while,” Ella replies, her voice emotionless. She shrugs out of my arms and walks into the lounge, to the couch. Plopping down, she curls into a ball and shuts her eyes. My eyes follow her every step, worried she’s shutting down. She acted zombiefied at the hospital after Lydia commit suicide. I’ve seen her like this, but this time it’s worse. This time she is my whole universe.
****
Ella stayed silent the rest of the evening, not speaking to anyone. I could see my mum’s worry but she held it back, silently watching over my wife. My beauty is reverting into her mind, pulling into herself, shutting me out.
I can’t let her do that.
I won’t.
“Ella!” I shout when I’ve shut the door behind Spencer. My wife didn’t acknowledge my parents and Spencer’s goodbyes. She’s locked away with memories, trapped in the past. I need to get her back in the present with me. I need her to spill her pain.
Bleed her weakness.
It won’t be easy. I know that. I know she will fight me but her anger is what I need. Her raw strength comes from being hurt. I need to hurt her to release her. I promised I would never hurt her. Now I’m going to do it on purpose, but to save her from herself.
I find my wife still curled up on the sofa. I drop to my knees at her side, looking at her beautifully pained face. I need to feel her. Cupping her face, I pull her attention to me and she opens her emerald eyes.
“Baby,” I whisper gruffly. I fucking hate the lost look in her forest gaze. “Talk to me,” I demand.
Ella doesn’t respond, and my temper missiles, a raft of emotions streaming through me. She’s shut down. This isn’t about her ex, not all of it anyway.
Something more is distressing her.
“You need to tell me about your ex Ella.” My wife flinches at my tone of voice.
“He’s harmless Damon,” she complains with exasperation. “It’s okay. I no longer live there so I’ll be okay. Stop worrying.” Her dismissal of her safety enrages me. I press my fingers to her lips, needing her to stop speaking. Anger like I’ve never felt before builds, and I need a minute to calm.
“Your safety is my priority. You’re holding something back from the past Ella, and we said no more secrets. What are you hiding?” I taunt. I need her angry to let her emotions flow freely.
“I don’t know what you want me to say Damon. He’s an ex. End of story,” she snaps.
“I want details,” I growl.
“Details of what exactly?” she grits out.
“Your past. You never told me what you did to prepare to take me down Ella. Is he an ex from after Lydia died, or before?” I sneer. Her temper is at breaking point, and tears spill down her cheeks.
“You want all the details Damon? I’ll give them to you raw. You want to know all my sins? You want to know that I destroyed more than a few lives to take you down? Simon was practise for you,” Ella spits. “I guess it fucking worked. I could have had you, you know. I could have taken you down if you didn’t love me. Your love broke me. I’m only human Damon. I wanted revenge. I hurt them,” she cries. Her emotions are all over the place and they’re where I need them to be. She’s cracking.
“I need to know what I’m working against!” I shout. “Was there only Simon or could it be someone else?”
“Why are you asking? Why do you need to know? Does it really matter to you that much? Trust me Damon. It’s Simon. You don’t need more details than that.”
“It’s not because I want to fucking know. It’s because I need to keep you safe.” Ella’s fear and doubt flash in her eyes. She covers it in a second but I caught it. “Stop being such a child and tell me what you did,” I demand.
“Yeah you’re right. I need to stop being a child,” she huffs. “Sorry, you do need specifics. I mean it could be anyone stalking me. Threatening me. You can’t just trust your wife when I say it’s Simon? I’ve seen him Damon. He’s approached me. I know it’s him, and I know you’re worried but he’s harmless. I freaked and you’re concerned. I get it. I was shocked and I over reacted. It’s nothing. Really,” she says, trying to be confident but again I saw a flicker of doubt and fear. Her lack of self-preservation pisses me off to new heights. I’ll fucking spank her if she doesn’t take her safety seriously again.
“Ella,” I growl. “I don’t care if he’s harmless. He could be Mother Teresa for all I care. I just want you safe, and if that means you have to tell me things you’d prefer not to, then tough shit. Pull up your big girl knickers and deal with it. Now talk,” I goad. She’s going to blow. Ella growls, pushing me away from her, sitting up.
“Deal with it?” she screams. “Fuck you! Fuck you and your bossiness.” She stands and shoves me out of her way, crossing the room to leave. I’m quickly on her trail, grabbing her from behind. She struggles and fights my hold but she weakens quickly. She needs just one more push and my next words hit their mark
.
“It’s not just you anymore Ella,” I snap. “I’m your husband. My decision counts too. It’s not just your safety. You should be concerned about our daughter’s safety too. How would you feel if something was to happen and that resulting in our Jellybean getting hurt? You wouldn’t be able to live with yourself Ella and I wouldn’t be able to live without you. Are you really going to keep secrets when it risks all three of our lives? I’ve told you, nothing you say will change the way I feel for you so just fucking tell me about your past,” I roar.
I step away, needing space. My anger is ready to explode. Not at Ella, at myself for needing to push her. I take my self hatred out on my wife, raising my voice to her like I never have before.
“It’s not just you anymore,” I roar. “Doesn’t our baby’s life mean anything? What about her safety?”
Ella spins in my arms and slaps me, hard. My head swings to the side but the sting feels wonderful. She’s about to spill.
“Don’t you dare speak like I don’t care for our daughter. Don’t you fucking go there.”
“Then tell me what I need to know,” I growl.
“Okay Damon. I’ll fucking tell you. Simon was practise ex number one. You may have seen him. He escorted Lydia to an event you went to. She went in the hope of gaining your attention. He wanted a fuck. When he realised he wasn’t getting that fuck from my sister, he took a waitress into the cloakroom and fucked her instead. Then he had the nerve to humiliate Lydia. He disrespected her, and wanted to use her when she was vulnerable.”
Ella’s words take me by surprise. The hate in her voice is strong, knocking me back a step. She’s going to give it to me raw, just like she said. Simon was number one? How many were there? Fuck. I’m not sure I can deal with all this. My jealousy where my wife is concerned is atrocious. There is no green monster, just a black demon. I want to hurt people when I think of my wife letting her body be used to be ready to end me.
“I caught him in my web,” she laughs mirthlessly. “He was my first casualty. My first taste of revenge. He was my first practise to take you down.” I tense, my muscles locking in place. Ella stares me in the eyes, giving me all her pain.
“I made him fall in love with me. I spent more time taming him so his love ran deep. I dedicated more time to him because he was connected to Lydia too. I tricked him into catching me fucking Tom,” she spits. “Do you really want to hear this Damon?” she goads. I fucking don’t want to hear it. I want to find Tom and smash the memories of fucking my wife out of his head. “Simon was distraught and I made sure to see him at every opportunity. I haunted him and he couldn’t move on. I gained strength and confidence from his weakness. It gave me courage.”
“When I wanted to try more practice takedowns I looked for number two. Simon soon became an issue so I disappeared. I vanished from his life, courtesy of Lydia’s life insurance money, and I haven’t seen him for almost two years, until recently.”
I’m surprised Ella hasn’t realised that insurance companies won’t pay out for suicide. Her insurance money came from me. I couldn’t let her be left with nothing so I arranged with my solicitor to contact Ella on the pretense of Lydia’s insurance. I’m not going to share this with Ella unless she asks. There would be no point now. All my money is now hers so it would be a pointless argument, and I know it would be an argument.
“Thomas came next. He was quick and easy. A rich bastard that wanted pretty women on his arm. He spoilt me and I let him. One simple argument ended it all. I became vicious with my words, breaking him down.”
“Alex was number three. I fucked with his mind. We kept things on a casual level but my words drew him in. I stayed for months. He wasn’t a selfish lover, he was easy to be around. I made him believe I cared for him more than I expressed. I became everything he could want. I let him fuck me where and when he wanted. Any position, it didn’t matter. None of it was felt by me. I shut myself off most of the time. After a year he suggested us becoming exclusive to each other. I thought it was time to ruin him but when I laughed in his face and told him I didn’t see any type of future with him he laughed with me. He wasn’t affected at all by my response, and that stung. I failed but I learnt from it. Giving him control over when and where we did it was my mistake.” My wife’s words are said in a dead voice. She’s shut her emotions off because I’m not giving her a reaction. The words are spilling from her unconsciously now.
“Lenton was number four. I took his friends. I made him fall for me and then gave him a choice. I demanded he choose between me, the love of his life, or his friends who would be a distant memory by the time we’d settled with our lives together. They would choose their own future and he would be left behind if he didn’t fight for his own future. I manipulated him into picking me. His closest female friend wasn’t as easy to get rid of. I pushed and pushed him, threatening to leave him. Lenton shredded her feelings, he broke her down in front of me, and destroyed their friendship permanently. I cheated with Tom again not long after.”
“Dante, number five, was a client of yours. I learnt about him in Lydia’s diary. He befriended her, but when she was sacked he sacked their friendship too. He acted like he didn’t know her so he became personal to me. I needed his pain.” Her dispassionate words worry me, but I’m not going to speak and take her out of her trance. She’s protecting herself by shutting off her emotions.
“I wanted to take everything from him but his job and reputation was enough. I teased him into my lair, got him hooked, and ruined him. I let him fall hard and then I turned clingy. I hounded him at work and business meetings, business lunches and nights out I stalked him, always letting him find me. I made him end our relationship and didn’t leave him alone. I turned up at his office claiming to be pregnant and I told his bosses that he wouldn’t help me. His co workers were disgusted with him. After all, he works in a family orientated business. Dante had no choice but to hand in his notice. He quit and I left him alone. His workers would spread the word fast enough to ruin his reputation.”
“Cory was last. I gave him everything. I took his family, friends, job and heart. He was pathetic and still begged me to stay when I cheated on him. His dad knew I was bad news. He saw through my act and tried to warn his son. I told Cory his dad was jealous of him. He thought his dad tried to kiss me, and when I refused his advances he grabbed me and threatened me. I had bruises on my arms from his dad grabbing me when I told him I was going to ruin his son. Cory believed my words about his father. I told him his friend tried to take me away from him, and Cory soon dropped his friend. I acted the jealous girlfriend and claimed I couldn’t cope with him working in a bar with so many pissed women. He soon quit.” Ella looks me straight in the eyes now and I hold my fucking breath. A spark has filled her eyes, her anger returning.
“Is that what you wanted to hear Damon? How dirty your wife is? Did you need to know how twisted I am? I used them all and let them use my body. They fucked me every way possible,” she screams, self destructing. “Damon, I planned to do all that and more to you. I wanted to bury you so far in ruins you’d never see the light of day. I’m a slut and now you know that. Are you happy now?”
I need to step in now and save her from her pain.
“Am I happy that my wife hurt herself, put herself through hell and has a past? No, no I’m fucking not, but I accept it. Am I happy that my wife has finally opened up the rest of herself to me and let down the last remaining walls between us? Yes, I fucking am. I’m over the moon that it’s all finally out. Now you can move on. Move forward with me. I’m not happy that I had to push you so much to finally share your past, and I’m sorry for the things I said, but I wouldn’t take it back because now you’re free,” I tell her, pulling her into my arms again. “We can move forward and keep you safe. I hope you now believe me when I say nothing will change my feelings for you. Nothing can take me away from you.”
Tears now stream down her cheeks and wounded whimpers spill past her lips. My heart fucking brea
ks for her.
“I’m yours and you are mine. I’m keeping you. I would also like to add that Dante is a prick. He’s a smug bastard and needed taking down a peg or two, seeing as he bullied most of his co-workers. Now you have one more thing you need to talk about before you’re completely free. What was your plan baby? What were you going to do to me?”
Ella’s shocked eyes meet mine in a frantic plea. She’s most scared about speaking of this. This is the last tie holding her back in the past. She needs to release her plans and let her past stay in the past.
“I... Damon, please... I don’t,” she sighs. Seeing my expression she knows I’m not going to stop asking until she speaks. “I wanted you to marry me. I was going to get you to agree to a prenup so you would trust me but I was going to convince you to add a clause that if either of us cheated, the cheater would have to pay all their financial worth to the other. I was going to ruin your bond with your family, destroy your business, drug you and make you cheat, and take your life away by taking everything. I planned to leave you in such despair that the only end you’d see was to take your life like Lydia did. I wanted you dead.” Sobs fall from her mouth, her chest ripping raw. “I’m sorry Damon. So very sorry.”
My wife buries her head in my neck and bleeds her pain away whilst I hold her together. A quarry of guilt overwhelms me and my chest caves in at how much I’ve broken her.
Much later when Ella is asleep I call Spencer and we plan to find this Simon and pay him a visit. He needs to stay away from my woman.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
November 29th 2014
Ella
It’s a bright sunny autumn day, but the crisp cold wind on my skin makes me shiver. Pulling my jacket tighter around me, as much as my bump will allow, I use Damon's body as protection, hovering slightly behind him as he grips my hand in his.
I can see the sign for Bundles of Love a bit further down the road, and the closer we get the more excited I feel that we are about to pick out the nursery furniture and clothes for our baby.
Avowed (The Manipulation Trilogy Book 3) Page 16