by Andy Coffey
Chapter 32 – I believe I’m feeling slightly peckish
Queen Ophelia was sat in her Luxury dingy cell and was not very happy. She’d gotten used to the rats by now, and even the tetchy one proved to be not too bad if you spoke to him nicely. The wooden bed was a tad uncomfortable, but she’d slept on worse, and the raving and singing from the cell next door at least gave her something to listen to. But, the fact that she hadn’t been provided her with a comb was really beginning to get on her nerves.
She heard a noise in the corridor and fluttered up to the small, barred window in the door to take a look. It was Grunt.
‘Baron ask Grunt to bring Queen to him,’ Grunt said, almost apologetically.
‘That’s okay, Grunt. It’ll be nice to get out of the cell for a while,’ she said, with a smile.
In his throne room, the Baron was pacing. ‘When did they say they’d be here?’ he said to Pimple, who was standing attentively near the throne.
‘Within the hour, my Lord,’
‘And they said they’ve got the cheese?’
‘They did, my Lord.’
The Baron danced a little jig, hopping from one foot to the next and yelping, as if the floor was very hot. ‘Ah, Queen Ophelia, how are you finding your new accommodation?’ he said, as Grunt brought the Queen into the throne room.
‘I found the rats to be better company than that which I presently find myself in,’ she said with a sneer.
‘Ooh, still feisty, eh?’ the Baron said. ‘Well, I’m expecting a couple of old friends of yours any minute now, and I thought you’d like to be here when they arrive. By all accounts they have a present for me, and I’m a little giddy about the whole thing!’
‘You’ll be a lot less giddy when my Olaf arrives this evening,’ the Queen said, holding her head high.
‘Oh, I’m afraid it’s very unlikely that Sacred Wind will be able to make our little party,’ the Baron said, feigning disappointment. ‘Some of my other friends should be rendezvousing with them around about now, and I strongly suspect their condition at the end of this encounter will mean they’ll be unable to travel. I’m so sorry.’
‘I think you perhaps underestimate them, Baron,’ Ophelia said.
And then the phone in the throne room rang. ‘Oh, hi, it’s Stacey, Baron Blacktie. Your two guests have arrived.’
‘Excellent,’ said the Baron, with a hiss. ‘Get one of the guards to escort them to the morning room, I’ll meet them there.’
As they made their way to the morning room, Grunt held the Queen’s arm, albeit gently. ‘Grunt will make sure that nice Queen doesn’t get hurt,’ he said.
‘My good friends how are you both?’ the Baron beamed, as Hob and Nob entered the room.
‘We are well, Baron,’ Hob said, with a bow. ‘Although we did have some interesting escapades, including having to elude some unwelcome followers.’
‘You mean you were followed?!’ the Baron exclaimed.
‘Oh, they’ve been taken care of,’ Nob said, smugly. ‘We left them in the capable hands of the witches, Mildred and Agnes. I doubt very much whether they’ll see the light of day again.’
‘Did you know who they were?’ Pimple asked.
‘Well, it was Agnes that spotted them. Apparently it was Merlin Crackfoot, Oriana Oftsheared, three cats and a dog,’ Hob replied.
Ophelia took an audible breath at the mention of the names.
‘Are you sure they were taken care of?’ the Baron quizzed.
‘Well, put it this way, it would have taken a genius who was conversant in Ancient Welsh Witchenese to have got the better of those two witches, and I think that rather unlikely,’ Nob said.
‘Indeed,’ the Baron said, with a grin. ‘And now, down to business, do you have the cheese?’
‘We do, and do you have our fee?’ Hob said.
The Baron moved over to the safe, entered the combination and opened the steel door. He took out a large envelope and the jar of Mathonwy’s Chutney. ‘First my cheese,’ he said, holding the envelope to his chest and placing the jar on a nearby desk.
Nob put his hand in his pocket and brought out the large lump of Ceridwen’s Cheese. He walked over to the Baron and held out the cheese. The Baron held out the envelope and both men exchanged goods.
‘Do you know, I believe I’m feeling slightly peckish,’ the Baron said, opening the jar of chutney.
He took a small spoon from one of the desk drawers and dipped it into the jar. As he pulled out the spoon, the orange chutney glimmered and seemed to pulsate. He broke off a small piece of the green and golden cheese and carefully emptied the spoonful of chutney on top it. After only a matter of seconds, the cheese changed colour to a fiery, crimson red, glowing like a hot piece of coal. The Baron gently picked up the cheese between his middle finger and thumb. As he did the glow intensified, lighting up his face in an ethereal light. Ever so slowly he started to move the cheese and chutney towards his mouth.
‘Are you ready for this, Queen Ophelia?’ he said. ‘For you will soon be subjugating yourself before me, as will all creatures.’
Hob and Nob moved back towards the door, Pimple retreated into a corner and Grunt moved protectively in front of the Queen. Everything appeared to have become frozen in time. The dust seemed to hang in the air waiting for the wind to move it onto better things. And a close relative of the silence we’ve come to know and love descended and everyone held their breath, to the supreme annoyance of the hanging dust.
The Baron’s teeth were now millimetres away from gnashing down on the recipe known as ‘Cheese and Chutney Surprise’. Grunt covered Queen Ophelia’s eyes and Pimple’s knees began knocking together.
‘Actually, I’m going to save this for later on,’ the Baron said, putting the cheese and chutney in a small box on the table. ‘It can be the finale of the Cestrian Music Tournament… and what a finale!’