From my trunk I pull out the three plastic sleds Mindi stashed there before we left. Adam grabs a bottle of tequila from under one of the sleds. At my raised eyebrow he shrugs. “It’s not the good stuff, but we have to keep warm somehow.”
We hike through the snow and meet up with Mindi, who is snuggled into Niko’s side to keep warm. Rather, she tries to burrow into Niko’s side, and he stands stiffly for a few seconds before moving away just enough to put a noticeable distance between them. Niko looks like he just ate something foul, although he does manage a wan smile in my direction.
Neither Mindi nor Niko remarks on Amber’s absence, and after the tension in the car, I’m glad. I toss the saucers to the ground.
Niko shakes off Mindi once again and steps forward to pick up one of the sleds. “All right. Who wants to be the first to conquer the mountain?”
Mindi glances away quickly, dashing away tears before anyone can see. Not everything is happy in Mindiland. I want to ask her what’s going on, but the way she keeps glancing over at Niko makes it clear it’s something to do with him. She’s obviously pining for him.
One more reason I should stay far away from him. Going after Niko will not make me a good friend.
To distract my wayward thoughts I look around at the “mountain.” It’s really just a big hill with an abandoned water tower, a throwback to the days when West County had a couple of struggling coal mining towns and a much larger population. Now the miners have all left, and the water tower is a rusting monolith dusted with snow and graffiti. Under the shelter of the tower are the remnants of someone’s campfire, along with a few places to sit, and I gesture to the makeshift fire pit.
“I’ll make a fire, if no one minds,” I say, trying not to shiver in the brisk wind blowing across the hill.
They all laugh, and Adam hugs me close. “Still getting used to the cold?”
I smile and wiggle free, duplicating the move Niko used with Mindi. Adam’s persistent, I’ll give him that. I don’t want to have to be blunt with him, but he’s clearly not getting the “just friends” vibe I’m sending out.
Niko appears in front of me, blocking my view of Adam and shoving the sled into my hands. “Let Adam make the fire. You have to go first. After all, you’re a virgin. At least when it comes to sledding. Am I right?”
My face heats as Tom and Jocelyn hoot at Niko’s comment. Adam’s eyes narrow, and Mindi’s face is inscrutable. She looks like she wants to cry, and I feel terrible.
“All right. I’ll go first. Someone has to show you Yankees how it’s done,” I say, and sniff. Everyone claps and cheers except for Mindi, who seriously looks like someone just killed her puppy. A tendril of worry niggles at the back of my mind. I hope she’s okay.
I set the saucer on the ground and sit on it. Look, I know how to sled. I used to go all the time as a kid. The problem is I haven’t done it in at least five years. I’m more than a little rusty.
A few feet in front of me the ground slopes downward. I scoot the dish across the ground by rocking back and forth, moving toward the edge a couple of inches at a time. Everyone groans.
Large hands grip my waist, and I tense, resisting the urge to backhand the offender. “I can tell you’re an amateur, so I’m going to give you a little help.” Niko’s mouth is next to my ear, his voice like honey. I relax into his grip, his touch not at all unwelcome. I’m used to holding myself aloof, but there’s something about the way his hands rest on my sides that makes my stomach clench not in anxiety but in delight. His breath tickles my cheek, and my insides flutter. I am entirely too warm.
And They are curiously silent.
“On the count of three I am going to give you a push, okay?” I nod, since I’ve completely lost the ability to speak. Niko’s hands move to grip my shoulders. I can focus only on the pressure of his touch. My heart pounds, not in fear but with a breathless excitement I’ve never felt before.
“All right. One, two, THREE!” Niko shoves me down the hill, and I have only a second to mourn the loss of contact before I’m flying through the air, hair streaming out behind me. My hat flies off, and a thrill better than the most deserved judgment swells inside my chest. I laugh out loud. I can’t remember the last time I laughed honestly and truly rather than as a calculated response to some personal interaction. The cold air stings my cheeks and steals my breath. I want this feeling to last forever. I am flying through the air, a bird skimming the snowy surface, weightless . . . and heading for a tree.
The base of the hill is dotted with pines, most of them spaced far enough apart that I could slide through them. That’s assuming I know how to steer the flying saucer hurtling down the hill. I don’t. There are handles on either side of my hips to grip, but pulling on them doesn’t seem to be doing any good.
“Lean!”
Someone shouts it from the top of the hill, and I throw all of my weight to the left. I start to turn slowly, but the dish catches an edge. The sled flips over, and I go rolling down the hill. I register every single rock under the several inches of snow before I come to a stop on my back, looking up through the branches of a pine tree. There’s a whooshing sound, and Niko’s face appears above me.
“You alive?”
I groan. “For now.”
He grins and holds out the saucer that almost killed me. “You have to go again. You know, whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
Whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
Suddenly I am back in Saint Dymphna’s.
I lay on the tiny twin bed in my room, my limbs made of lead and my head stuffed with cotton. I was too drugged up to do much of anything but drool. In the back of my mind They urged me to wakefulness, but I was completely and utterly helpless.
“Bring her in here. Careful. The sedative should be wearing off soon.”
I turned my head to the side, a mountainous effort, and watched a couple of orderlies carry in an unconscious girl I didn’t recognize. She was older than most of the other patients in Saint Dymphna’s, early twenties or so. I was in the adolescent ward. It was only later that I was able to understand how odd her presence was. At the time my mind was too dull to process much beyond her appearance.
A stream of saliva ran from her slack mouth to the ground, and her bottom lip was puffy and bleeding as though someone had hit her. I watched in muted horror as the orderlies strapped the girl to the bed. Bruises marred her tan arms, and when her head lolled to the side, I saw the beginnings of a black eye.
The orderlies finished up and filed out of the room. As they left, Dr. Goodhart entered the room. He sat on the bed beside the girl and smoothed her long bangs back. The girl didn’t move. Her eyes stared off into the distance, not really focused on anything. He bent down and kissed her full on the mouth. And murmured something into her ear. It sounded like “I love you,” but I couldn’t be sure. I must have made some sound, because he jerked away from the girl and looked at me, the familiar smile slipping into place.
“Hello, Amelie. How are you doing?”
“There’s something wrong,” I tried to say, but my tongue was too thick to form the words properly. They came out slurred and barely intelligible.
Dr. Goodhart had been through this routine before, and he just patted me on the hand. “Oh, no, sweetheart. There’s nothing wrong. This is just your new roommate, Marie. I don’t think she’ll be here for very long. She’s a special case.” He shined a penlight into my eyes and smiled. “You’re doing well with the new therapy.”
“My head,” I began, but I couldn’t finish the thought. In some part of my mind I knew this was wrong, that things shouldn’t be this way, but I was powerless to do anything. I couldn’t even wiggle my toes.
I blinked, willing my eyes to focus. Dr. Goodhart got up from the bed, and I saw a familiar rust-colored drop at the bottom of his white lab coat.
“Blood,” I whispered.
“Don’t worry, Amelie. In no time your body will respond to the increased dosag
e and you’ll feel much better. Much calmer and more stable.” He leaned over me, and I could see the blood on his lips from where he’d kissed the girl. His voice lowered to a whisper. “Just remember, whatever doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.”
The words echo through my mind from long ago, and I try to sit up too quickly. I’m surprised when my body responds. Niko jumps backward so that we don’t bump heads. He gives me a puzzled look.
I smile sheepishly, the memory making my chest tight. “Sorry, but I think I’ve had enough fun for today.” I take the plastic dish and start back up the hill. Niko grabs my arm before I go anywhere.
“Everything okay?”
“Peachy.”
His eyes bore into me, giving me the feeling he’s reading the sins of my soul. “I want to see you.”
I give him what I hope is a carefree smile. “You’re seeing me right now,” I say. I run off back up the hill, shaking the snow out of my hair as I go. I can’t let myself think about how his words make me feel, hopeful and scared and oh-so-alive. It’s better just to pretend I feel nothing.
I think I’ve forgotten why I’m in West County, and the lapse frightens me. I need to be more focused. Dr. Goodhart is my end goal. Not falling in love with a boy with stormy ocean eyes.
I give Tom the saucer once I’m back at the top of the hill. He hands me my hat and winks at me. “Not bad for a first-timer.” He runs and dives down the hill, the sled under his belly like a surfboard. Adam frowns when he sees me.
“Hey, what’s the matter?” he asks.
I shrug and force a smile. “I don’t think sledding is my thing. Too dangerous.”
He nods sagely. “I totally understand.” He says it like there’s no way a girl like me could possibly do anything more strenuous than paint my nails. If only he knew. He holds out the tequila. “Wanna drink?”
I debate whether I should refuse or just pretend to take a drink. Adam’s eyes shine, and his cheeks are pink. The bottle is a quarter empty, and I’m not sure who besides Adam is drinking. But the last thing I want is to make a scene. I put the bottle to my lips and tilt it back, but I don’t open my mouth. I wipe the tequila from my lips with the back of my glove, and Adam gives me a crooked smile. Unease settles in my belly at his look, and I wonder if he’s trying to get me drunk.
I’m starting to think the puppy isn’t as innocent as he pretends.
Jocelyn yells for Adam, and as he runs off, a small bag falls from his pocket. I don’t have to look too closely to know what it is. The baggie full of green leaves looks like a prop from an antidrug commercial. I kick some snow over it and watch Adam as he sort of flops onto a sled and goes down the hill. I won’t waste any more time pretending to be nice to him. After the mistake with Dylan, I’ve learned my lesson. Adam is obviously a mess, and the last thing I need is any sort of entanglement with a burnout.
I head over to where a fire burns in the ring I noticed earlier. Mindi sits next to it on a large rock, her body hunched over like she’s practicing some new form of human origami. It isn’t until I’m a couple feet away that I notice she’s crying. I stop and stand there awkwardly.
“Uh, do you want to be alone?”
Mindi shakes her head and sniffs, dashing her tears away with her gloved hands. I sit on a nearby rock, the twin to the one Mindi occupies. I clear my throat.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Mindi shakes her head again, but then stops. “Have you ever wanted something so much that you were convinced that if you just kept hoping and wishing that it would come true?”
I freeze, because her words take me back to a time filled with pain and fear. For a split second I am once again a frightened little girl, praying for someone to come save me. I blink, and the memory is wiped away like condensation on a window. “No,” I answer quickly.
Mindi nods and looks away from me, fresh tears tracking down her cheeks. I sigh and prop my chin on my knees, watching the flames as they dance in the fading daylight. They twist and turn, and the images of two women appear in their flickering waltz. One has flowing locks and huge wings. The other is part serpent, her hair made of snakes writhing in time to the crackling of the burning wood. Soon, the two images croon to me, and I get the faintest trickle of Their rage.
It makes me want to flee this outing and plunge my sword into the heart of some murderous bastard.
Maybe I’ll never be normal.
GOSSIP
By the time we leave the mountain, the sky is dark and everyone but me is a little tipsy. Adam is obliterated. He’s the only person who can’t hold his liquor. It takes Niko and Tom three tries to get him into my car, and once he’s belted into the front seat, he immediately lurches toward the door.
“I’m gonna be sick,” he slurs. Tom scrambles to undo the seat belt before both he and Niko jump out of the way. Adam falls out of my car to his knees, emptying the contents of his stomach onto the ground. It could be a Jackson Pollock painting, Vomit on Snow.
“Well, this is going to be a lovely drive,” I mutter. Niko hears me and gives me a grin.
“You’re right. Maybe you girls should ride together, and Tom and I will try to sober up Adam before we take him home. If he shows up like this, his mom’s gonna be pissed.”
I look to Jocelyn and Mindi, who has finally stopped crying and now just pouts, her eyes red rimmed. Jocelyn shrugs. “Sounds good to me. I don’t wanna ride with Pukey McVomit anyhow.”
Adam stumbles to his feet, barely missing the puddle of throw-up. Tom catches him and sets him on his feet, steering him away from the mess. Niko snags the bottle of tequila from Adam’s fingers before it falls to the ground. There’s less than a quarter of the bottle remaining. “Why are you always such a bitch?” Adam yells at Jocelyn, only he’s facing the trees. He’s so drunk that he doesn’t even notice the difference.
I look at him in disgust. His lack of control is completely repugnant. The only thing that separates us from animals is our self-discipline. Without it— Adam begins to retch again, interrupting my thoughts. It’s time to go.
I open my door. “Are you coming or not?” Mindi turns in surprise at my sharp tone. She wrinkles her nose and nods, and I get into my car without a backward glance at Adam. He can be someone else’s problem.
Jocelyn scrambles into the backseat while I start the car. Mindi still stands outside, and I watch her stare at Niko while he helps Adam into the Jeep. She takes a step toward them, and Niko looks up. His brows knit together, and he gives a slight shake of his head. Mindi’s shoulders slump, and she walks back to my car and gets in. I put the Toyota into gear and back down the narrow road, barely missing a couple of saplings. Mindi is sniffling again, and I swallow a sigh. This is going to be a long ride.
Jocelyn’s car is still at school, and after a short discussion I find out that Mindi lives closer. We head there first. She lives in a modest development near the outskirts of town, and when I pull up in front of her house, she gets out with a mumbled, “I’ll give you a call.” I nod and smile, even though I’m hoping she doesn’t bring up anything touchy later over the phone. Like the subject of Niko.
Jocelyn gets out of the car and says something to Mindi in a low voice before climbing into the passenger seat. I turn the car toward school.
We drive in silence for a little while, the radio the only noise. Finally I clear my throat. “So, uh, what’s wrong with Mindi? She looks like she just won fourth place in a three-person race.”
Jocelyn gives me an odd look out of the corner of her eye and then shrugs. “I dunno. Same old, same old, I guess. Niko. It’s always Niko.”
Now I’m interested. I keep my eyes on the road as I ask my next question. “Oh? Are they together?” If anyone knows what’s going on, it’s Jocelyn.
She lets out a short bark of laughter, and it’s almost enough to make me drive off into the ditch. “Who told you that?”
No one. “Oh, you know, it’s just something I heard at Tina’s the other night.”
<
br /> She shakes her head and stares out the window. “In Mindi’s dreams. I wish she would get it through her thick skull that nothing’s going to happen. It would make things a lot easier for her.”
I blink. Her tone is downright nasty. I thought Jocelyn and Mindi were friends. “So, I guess they aren’t together?” I glance at her out of the corner of my eye, and in the glow of the radio I can see her grimace.
“Of course not. Mindi knows that, but she won’t accept it. It’s getting to the point where it’s just sad.”
“What do you mean?”
“Niko and Mindi grew up together. He sees her as a sister. Their moms were friends, and Mindi’s mom died at the beginning of the school year. She was killed, murdered. It was a really big deal around here. They’re still looking for the guy.”
I make the appropriate noises of shock, but Jocelyn barely acknowledges me. She’s too deep in the spinning of her story. “Anyway, Mindi kind of lost it. She got all depressed and slashed up her wrists at a party at Tina’s house. You know the remodeled bathroom? Yeah, blood doesn’t come out so well. We had to call an ambulance and everything. In the end it was no big deal, she’d completely missed all of her veins, but we all kind of freaked. That’s why we’re all so careful around her. No one wants a repeat.”
Although I don’t necessarily believe everything Jocelyn is saying, this rings true. It fits with what Dylan said in the library and the conversation I overheard at Tina’s party.
Jocelyn pauses to stare out the window, and shrugs. “Afterward Niko felt bad, so he kind of started hanging around with Mindi all the time. You know, to keep an eye on her. She began talking like they were dating and everything, and Niko didn’t know how to handle it. I guess he figured at some point she’d drop it. Every time she makes some comment about their ‘special connection,’ he just lets it go. He even tried to date this girl from our school, Kristen. Mindi totally flipped out. She showed up at his house in the middle of the night and refused to go home until he talked to her and told her it wasn’t true. She even punched out his bedroom window.”
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