“Ha-ha. Why don’t you go take a shower?”
“Why? Do I smell like the range too?” Carrie asked.
Another shrug from Devon sent Carrie into a fit of laughter.
“That bad, huh?”
“Nah, I’ve smelled you worse,” Devon retorted.
Carrie hit Devon playfully.
Devon leaned in and kissed Carrie’s cheek. “I just thought you might like a momentary escape before your parents get here.”
“Thank you,” Carrie said. She kissed Devon’s lips sweetly and started for the stairs.
“I’ll order pizza for around six,” Devon said.
Carrie giggled as she ascended the stairs. “It always comes down to pizza in this house.”
***
CJ was kneeling on a chair so that she could look out the window for half an hour. Carrie thought it was the sweetest thing she’d seen in a long time.
“Mommy?”
“Yes?”
“When does Grammy get here?”
“Soon, monkey.”
CJ frowned. Carrie had been saying soon forever. She huffed and turned her attention back to the window.
Carrie took the opportunity to head to the kitchen where she could laugh without restraint.
“What’s so funny?” Devon wondered when she walked into the room.
“CJ has been looking out the window for the better part of an hour.”
“She’s excited to show off her new sister,” Devon commented. “Speaking of our daughter; I can’t believe she’s still sleeping.”
Carrie held up a finger. “Don’t speak; you’ll jinx us.”
“Tired?” Devon guessed.
“Don’t get me wrong; I am thrilled to have my parents visit…”
“But?”
“But I feel like we haven’t had any time alone as a family—not unless we’re all sleeping.”
“I know what you mean. I love my family too, but it has felt a bit like Grand Central Station here this week. Look at it this way; Madison is about to pop. They’ll all have someone else to smother soon.”
Carrie laughed.
“Why do I get the feeling that you were talking to my sister?” Devon asked.
“She called earlier when you were in the shower.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I think she’s done,” Carrie said. “I think maybe we should offer to have Dakota come over tomorrow and spend the night.”
Devon was stunned. “You’re not serious.”
“Why not?”
“You want another kid in this house?”
“It’s just Dakota.”
“And your parents, CJ, and a baby.”
“I think it might be good for CJ too.”
Devon moved to start a pot of coffee. “What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing,” Carrie replied.
Devon wasn’t convinced.
“Dev, whether anyone means to or not, they are all doting on DJ.”
“You’re worried about CJ.”
Carrie was concerned. “We haven’t told her about Tom’s move yet.”
“I know.”
“I want her to feel secure, Dev.”
“Me too. Do you think having Dakota here will help?”
“I think it reminds her that her family is our family.”
Devon leaned against the counter. Neither she nor Carrie had grown up in a blended family. Devon suspected that Carrie had confided to Madison about her fears for CJ. Madison’s two older daughters were from her husband’s first marriage. She was the mother both girls knew. Devon did recall that both girls had struggled a bit when Dakota was born. Kids were far more perceptive than adults often gave them credit for. They understood both the realities and dynamics in families as well if not better than their adult counterparts. CJ’s situation was unique. She’d spent the first few years of her life with Carrie as her auntie. She remembered Dar. She understood that Carrie was her mother because that was a choice, not as the result of birth.
“What did Madison have to say?”
Carrie shook her head and took a seat at the table. “She said to expect ups and downs with CJ. Devon, I’m not sure how she’s going to react to Tommy being so far away. I know that she wants to be here. But she has always known that he is right around the block.”
Devon poured herself a cup of coffee. She needed a minute to contemplate Carrie’s statement. She was still reeling from Tom’s request. Not that Devon felt any hesitation in accepting custody of CJ. More than anything, Devon had felt an enormous sense of relief. She hadn’t considered that physical distance; Tom’s residence being a few hundred miles away might cause CJ anxiety. Tom traveled frequently. Devon hadn’t thought the transition would be as stressful for CJ as it was likely to be for the adults in CJ’s life. “CJ is used to Tom being on the road.”
“Yes, but we didn’t have a baby then either, Dev.”
“CJ loves her little sister.”
“She does. That doesn’t mean she isn’t feeling any sense of insecurity.”
“We’ll get her through it.”
“We will. I believe that,” Carrie replied. “I think we might have more challenges than either of us want to believe.”
“Did something happen that you haven’t told me?”
A few things had happened that Carrie had yet to share with Devon. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to share them. Life had been chaotic since DJ’s birth. They’d barely had a moment alone unless they were asleep, and that had been infrequent.
“Carrie?”
“I put DJ down yesterday and I found CJ in there talking to her.”
Devon grinned.
“I know. It was so cute, I wished I had my camera to record it.”
“I’ll assume that you heard something that worried you.”
“I’m not sure I’d say it worried me. It made me aware of what CJ’s feeling, though.”
“I’m listening.”
“There’s a reason she’s staring out that window, Dev.”
“She’s excited,” Devon said.
“Yes, but it’s more than that.”
“What do you mean? She gets excited whenever your folks are going to visit.”
“But she doesn’t kneel on a chair in the window waiting.”
Devon sobered. That was true. Devon had chalked up CJ’s antics to anticipation. Carrie apparently saw it differently. “What are you thinking?”
“She wants to grab hold of my parents before DJ wakes up.”
Carrie’s assessment hit Devon forcefully. Of course. “How did I miss that?”
“You didn’t miss it.”
“Yeah, I did.” Devon silently berated herself. “Fuck,” she muttered.
“Dev…”
“Damnit, Carrie. I’ve been so wrapped up in trying to take pressure off you with DJ, I didn’t see it. No wonder CJ’s feeling insecure.”
“You are not the reason CJ is feeling the way she is.”
“I’m certainly not helping; am I?”
“You’re being too hard on yourself right now. We’ve all been wrapped up in DJ. She’s a baby. CJ can entertain herself—do things for herself.”
“Yeah, but…”
“She does need to know that she matters as much. I think having Dakota over will help. Dakota is her cousin. We need to keep reminding her of that.”
Devon’s heart ached. “I have an idea.”
“Oh?”
“What would you say if I took CJ out for the day tomorrow—just the two of us?”
“I think CJ would love that.”
“Maybe I could pick up Dakota on the way home and she could spend the night.”
“What are you up to?”
Devon’s only reply was a wink.
“Mommy!”
Carrie jumped in her seat. “Sounds like she’s about to get her wish.”
“She won’t if she yells like that again and wakes up her sister,” Devon commented.
Carrie st
arted for the living room. “Let’s hope we can keep the ruckus to a dull roar for a little while longer.”
“Good luck with that, Mommy,” Devon teased.
Carrie laughed. Truer words were never spoken.
“Mommy!”
A cry from overhead startled Devon and Carrie. “I’ll see if I can’t get her back to sleep,” Devon offered. She kissed Carrie on the cheek and turned on her heels.
“Grammy and Grampy’s here!” CJ exclaimed when Carrie walked into the room.
Carrie stepped behind CJ at the window. “What do you say we go outside and meet them?” Maybe that will help your sister drift back off.
CJ nodded excitedly and raced for the front door.
“Wait for me, CJ,” Carrie instructed.
“I am!”
Carrie wasn’t sure whether CJ would collapse in a few hours or if this would be one of those endless nights when CJ couldn’t settle down. She opened the door and CJ sprinted into the yard.
“Grammy!”
Gwen stepped out of the car. “Who is that?”
“It’s me!” CJ yelled. “CJ!”
“It can’t be,” Gwen teased. “You’re much taller than my granddaughter.”
“It’s me, Grammy!”
Carrie laughed.
“I see the welcome committee is on the job,” Devon whispered from behind her.
Carrie turned to see a yawning infant. “No luck. huh?”
“’Fraid not.”
DJ yawned again and stretched. She grabbed for Devon’s hair and held on.
“She’s yours,” Carrie teased.
Devon shrugged.
“You’re spending too much time with CJ,” Carrie said.
“What?”
“All the shrugging,” Carrie explained.
Devon grinned mischievously and shrugged again.
“You’re impossible,” Carrie chuckled.
CJ tugged on her grandmother’s hand. “You got to meet DJ!”
“Yes, I do,” Gwen agreed as she took a step toward Carrie. “Hi, honey.”
“Hi, Mom.”
Gwen enveloped Carrie in a hug. She pulled back and looked at the bundle in Devon’s arms. “Oh, my…”
“Say hello to your Grammy,” Devon said. She handed the baby to Gwen.
Carrie watched as her mother’s eyes glazed over and filled with tears.
“She’s beautiful,” Gwen said.
Eddie finally reached the porch. He kissed Carrie on the cheek. “Who do we have here?”
“This is Darlene,” Carrie said.
“DJ!” CJ exclaimed. “See, Grampy! Just like me. CJ and DJ!”
“That really is something,” Eddie humored his granddaughter. “She looks like you when you were a baby,” he told Carrie.
“Oh, I don’t know. I think she looks an awful lot like her sister,” Carrie replied. She winked at CJ.
Gwen dismissed them both. “She looks like herself.”
“Nope,” CJ disagreed. “She looks like Devon!”
Devon cleared her throat. “That’d be a neat trick,” she muttered.
Carrie bumped Devon’s hip with hers. “Stop,” she whispered.
“Why don’t we take this inside?” Devon suggested. “I can help with the bags.”
“We’ll get them later,” Eddie said.
“Are you sure?”
“Sure, I’m sure. You don’t happen to have a cold beer; do you?”
Devon nodded. “Sure do.”
“Good. Let them go fawn and fuss.”
Devon wanted to laugh. She didn’t doubt that the biggest fawner in the family would turn out to be Carrie’s father. Eddie Maynard was a big kid. He doted on CJ endlessly. “A cold one it is,” she let him off the hook.
***
“How are you doing?” Gwen asked her daughter.
“Honestly?”
“No, lie to me.”
“I’ve never been happier.”
“Mm. Then why do I sense that you are worried about something?”
Carrie sighed heavily. She’d struggled to get both her daughters to sleep. She was tired, but she had been looking forward to a little one-on-one time with her mother. Devon had escaped onto the deck with Eddie for a beer. Now that she had her mother alone, Carrie wasn’t sure what to say.
“Carrie?”
“Devon and I are taking full custody of CJ.”
Gwen stared at Carrie, waiting for an explanation.
“Tom took a job in Boston. He’s hoping to downsize to a condominium here and to convince his mother to occupy it full-time. He’ll be here every other weekend.”
Gwen nodded her understanding and took a sip from the teacup in her hand. “I see.”
“You don’t approve?”
“It’s not for me to approve or disapprove.”
“But?”
“How do you feel about it?” Gwen asked.
“Relieved. Happy. And, guilty as hell that I am relieved and happy,” Carrie replied. Gwen’s smile surprised her. “What?” Carrie asked.
“You have nothing to feel guilty about.”
“Maybe not, but I do. I hate it when she leaves, Mom.”
“I know you do. That never changes,” Gwen offered.
“I believe it,” Carrie said.
“She’s enamored with her sister,” Gwen observed.
“She is, but she’s also a little insecure.”
“Also, normal.”
“That’s what Jill and Madison said.”
“I saw that with your cousins. I escaped that issue.” Gwen laughed. “One of the advantages to twins. Although, you and Ford had your moments.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, you were jealous of him when he got into baseball.”
“I wasn’t jealous.”
“Yes, you were.” Gwen laughed. “You told your father he liked Ford better because he got to do ‘boy’ things.”
“I did not.”
“Yep. You did,” Gwen said. “And, Ford? When you got into Yale? He moped for three weeks.”
“I remember that.”
“I’ll bet you do.”
“It’s a little different with CJ, Mom.”
“You mean because she isn’t biologically yours?”
“I do.”
“DJ isn’t biologically Devon’s.”
“No, but she will only ever know Devon as her other parent.”
“True. I think you underestimate CJ a little.”
Carrie was stunned.
“You do. She loved her mother. I don’t doubt that. Carrie, she has always seen you as her parent. I remember when she was a baby. She wanted you. Just like DJ seems to want Devon.”
Carrie smiled. DJ had bonded with Devon immediately. If she was fussy, Devon was the one who could calm her. CJ had been that way with Carrie. Who could explain why certain people bonded? It wasn’t all about biology. That much was obvious. “She does love Dev.”
“I could tell you not to worry. You will. We all do. The guilt? That’s what you need to put aside.”
“I wish it were that easy.”
“It’s never easy,” Gwen said. “And, it won’t get easier. You’ll have a million things that you will wish you could go back and do over with your kids. You’ll lose your temper at some point and wish you could take it back. You’ll talk more than you’ll listen when they get a little older and realize it when they leave the room. Those are the moments you learn from. And, maybe, just maybe we are justified in a tiny bit of guilt. Being the mother that CJ needs? Giving her the family that she needs? Carrie, that is not something for you to feel any guilt over. Does she know yet?”
Carrie shook her head. “Tom is due home tomorrow night. We are planning to sit down with her on Saturday afternoon.”
“When is he leaving?”
“He spent the last couple of days looking for an apartment. He’ll make the move in two weeks.”
“That’s quick.”
“It is.”
/>
“What is it?” Gwen asked.
“I told him it has to be legal, not a simple agreement.”
“Wise decision.”
Carrie sighed. “I know. I hate it, though. I hate that I lack trust in…”
“Why wouldn’t you? You have to protect your family, Carrie. I’m not only talking about Carrie Jane. You and Devon need to feel secure too.”
“We do,” Carrie agreed.
“Out of curiosity, have you thought any more about going back to work?”
“Endlessly,” Carrie replied.
“And?”
“I’m not making any moves for a while.”
Gwen had expected Carrie’s answer.
“You don’t seem surprised.”
“Should I be? What does Devon think?”
“You know Dev; she’ll support whatever I decide. I will go back,” Carrie said. “Besides, I have a project I’m eager to start.”
“Oh?”
“Promise me that you won’t tell Devon this.”
“My lips are sealed,” Gwen promised.
“I got a quote on finishing the basement.”
“What are you up to?”
“Devon loves to play her guitar. She doesn’t do it often. I think she feels like she’s disturbing us or something. I want her to have a space.”
“And, it will give you something to do,” Gwen guessed.
“That’s a bonus—yes.”
“I should let you get some rest,” Gwen said.
“Why? Do I look tired?”
“Am I supposed to answer that honestly?”
Carrie laughed. “I think you just did.” She yawned.
“You go upstairs. I’ll let Devon know,” Gwen offered.
“Thanks, Mom. DJ will probably be up in a couple of hours looking to be fed.”
“Well, get a little nap in. You let me know if I can help with anything.”
“I will.”
“No, you won’t.” Gwen laughed.
“I might surprise you.”
Gwen shook her head. “Good night.”
“Night, Mom.”
You should ask. You won’t.
***
Devon wandered into the living room with Eddie and was surprised to find CJ cuddled against Gwen.
“I see you’re doubling as a pillow,” Eddie commented.
“I do what I can,” Gwen replied.
“I can take her upstairs,” Devon offered.
“No.” Gwen kissed CJ’s head. “Leave her.”
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