“Thanks,” I answered, reminding myself to breathe.
He nodded and stepped back. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”
“Sure will. Goodnight, Jake.”
“Goodnight.”
I closed the door, thinking about the way he’d looked into my eyes. He’d definitely caused my pulse to race, which was really frustrating. I didn’t want to be attracted to him or anyone else at the moment. Including my husband.
“Where’ve you been?”
“Scott?” I gasped, turning on the light in the living room. “Jesus, what are you doing sitting in the dark?”
He was lounging on the sofa with his tie undone, holding a glass of scotch. From the look in his eyes, it wasn’t his first. He twirled the half-filled glass in his hands. “I came home to talk to my wife, who keeps avoiding me.”
“We’ve already talked,” I said. “I told you before that I need some time to figure things out.”
He stared at my hair and smirked. “Looks like you’ve already figured things out – a new hairstyle, rendezvousing in the middle of the night with the single neighbor; tell me, has he made his move yet?”
I stared at him incredulously. “First of all, you have no right making accusations. You’re the one who’s been screwing around, not me, so don’t even go there!” I snapped.
“So you’re getting even now?” he asked sourly.
“You’re pathetic,” I said, “and you need to leave.”
He stood up and moved towards me, a threatening look in his eyes. “This is my home and you are my wife. I’m not leaving.”
I stared at him with something close to fear, a feeling I’d never felt towards him in all of our years of marriage. “I’m not going to tell you again,” I said in a strangled voice. “You need to leave.”
His face softened. “Would you just stop this?” he said, trying to reach for me. “For God’s sake, Lindsey, I love you. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
I pushed him away and moved across the room. “It did mean something. In fact, it meant everything to me. But the things that you’ve done,” I said, my eyes filling with tears, “those things also mean something.”
“I made a mistake,” he said, swaying slightly. “I know. But I can’t change what happened. Just please, can’t you give me another chance?”
“If you’re looking for another chance, this isn’t the way to do it. You’ve obviously been drinking too much and now you’re trying to bully me into letting you back into my life? Seriously?”
Tears rolled down his face. “I’m sorry. I just need you so much.”
I raised my hand. “Stop, okay. Scott, you can sleep in the guest room tonight, but you’ll need to leave early in the morning. The last thing we need is you getting thrown in jail for drinking and driving.”
He ran a hand through his hair and stared at me with a look of defeat. “Fine, I’ll leave you alone tonight. But don’t think for one second that I’ve given up. I’m not letting you go that easily.”
You already let me go when you cheated on me, I thought as I watched him stumble towards the guest room.
Chapter Twelve
Thankfully, Scott was gone by the time I woke up the following morning. The children had also missed seeing him, so there wasn’t any explaining to do.
“See you tonight,” I said as they both took off to catch the bus. Jeremy was still eyeing my new hairstyle with trepidation.
I sighed. “Jeremy, what’s wrong?”
He just shook his head and walked out the door.
I decided that I needed to talk to him again when school was over. He was obviously very concerned and I couldn’t blame him one bit. I only wish I had a straight answer for him. I wasn’t even certain of what was going to happen.
Sighing, I went into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I cringed at my reflection and decided to take a shower before the run so I could shave my legs to avoid any embarrassing stretching moments. Then I put on some shorts, pulled my hair into a ponytail, and dug out my tennis shoes.
You can do this, I told myself, taking one final glance in the mirror. So my body wasn’t as toned as I would have liked and I avoided wearing shorts even in the hottest of weather. I was a mother and had labored for over thirty-six hours of excruciating pain and agony giving birth to Regan. I’d suffered pain that would have brought most men to their knees. Not only that, I’d survived and had repeated the process all over with Jeremy. Run a few blocks?
Hell yeah.
Bring it on.
***
It was shortly before ten when I walked over to Jake’s house with my bottle of water. He was in the garage, putting away some tools.
“Hey there,” he said, closing his tool chest.
I smiled. “Hey there yourself.”
He stepped outside and closed the garage. “So, did you get a good night’s sleep?”
I shrugged. “It was okay.”
He tilted his head. “I noticed Scott leaving early this morning. Everything okay?”
“He was in the house when I returned home last night. He’d had a little too much to drink and I told him to stay in the guest room.”
“Let me guess, he wants to make things right?”
“Of course.”
“What do you want?” he asked, stretching his calves. Today he wore blue shorts and a snug white T-shirt that, as usual, emphasized his incredibly sexy body.
I pulled my eyes off of his pecs and followed his lead, stretching my lily-white legs. “To be honest, I really don’t know. I’m disgusted with Scott’s actions and the idea of having to learn how to trust him makes me so damn angry. I shouldn’t have been put into this situation. Not by my own husband.”
“Very true.”
“He keeps telling me how much he loves me. It just seems like bullshit to me, though, especially after screwing those other women. If he loved me, he should have been able to control himself.”
He stretched one of his arms behind his neck. “Love and lust are two separate things, although there are times when you can’t control either.”
I bent down to stretch my other leg, causing my eyes to be in direct line with his crotch. I turned away and tried to focus on my stretches.
“Hungry?”
Our eyes met and the smile he gave me had me wondering if he sensed my impure thoughts.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my cheeks burning.
He laughed. “I was just thinking that we could jog up to that little coffee shop on Grande Avenue for a quick bite to eat as a reward. My treat.”
I nodded. “Sounds great. I think I might actually be able to handle that distance.”
Man, was I ever wrong. After about five blocks, I was huffing and puffing so hard, we had to stop.
“You okay?” he asked, while I bent down, gasping for dear life.
“I’m… so… out of shape,” I said through wheezes. “Sorry.”
He smiled. “Don’t be. Everyone, no matter what kind of shape they’re in, has to start somewhere. It takes a while to build up stamina.”
I closed my eyes and imagined his stamina was very, very, good. “Some more than others,” I said.
“Don’t worry; you’re just not used to it. It will get easier.”
I wiped the sweat from my forehead. “Look, why don’t you just go ahead of me and I’ll catch up, eventually.”
He shook his head. “No, we can just walk. This was my idea and I’m not going to leave you.”
“Thanks,” I said after chugging back most of my water. “But I won’t take it personally if you decide to start running again. Honestly.”
“Right now, I’d rather walk, with you.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Okay.”
We talked about our families as we walked into town. He’d lived in Minnesota prior to moving to Texas, and his relatives were all deceased.
“That must be difficult,” I said. “Not having anyone left.”
He sighed. �
�This might sound cold, but it’s actually been a lot easier, especially since my mom passed away a few years ago.”
“Really?”
He stared ahead. “I usually don’t talk about this but…she spent most of her life battling a Heroin addiction. In fact, I was taken from her when I was twelve.”
I stopped in my tracks and touched his arm. “Seriously? Where did you go?”
He shrugged. “I was transferred around from home to home. I was an angry kid and I guess you could say, not very easy to control.”
“But you were young and I’m sure you had every right to be angry.”
He stared at me for a minute and smiled. “It wasn’t easy, that’s for sure.”
“Well, you’ve obviously come a long way since then.”
He took a drink of water and wiped his mouth. “There was some counseling involved. Then, after I was reunited with my mom and saw how much she’d lost in life, it gave me the incentive to do better.”
“Did she stop using?”
His lips tightened. “She was in and out of rehab more times than I could count. In the end, she didn’t have the strength to stop for good.”
“Did she die because of the Heroin?”
He nodded. “She overdosed.”
“Wow, I’m sorry,” I said softly.
“Don’t feel pity for me. In fact, I guess you could say that shit only made me stronger.”
“I can imagine,” I said.
“It’s what also led me into criminal justice. Getting rid of the poison on the streets is what keeps me going back to work every night, even when the shit is so utterly fucked up…” He stopped talking and shook his head. “I’m sorry.”
I raised my eyebrows. “For what?”
“For venting when you already have enough things to think about.”
I stopped walking. “Are you kidding me? I’m happy that you’re opening up. It helps a person get through stress, having someone else to talk to.”
He tilted his head and smiled. “Well, I appreciate you lending an ear.”
“That goes both ways,” I said.
“Good. Because I enjoy helping ‘damsels in distress.’”
I laughed. “Damsels? Is that what I am?”
“Definitely. I spent many years being a hell-raising punk and now I’m determined to be a good guy, no matter how boring it is.”
“Oh, now good is boring?” I asked.
“Even you have to admit that being bad is a hell of a lot more fun.”
“I don’t know, I’ve been a good girl most of my life, except for when I was in high school and used to sneak out for parties.”
“That long ago, huh?” he said, looking amused. “Well, we should fix that.”
I laughed. “Is that so?”
He nodded. “Yeah. In fact, I’m going to mull over this for a while and get back to you.”
“Let me guess this straight…you’re going to think of ways for me to be bad?”
He smiled darkly. “Believe me, the idea probably excites me more than you. And of course I mean that in a strictly platonic way.”
“Wow,” I chuckled. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“You’ll be saying ‘thank you’ once I’m finished. By the way, you can still be bad and do it legally; just so you know.”
“Oh, I know,” I said, glancing at him out of the corner of my eye. I knew there were many ways to be bad, but at the moment I wasn’t thinking of anything ‘platonic.’
“So,” I said, changing the subject before my dirty little mind worked overtime. “You never mentioned your dad.”
“My dad,” he laughed bitterly. “The asshole is probably alive, but I don’t know for sure. He was one of my mom’s ‘Johns’.”
I cringed. “Oh.”
He shrugged. “I’ve learned to accept it and not blame her. She was at the mercy of the drug and did what she could for money. I guess you could say that my mom, my dad, and I were all victims of Heroin.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” I said.
“Okay, now that you know my life history, what about you? Are your parents alive?”
I told him about my hippy, free-spirited mom, and her younger boyfriend.
“Well, she sounds pretty cool, actually.”
“She’s definitely not your typical fifty-five-year-old. In fact, I guess you could say that growing up she was more like a sister than an actual mother.”
“Was that bad?”
“Most of the time it wasn’t. But, there were times I definitely needed a mother and she didn’t mature to that point until I found out I was pregnant at eighteen. Then she blamed herself for not being strict enough and changed her parenting ways.”
“What do you mean?”
“She became a strict overly-protective mom to my younger sister, Caroline.”
“How’d that go for your sister?”
I smiled. “She complained about it constantly, but she ended up going to college and marrying a doctor. I suppose they have a good life, although we don’t talk much, anymore.”
“Why?”
“Lots of reasons, the main one being Scott. She never cared for him.”
“Now might be a good time to catch up with her, then.”
“I don’t know, I just hate dragging my family into my problems.”
“I can understand that. That’s why it also helps having good friends.”
I nodded. “Yes, it does. So, the holidays are coming up. Where do you spend your holidays without family?”
“I still have plenty of friends,” he answered. “I try not to impose but if they ask me over for dinner, I’m certainly not going to refuse,” he said, smiling sheepishly. “I’m a lousy cook myself.”
“Well, next holiday, if you aren’t busy, you’re welcome to join my family.”
He chuckled. “I’m sure Scott would just love that.”
“Truthfully, I’m beginning to doubt that Scott will even be invited back,” I answered.
“Well, I hope everything works out for the best, whatever it is. You deserve it.”
I smiled. “Thanks.”
When we finally made it to the coffee shop, both of us ordered ours black and over ice, then sat down to enjoy a couple of blueberry scones.
“These are really good,” I said between bites. “But I think I’m defeating the purpose of trying to lose weight. These have to be filled with mucho calories.”
He shrugged. “You look great. Forget about losing weight and focus on feeling good. Tell you what, if you keep getting your heart rate up every day for at least twenty minutes, you won’t need to worry so much about watching calories.”
“Well, to be totally serious with you, I’m not much into running. I don’t know how long I’ll be able to keep this going.”
“There are other ways to get your heart rate up. Biking, aerobics, walking,” he grinned, wickedly. “Even sex.”
I snorted. “Well, if Scott’s moving out permanently, I can count that particular exercise out, too.”
“You’re a beautiful and sexy woman. I’m sure that you’ll find plenty of willing partners.”
“Right,” I said, blushing.
He rubbed his chin and smiled. “That’s another thing that fascinates me about you. You’re so unassuming and unaware of your effect on men, it’s refreshing.”
I burst out laughing. “My effect on men?”
“You haven’t noticed the way some of these guys in this shop have been eyeing you?” he asked, finishing his coffee.
I raised my eyebrows and looked around, not really seeing it, myself. “You’re kidding, right?”
“See, that’s exactly what I mean. Not only are you modest, but you’re unpretentious.”
I put my hand to my cheek. “Stop, sir, you’re making me blush, again,” I teased. “And I’m much too old for that.”
“Yeah, you’re so old. What are you, early thirties?”
I laughed. “You were on a roll, why didn’t you say twent
ies?”
“Because we’re friends, and I’m not trying to feed you a line of bullshit. Obviously, with two children in their teens, you’re probably not in your twenties.”
“Okay, I’m thirty-three. What about you?”
“Me? I’m thirty-five. Anyway, my point is that you’re still young and even though you’re going through some tough shit right now, keep your chin up. Don’t let anyone, including your husband, take advantage of you. Life is much too short.”
I nodded, knowing what he said made perfect sense. It just wasn’t an easy option for me, however, especially having two confused children and bills that I couldn’t possibly pay on my own.
His phone began to vibrate. “Shit, I’d better take this,” he said, checking the caller I.D.
I stood up. “I have to stop into the bathroom, anyway. Meet me outside?”
He nodded and grabbed our empty cups.
When I was finished in the ladies’ room, I met Jake back outside and he seemed agitated.
“I have to get moving – quickly,” he said. “Some shit at work. I’m sorry.”
I waved my hand. “Oh, Jesus…no problem at all. Why don’t you run back and I’ll take my time? I might just do a little window shopping at some of the shops around here anyway.”
He swore under his breath. “I’m really sorry about this. Are you sure?”
“Of course, I have nowhere to go and you obviously do, so you should go.”
“Thanks,” he said, and then before I could respond, he bent down and planted a warm kiss on my cheek. “That’s for being such a kick-ass neighbor as well as a good listener.”
“Well, you’re welcome,” I answered, unable to wipe the grin from my face.
“You know, I was planning on picking up a couple of steaks on the way home from work Friday night, maybe do some grilling. It wouldn’t be until after nine, but are you interested in joining me for a late meal? It gets a little lonely eating alone all the time, you know?”
I wondered about the pretty brunette again. Obviously, she’d been invited over for more than a just a plate of food. But Jake and I were just getting to be good friends. “Sure. I’d be happy to keep you company.”
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