by Ladew, Lisa
Dani could see JT turning this over in his mind, looking for holes. “He could find a way to misappropriate a helicopter and then put terrorists on it.” He held up a hand before Sara could object. “Look, I know that’s unlikely, but I’m just trying to consider this from all angles. There is no way I’m going to let Colonel Clarkson get the upper hand on me again.” He thought for a second, then added, “He could just leave us out here. He’ll deliberately send the helicopter to the wrong spot in the desert, and we’ll just die of starvation and thirst.”
Sara shook her head. “We can walk to St. Marin in less than a day. And I can shoot or catch us food and find us water. No one is going to die out here.”
Excitement and something like hope flowered on JT’s face. “We can walk to St. Marin? Is that a town?”
“Yes, it’s a small town. I should still have a contact there too, if Agent Farmer didn’t get freaked and bail.”
“That’s what we’ll do! We’ll walk out. And this Agent Farmer, can he get us to Camp Patriot?”
Sara nodded, her eyes already far away, considering. Dani held her breath, scared that JT’s eyes would settle on her again. But Sara looked at her first, her face set. “I think you two should rest tonight, and in the morning I’ll catch a few hours while my water is collecting. And then we’ll walk to St. Marin. Depending on how fast we can go, I think we can be there by three or four in the morning.”
JT nodded almost immediately. “It’s a good plan. It’s the safest course of action for us right now.” He swiveled his face towards Dani. “How about you Dani, what do you think?”
Dani tried to breathe. Her mouth opened. He’s my uncle, blared in her mind. But what she said was “I think it will work.”
“Good, it’s settled then. There’s fabric on the floor in the cave for you so you don’t have to lay in the sand. The flashlight is right there by the doorway. Use it sparingly. I’ll wake you in eight hours.” Sara stood up and brushed herself off and walked straight out towards the desert, continuing her enigmatic project of examining rocks.
Far off in the distance, Dani thought she heard the rotors of a helicopter beating the air. She cocked her head and listened while JT got up and headed for the cave. Finally, she had to admit only silence surrounded them. She followed JT into the cave.
JT waited for her at the entrance. “Which do you want?” he asked, shining the light on two pieces of fabric at the far end of the cave. Dani stared hard, trying to figure out what the fabric was. One appeared to be Sara’s dress. The other, maybe her bag. She chose the bag, because it was smaller. She walked over and sat down, feeling the air grow warmer against the back wall. It must hold on to the heat of the day longer in here, she thought.
As she lowered her body to the ground, exhaustion slammed into her. She made a pillow with her arms, feeling consciousness swirling away already. She gladly gave herself over to sleep in only a few seconds, not noticing JT laying awake and contemplative a few feet away.
Chapter 24
Sound clawed at Dani’s consciousness, nudging her awake. She opened her eyes to moonlight falling around the cracks of the makeshift door. What had she heard? Was it the helicopter? She turned her head towards JT. His face was white and bathed in sweat. Dani sat up quickly, sleep falling away in an instant. What was wrong with JT?
A low, tortured noise came from his throat. “No,” he moaned. “Run! Tina! Run!” he was yelling now, his strong legs twitching in the sand.
Dani crawled to him and shook his arm. He didn’t notice but kept moaning. A tear trickled down one of his cheeks.
Dani shook him harder. “JT, JT, wake up,” she whispered directly in his ear.
JT’s eyes flew open and he sat up quickly, breaths tearing harshly in and out of his throat.
“Oh God,” he said and then collapsed back to the ground. Dani moved closer to him, feeling the heat pouring out of his skin. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice hitching with hesitation.
JT ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Yes I’m fine, I had a nightmare.” His voice sounded sad and far away to Dani.
Concern tore at Dani’s heart. She’d never heard a man sound so forlorn. “A nightmare about what?” But she thought she knew. The hell that they had just gone through was enough to give anyone nightmares.
JT’s hands fell away from his face, dropping into the sand and sending up mushroom clouds of dust. He looked at her, his eyes searching her very soul, as if he was deciding whether or not to tell her the truth.
Dani held his gaze. Time seemed to fall away. His amazing light blue eyes seemed to hypnotize her. To Dani, nothing had ever felt so right or good. Finally, he spoke again, his lips barely moving. “About my wife.”
Dani felt as if she’d been kicked in the chest. He’s married? But he doesn’t wear a ring! She felt hot tears spring to her eyes like she just found out she’d been betrayed, or cheated on, or dumped, or all three at once. Suddenly she didn’t care that her emotions didn’t make any sense. All she cared about was getting out of here. She began to gather her legs under her to flee into the night when JT spoke again, soft and sad.
“I mean, she’s not my wife anymore. She’s dead.”
Dani’s roller coaster of emotions fell away again and now she felt only sadness. He was a widower? She took a deep breath and tried to get a hold on herself. What is wrong with you?
After a moment’s consideration, she took his hand. His warm skin and callused fingers served to ground her, and she hoped she was giving him at least some comfort.
He didn’t say anything for a few moments, but he held onto her hand tightly. And then the story spilled out of him.
“She was my high school sweetheart. We dated for three years and when we graduated I asked her to marry me. This was 10 years ago already.” He ground his free hand into his eyes again, trying to wipe away the last of the nightmare. “We didn’t have any money or any skills so I decided to join the Marine Corps in order to provide for us. It had always been a dream of mine. After boot I got stationed at Camp Pendleton and we rented a nice little house just off base. We had four months together and it was special, you know? She was special. And then I got deployed to Afghanistan the first time. After I had been gone for two months my commander came to see me one day.” JT’s voice hitched and he stopped talking. Dani took his other hand and rubbed her thumb across the palm, trying to let him know she was there for him.
“He said I had to take emergency leave because my wife was dead. He didn’t know the details. I flew out in an hour. When I got back to Camp Pendleton, it turns out that she had been walking home from work one night — we had a car but it was used and always in the shop — and someone had mugged her. He shot her in the chest and she died two days later.” JT’s voice dropped so low Dani had to strain to hear him. “But they didn’t notify me for a week.”
JT’s face twisted in agony. Dani dropped her eyes to his chest, feeling like she was spying on him. Tears for his lost love and innocence trickled down her face, unnoticed by either of them. “And most of the time I’m okay. But sometimes, especially when I’m under a lot of stress, I have nightmares about it. And in the nightmare I’m always there, and I see her standing there with a man who has a gun in her face. And I see her and I try to reach her but I can’t. You know how it is in dreams. I can’t control my body and I try to scream and nothing comes out. But I try to tell her to run, to just drop her purse and run. And that’s where the dream always ends. I never see her get shot and I never save her.”
Dani could hear the agony in JT’s voice but his eyes were dry and staring at nothing. She let go of one of his hands and ran her left hand over his forehead, trying to smooth out the lines there. She ran her thumb across first one eyebrow and then the other. She didn’t dare speak. No words seemed adequate for such a sad story. Finally, she told him, “I’m so sorry.”
A few tears marched a silvery line down from the corner of his eye down his temple. She wiped them away with th
e palm of her hand. She looked up to his face again and her breath caught in her throat. His eyes blazed, and they were looking right at her.
“I’m sorry too. It was a long time ago, but sometimes I am still surprised by how much it hurts.”
“You loved her,” Dani said simply, her voice sounding strange to her ears.
“I did.”
JT sat up, twisting his hands in Dani’s. He faced her, his left thumb lightly caressing the back of her hand. “Thank you for listening.” His voice came out husky, deep.
Chills broke out on Dani’s back at the change in him and her hands and arms tingled. He was so close. Her lips parted and every cell in her body ached to kiss him. She felt herself lean forward slightly, watching the moonlight play with the shadows of his face. She could smell maple syrup and sand and cold, dry air and she thought she’d never smelled anything so erotic in her life. Sudden desire burned the chill out of her body.
JT leaned forward slowly, his eyes on her. She opened herself to him, feeling a simple trust that she hadn’t felt in ages. He was different. He was trustworthy and sure. Strong and protective. Kind and thoughtful. He was the kind of man she had been looking for her whole life.
JT’s face lowered to hers, so close her vision of him doubled. She felt his hot breath on her skin and realized he was moving so slowly in order to give her time to back out, to pull away, to stop him. Dani couldn’t stand to not have her lips on his for one more second. She closed the gap between them in an instant, feeling electricity arc between them. Heat rushed through her body, coiling in her belly and flooding between her legs. She moaned gently into his mouth, her body demanding more contact. She pulled him closer with her hands and he complied, coming up on his knees and bending her backwards onto the ground, angling her perfectly and guiding her with one arm, gently to the fabric he had been sleeping on.
Dani moaned again, no thoughts in her mind of who or where she was. Her brain was overtaken completely by the sudden, inexplicable needs of her body. Her fingers roamed across his back, pushing up his shirt and rubbing across the rough warmth of his skin. Her body pressed into his, feeling his heat and her heat meld and multiply. Her breathing came in pants and gasps while their kiss deepened and intensified.
Dani’s nerve endings seemed to triple and expand. She felt every movement of his tongue and lips, slowly caressing and tasting her. Her senses doubled and his hands felt bigger than life, stroking first her hair, then her cheek, then running down her neck to her collarbone. She arched her back, wishing for more, more, more.
He tucked his body next to hers. She wanted to feel his weight on her and tried to pull him on top of her, but it was like pushing and pulling at stone. He was too big, too strong for her to move. He resisted her efforts, then pulled his face away and breathed one word. “Dani.”
Her entire body protested the loss of his lips on hers. She made a low objecting sound beneath him and snaked her hand around his neck, pulling him back down to her. Somehow, somewhere in the last 10 minutes, she had given herself completely to him. And now she wished he would take what was his. She pulled her fingers between them, feeling his hard, rippled abs and his strong, chiseled chest. If only she could see him better! She wished for lights and mirrors and a bed and hours and days of blessed exploration.
Her hand stole down past his belt buckle and her mind cried out at her boldness. But she knew they were acting on stolen time. She could feel his impending protests. He wasn’t going to let this happen. She knew why. It wasn’t the right place. It wasn’t the right time. But she still hated it. Her body craved him with a ravenous desire that she had never felt before. Never imagined could exist. The magnitude of her need would have knocked her over if she weren’t already on the ground. Her hand crept to the zipper of his jeans and gently curled around the hardness she felt there. Oh God, the size of him! She squeezed harder, trying to read him with her fingertips. Now he moaned into her mouth and pressed against her. Good, she thought savagely, happy that on some level he was feeling some of what she was.
He broke contact with her lips again and gasped her name. “Dani, we shouldn’t.”
She pulled her hand back to her side. “I know,” she said, and bit back tears of frustration.
Chapter 25
JT’s consciousness swam upwards toward the sunlight. He noticed two things immediately as he woke; a heavy weight on his arm, and a feeling of pure contentment, maybe even joy. He opened his eyes and saw cascades of long brown hair running over his arm and chest. Dani. They’d kissed. No, they’d made out. Like seriously made out. In her sleep, Dani had moved away from him slightly and turned onto her right side, facing away from him. His mouth was dry and his arm felt weighed down with a curious mixture of pain and numbness, but his heart was singing. She was beautiful. And she wanted him. God, how she had wanted him. Why had he told her no?
You know why, his own voice said in his head. Because she’s everything you’ve always wanted. She’s strong, capable, funny, and beautiful enough to make your head spin. Do you really want your first time to be in a cave in the middle of the desert on a borrowed piece of cloth? No, he sighed. He wanted their first time to be magical, like Disney Princess magical. Not that the princesses ever had sex.
JT pulled her closer to him and snuggled her, smelling the syrup smell of her hair and feeling the strands tickle his face. At this point, he just wanted to find a hotel and lock them in it for a week and explore every inch of her slowly, possibly with his tongue.
Dani stirred on his arm and moved slightly. He felt her body tense as she woke. He hoped she wasn’t regretting last night already. “Good morning,” he told her.
“Mmmmph,” she mouthed, in a tone that made JT know she was regretting last night.
Fuck, he thought. Did he do something wrong? Was she upset? Nervous? Pissed that he had stopped them? He wanted to say something to make it all better for her, and make sure they didn’t feel awkward this morning. He opened his mouth and said the first thing that popped into his head. “I wanted to kiss you since the first time I saw you at the Singing Dog Cafe.”
Dani didn’t move or say a word for a moment. He thought he felt her tense even more. Smooth, he thought. Really smooth.
“Oh,” she squeaked. JT’s chest tightened. She was going to brush him off. He knew it. His mind sifted through ways to pull her back but he couldn’t think of anything.
Then she sat up and faced him. “I wanted to kiss you too,” she said softly. A crimson blush heated her cheeks instantly. He smiled and pulled her close kissing her gently on the cheek. “You’re beautiful,” he told her. She dropped her eyes to the sand and her cheeks flushed a brighter red, if that was possible.
A thought struck him. “Sara. She was supposed to wake us. I know we’ve been in here for more than 8 hours.”
Dani’s eyes went wide. “Oh no, I hope nothing happened!” Dani got up and ran to the doorway, pushing the makeshift door out of the way and stepping out into the light, blinking. JT tried to follow, but moved slowly. His right side screamed as he sat up. The muscles in both his arm and his leg just didn’t seem to want to do what he told them to. The two different places where the gun butt had hit him pulsed with pain. He compartmentalized it, and tried to force his body to do what he wanted it to. He fought his way to his feet and followed Dani into the light.
Sara sat on a large rock just to the right of the doorway. She smiled at them.
“Why didn’t you wake us up?” JT asked.
Sara looked at them, a knowing grin on her face. “My water isn’t collecting as fast as I had hoped. The sun needed to get up a little higher. So I thought I’d give you an extra hour of sleep. And when I came in a few minutes ago to wake you, I didn’t have the heart to disturb you.” She cocked an eyebrow at them. “Is something going on between you two?”
Dani dropped her eyes and JT could almost feel the heat of her blush from here. God she was adorable. He grinned, feeling a little like he’d been caught by the teac
her himself. He didn’t say anything, not wanting to be the one to admit anything if she didn’t want to.
Finally, Dani looked at Sara and tried to fix a smile on her face. “Um, yeah, maybe something.”
Sara stood up “Well that’s great,” she said. “You guys make a cute couple.”
JT put an arm around Dani and pulled her close. He agreed.
“Thanks,” Dani said softly, and JT felt her relax against him. He turned his face to the sun and admired the beauty of the mountains around him. This was gonna be a good day. He didn’t care if they had to walk 500 miles. It would be a good day.
***
JT looked up at the sun, judging its distance from the point where Sara had said they should wake her up. There was still time. He was glad. He was enjoying getting to know Dani better. They’d drank the little bit of water Sara had somehow come up with that morning, and they’d split the last MRE that she had in her bag. For now, JT felt like he could sit on this rock all day, talking to Dani. His stomach was quiet, his mouth didn’t feel as dry anymore, and he loved looking at Dani’s face and hearing her voice. Even the steady thud of pain on his right side felt muted somehow, by her beauty and sweetness.
“So once I got there, she was still alive. We talked a little bit and she kissed me and said she loved me. But when she closed her eyes, she just didn’t open them again.” He said, finishing his story about his mother’s death.
He looked up at Dani, and saw tears in her eyes. Man, her heart was as big as the ocean.
“Oh hey, don’t cry, did I tell you about the letter she gave me?” He said, wanting to put a smile back in her eyes.
“Letter?”
“Yeah, she wrote me a letter while she was in the hospital, and you’ll never believe what it said.”
“What did it say?”
“It said that she adopted me when I was just a baby and that I’m really a triplet, and I have two sisters that I’ve never met.”