by Darcy Burke
“Plans? What? Is that between you and his mother?”
Her expressive face became somber. “I intend to find him a wife. Surely you can’t object to my assisting him with a match.”
Ronan edged toward her in complete disbelief. “You plan on finding a wife for a man who breaks chairs into toothpicks on the backs of anyone who comes to his door? Jesus Christ and holy water. You can’t sweep into people’s lives and touch a wand to it. That isn’t how life works. You’re only going to make some poor woman miserable.”
She regarded him with cool reserve.
He stared her down. “You listen to me, Theodosia, and ensure you listen well. If you feel the need to meddle with people’s lives, because you have too much money and too much time on your hands, fine. Meddle. Have a grand time with it, because I sure as hell can’t stop you from doing stupid things. But don’t ever stick your little finger into Lady Caroline’s business again. Or mine, for that matter. She doesn’t deserve to have her life yanked around the way you did tonight. And neither do I.” He stalked toward the closed door she lingered by. “The room is paid for. Stay the night for all I care. You and I are done. I’m leaving.”
She reached out a white gloved hand and turned the key in the latch. Yanking the key out from the locked door, she glanced at the large four poster bed nearby and tossed the key in that direction. It landed soundlessly among the pile of linen. “You and I need to talk.”
He jerked to an incredulous halt at her audacity. He pointed to the bed. “Go get the key. Now. Because I’m not crawling into that bed to get it.”
She held his gaze. “I wish to discuss Lady Caroline with you, after which you can leave.” Her velvet tone was edged. “How is it you never talked to me about her? Even though you have known her since she was a child?”
His hand dropped to his side. He didn’t like the fact that Theodosia was taking a keen interest in Caroline. Caroline was his haven. A haven he didn’t discuss or share with anyone outside of his uncle. “I’m not being paid to discuss my personal life with you.”
She lifted a brow. “So you consider her to be a part of your personal life?”
He squinted. “What is this? What do you want?”
Her expression was one of restraint. “Your uncle told me the girl is in love with you and has been for years. Is that true?”
He was going to crop the son of a bitch. “She is naïve. Nothing more.”
“I disagree. She didn’t come across as naïve to me.” Her voice indicated that she was fascinated. “I liked her. She is nothing like the rest of these girls who debut. She was intelligent and impressively certain of herself. Overly certain, in fact. But then again, her mother is known for being a whore, so I can’t blame the girl for holding onto her pride.”
His nostrils flared. “Mind your tongue. And I mean it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you upset?”
“Why? You’re insulting her mother. Furthermore, what you did to Lady Caroline tonight was uncalled for. What are you doing?”
She lowered her chin. “I did nothing wrong.”
“You put her in a position of potential harm before the eyes of the ton and made her think I was waiting for her in that alcove when in fact I was waiting for you. Do you know how damn awkward that was for me? And what if someone had seen her and I together alone? What if her brother had found out? He would have ripped my bollocks into fourteen pieces and tossed them like confetti. Do you have any idea how protective he is of her, especially after the death of his father? Do you?”
Her features grew tight. “I was trying to help you.”
“Help me?” he echoed. “By doing what?”
“By doing what you clearly are unable to do on your own. Which is engage her.”
His chest rose and fell in uneven takes. It was like she knew. It was like she had been piecing his thoughts and his life together behind his back. He didn’t know how the woman did it, but she always managed to find out everyone’s secrets. He tried to remain indifferent knowing it. “Who says I want to engage her?”
“I’m not blind, Ronan. Nor are you the sort of man to associate with any woman outside of money. And she isn’t providing you money. Which means there is far more to this than you let on.” Setting her reticule onto a small side table beside a chair, she strode toward him, her silk gown peering out beneath the front slit of her red cloak. She paused before him.
He edged back, trying to put space between them.
She unclasped the buckle of her cloak with her gloved fingers. It slid from her shoulders and into her grasp, revealing an alabaster evening gown. Tossing her cloak aside and into a chair, she asked, “Does her brother know about your affection for Lady Caroline? Have you told him?”
Ronan’s pulse quickened. Jesus. Hawksford would kill him. “I don’t know what you think is going on, or what my uncle told you, but she and I aren’t involved in that way. We never were.”
She turned and sashayed toward the cognac, giving him her backside view. “Aside from the freckles, which she should cover with some powder, she is incredibly attractive. Don’t you think?”
Ronan fisted his hands so tightly he could feel them pulsing. He wasn’t about to admit to her, let alone himself, that after seeing Caroline for the first time in years, and after the way she had touched him, he had masturbated to thoughts of her that same night. It was the first time he had ever masturbated to thoughts of Caroline. And he was trying not to panic. “She and I are friends.”
“Friends?” Theodosia paused before the mahogany table. Removing her gloves, she tossed them aside and poured herself a large glass of cognac. She glanced back at him from over her shoulder. “I know what I saw, Ronan. You were watching her throughout the evening prior to what was supposed to be our meeting in the alcove that you arranged. You followed her about the ballroom in between conversations with other men, and yet you never asked her to dance. Not once. Nor did you approach her for conversation even though you and she are supposedly friends. Why is that?”
The woman was like a hawk. Yes, he damn well watched Caroline most of the night. She was beautiful to look at and he was still recovering from knowing it. “I didn’t want to be a nuisance.”
“I don’t believe you. Which is exactly why I passed off my meeting to her. I wanted to better understand what you two share.” She turned back to the cognac, her fingers plucking up the filled glass. She sampled from the glass, observing him from over its rim. “Her hair and gown were too pristine after she returned to the ballroom for anything to have happened. Unless something did happen? Did it?”
He could feel his entire face prickling with heat remembering the way he had dragged his hands all over Caroline’s body. And how he had been unable to keep his fingers from the hooks on her dress. “I’m not looking to get involved with her in that way.”
“Why not?”
“She deserves marriage.”
“And you don’t?”
“I have too many financial obligations sitting in France for me to consider it.”
“But this girl has money. Why not end all of your financial woes and marry her?”
He glared. “Since when did you become a goddamn matchmaker?”
She pursed her lips. “I’m not trying to upset you, Ronan.”
“Then what are you trying to do?”
She sighed. “Would you rather we not discuss this or her anymore?”
“Yes. I would rather. Cease taking an interest in her life. Or you’ll regret it.”
“I have no trouble moving on.”
“Good. I’m glad to hear it.”
She eyed him, fingering the crystal glass. After a long moment of silence, she casually said, “I heard your uncle is hosting a champagne party at an undisclosed location. People are whispering about it.”
Yes, his uncle was always good at organizing trouble. “He hosts one every year. What of it?”
She demurely lowered her eyes to her glass. “I hav
e never actually been to one and have always been curious as to what goes on at them, given they are so exclusive. Could you secure us an invitation? I thought it could be entertaining to do something different.”
Having sex with her in a house full of other people also having sex wasn’t his definition of different. “I don’t do champagne parties anymore. I outgrew them years ago. And if you didn’t know, for few do, more than champagne is involved. It’s a party that specializes in flagellation. Are you telling me you’re that sort?”
Her cheeks actually flushed. “I’m not prim, despite what you think.”
“Prim isn’t the problem. I don’t do whips.”
“We don’t have to. Couldn’t we—”
“No. We are not going.”
She stared. “Aside from a few wild nights, Ronan, I really don’t ask much of you. Lest you forget, I graciously let you leave for thirteen months to Paris away from me, completely paid for by me.”
She would have to point that out.
“Are you telling me you don’t wish to entertain me anymore?” she demanded.
He set his shoulders and tried to soften what he knew he had to say. What he’d come to say. “I appreciate all that you have done for me, Theodosia. You know that. Out of all the women I have been with in this manner, you have renewed my faith in my dealings with women. But that said, I am not interested in pursuing this anymore, and in my opinion, it has lasted well beyond what it should have. I was only using you for money and you were only using me for—” He swept a hand toward the length of his body. “Admit it.”
She blinked rapidly and averted her gaze, her bare fingers tightening to white on the glass. “It’s because of her, isn’t it?”
Ronan shifted from boot to boot, not wanting to think about Caroline. And most certainly not at a moment like this. “No. I was already set to end this. I’m tired of feeling like a dog on a leash.”
She glanced up, her features twisting. “I never meant for you to feel like that. Surely, you know that.”
He tugged hard on his cravat, knowing it. It agitated him. She was too attached for his liking.
She searched his face. “Give me something to remember you by. I will pay however much you want.”
“I’m not interested in taking any more money from you, Theodosia.”
She stepped toward him. “From what you uncle told me tonight, all the money you saved these past three years is gone. Do you mean to tell me you plan on finding someone else to pay for it? Who? None of these women will ever be as generous as I have been.”
His throat closed, knowing it.
She observed him. “How much money do you owe?”
He wanted to leave. “I have to go.”
“How much?” she prodded.
Humiliation bit into him. “I can manage.” He gestured toward the key on the bed. “Hand it up. I have to go.”
She blocked him in. “I know you, Ronan. You always try not to be a burden, and I refuse to accept that for you. Do you want me to make inquiries as to the amount of money you owe? Because I will. Now save me some time. How much do you owe?”
He dropped his hand to his side not knowing how he was going to pay the remaining sum he owed for assisting his aunt. “A little over two thousand.”
Her voice softened. “I will pay for it. All I ask is that you secure me an invitation to your uncle’s champagne party for us. It will be our last night together. A celebration of sorts. Then you and I are done.” Her voice softened all the more. “One last night together, Ronan. Let me live one last time in your arms. Please.”
Now he felt bad. Now he felt like he owed her a night. Jesus. How did women always manage to make him feel like there was more between them than there actually was? He huffed out a breath. Aside from the money, he hadn’t had sex in over a year himself. And after Caroline had up and riled him into— “Fine. I…fine. I’ll secure you an invitation. After which, we are done.”
She nodded, quietly strode over to the bed and swept up the key. Capturing his gaze, she strode toward him and held out the key between two fingers.
He dragged it from her fingers.
She lingered, searching his face and then tilted her face upward and leaned in.
Knowing she wanted him to kiss her, he edged back. “You know I never do.”
She lowered her gaze. “I thought your time in France would make you realize that you missed me. But clearly you didn’t.”
“I do this for the money. You know that. I never led you to believe otherwise.”
She said nothing.
Sensing she was struggling, he touched her arm and gently added, “You deserve better than this, Theodosia. You deserve better than me and what you keep settling for. Remarry. Find yourself a good man worthy of being at your side.”
She blinked away tears, quickly turned away and waved him off. “No man could ever replace my Eric. You are the closest I have come to touching him. And it still isn’t enough. Now go. I will see you next week.”
He nodded, feeling guilty as hell and trudged toward the door.
***
Spying a fresh stack of correspondences on his writing desk, which had been delivered by the post that afternoon, Ronan gathered them and grudgingly plucked through them. Other than the usual bills from France and sparse invitations to dinner parties, there was nothing of interest.
He paused at seeing a letter from Caroline. He recognized her writing. She was the only one he knew who could make his name and address look like artwork.
His heart hammered in his ears. Slapping all the other letters back onto the desk, he quickly turned over the letter and broke the wax seal.
Unfolding the parchment, he read:
My dearest, dearest Caldwell,
It has been three days since our glorious tête-à-tête in the alcove and yet, to my disappointment, I have heard nothing from you. I hope you are well. Call on me or write. Please.
Ever yours,
Caroline
He swallowed. A part of him felt like he was betraying Caroline.
Not that he had promised himself to her.
Who was he to want her in that way?
Folding the letter, he yanked open the upper top drawer where he had kept all of her letters and shoved it against the pile. His hands stilled as he stared at the countless letters she had written throughout the years.
He had often wondered why he had kept every single one of her letters, dating back to when she was thirteen. He, who was ten years her senior and who never kept any letters, especially if they had been written by the female hand. But in that moment, he understood exactly why he had kept each and every one.
Because Caroline had always meant more to him than he had ever wanted to admit. She was the one who had always listened to his frivolous stories with bright, eager eyes when everyone else told him to shut up. She was the one who had always made him laugh with her ridiculous, yet insightful views on everything. She was the one who had always made him feel as if he were worth everything, even though he was financially ruined and in truth, worth nothing, even as a person.
There had never been anything sexual between him and Caroline. God, no. No, no, no. Not ever. And that was what he cherished most between them. For while he had countless lovers in his life, he had never had a true friend in any of them.
He slammed the drawer shut, making all of her letters disappear from sight and rubbed the back of his neck, digging his fingers into skin. He would write to her later. When his mind wasn’t so muddled and he could figure out what to say to her about what had happened between them in the alcove.
He blew out a breath. Knowing he had to trudge through his financials and figure out how much he had to pay for recent incidentals, he opened the drawer below her letters. His brows came together at seeing the drawer, which usually housed the financials, empty.
“What—” Drawer by drawer, he frantically dug his way past frayed quills, corked glass bottles of black ink which had been repeatedly
diluted with water over the past six months, and pieces of wax which had been scraped off from old letters.
He paused when the bottom drawer finally yielded the thick, leather-bound ledger he’d been looking for. There were only three servants in the house and each of them knew his financial situation all too well to take an interest.
His uncle must have moved it.
Damn the man.
Yanking out the heavy book, which bound at least a hundred yellowing parchment pages, he slammed it onto the desk and paged through it, trying to figure out what his uncle had been doing. One of the pages fell open, due to something having been set between them.
He blinked at seeing an unfolded parchment along with a hundred pound bank note tucked into the inner bound pages. He slapped aside the bank note and read the letter it had come with, needing to know where it came from.
Surprisingly it was from…Lady Waverly. Hawksford’s elderly neighbor. Was the wrinkled goose still trying to get her hands on Hawksford? Jesus. Hawksford seriously needed to acknowledge that the old woman’s interest in him had nothing to do with cribbage.
Angling the letter toward himself, Ronan huffed out a breath and read:
Lord Caldwell,
You and I have had the pleasure of meeting on many occasions over the years through our common acquaintance better known to you as Lord Hawksford. I have always seen you as a man capable of understanding delicate matters. Given my age, it is difficult for me to openly convey my interest in Lord Hawksford as I am well beyond the age of being able to offer him an heir. If you should feel so inclined to meet with me one afternoon so that we may discuss the possibility of arranging a quiet moment between myself and Lord Hawksford, so that I may have the time to better understand what lies between him and I, I would be forever in your debt. I am offering a small token of my appreciation, which you may keep regardless of the outcome or response.
Graciously,
Lady Waverly
The woman expected him to push Hawksford into her arms?
Hell, there was just some things a man didn’t do.
No matter how much money was being tossed at him.