by S. Ann Cole
This time there was emotion in his voice. Hurt. Pain.
It had never occurred to me that he might still be affected by what happened. He never got over it. He probably felt like he failed me somehow by always being approving of my nonsensical behaviors. But still, that didn’t give him the right to try and force us apart. He orchestrated this. Leaked news about our arrival time at SFO so fans would come out. To intimidate Jahleel.
This had me cheesed-off. “That happened because we weren’t together!”
“You two are a disaster waitin’ to happen. He’s a fuckin’ volatile asshole and you’re a—”
“Shut up, Lion!” Jahleel barked suddenly. “Just shut the fuck up!”
Interlacing his fingers with mine again, Jahleel leaned over and kissed me hard, deep and assuring, before breaking to tell Lion, “Yeah, we’re not breakin’ up. Find another way to deal with our shit, manager. As for the paparazzi and annoying fans…just gimme some time to acclimatize.”
Lion’s grin wrapped around his face like a brilliant white scarf. “Perfect answer. ‘Cause I’ve got a mighty long list of proposals for you, son. More than for Saskia. You were hot stuff since that show, but now you’re”—he made an explosive gesture with his hands—”boom! So fuckin’ famous you can bake your shit and sell it on Ebay for a mil a slice.”
Jahleel actually rolled his eyes. None of this would ever impress him. He was a dancer, and that’s all he wanted to be.
“So, hold on,” I said, realizing what just happened. “This was a test?”
“‘Course it was. I’m not a dick,” Lion responded, giving me a look that said “I can’t believe you think I’d do that to you.” “Your lover boy past with flyin’ colors.”
Looking as though he wanted to punch a hole right through the ceiling, Jahleel warned, “Pull anything like that again and I’ll pound your face in.”
“Sorry, son,” Lion apologized. “But what you both don’t realize yet is that you’re the hottest couple right now. Don’t know why, but people are inexplicably crazy about JK and Saskia bein’ engaged. And since I’m both you guy’s manager, it’s my duty to make sure you in it for the long haul, no matter what.
“Things can be a little crazy when your relationship’s in the limelight. So I’m lettin’ you know that sometimes, I’m gonna stop being your friend and be your manager just to make sure we’re on the same page. Believe it or not, I’m nervous as hell that you’re together again. Never know what’s gonna happen with you two idiots, so in love with each other you keep makin’ the world’s dumbest fuckups. Love isn’t that fuckin’ hard. Seriously.”
Laughing out, Jahleel turned on the seat and fell on his back, looking a lot less agitated and more relaxed. He tugged our interlaced fingers, pulling me down on top of him, and I giggled as I collided into his chest with an “oomph.”
Sitting right across from us in the limo, Lion watched with a dubious expression.
“You just worry about your part as our manager,” Jahleel directed at Lion as he brushed stray curls from my face. “Me and Sassy, we’re good. Fanfuckingtastic, as a matter of fact. There’s no ending. Only beginnings.”
As Jahleel palmed the back of my neck and pulled my face in to kiss me, I didn’t miss Lion mumbling under his breath, “Wish I could believe that.”
Chapter Two
“Jesus Christ, here too?”
We pulled up outside my residence, and yep, fans were waiting for us there, too.
For the two years I’ve lived in SF, fans have never once came outside my home. Ever. What on earth was so damn fascinating about Jahleel and me together?
“Should be glad this ain’t LA,” Lion murmured, messing around on his phone.
The driver rolled through the gates and braked in front of my house. Lion got out, then me behind him, but Jahleel didn’t follow. I stuck my head back in the limo to find him scrubbing his hands down his face.
“You’re not coming in?” I asked.
Dropping his hands, he looked up at me, blank for a moment, then, “Ah, why don’t you come by me later? I’m crashed. And I’ve got a ton of stuff to take care of.”
He’s running already. “You can’t—”
“Sassy—”
“Okay, then. Bye.” I slammed the door.
The vehicle drove off as I stomped up the steps to my house. Was I supposed to keep hoping, or give up instead of waiting for him to inevitably break my frigging heart? One minute he was striking the match to light the goddamn hope candle, and in the next we were in bloody dark.
One moment he was saying he’ll stay no matter what, and in the next minute it seemed as though he was trying to get as far away from me as possible.
Lion stood in my doorway, blocking me. “Where’s he going?”
“Home,” I muttered, my lips protruding into a sulky pout.
When I made to move past him, he grabbed my arm. “Look, you went through all this trouble to get him, you better step it up and make sure you fuckin’ keep him. Because JK is a hard one to keep. Lemme shine some light for you: JK has only ever had one dream, and that’s to have his own establishment, choreographing the big names and doin’ what he does best. He’s already livin’ that dream better than he could’ve imagined. Landin’ that job with Dancin’ 2da Beat was just a bonus.
“You got no idea how many muti-million dollar contracts he turned down since that show. This”—he waved a hand to indicate the fans outside my gate—”is not his scene. Viewers’ reactions to him on that dance show took him by surprise and he’s been wantin’ out of doin’ the upcomin’ season ever since. But ain’t no way in hell they’re lettin’ him go. He’s too good an asset. They had to alter the contract with more palatable perks to make him stay. So if he’s tryin’ to cope with this, it’s ‘cause he really loves you. You see me bein’ hard on him, it’s for your benefit, ‘cause I know JK a lot better than you do. Play your part in this and play it well, or you’ll lose him.”
“Then why bother asking me to marry him when he knew what my life is like?”
Lion shook his head at me as if I wasn’t getting it. “Kia, JK’s been in love with you before you were this person, when you were no one. You ever think maybe he’s still in love with that person and not this person? Maybe when he sees you, he sees you without the wealth and the fame, seeing just you. And those things are just a harsh reminder after he snaps out of his haze.”
I slumped on the door post. “I’m so bloody helpless, Lion. I’m so in love with him that I’m perpetually self-conscious around him, afraid I’ll say or do something that’ll push him away. I don’t know what to do.”
“Keep him, that’s what you’re supposed to do. He already loves you, so it shouldn’t be that hard.” Then he got out of my way and started down the steps. “I’ve got more business with him than with you so I’m headin’ over to his place. John, I need a ride!”
Sighing, I entered the house and closed the door. It was eerily quiet despite the racket outside my gate.
Alina came skipping down the stairs towards me, green face scrub plastered on, all pink and perky as usual. “Saskia, you’re home!” she chirped.
Considering the fact that she’d been a bit standoffish since my engagement to Jahleel, she seemed suspiciously chipper.
Alina was Chad’s little cousin. Chad, Jahleel’s best friend who I’d dated for a couple of months, who, promptly after flying all the way to Australia to break up with me, had asked me to babysit her for a while. Before the break up, Alina had confided in me and told me of her biggest crush, who turned out to be Jahleel. And I hadn’t bothered to tell her of mine and Jahleel’s history. So when she heard of our engagement, naturally, she felt betrayed.
“Yep, home.”
“JK with you?” she asked with what sounded like nervousness as I continued my sulky trod through the house.
“I’m gonna pretend you didn’t just ask me that, yeah?” I headed for the stairs. “Where’s everyone, by the way?”
“Amanda left with Zane a couple of hours ago and Ferbie’s traveling with Sade.”
“And Timber?”
She frowned at me under that thick goo of face scrub. “Timber left the minute she flew back from the funeral.”
My heart sank. She was gone again, and I never got the chance to spend any time with her. I had a sister who, in spite of her parrot-ism, I loved dearly. And since I’d allowed her to put college on hold to go travel the world, I barely ever saw her. Each year she found an excuse to extend her travelling. But I never stopped her, because education-wise, I wasn’t worried about her. Timber was a nerd with photographic memory and could pass those college exams with her eyes closed. But family-wise, I missed her. A lot. She’d flown back here the day after Jahleel proposed, apologizing for being out of reach…and late. But we’d all been in such a state over Lydia’s rapid deterioration that we never got the time to embrace properly. Now she was gone again and I had no idea when I would see her.
And Ferbie, Sade had stolen him away from me completely. They traveled often, seeing as Sade was an A-lister who lived to live. To enjoy life to the best of her ability. Plus when they weren’t travelling, Ferbie was almost always at her place. With Timber and Ferbie off living their own life, I now had no family around me. Just me. As Zane was slowly stealing Amanda, too.
Might as well hold on tight to Alina. Because I needed a new family.
I could feel Alina’s eyes watching me as I mounted the steps. She was waiting for something…
“It’s Sylvie’s off day. John and Ben came as extra securities to get us at the airport. Which means you were left here alone…” I summed up. Midway up the stairs, I turned to look at her. She still stood at the foot of the stairs with her hands behind her back, wearing that chipper grin, trying to buy me. “Who’s in your room?”
Her mouth opened and closed, smile fading. “There’s no—”
“Don’t lie to me, Alina.”
“It’s not a boy, okay?” she said quickly, holding up her hands in defense. “It Kaydeen.”
“Who the bloody hell is Kaydeen?”
“Your next door neighbor’s daughter?”
“Do I look like someone who knows their neighbors?”
Alina had never been the one to go against rules, so this was surprising. Unless she was purposely being defiant to spite me over this Jahleel crush crap.
“Really?” she squealed incredulously. “Your neighbor is retired rock star Dave Baltimore!”
Really? “Really?”
Dave Baltimore was a big, big deal once, right up there with Johnny Cash.
“Yes, really!” she exclaimed. “He lives next door with his wife and two kids Kaydeen and Davian. Kaydeen is my age. And Davian is lead singer of his garage band, Ice Steam, and he’s, like, oh-my-god-HOT and—”
“Does your Kaydeen friend have a crush on JK, too?” I cut her off, not in the mood for this. Not when I was at a lost at how to keep the man I loved.
“No. Actually, she has a crush on Ferbie and wants me to—”
“Well, she can stay then. I’m gonna nab a kip.”
“Thank you! Thank you so much!” she shrieked behind me as I resumed my journey up the stairs.
The jet-lag was starting to seep in as I trekked to my bedroom and collapsed on the bed.
Jahleel.
As I whispered his name in my thoughts, I automatically fingered my engagement ring. This ring was the only thing giving me hope right now. Being engaged was supposed to make me feel different, more secure and worry less. Except, it didn’t. I was more terrified than ever. This ring meant more to me than anything I’d ever owned. Now I had to make sure it remained on my goddamn finger.
The problem was…trust. Trust played a huge role in this. Trust planted the doubts there.
But I needed to stop doubting and believe that we would last, that we would make it to the very end, and that Jahleel loved me enough to get past all the things that made him uncomfortable. He said he needed time to deal with it. I could give him time. Sure. But not too much time.
I pulled out my cellphone and fired him a text message:
U still luv me?
—
What could possibly change that?
—
IDK. Just worried, I guess.
—
That I’ll leave?
—
Yes.
—
Not a chance.
I’ll deal with ur limelight shit.
—
Ur actions say otherwise. That’s wut makes me worry.
—
Stop fucking doubting us.
We r TOGETHER.
I got my mood swings, u kno that. Stop reading into them. They’re usually shit.
I get over them.
U got nothing 2be worried about. K?
—
I love u so much.
—
No more than I do u.
I hung on to those words, keeping my phone tight to my chest, pouring the words into my soul. And letting go of all doubts, I thought about our future together. Three kids, like he said. Two boys and one girl, a ranch house….
I fell asleep.
Jahleel opened the door a full minute after I rang his doorbell. Old, faded, cut-off jeans hung low on his hips, and that was it as far as clothing went. His hair was tied back in a loose, I-could-care-less ponytail.
Mine. All mine.
“Hey,” I said shyly, momentarily distracted by the undone button of his jeans and the silky smooth hair peeking out.
Jesus. Was I ever going to get used to him? This? Us?
Even after everything, I was still blushy, stupid, and tongue-tied around him.
“That smell…” I mused out loud, taking in an unfamiliar fragrance wafting beneath my nostrils. It wasn’t his usual earthy cologne. This was something new. And it smelled divine. “Did you change your cologne—”
He cut me off by tugging me forward into the house, slamming the door shut. Slinging one long, manly arm around my waist, he hauled my body to his with a stimulating force. “Been waiting for a fuckin’ hour.”
A rush of air left me at the heated collision. “Sorry about that. Alina and her new friend Kaydeen wanted my advice on—”
An impassioned tongue forced its way between my lips, shutting me up, stealing all the air from my lungs. I gladly obliged, bowing into him, moaning into his mouth, palms pressed against his bare, taut chest, skin warm beneath my fingers.
I loved him so much. So hard.
Having had his fill of my mouth, he pulled away. “Don’t keep me waiting again. I hate it when I want you and can’t get you.”
When I nodded obsequiously, he pulled me a few paces further into the foyer and stopped. Releasing me, he took a few steps back then looked down to the ground with a nervous smile. Confused, I followed his gaze.
I took a step back, because my eyes had to be fooling me. Arranged in the shape of a diamond were black marble tiles with gold initials, JS. Calligraphed in a style where the hook of the J looped around to start the S. They were entwined in each other. I was floored. Literally. He had our initials, large initials, engraved on the tiles in his fucking foyer.
“I had it done while we were away,” he said.
When I did nothing but stare down at the initials, speech-impeded, he pulled me back to him. “It’s an antiquated way of showing affection, I know. But…I love you. And, to be fair, ancient people loved the best. What people call love today is total shit, if you ask me. So, yeah, I tore a page from ancient Kings’ book and—”
“JK, you’re babbling,” I said, smiling. A reticent Jahleel babbling? “Are you nervous?”
“Guess that explains the babbling?”
“Because you think I won’t like it, yeah?”
“Do you?”
I shook my head at him. “Babe, you’ve literally written our love in stone. No, I don’t like it. I bloody love it.”
This made the nervous c
rease between his brows disappear. Releasing me, he got behind me and circled both arms around my waist. “Walk. Right out to the back.”
This was my second time inside Jahleel’s new house. The first time we were in a hurry to leave the country and I’d barely gotten enough time to check the place out.
The new house was a lot less bachelor than one would expect of Jahleel. It was all dark woods and comfortable chairs, throw pillows, fluffy rugs, and family pictures. Very homey. Unlike his last contemporary pad with clean lines, steel, and glass.
Four bedrooms, five and a half bathrooms, a fantastic kitchen that I very much envied, and a spacious backyard, which was a given in SF.
A given back yard where I was heading straight to as ordered by Jahleel, traipsing through the living room and right into the dining room that had a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows and a sliding glass door.
As I glided the sliding door open, I stopped walking. There were lit candles lining his bean-shaped pool, red petals floating on the water. From where I stood at the door, a red carpet led straight down to the small gazebo on the other end. The gazebo was decorated with white sheer material and twinkle lights, draped here and there.
His arms tightened around me and his warm breath caressed my neck. “You like it?”
With a heavy sigh, I turned in his arms, drawing a pattern on his skin with my thumb, formulating the right words in my mind. But he took one look at my expression and his smile melted, his hands dropping from around me.
He frustratingly dragged his fingers back through his hair. “You don’t like it.”
“No. Yes—I mean, of course, I like it. But…”
“But what?”
“It’s not…you,” I said softly. “You don’t do candle light and…all that jazz.”
His chest heaved with a relieving sigh, and he took my hands in his. “You’re right. It’s not me. But you’re worried about us. And I’ll try anything to show you I’m nuts about you and that I’m not gonna back out of this. Isn’t this shit what you teary, emotional women like? Rose petals and candle lights? I thought—”
I pressed a finger to his lips, stopping his worry-babble. “Yes. We do like this stuff. But a simple ‘I love you’ would’ve done the trick for me. I’m easy. You didn’t have to go through all this.”