"How do you even know about this? If the guy has beef with the Bellandi's—"
"He wants to settle our shit. He said that we could use this to settle the score between us and go about our business separately. He doesn't believe that Connor will have the information he says he has, and I sincerely doubt it. He's just exploiting the fact that everyone knows you're mine now. But he told Connor he'd think about it, we'll meet and discuss terms to get him to help us bring Connor in."
"Okay," I breathed, nodding my head and reminding myself that this was part of what I'd signed up for. I knew Lino worked late nights sometimes. I knew he had to come and go at the demands of the family often.
"I'll be back as soon as I can. Crew is on duty tonight, so he'll be available if you need anything. Don't leave the house. Order in whatever you want for dinner."
My heart ached as he slid the suit jacket up his shoulders and tugged on shoes. I wanted to hug him, wanted to thank him for the fact that even as he prepared to walk out the door and deal with a mess I'd caused, he still worried about me and my safety first.
"Don't be surprised if he checks in with you often. After the other day, I'm going to want regular updates that you're in sight."
"Lino!" I protested, wincing at the reminder. "Things are different now!"
"Don't. I know they are, but it's going to take me a while to be comfortable with it. I can't go through that fear again." He kissed me, a slow kiss that reassured me against the sting of his words. "I'll be back as soon as I can."
"I love you," I murmured as he pulled away.
"I love you too." Then he left the bedroom, making his way down the stairs. By the time I followed, I watched out the window as he climbed into the back seat of his car and Georgio waved to me through the window. As soon as the car slid out the open gate and it shut to seal me back inside the property, I plunked down onto the sofa.
I hated myself for causing problems for Lino and Matteo.
I just had to hope it would work out in the end, but it felt more like the wakeup call I'd been waiting for. The reminder that my baggage didn't only affect me.
***
Lino didn't come home that night.
I waited up, couldn't seem to settle down in bed without him next to me anyway.
Curling up with a book hadn't worked. I'd been too restless to focus on the words on the screen, so it was all I could do to pick a show to stream online and binge it through the night.
I still sat there watching it when the front door opened in the early hours of the morning. When he found me sitting on the couch, he sighed, part relief and part frustration.
"You should have gone to bed," he chastised me.
"I tried, but I couldn't sleep." The admission came easy, but he made no move to close the gap between us. Anxiety rippled in my stomach, wondering if maybe I'd messed up the business enough that he would genuinely be angry with me. "What happened?"
"You don't have to worry about it," he yawned. "We've taken care of it."
"What does that mean?" I knew there was a snap to my voice. I hadn't meant to be angry, hadn't meant to give him sass, but I was so fucking tired, and I wouldn't be kept in the dark when it came to my own problems.
"They're going to let us know when he shows up," he strode for the stairs, and I followed after turning off the television.
"And what did you have to give them in exchange?"
"Samara—" he started, and I knew from the tone in his voice that he would blow me off. Tell me not to worry. Tell me it was business.
"He's my ex-husband. I'm the reason he thinks he has information at all, and I'm the only reason you're looking for him so desperately. There is zero chance that I'm going to just let you handle that! If he actually has information, what if he goes to someone else in the meantime? What if it could put you in jail? Or put Matteo in jail? That's my fault."
"It's not your fault, Little Dove," he murmured, but I shook my head. Pain arched through me, and my heart twisted in my chest. The idea of leaving him, of having caused him pain or problems seemed so much harder after he'd told me he loved me. Like I'd never been meant to have it, and this was just one more thing pulling us apart. Like the universe had a sick sense of humor, because women like me didn't get to be happy. It just didn't happen for the girls from the wrong side of the tracks who had to fight their way out.
If I'd fought less, I could have ended up being one of Matteo's escorts. Maybe that was why I didn't blame them for the path they'd chosen, because I'd known it was largely luck that kept me from that fate. Luck and a brother who would have strangled me when he found out. I had no illusions that my brother wouldn't be familiar with that part of the business.
"It is, but maybe if I disappear from your life, so will Connor. There's no reason for you to concern yourself with him if I'm not here. I can just go to another city," I sighed, and my fingers toyed with the rings on my left hand. "I brought this problem into your life. It should be me who makes it go away."
"If you take off those rings, I'll have them surgically attached to your finger." I startled at the harshness in his voice. "This is my job. It is my job as your husband to protect you from all the bullshit, whether it's mine or yours. So you need to deal with that and let me fucking handle it."
He stripped off his jacket and took off his shoes. "But—"
"Samara, did I promise to love you when it was convenient? Or did I promise to love you through good and bad?" He unbuttoned his shirt, giving me a show as he threw our vows at me. I remembered them, but they were also tangled up in the web in my mind, given that I hadn't thought our marriage was real at the time. His pants followed, and he paused to study me, clearly waiting for my answer.
"Good and bad," I mumbled.
"This ain't that bad," he gave a brief chuckle. "I'm sure we'll have worse coming our way eventually. I need you to be strong, and I need you to be that rock you've always been for me. Let me come home and know that my wife has my back, that she's not going to get spooked by some drama or he said she said bullshit threat and try to leave me. Can you do that for me?"
I nodded, "I can do that." Shame filled me, I'd only promised not to leave two days before, and my instincts already had me running for the hills. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry. You promised you wouldn't run, and here you are. You didn't leave even though I'm sure you wanted to. You waited for me to come home and you talked to me about the way you were feeling. That's all I can ask of you, vita mia." He touched his lips to my forehead, turning and striding for the bathroom. The shower came on, and I knew he wanted to clean the night off him. Crawling into bed finally, I sighed in comfort. Even the sound of the shower seemed like a relief, a reminder that he was home and we would figure it out.
When he finally crawled into bed and tugged me to rest my head on his chest, I fell asleep to the sound of his rhythmic breathing.
Forty-Three
Samara
I had no desire to go shopping, but having already arranged the date with Chiara, there was little choice in the matter. Lino and Emilio stood off to the side, Lino undoubtedly warning Emilio that if he lost me again, he'd strangle him judging by the fury on my husband's face. Chiara seemed blissfully ignorant to the tense conversation, waiting next to the car while they had it out. Her hand rubbed over her little belly, and I realized I couldn't wait for the day when I had a bump.
When I could openly rub my stomach, and no one would think twice or ask stupid questions. "Lino threw out my birth control," I confessed, and she turned startled eyes up to me.
She giggled furiously. "Oh God, what is it with Bellandi men?"
"At least Lino had the sense to make sure he did it in front of me. I guess at least I know what the manipulative bastard is up to unlike poor Ivory. I can't imagine what that must have felt like."
Chiara shrugged in response. "Being with men like ours, it's not a normal relationship. They can do what they want, when they want, and there's very little we can do about it. B
ut there's something to be said for not having to stress about the kinds of decisions most married couples’ debate, I think. I never have to wonder if he'll support me in a decision or if he'll resent me for it, because the asshole will let me know the minute I try to do something he doesn't like."
I laughed outright, jumping when Lino came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He watched his sister stroke her belly, and his fingers tightened on mine before they rubbed despite the impossibility of a pregnancy so soon.
"Be good," he murmured, kissing my cheek before he released me.
"I'll only spend half your money," I teased, holding up the black credit card he'd handed me that morning. "I plan on spoiling that baby. She's gotta love her Aunt Samara the mostest." His eyes warmed.
"In that case, spend it all. Just tell her it's from Uncle Lino too, yeah?" Chiara giggled, accepting the hug and kiss to the forehead that he gave her. "Samara doesn't like shopping. I expect you'll show her how it's done."
"Oh, you can count on me for that," she responded, stepping into the car as Emilio held the door open for her. I blew Lino a kiss before darting in after her, only to be thwarted when Lino's hands wrapped around my waist and hauled me back.
Screaming with laughter, I swung my hands behind me until he set me to my feet. "Where's my damn kiss?"
"Up your ass, that's where!" From the car, Chiara laughed hysterically. Emilio cleared his throat, averting his eyes as Lino grinned down at me. "Don't be such a Neanderthal."
Shaking his head briefly, he leaned down and kissed me sweetly, gently. Until his teeth bit down on my bottom lip in a nip that made me want to go back into the house with him. "Not fair," I pouted, and he patted my ass when I turned and climbed into the car. Emilio climbed into the passenger seat, letting Chiara's driver take us to the shops where I'd never bothered to attempt before. Even when Connor had insisted I dress appropriately to reflect on his family, I hadn't shopped high end. His trust fund tastes hadn't matched my bank account.
Now it seemed I didn't have anything to worry about, but I wondered if I'd ever shake the mentality that I didn't have enough money. The North Michigan shops located on Michigan Avenue on the Magnificent Mile had always seemed out of reach. Always been out of reach. Changing who I was and my more low-end tastes seemed absurd. Lino had fallen in love with my legging wearing ass, and he'd stay in love with me that way. I knew I'd only shop for high end clothes when I needed them for work or events with Lino, but I felt more likely to have him arrange a personal shopper.
Shopping was miserable.
I never would have guessed there might be a baby store there, but I guessed the women who shopped in those stores would or could be mothers too, even if they seemed like they belonged to another world.
"I've never seen Lino so happy," Chiara commented, and I smiled at her.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You've always done that for him though. I'm so glad the two of you finally pulled your heads out of your asses and got your shit together," she said, and I was shocked by how straightforward she seemed. The girl I knew before had been bookish and quiet. Totally and completely drowned and suffocated by her father's rules and stipulations for her life.
"Married life seems to be treating you well," I commented.
She giggled happily. "I got so lucky. When Gabriele arranged the marriage, I thought for sure he'd condemned me to a life with a man three times my age and cruel. The fact that I ended up with someone who grew to love me and encourage me is a miracle. Hopefully our kids won't have to go through what I did, with the arranged marriage. I can't imagine Lino or Matteo even supporting such an archaic concept when they refused to accept matches of their own."
"They seem intent on creating a new kind of family." I admired them for it, that some of their closest family weren't related by blood or marriage at all and they still had the utmost trust in each other. Much more trust than they had with their actual blood, that was for sure.
Chiara's driver pulled up in front of the building, and Emilio hopped out to take us in while he parked the car. "I'll meet you up there," he commented to Chiara, and she nodded with a smile. She trusted the man's judgment to leave her with Emilio and given that Lino had hired him to look after me I had to agree with the assessment.
Even if there was something off in the way he seemed to get lost in thought when he looked at me as he helped me out of the car.
I knew I should mention it to Lino, but it didn't feel hostile. If anything, it just seemed confused. Like he didn't quite know what to make of me.
Since I returned the sentiment, I just gave him a reassuring smile and stepped up next to Chiara to chat as we walked.
It didn't take long to recognize the store, the strollers in the window made it obvious which one would be for a baby. Looking at the little bump forming, I wondered if it wasn't too early. Seeming to sense my question, she turned to me with a sheepish grin. "I'm a little overexcited. There's nothing I've ever wanted more than to be a mother."
"It makes sense," I admitted. "Your father never would have let you be anything else, I imagine."
"There's that," she agreed, but the little smile on her face took off the sting that should have accompanied her words. "But, even still, I didn't lay in bed thinking about being a model or an astronaut. I laid there and I thought about my mother. How much I missed her, and how much I wanted to give my kids everything I'd missed out on. That was everything I wanted, and I told myself I could live with an unhappy marriage if I had that. Having a happy marriage and a baby on the way is like a dream come true." We strolled through the store, and I watched as she paused to run her hands along the wood of a white crib. The curved back hinted at a vintage design, but it was clearly new and modern in all other ways. I wanted to run my fingers along the curves with her when her eyes glazed over. "This reminds me of the crib I had. I've seen pictures."
"I think it's probably perfect then," I sighed, and she glanced down the aisle to look at the others in the line before she nodded with tears in her eyes.
"Mom had a glider. The fabric was this pale green on the seat. Do you think I'd be able to find one like it?" The gliders were much more comfortable looking and seemed more like recliners than I imagined her mother's must have been, but I swore if we couldn't find one in store, I'd find one and get my mother to help me fix it up. She deserved to have everything she dreamed of, and I wanted to help give it to her.
"I don't see one here, but we'll keep looking. I promise." It amazed me how quickly I adopted Lino's family as my own, when I'd always been content to try and keep them on the fringes of my heart. Like I'd known that I could never have them fully even though I wanted them. "Do you know what you're having?" I asked to try and alleviate the suddenly tense mood.
"A girl," she said. "The early blood test said it's a girl. I couldn't wait to find out," she laughed. I took her hand, darting to the baby clothes that hung from the displays in the center of the store. The little purple dress that had caught my attention seemed to beckon me, and I held it up for her.
"It's perfect. You should buy it; in case you have a girl." The words made my stomach clench as I looked down at the fabric, but I shook my head.
"I can't start shopping for clothes before I'm even pregnant. It's perfect for your little cupcake though." She took it, and the way her fingers clenched the fabric told me it was the first time she'd allowed herself to shop for clothes. The first time she'd let herself feel the reality of her pregnancy in such a tangible way.
"Thank you for sharing this with me." I reached out a hand, touching the little belly that seemed to beg me to touch it constantly.
"Thank you for finally letting me in." I swallowed, sucking back the tears as I realized just how many people I'd kept at arm's length. How alone I'd felt because of my own walls.
I'd never been alone.
I'd just been too blind to see it.
Forty-Four
Lino
I hated work. I'd always loved i
t but knowing that Samara and my sister were out shopping on a Saturday while I got stuck working made me anxious. Enzo picked up on it. Of course, the pain in my ass.
"You're like a little slacker now," he poked me in the arm. "Always wanting to be home with the wife."
"I'm too old for this shit. I don't want to work weekends, and soon I won't have to." I shrugged, nodding my head at the manager-in-training. He came around quickly, catching on to the fact that I wanted him to take on tasks I never would have done. He needed to keep busy, and I would still keep track of most of the oversight stuff from home. I just needed someone to be in charge in the evenings.
I knew I'd still be busy, what with Matteo already eyeing a luxury apartment building that he wanted to buy. I knew nothing about being a landlord, but he relied on me to figure it out as I went. So I would.
It didn't stop me from wishing I could be home, from wishing I could convince Samara to quit her job once she was pregnant so that I could work from home and spend time with my family. My father would lose his shit if he knew I put family before the business.
It only tempted me more.
"Seriously, what has that woman done to you?" Enzo laughed, clapping me on the back. "Never seen you so distracted."
"That's because I've never had that woman waiting for me," I grinned at him, not even bothering to hide the happiness that flooded me.
His elbow in my gut made me wince, but I glanced down to the bar below. "Look!" he hissed, his voice going low like a gossiping girl. I leaned over the rail, glancing down to see Scar taking a seat at the bar. It wasn't uncommon for him to come in for a drink during the day on his occasional day off when Ivory stayed at the Estate, but he usually came up and hung out with us while we worked.
Forgivable Sins: A Dark Mafia Romance (Bellandi Crime Syndicate Book 2) Page 30