Tears swam in her eyes. “He needs me more.”
Riot gave her a slow nod. “I understand.” And he did, but that didn’t stop the pain from ripping him apart. He’d done his best to find a mate. He glanced at Nina. She was everything he could hope for. And everything he’d never have.
“I better get you back home. Climb on,” he said, then shifted to his Other form.
* * * * *
Chapter Eleven
They didn’t speak on the long walk home. What was there to say? Riot had lied to her. And when she’d needed him and his abilities the most, he’d let her down. Nina knew she wasn’t being fair, but the painful disappointment left no room for rational thought. She left Riot standing at the edge of the trees, his big body quaking with emotion.
She could feel his hot gaze burning a hole in her back, but Nina couldn’t bring herself to turn around. She was afraid if she did, she’d cave in and go running back to him. Even though he’d lied about who he was, part of her still wanted him. It didn’t make sense. And neither did his explanation about his abilities.
How could he possess so much magic and still not be able to help her grandfather? It didn’t seem right. And it damn sure wasn’t fair. Like a flash fire, her anger erupted to life, then quickly burned itself out. She might be healed, but she still felt bloody and raw. She rubbed a hand over her chest to ease the pain. It would never truly go away.
Nina wasn’t really mad at Riot. He was just an easy target, a gentle giant who wore his hearts on his fur-covered sleeve. No, the anger came from the sense of helplessness that she’d been feeling since her grandfather had taken ill. No matter what she did or who she prayed to, her grandfather was still going to die. And when Harold passed, she would be the last of her bloodline. The last of her family. Truly alone.
Her heart clenched as she pictured Riot’s face. He’d been so disappointed. So hurt. But she had to say no. What choice did she have?
She scrubbed a hand over her face. Death sucked!
Nina pushed her way inside her house and closed the door. Tears stung the back of her eyes, blurring her vision so much that she almost missed the blinking light on her answering machine. Like most modern women, she had a cell phone, but it rarely worked since her house was tucked between the mountains. She walked across the room and pressed the button.
“Ms. Whitetail, we need you to come to the hospital immediately. It’s about your grandfather, Harold Twofeathers--” The message cutoff abruptly.
Nina’s heart dropped. She rushed into her bedroom and quickly changed her clothes, then grabbed her purse and keys.
* * * * *
Riot had failed her when she’d needed him most. And worst of all, he’d lied to her by omission. What kind of warrior lies to a potential mate? Not one with any kind of honor to be sure.
He slowly turned and walked into the woods. There was nothing left to do now but return to the ship. With Nina’s rejection, he'd finally given up on finding a mate. His commander would just have to understand. He wasn’t going to return to Earth again. He'd taken a shot and had failed. Nina’s face flashed in front of him. Okay, maybe he hadn't totally failed. He had after all found the woman he wanted for a mate and lost her.
The thought of being ordered to seek another didn’t sit well with him. It would be Nina or no one. And since she didn't want him – at least not enough to come with him—it was an easy decision. Besides, as far as he could tell, the bond hadn’t taken. One more sign that they weren’t meant to be. The truth only made the pain worse.
Riot made his way through the forest and returned to the lake he’d created to keep his ship hidden. He grabbed his backpack and pulled out his wristband. He slid his finger across the surface, finding the invisible button with ease. He pressed it, and the water surrounding his ship evaporator into the air, forming a thick white cloud, emptying the lake in seconds.
He dropped the wristband back into the pack, and climbed down the slope. He opened the hatch to his ship and crawled inside. The metal creaked then settled under his weight. Riot sat at the control panel staring at the instruments as if he’d never seen them before, his mind once again betraying him with thoughts of Nina.
He growled in frustration. It wouldn't do him any good to sit here and sulk. He’d lost. There was no going back. She’d made her decision. “Get on with it,” he muttered under his breath.
Riot concentrated on making his flight suit materialize. Thin fabric rolled over his body, cocooning his skin until he was covered from neck to toe. His pressed his large palm to his chest to check the seal. It was secure. Riot started his preflight checklist. Flipping switches and sliding his fingers over panels, he checked all the instruments.
Lights dimmed and panels chirped as the shuttle pulsed with power. He was almost finished when he glanced out the window and noticed his pack sitting next to a tree. Riot cursed loudly and powered down, stopping the checklist just short of liftoff. He climbed back out of the craft, dropping down into the muddy ‘lake’ bed, then slogged back up the hill.
He gathered his backpack and started to close it. As he reached for the sealer he noticed the blanket he’d made love on with Nina, sticking out of the top. Riot clenched the material and brought it to his nose and inhaled. Nina’s sweet scent filled his lungs. His whole body stiffened as need threatened to buckle his knees.
He glanced back at his ship, suddenly torn. It was ready. All he had to do was complete his checklist and the shuttle would liftoff and return to his ship. His hands automatically clenched the blanket tighter. He was a warrior. A Phantom warrior. Was he really going to give up this easily? What if the bond was just taking extra time to form?
The beast inside of him roared to life. Riot tried to calm it down, but there was no soothing it. The beast wanted its mate. It wanted Nina. And so did Riot. But how could he get her to leave with him? She'd made it perfectly clear that she wouldn't and couldn't abandon her family. Riot understood loyalty, probably better than she did. But that still didn't help the problem at hand.
Nina wanted him. Riot was sure of that. She wouldn’t have surrendered to him so fully had some part of her not known they were meant for each other. But how could he get her to see the truth, when she was so blinded by pain? He would never and could never force her. She’d never forgive him and he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. She had to come to him willingly. There was no other way.
Riot stared at his ship for a minute longer, then reached inside the backpack once more for the wristband. He pressed a button and the door to the shuttle closed with a clank. Once it had sealed, he pressed another. The air above the shuttle began to swirl and churn, growing thicker and darker with each pass. The cyclone hummed, picking up loose debris as it grew in size. It built and built until there was nowhere for it to go but down. When the cloud thickened to the point that he could no longer see through it, Riot slid his finger across the wristband. With a splash, the churning mass dropped into the dip in terrain, filling the space. Gone was the shuttle. In its place stood a tranquil lake once more.
* * * * *
Nina made it to the hospital in record time, but could barely remember the drive. Her heart pounded until she could hear nothing else. She ran into the hospital, ignoring the startled stares. She pounded the elevator button as if that would somehow make it come faster. The chime rang and the doors slid open. Nina rushed inside, earning a scowl from the people trying to exit. The second the last one made it out the door, she pressed three and hit the ‘close’ button. Every floor the elevator passed felt like an eternity.
The doors finally opened and Nina jumped out. She bypassed the nurse’s station, ignoring their shouts for her to wait. Instead, she sprinted to her grandfather’s room. She was running so fast that she had to grab the doorway to slow herself down. Nina slid into the room and came to an abrupt halt. A neatly made bed sat next to the window, waiting for its next patient. The uncomfortable cream chair she’d spent hours in had been pushed over to the side. H
er gaze swung to the adjoining bathroom.
“Grandpa?” she called out, moving toward the closed door.
Soft footsteps stopped behind her and a gentle hand touched her shoulder.
Nina shrugged her off. She didn’t want to know what the nurse was going to say. “Grandpa!”
The nurse waited patiently as she searched the empty room again. “I’m sorry, but he died a few hours ago.”
“No! You’re wrong,” Nina said, hearing the desperation in her voice. He had to be here. He couldn’t have died when she and Riot were…
Oh God! Her eyes closed and she sank to the floor. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I should’ve been here, so you weren’t alone.” Nina rocked back and forth, as the tears spilled from her eyes. Why hadn’t she been here? Because she was being selfish, that’s why. Instead of sitting with Harold during his last minutes on Earth, she’d been making love to the Great Bear. No! Not the Great Bear—an impostor.
The nurse grabbed a tissue box and handed it to her.
Nina barely noticed as guilt ravaged her. She didn’t want comfort. She didn’t deserve comfort. She should’ve been here so that Harold didn’t have to die alone. The pain in her chest exploded, winding her. Nina’s head spun.
“Breathe, you need to breathe,” the nurse said.
“It hurts too much,” Nina gasped.
She gave Nina a sad smile. “I know, and I’m sorry.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded envelope. “He left you this,” the nurse said. She handed Nina the envelope.
Nina recognized her grandfather’s rough scratchy penmanship on the outside. “Where is Harold's body?”
"As per his instructions, we have sent his remains to the crematorium,” the nurse said. “He was very exact in his instructions. He didn’t want you to see him once he died.”
A fresh wave of pain struck, stronger than the first. Even in the throes of death, her grandfather thought of her. Too bad Nina couldn’t say the same. “Can you give me a minute?” she asked.
The nurse nodded in understanding. “Take all the time that you need,” she said, then slipped out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Nina rose from the floor and placed the envelope on the small side table, and walked over to the bed. She ran her trembling hand over the crisp sheets, then crawled on top. The room had already been sanitized. It no longer smelled like her grandfather. She gripped the thin pillow to her chest and squeezed it tight. Tears came again. This time harder. Nina didn’t bother to hold back. Her whole body shook as she sobbed out her grief. How did any human survive this kind of pain? She didn’t know. Didn’t want to.
An hour passed before Nina could bring herself to get up. How was she going to live without Harold? Her grandfather was her world. Her everything. And now he was gone. She crossed the room and picked up the envelope. Nina held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, as if doing so would somehow bring him inside of her. She tore the envelope open and peered inside. There was a letter. Her fingers shook as she slid the paper out and carefully opened it.
Dear Little Deer,
I knew the time was near for me to join our ancestors. I didn’t tell you because I did not want you to wait by my side. This is one journey we all have to take alone. Do not be sad for me, for soon I shall see my precious daughter and your father. I cannot wait to tell them all about your adventures with the Great Bear. They will not believe it. Though they’ll immediately know why he has chosen you. You are truly special. Your life was magical before, but now you’ve been given the greatest honor of them all. If you choose to follow the Great Bear into the sky, know that your ancestors will be waiting for you when it is your time to come home.
Love,
Grandpa
Fresh tears dropped onto the paper. Nina gently rubbed the teardrops in, then folded the letter and put it back inside the envelope. There wouldn’t be any more adventures for her. She’d given Riot her answer. By now, he was probably on his way home. Wherever that may be. She glanced out the window at the sky as the sun dropped below the horizon. She didn’t see Riot. She didn’t see anything, but her dreams fading before her eyes.
* * * * *
Chapter Twelve
It took a week for the funeral home to get Harold’s ashes prepared. During that time, Nina buried herself in work, avoiding home as much as possible. She was at the clinic, when Sheriff’s Deputy, Rick Hensen stopped by in the afternoon, to ask her if she knew anything about the deaths of two hunters.
Nina told him about the kidnapping and promised to fill out a formal report. Rick was shocked and asked her why she hadn’t come to him for help. She was honest and said after the last time she didn’t think reports from her would be welcome. Rick assured her that wasn’t the case and hinted about them going out on a date once she was feeling up to it.
Nina had only nodded, though she had no intention of taking him up on his offer. How could she, when her heart belonged to another?
She left the clinic and headed to the funeral home. Her grandfather’s ashes had been placed in a plain wooden box with a screw top lid. It looked like something she might’ve put spices in, which for some reason made Nina smile. The box definitely fit Harold to a tee. She thanked the funeral home Director and tucked the small box under her arm. Nina climbed into her truck and started the emotional journey to Kuwah’ hi, the sacred mountain known to outsiders as Clingman’s Dome. There among the highest reaches of the Smokies, Harold would find his rest.
Nina drove the winding road, climbing higher and higher into the mountains to reach the spot where the Great White Bear ruled the spirit world. She couldn’t help but think of Riot as she neared the top. “I wish that you could’ve met him, Grandpa. You would’ve really liked him,” she said. “He was huge, but such a gentle soul.” She downshifted with a thunk, as her truck protested the climb.
She glanced at the plain box, hoping for a response, but none came. So Nina continued. “I think I made a big mistake,” she said. “Riot asked me to go with him and I sent him away.” Pain blossomed and it took two tries to clear her throat. “I wish you were here, Grandpa. I don’t know what to do.”
Have faith, Little Deer.
“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not here. You don’t have to wait on anything, anymore.”
Believe in the Great Bear. Trust in the stories.
“I do believe in him, but I did reject him, Grandpa. For most guys, once is enough,” she said, carrying on both sides of the conversation. Nina knew what she was doing was crazy, but it did bring her comfort, if only for a little while. Despite what her ‘Grandfather’ had told her, Nina didn’t really think that the Great Bear would return.
He’s not the Great Bear, she reminded herself. He’s just a great bear.
Nina snorted. Like there were dozens and dozens of them wandering through the woods. She made the final turn to reach Clingman’s Dome. The Smokies were living up to their name today. Earlier it had been sunny, but now low clouds hung in the sky, crossing over the road in front of her. She slowed her speed and continued on until she reached a safe spot to pull over. She chose one of the many lookout locations, then shut off her engine.
“This is it, Grandpa. The end of the line.” She brushed loving fingers over the smooth surface of the box and glanced out the window. The air seemed sweeter up here, somehow fresher. “You always loved this place for mystical reasons and for its beauty. I hope you can find peace here. I have no doubt that you will.” Nina swallowed hard past the lump in her throat. “I will visit as often as I can. You know that I love you. I’ll always love you…no matter where I am.” She took off her seatbelt and gently lifted the box off the seat.
The truck door groaned as Nina opened it. No one was around thanks to it being low season. Nina walked around the front of her truck, carrying Harold’s remains with her. The wind caught her hair, lifting it away from her face. She stared out over the mountains, drinking in their beauty. “You were right to pick this place Grandp
a. It’s perfect.”
Nina took a deep breath and slowly unscrewed the top of the box. She held it up to the sky offering Harold’s remains to the Great Spirit. “Take care of me, please,” she murmured, then slowly turned the box over. The ashes were immediately caught by the wind and carried away. Nina watched them go, her emotions churning with a mixture of happiness and sorrow. “Bye Grandpa. Godspeed.”
When the ashes were well and truly scattered, she closed the box and turned to walk back to her truck. It was then that Nina caught a flash of brown fur, hovering near the tree-line. Her heart raced with excitement. The brown bear ambled out of the woods, dashing her spirits once more. It was just a normal bear. Nina stared at it in disappointment. What did you expect? Riot is gone.
The second it caught sight of her, it took off in the other direction, crashing through the trees. Nina had no idea how long she stood there, staring after it or why she bothered, but for some reason she couldn’t bring herself to leave. It was only when the sun dropped below the mountains that Nina knew she had to go home.
She placed the box in a litter receptacle and drove back down the mountain. There was no use keeping it. Harold wasn’t in it. And she didn’t need it as a reminder that he was gone. She felt the loss in her bones. Just like she felt the loss of Riot, though in his case it was a different kind of loss, a different kind of heartache. Nina had no illusions about both taking a long time to heal.
It was dark by the time Nina arrived home. She’d stopped for some fast food to kill time, but it had only bought her forty-five minutes. She pulled into her driveway and turned off the key. Nina crawled out of her truck and walked toward her front door. At first, she didn’t see anything, then the shadows shifted and she jumped back. Her eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dark well enough to tell who it was, but she could tell the mass was male.
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