“No.” He shakes his head. “The other part.”
My breathing is shallow, and I know what he needs. “I choose you. I didn’t choose Cooper. There really never was a choice. It’s been you since I was sixteen.”
Not a second later, Trent’s mouth crushes against mine. His lips are soft, but the kiss is not as he holds my head to his and pours all his emotions into me. His fear is palpable as his fingers slide into my hair, holding me closer, breathing my air, and taking what I’m offering him. It’s as if I can feel him telling me I’m his reason for breathing.
He pulls back, and I run my fingers through his hair. We stand here together with his forehead against mine. My heart rate starts to slow as the seconds pass.
“I need to check on my family, but I just want to stay here,” he murmurs.
I lift my head, remembering why I’m here in the first place. “Is he okay?”
He shakes his head.
Trent takes my hand in his, and we start to walk toward the waiting room. He doesn’t say anything as we move through the hall. I can tell he’s on the edge of falling apart.
“What happened?” I urge.
Trent replays the scene at the pond. His voice cracks when he gets to the part about doing CPR on his father. I can’t imagine what that was like for him. He’s had to do all kinds of life saving measures as a police officer. There have been calls where he’s lost someone and times he’s saved them, but from the pain laced in his voice, this time will never leave him.
Knowing the choice that you make in a single moment will dictate if someone will live has to be scary, but knowing it could be your decision that could end the life of someone you love is terrifying.
“So, what are the doctors sayin’?” I ask, watching closely as his face falls.
“I don’t know. All Mama said is that he has stage four cancer.”
“What? When?”
“Apparently, he was diagnosed six months ago. I don’t know how the hell they could keep this from my brothers and me. It’s such bullshit!” Trent stops in front of the doors. “Everyone is tryin’ to wrap their minds around it. Zach isn’t handling it at all, and Wyatt is just Wyatt.”
“How are you handlin’ it?”
He moves closer and pulls me back in his arms. “I’m not sure. I’ve been so messed up today between him and you.” Trent lets out a heavy sigh. “I didn’t lose you, and I’m damn sure not going to lose him. I’m going to have to convince him to fight.”
We enter the waiting room hand in hand, and I hope there’s a way he gets what he wants.
Chapter 13
Trent
E very minute feels like days . We all sit quietly and wait for any news from the doctors. They’re still running some tests, so it’s a waiting game.
Grace’s mother arrives, looking frantic as she rushes over to Mrs. Kannan and Mrs. Townsend.
“Is it the cancer?” she asks and they all nod, but Grace’s head snaps in their direction, her eyes narrowing.
“Mama, you knew?”
“It wasn’t my story to tell, sugar.”
“You all knew?” I yell. “Y’all knew that he was dyin’ and didn’t tell us? You let us go to Zach’s wedding without knowin’ it could’ve been his last? You let us skip Sunday dinners with them, and all the other things we could’ve been doin’, all the things we should have been doing!”
These women are like family. They’ve been to every event in our lives. They’re my mother’s best friends, and none of them thought we should know. Not one thought it would be important for us. The time I could’ve spent with him . . . gone.
Mrs. Kannan steps forward. “We begged them to tell you, honey. Y’all had a right to know, but we weren’t going to be the ones to tell you.”
I start to pace as my mind spins. “There has to be something we can do.”
Someone coughs, and I turn to look at the doctor now standing there. “Trent,” he says, dropping a nod in my direction.
“Dr. Halpern, is he all right?” I move closer.
“He’s resting. His anemia is affecting his heart. The lack of oxygen and red blood cells in his body have started to cause other organs to struggle. We warned him this would be possible, but I think he pushed himself too hard today. He needs some other tests, and I’m recommending a blood transfusion immediately. If we can get the anemia under control we can assess what to do next.”
“What about the cancer?” Zach asks. “Is there a chance he can beat it?”
Dr. Halpern shakes his head. “Your father would need to undergo a great amount of chemo and then most likely would need a bone marrow transplant. Considering the fact that he’s allowed the cancer to grow for the last six months, I’m not sure that treatment is even an option at this point. It’s up to him now.”
Rage starts to boil in my blood. Wasted time we can’t get back. Things we can’t fix because we didn’t know about them. I can’t understand what he was thinking.
“All of this can be discussed later, right now, we need to focus on getting him stable. He needs a blood transfusion to control his anemia. I want to warn you all, this is when things start to move quickly. He’s going to need regular transfusions.”
“I want to see him,” I say quickly.
The doctor nods. “He’s exhausted and can’t handle much excitement. Just go in one at a time.”
I turn to my brothers, who both nod when I take the step closer. “I won’t be long. If you want to go get your blood drawn . . .”
Wyatt clasps my shoulder. “I’ll see you in a few.”
I nod. Zach looks away despondently and follows Wyatt. Zach is by far the closest to my father. He’s always been the most like him, and I hope Presley gets here soon. She was out by Knoxville delivering a horse for Zach and is on her way back. I hate seeing him so broken, you can tell he needs her.
Grace takes my hand and squeezes. “I’ll be right here.”
I pull her against my chest and kiss the top of her head.
With each step toward his room, my heart breaks. I don’t know what to say to him, but I know that I can’t let this be the end.
* * *
“D ad ,” I say as I enter the room.
“Would you give us a few minutes?” he asks my mother.
“I’ll be back in five minutes.” Mama points to me. “Don’t make him upset or so help me God.”
There’s little chance of that. I try to remember he’s in the hospital and that I was performing CPR on him hours ago. I hate seeing the man I’ve admired my whole life looking weak and sick. He’s the one who always stood on this side of the bed when my brothers and I did some foolish stunt, now I’m the one hoping to talk some sense into him.
I need to stay calm and convince him why he’s going to do this. Why he has to do this.
“We’ll be fine, Mama.”
“I’ll go give everyone an update.”
When she steps out, I move around to the side of his bed. My legs tremble as I stand here. My father is sick. My father is dying, and I don’t know what to do.
“Thank you, son,” Dad says as I get close.
“For what?”
“We wouldn’t be talkin’ right now if it weren’t for you.”
And if I don’t get him to turn the boat around about treatment, I may not be able to save him next time. I need my father. I need him in ways I probably don’t understand. He’s the one who keeps me on track. He calls me on my shit, which there’s a lot of, and makes me see reason. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be who I am today.
I need him to fight.
I need him to win.
More than that, I need him to stay alive.
“Dad.” I step closer.
He puts his hand up. “I know what you’re goin’ to say, and I’m not changin’ my mind.”
Unacceptable.
“You have to try.”
“I know all of what the doctors told me, and I’m not doin’ it. I won’t become a man who can’t
get out of bed, can’t eat, doesn’t function. That’s what’ll happen. I watched my father die like that, and I won’t do it.”
“You’re not even willing to give it a shot? That goes against everything you’ve told us our whole lives.”
My father scoots up in his bed. “I know you think that, but for what end? So, your mama is forced to watch me be sick? She can’t go through that, and I don’t want to be that man. I won’t do that to her.” He draws in a deep breath, which sounds too much like a struggle, and points to the door. “That woman can barely see me with a cold, you want her to suffer through that?”
“And you think her burying you is gonna be better?” I cry out.
My father’s face pales, and I know I struck a chord. This is my opening and as much as I hate doing it, I’m going to use it. “You can’t do that to her. You can’t, Dad. You have to try. At least give it a shot. She won’t be able to survive you dying. None of us will.”
The man who doesn’t cry wipes his eyes. “I don’t think it’s an option anymore.”
I grab his hand. “We’ll find out. Because if you don’t try, I’m not sure any of us will be able to live with ourselves.”
Wyatt filters in, and I look at my father again.
“Pop?” I say the word but beg with my voice.
“All right.”
“All right,” I pat his arm before looking at my brother. “I’ll let you visit with Wyatt.”
“Trent?” he calls out. “Don’t tell your mama anything yet.”
I nod with understanding. He doesn’t want to give my mother false hope. None of us do, but at least I could get him to even contemplate fighting it. However, I know my father and it’s going to take a lot more to convince him. Once he makes up his mind, it’s almost impossible to change it.
I head back to the waiting room where Presley sits with Zach. “Hey,” she says as she gets to her feet.
“Pres.” I give her a hug and she sniffs back her tears.
“How’s he doin’?”
I look over at Zach, who still doesn’t move. “Are you goin’ in?”
“Nah,” he says, looking at the ground. “I’m letting Wyatt and Mom in for now.”
“Are you kidding? You know he wants to see you.”
“Trent,” Grace whispers, putting her hand on my arm and drawing my attention. “I’m sure your brother will go.” I glance over at her, and she shakes her head slightly. Grace’s eyes are soft and she bites her bottom lip. The way she looks at me, so open and loving, makes me pause. “Why don’t we sit?” Her small hand wraps around mine, and I nod.
Zach can be pissed, but not going to see Dad is unacceptable. He needs to man up and be there. I don’t have a problem reminding him if he needs it. This isn’t about him. This is about Dad.
Time passes with each of us taking turns going in an out. Zach, however, remains in the waiting room. It’s taking everything inside me not to punch him.
He’s acting like a selfish prick.
After another hour passes, I finally reach the tipping point. “Go in there!” I get to my feet and he glares at me.
“Don’t tell me how to act,” he fires back as he gets toe to toe with me. “I’m doin’ what I can. You don’t get to dictate how we all handle things. You’re not exactly the authority on doin’ what’s right.”
“Trent.” Wyatt steps between us and puts his hand on my chest. “Not like this. Not today.”
“He’s sitting out here! Dad is dyin’, and he’s fucking sitting there.”
“Dad understands,” Wyatt says, trying to get me to relax. “Don’t do this.”
I stare at my brothers as I push the air out of my nose. I’m fuming. We’re stronger in numbers and Zach needs to go in. “He’s the one he’d listen to the most.” I choke on the words. “He’ll listen to him.” I point at Zach, and his face pales. “If he tells him to fight—” My throat starts to close and my chest aches. “He’ll listen to him.”
“You don’t know that,” Wyatt tries again to reason with me.
I do know it. Zach has always been the one Dad hears. When we were younger, if Zach told Dad it was his fault, none of us got in trouble. I don’t think he had a favorite, but if he did, Zach would be it. Sure, he’s listening to Wyatt and me, but he’s waiting for him.
Mama walks through the doors and looks at the three of us ready to fight. “Not happenin’ here, boys. You three are goin’ to get along and that’s that.”
I see the fear in her eyes. She’s right. We don’t need to be doing this here. “Yes, ma’am.”
“Sorry, Mama,” Zach says and moves back to Presley.
“Good. Now, they started the first transfusion. He’ll be here a few days. I want you all to head home and get some rest. I promise I’ll call you if anything changes.”
“Mama,” I start to protest.
“No,” she refutes. “This isn’t a suggestion. Go home, shower, and come back in the mornin’ when we know more. This is comin’ from your father, and you don’t want to go against his wishes, do you?”
“No,” Wyatt says and gives us each a look that says we’re to do as she asks. Dad listens to Zach, where as Wyatt is the one Mom trusts to get us to listen to her. She doesn’t leave room for a discussion and arguing will upset her.
“I love you all,” Mama says and kisses each of us on the cheek. “I’m sorry we lied to you. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
I pull her into my arms and kiss the top of her head. “We’ll do whatever we can.”
She pats my back and looks in my eyes. “I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose him.”
Her eyes fill with tears, and I squeeze her again. “Then convince him to fight, Mama.”
Chapter 14
Grace
I t’s been three days since Rhett collapsed. Trent has been at the hospital or working, and we haven’t had a chance to see each other or talk about anything. He texts me every day, telling me he can’t wait to see me, but our communication has been minimal. Presley told me that the blood transfusion worked well, and they’re now talking about chemo options. The last thing I want to do is add stress to Trent’s plate about where we stand.
His focus is where it should be, but he asked me to come over when he gets off work in an hour. I decide to head over early because I can’t handle just sitting here. I’ve talked myself into and out of a million things that he could say.
It wouldn’t be crazy to think he’s changed his mind, but God I hope he hasn’t.
I pull up to his house and look around. I haven’t been here in a while, but everything is still the same. His car isn’t outside, but I still have my key, so I can let myself in.
His house sits on the southern edge of his family’s land. It’s not big, but it’s perfect for him. The house is decorated with deep mahogany wood, leather furniture, and all very masculine art on the wall. He’s a simple man, and doesn’t need much, but he let me do some small things to make the house more homey.
I walk in and set my purse down, but then he emerges from the back room, scaring me half to death. “You’re here?”
“I came home to grab something,” he explains. “What are you doin’ here already?”
My heart races as he approaches. “I didn’t want to wait.”
“I’m glad you didn’t. I’ve been goin’ out of my mind.”
Trent’s body moves with such assurance. His sandy-blond hair is in disarray. His dark blue eyes shine with wonder. Everything inside me clenches when he stops in front of me. My breathing grows shallow, and I fight the urge to jump him. This is what has never been an issue for me. Trent makes my blood pump, and I come to life around him.
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I don’t know what we’re doin’, sweetheart. I don’t know what you want or what this means for us.” His hand rises to caress my cheek, but he drops it and blows out a deep breath. “I’ve pushed you away and messed with your head, and I’ll never forgive myself. I don’t want to do that anym
ore. I love you.” Trent, who seems to have run out of restraint, hooks his finger in mine. “If you want to be with me, you’re going to have to be the one to decide.”
I’m terrified to say what I’m feeling. Years of the back and forth between Trent and me are playing tug-of-war inside me. No matter how much I want to dive in and embrace his love for me, a tiny voice is telling me I’m a fool and that he said all of that as a way to keep me away from Cooper. He doesn’t know about the disastrous kiss between Cooper and me, but now is definitely not the time to tell him.
“I’m scared,” I admit, offering a safe answer.
“You think I’m not?”
I look up at him. “What do you have to be scared of?”
“I have no idea what you’re thinkin’ right now. For the most part, I’ve always been able to tell where your head is, but I don’t right now. It’s killin’ me. The only thing I know is what I feel and that there’s nothing in this world I want more than you.”
I stand before this man that I’ve spent my entire life loving. A man who, no matter what I do, I can’t eradicate from my heart. Our love may not be perfect, but nothing in life is. I want him by my side. He’s who I’ll always need.
“I don’t know how to live without you. I don’t want to try to learn, either.”
His arms are around me in an instant. “Say it,” he commands.
“You have to promise me things. You have to let me in. I need a man who’s going to give me his whole heart. I need you to love me and not just because we were separated. If we do this again, I can’t have you half in.”
“I’ll do whatever you want.”
My hands touch the stubble on his face, and I study his dark blue eyes. “It’s not just about what I want. I need to know you want this, too. I want to get married. I want a baby if we can. I want a life. I want it all. I can’t do this alone, and I don’t want to do it with anyone but you. What do you want?”
“I only want you. All of you—always,” Trent says before his mouth is on mine.
His arms tighten, and I lose it. Our lips move together in perfect harmony. His tongue seeks entrance, and I gladly give it over. Every part of my body is humming when he presses against me. I kiss him with everything I have. All the weeks I went without his touch were agonizing. The hours I spent crying for him. The way we could’ve kissed when he told me he loved me. All the emotions I’ve held on to . . . I let go.
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