Decade

  They were both wide awake but neither of them said a word. They were just enjoying the warmth of each other’s bodies. After all, between their love-making during the night, they had talked and joked and laughed, and talked and joked and laughed even more until there was nothing left to say. In fact, they had barely had an hour’s sleep in all that time. Now, it was just a moment to relax and enjoy the still of the early morning.

  The gradual brightening of the room, however, was a sure sign to Vicki that the storm in which she would find herself after this particularly beautiful lull was very soon in coming. Her confrontation with Rhys could be tempestuous. She knew he would be worried sick where she was, but, cruelly, for the moment, she couldn’t care less. Nor could she care less what gossip would be flying around the office on Monday, particularly after telling Brenda that she would not be getting into the minicab with her as it pulled up outside Tommy’s building. She had left her there startled before running back inside to catch the lift back up to his apartment.

  Unsurprisingly, Tommy had been eager to find out more about her relationship with Rhys, and Vicki had told him everything. He was pleased to hear it would be ending but became angry when she said she was planning on telling Rhys after Christmas, and most probably in the New Year. Tommy told her in no uncertain terms that she was to tell him immediately, the next day, and that Rhys was to move out of the flat straight away. Vicki relented, thinking logically that there was no real reason to wait. Reluctantly, Tommy had to accept, however, that Vicki could not just throw Rhys out onto the street and that there would be a short period of time when he continued to live in the flat until he made other arrangements. But she promised never to share the same bed with him again. Tommy was not convinced of this but there was little he could do about it. He would have to take her word for it and ensure she spent as many evenings as possible round his place.

  As Vicki lay next to Tommy, she told herself that she was going to be open and honest with Rhys about everything that had happened. It was the right thing to do.

  But it was easy to believe that in the calm and quiet of a warm bedroom away from the storm. Now, as Vicki stood outside her front door, key in hand, her confidence drained away and she took a deep breath to steady her nerves. She looked at her wristwatch for no particular reason other than to waste another few seconds before her confrontation with Rhys. Twelve noon, it showed, and soon it would be High Noon between them. After one more deep breath, she placed the key in the lock.

  Sitting in the living room, Rhys heard it immediately. He jumped up from the sofa and bolted down the hallway like an Olympic sprinter. When Vicki pushed open the door, he was already standing there in front of her.

  ‘Vicki! Where’ve you been? I’ve been beside myself. Have you been in an accident or something?’

  Vicki couldn’t look him in the eye as she stepped across the threshold and shut the door behind her. Her guts were churning and her throat constricted as if a ligature was being tied tightly around it. She didn’t reply and brushed past Rhys into the bedroom. Rhys followed a pace behind, somewhat baffled at her brusqueness. With her back to him, for she did not want him to see her face, she took off her coat and threw it onto the bed. Rhys did not notice her take another deep breath before she finally turned round to face him.

  ‘I’m gasping for a cup of tea.’ Vicki brushed past Rhys again and walked into the living room. She crossed over to the sink and filled the kettle with water. In the background, the theme music to Grandstand was sounding from the television. As Rhys followed her in, he turned down the volume and eased up behind her. He placed his hands on her waist, tentatively. On feeling them, Vicki turned around, her eyes awash with tears and grasped him tightly.

  ‘Hey, Vick, what’s wrong? What’s happened?’

  ‘Let’s sit down,’ Vicki replied and she led him by the hand to the sofa. ‘Can you switch off the telly?’

  Before sitting down, Rhys stretched out his hand and turned the knob. He then joined Vicki on the sofa.

  ‘Vicki, why are you so upset? What’s happened?’ he repeated softly and with concern, taking hold of her hand and lightly stroking the back of it. Vicki was about to reply when he threw in, ‘Where were you last night? I was so worried.’

  By the sink, the kettle came to boil but they ignored it.

  Vicki couldn’t bring herself to admit that she had been with Tommy. ‘I stayed round Brenda’s in Vauxhall,’ she lied, looking down at the carpet. ‘She’s going through a bad patch with her boyfriend and got really upset at the party. In the minicab home she burst into tears and I couldn’t just leave her when we arrived at her place. I was going to ring you but her phone wasn’t working. I’m so sorry.’ Vicki seemed to shrink further in her seat with every lie and she continued to stare at the carpet. She felt wretched and consumed with guilt.

  ‘Hey, Vick, don’t worry about it? I understand,’ Rhys replied in a reassuring tone, lowering his head to try and get underneath hers to look her in the eye. ‘You did what any good friend would have done and phones are always going on the blink these days.’ However, his next words dug hard into her heart, which only added to her agony. ‘That’s why I love you so much.’

  Vicki screwed up her face and wondered how she could bear to hurt him. But she knew that she had to. She summoned up some courage from the very depths of her stomach and was on the point of telling him it was all over when Rhys changed the subject for he had some news of his own he had been dying to impart. ‘Anyway, I’m glad you’re finally here, Vicki, ’cos I’ve had a bit of good luck. I’ve got a job. Can you believe it after all this time?’

  Vicki looked up at him, thrown by this, and furiously mulled over in her mind what it might mean for their situation. Instinctively, she thought it might complicate matters.

  ‘A couple of hours ago, the buzzer went, and I thought it had to be you and that you’d lost your key or something. But in fact it was Christos from the Supreme around the corner. Do you remember when I told you I was sitting in his place a few weeks back and him and his wife were running around like blue-arsed flies because their chef and waitress hadn’t turned up and, being friendly with him, like, I helped them out?’

  ‘Yeah, vaguely.’

  ‘Well, he got fed up with them ’cos they were always sick or something and letting him down. Anyway, to cut a long story short, he’s fired them. What he wants to do is more of the cooking himself with his wife, which means he needs someone up front serving and looking after customers. Well, he’s asked me to do it. Apparently he was quite impressed when I helped out. So I said yeah. The pay’s not brilliant, but it’s not bad, either. I can certainly contribute a bit now to the rent and food, like.’

  An excited Rhys stared expectantly at Vicki, waiting for a happy reaction, but none was forthcoming. To his disappointment, her face was as inscrutable as a poker-player. His excitement waned and, because the atmosphere was a touch oppressive, he added in a low voice, ‘He wants me to start in the New Year when he comes back from a couple of weeks in Cyprus,’ as if this knowledge might somehow be the key to unlock Vicki’s happy box.

  Vicki’s expression remained inscrutable, however, and the smile on Rhys’s face all but disappeared. After a few tortuous seconds, Vicki replied in a manner that was as cold and hard as steel for this little story only reinforced her conviction that Rhys was definitely not the right person for her. To work in the local Greek-Cypriot café seemed the height of his ambition. Compared to Tommy, he was nothing. ‘I’m very pleased for you, Rhys. I hope it works out well.’

  It was Rhys’s turn to look down at the carpet as Vicki was clearly underwhelmed with his new job. He went quiet momentarily, feeling both inadequate and embarrassed, before mouthing weakly, ‘It’s the best I can do, Vicki, I’m sorry.’ His sense of despair, however, was nothing compared to how he was about to feel for Vicki had finally hardened herself to break the devastating news.

  ‘Rhys, I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you for some tim
e now.’ Vicki hesitated before continuing because, despite her outward air of confidence, the butterflies were fluttering alarmingly inside her stomach and she was finding it difficult to conjure up the right words. She held Rhys’s expectant, almost frightened gaze despite every instinct in her body telling her to look away. The hesitation unsettled Rhys even further for he sensed what was coming next and he felt like a condemned man waiting for the firing squad to pull the trigger. ‘It’s not been working out, you know, you and me, for a long time now, and I don’t think we’re ever gonna make it. I think it’ll be for the best if we split up and go our own ways.’

  Having pulled the trigger, Vicki looked back down at the carpet for she found it impossible to bear witness to the destruction she had caused. Rhys did not say a word or bat an eyelid, but a rush of nausea swept over his body as powerful as a tsunami and his throat became as parched as that of a man lost in the Sahara Desert. All of a sudden, the atmosphere in the room was heavy and suffocating. As the seconds ticked by, Vicki hoped that Rhys might say something so she glanced up at him but all she saw was the man she once loved looking as ashen and vacant as a cadaver. Without knowing it, Rhys licked at his lips a couple of times, the only suggestion to Vicki that he was still alive until she detected the shaking and shuddering of his body. He lowered his eyes and began to lick at his lips more frequently and more aggressively. He also tried hard to swallow some imaginary item in his throat. Vicki had said the words he had never wanted to hear and his body was shutting down in reaction.

  The silence was unbearable and Rhys’s demeanour made Vicki feel dreadful. She was tempted to hold his hand, but she resisted, clasping her hands so tightly together that the veins stood out proud. Saying the fateful words had been difficult enough but disclosing the practicalities was even harder.

  ‘I’m very sorry, Rhys, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time and I know it’s the best thing to do.’ With a cough to clear her throat, she carried on. ‘I’m going to have to ask you to move out as soon as you can. I know you’ll need a bit of time to find yourself another place but I’d appreciate it if you could do it as quickly as possible. I can sleep in here, on the sofa, in the meantime.’

  Rhys remained zombie-like beside her, hearing the words but not registering their meaning. He suddenly looked up at her and asked in barely a whisper, ‘Why, Vicki? You’re everything to me. I’d do anything for you, you know that.’ Tears welled up in his eyes, which turned a dungeon dark, and he tried hard but failed to stifle a sniffle.

  ‘It’s not working out, Rhys; you must know that. We’re growing apart. I’m spending more of my time alone with my friends and we seem to have less in common as each day goes by. I need to move on. I can’t go on living in this crumby flat forever and I don’t want to keep missing out on all the nice things in life everyone else is experiencing like great holidays and restaurants and shows. We can’t afford to do any of these things. And the way we are, how could we ever hope to start a family? You know I’d love to but I’m the only one earning and we’d never be able to get by if I had to give up work.’

  ‘But I’ve got a job now,’ Rhys replied croakily, the words stumbling one into the other, but with a sense of optimism that he had the answer to their problems.

  ‘You said it yourself it doesn’t pay much, Rhys. It won’t make any difference.’

  ‘Things will get better, trust me.’

  Vicki just shook her head and sighed. ‘They won’t, Rhys, they won’t.’

  Rhys looked away and pursed his lips tightly in an effort to stop himself from crying. He wiped at his eyes with the bottom of his T-shirt. His stomach was churning and he took a deep breath but he found it impossible to maintain his composure and the well of tears in his eyes overflowed and trickled down his cheeks. He wiped at them with his T-shirt again, blowing his nose into it at the same time. He knew it was disgusting but he was beyond caring. Vicki stared down at the floor, evaluating whether she had said everything that needed to be said so that she could walk away.

  ‘My dream was always to get married and start a family with you, Vicki, and now you’re saying it’s all over.’

  Vicki sighed for she knew that anything she said now would only be a repeat of what she had already told him. Accordingly, she said nothing, but Rhys’s next comment discomfited her. ‘It means you’ll want to find someone else, won’t you?’

  Vicki shifted her feet and remained silent. This response confirmed to Rhys that she did. He knew that it could hardly be unexpected but to receive confirmation made him shake uncontrollably and he had to hug himself to stop. The image of Tommy flashed into Vicki’s mind and she was tempted to tell Rhys about him. This was the opportunity to reveal everything, to get it all out into the open, like she had promised herself she would do. But she couldn’t face it. She justified her volte-face by reasoning that her breaking up with Rhys had nothing to do with Tommy. It would have happened anyway, and soon enough, so in many respects he was irrelevant. She was also conscious of the fact that she had only just met him and that it was too early to know how things might progress. In time, Rhys would find out, but she didn’t have the heart, or guts, in truth, to tell him now. It was obvious that Rhys had not considered for one second the possibility that she had stayed with another man the night before.

  Stifling a sniffle and wiping his nose with the back of his hand, Rhys steadied his emotions and looked Vicki directly in the eye. His face was sad, but kind at the same time, not at all aggressive. Nevertheless, he remained desperate, evident in the pleading in his voice.

  ‘You’ll never meet anyone, Vicki, who’ll love you as much as I do. You must know that. Please think again, please, I beg you.’ Rhys looked away, ashamed of himself. But when desperation takes over, even the most pathetic of cards has to be played.

  Vicki couldn’t stand it any longer and stood up abruptly. ‘I’m sorry, Rhys, it’s all over. There’s nothing more to say.’ She had wanted to sound firm and decisive but there was an inherent softness in the way she expressed herself. But Vicki had a final sting. ‘You might want to think about going back to Wales permanently, Rhys. There’s no future for you here in London, you know that. It’s probably for the best.’ And with that, Vicki left the living room and went into the bedroom, shutting the door quietly behind her.

  Rhys returned to his zombie-like state, registering that not only did Vicki want to finish with him but that she also wanted him out of her life completely. This knowledge shook him to the core and he burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.

  In the bedroom, Vicki sat down on the edge of the bed and held her head in her hands. She could hear Rhys crying and felt downcast. She had expected it to be hard telling him but was surprised at how awful she felt. Her feelings for Rhys were clearly much stronger than she thought, or were they just a reflection of the sadness of the occasion? She couldn’t be certain, only time would tell. But there was one thing Rhys had said that she did agree with. No man would ever love her as much as he did.

  Rhys finally stirred after yet another night of intermittent sleep. As always, Vicki was the first thing that came into his head, to be immediately accompanied by a dull ache in his stomach. He turned over onto his back, thinking yet again about her and their relationship. He was so desperate that he liked to believe that they still had a relationship of sorts and, for the umpteenth time, he tried to work out what she would be thinking of at this very moment. In order not to sink into the deepest pit of misery, with no prospect of ever climbing back out, he had convinced himself that she would be feeling equally as wretched, and missing him madly, and that after a few days apart, the enormity of what she had done would hit her hard. Surely she would want to get back in touch and express a desire to try again?

  Despite the finality of Vicki’s words, the reason Rhys continued to cling onto this sense of optimism was the deep-rooted belief that she still possessed strong feelings for him. She couldn’t just erase what they had been through together like some tin-
pot dictator in a distant country re-writing its history. Such optimism was particularly powerful this morning and it made him feel a little better. Yes, it would all work itself out, calm heads would prevail, and things would return to the way they had been before. Perhaps this optimism was given fresh legs by the fact that it was New Year’s Day and that he would be travelling back to London later that afternoon. He was starting work the following day in the Supreme and was eternally grateful to Christos for he had provided him with a valid reason to return. Without the job, he might well have stayed in Wales, as Vicki had suggested to such devastating effect, and then there would have been no hope of their getting back together again. Yes, 1974 might well turn out to be a lot better than he imagined.

  As Rhys contemplated the black patch in the corner which had grown considerably larger since the last time he was back in Wales, his thoughts returned to that horrible afternoon back in the flat before Christmas. He tried desperately to expunge it from his mind but it kept springing back up as if the Devil himself had chosen Rhys to be his sole target of sufferance from now until evermore.

  After Vicki had retired to the bedroom, Rhys had sat on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon, after which, and while still in a highly emotional state, he had packed a bag and shot off to Paddington Station to catch the train to Pontypridd so as to be in the arms of his loving parents. Vicki had deliberately kept out of his way and was relieved to hear him say that he would be going to Wales that evening. Selfishly, she believed it would be less stressful for her to be with Tommy, knowing that Rhys was not back at the flat wondering where she was and what she was getting up to. She didn’t know whether he would take up her suggestion to remain in Wales permanently but the fact Christos had offered him a job made that possibility less likely. She frowned and shook her head at the unfortunate timing.