by Schiller, MK
“I don’t want to get all messy.”
“Some things are worth getting messy for.” He takes the fork from me. “This is one of them.”
I get sauce all over myself, but it’s worth it. I would eat this food out of a trough if I could. By the time the check arrives, I question if I can walk, which sucks because we walked here. The trip goes slower on the way back. But there is a nice low breeze and Aiden’s fingers curl into mine.
“That was the most amazing meal I’ve ever had.”
He kisses my forehead. Back in the room, he takes off his T-shirt and jeans right away. I strip down to my panties and T-shirt, and we flop on the bed.
His fingers tangle in my hair. “Tomorrow’s going to be hard for you.”
“It’ll be hard for you, too, Aiden. I can still do it by myself.”
“We’re in this together.”
I slide my finger across the cut at his waist. “Are we?” Then I hate myself for asking the question, because he looks hurt. “I’m sorry.”
He cups my face, his thumb running over my lips. “I shouldn’t let you imagine it when I can give you the truth. It’s not just because it’s hard for me to talk about, but I worry about your reaction.”
“Aiden, there is nothing you can say that will make me think less of you.”
“You should never make absolute statements, Emma.” I open my mouth to object but he shakes his head. “But I’m gonna tell you the story behind this scar, and I hope your statement holds true because this is…this is a lot crazier than K2. It was downright careless, but I was in a place where I saw no outs, so I decided to make my own. That’s why I branded this scar as my own personal freedom.”
“Tell me.”
“You see, Harlan had beaten away all my will. I never fought him, and I hated myself for that.”
“You were a child. Don’t blame yourself for what that monster did to you.”
“I don’t anymore, Cooper. But I did once.” He inhales a deep breath. “Harlan kept a gun in the house. He hid it inside the fireplace grate under the logs. It was in this black pouch and always fully loaded. He didn’t think I knew about it. The fireplace had been converted to gas years ago and the logs were plastic so there was no reason to go in there. But I had seen it. One day I picked up the gun. I was gonna kill myself.”
He wipes a tear from my face. I asked him to tell me, but I can’t handle this. My lips quiver.
“Relax, Cooper. I didn’t do it, obviously. Instead, I focused on the other thing inside the bag. It was a key to the drawer in his desk. He’d always been really private about it, slamming the drawer shut whenever I was near. My curiosity was stronger than the other emotions. He was working late so I decided to have myself a peek. I couldn’t believe what I found.”
“What was it?”
“It was all these papers and receipts, kept in meticulous order. I knew my mom came from wealth. But I had no idea she had a trust fund. A trust fund I automatically inherited when she died. It took me a while to figure it out. The papers were written in legal language, but I finally realized what was going on. My father was stealing from me. The trust allowed him to take out money for my expenses. He had taken out a few thousand each month of my life. There were receipts for expensive clothes, psychologists, and even private football coaching. I never had any of those things. It wasn’t about the money, exactly, but when I added it up, it was a huge amount. This man had taken everything from me, and I wasn’t going to let him take any more. I no longer wanted to kill myself. I wanted to kill him.”
I wrap my arms around him. “Oh my God.”
“I thought about shooting him when he walked through the door, but it wouldn’t work. I had to have a plan. You see, Harlan had convinced the good people of Linx I was the crazy one.” Aiden’s tone turns sarcastic when he talks about the good people of Linx. “They all thought I enjoyed hurting myself.”
“How could they think that?” Anyone with half a functioning brain could look at his scars and see it wasn’t possible.
“Like I said, he was good at convincing people. As the sheriff, he had a lot of sway. I knew if I just shot him, they would arrest me. I craved something even more than my own freedom.”
“What?”
“Revenge. So I put the key and the gun back where I found them inside the grate. I went on like nothing happened. In a way, the plan kept me going. I had to give Sassy away because I wasn’t sure it would work, and I didn’t want her getting caught in the crossfire.” He expels a sad laugh. “I gotta tell you, Cooper, I thought it was a good plan at the time.”
“What was the plan?”
“On Friday nights, Harlan would have his fill of Pete Samper’s homemade wine, which is stronger than most moonshine. He was usually careful, because that shit was strong stuff. But once in a while, he’d overindulge. I bided my time and waited for one of these nights. When he passed out, I took the gun from his holster and the one on his ankle. I put the smaller one in my back pocket. I left him with his knife.”
“Why would you leave him with a weapon?”
“Because I needed people to think it was self-defense. They could deny burns and bruises, but they could not ignore a knife wound. At least not a deep one.”
I swallow, not sure if I can comprehend what he is saying. “You wanted him to cut you?”
“That’s right. I’d studied his movements over the years. Living with an abuser is a lot like playing poker. You learn tells. For the most part, I knew when to stay out of sight, when to duck, when to hide. I used it to my advantage. I dumped the rest of the liquor on him, shocking him awake. I don’t think he even believed what was happening. He said, ‘you lost your fucking mind, boy?’ I think I had. I had been running in the woods for years, but he didn’t know that. I was pretty fast. He chased me around the house. I taunted him, telling him how he was no kind of man. My mom probably killed herself to get away from him. There were a lot of other things I screamed, too. All the shit I’ve been wanting to spew since I was a kid. He got so angry, he reached for his gun. I knew he would. But it’s in my back pocket. So he went for the knife he kept in his shirt pocket. I drew him to me and turned to my side just as it punctured.”
My head is spinning as I take this all in. I can’t imagine going to such extremes, but then again, he did live in a prison. “You used yourself as bait? He could have killed you.”
“I was willing to risk it.” His admission silences any other questions. He holds me tighter like he’s trying to comfort me, when all I can fucking think about is going back through time and saving him from that man. Saving him from himself.
“He slashed me. I have a high pain threshold. I guess that happens when you’ve gone through what I did, but I wasn’t prepared for how much it hurt. Still, I managed to get away and pull out the gun. He stopped in his tracks. I told him to have a seat on the couch. I cocked the gun ready to kill him in cold blood.”
“But you didn’t.” It’s not a question but a statement.
“No, Emma, I didn’t. I lost my nerve. He said he knew I wasn’t capable of it. I was a pussy and always would be.”
I picked up the phone and called 911 instead. I told them my father had stabbed me. And don’t bother calling the sheriff. My daddy is the sheriff. I watched Harlan’s face go from smug to shock.”
“They believed you?”
“Not everyone, but the district attorney did. Hell, Harlan insisted I set him up. Isn’t it ironic? For the first time, he wasn’t lying.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Anyway, they sent Harlan away to prison. They sent me to foster care in the next town. When I was seventeen, I dropped out of school and petitioned the state for emancipation.”
“They gave it to you?”
“Yeah. Because of the trust, I had a way to support myself and they agreed.”
I sit up, unsure how to respond. “How old were you when you when—”
“When I put the plan in action?”
I nod.
“Fifteen.”
<
br /> “Oh my God, Aiden, how could you risk your life that way?”
“It was a long time ago, and I was a stupid kid who watched a lot of action movies. I wanted to be my own hero. After all, no one else was applying for the job.”
“I was wrong.”
“About what?”
“It’s so much worse than anything I imagined.”
“You see why I didn’t want to tell you? I don’t regret any of it, Emma. I accept the evil inside of me. I hope to God you do, too.”
“Aiden, I don’t fault you for it…any of it.”
“We’re so different, Cooper. I love your light, and I never want to take it from you.”
I run my hand across his scar once more. He closes his eyes. “I don’t understand, but I haven’t been where you are. You’re wrong, Aiden. You’re not evil in any way. You’re a survivor. Even with all the trauma, you thought about your dog. When it came down to it, you didn’t kill that man.” Even if he had, I wouldn’t have judged him.
“That’s the thing, angel. I regret that, too. I wish I had.” I shiver, not because I’m scared of what he said with such naked, raw honesty, but because I almost wish I could kill his father, too.
“Did he die in prison?” Aiden blinks as if trying to follow my thoughts. “You said he had a heart attack two years ago.”
Aiden looks down at his hands. “Yes.”
I lay my head on his chest. Although his voice was calm during the whole story, his heart is pounding hard. He wraps his arms around me and puts his leg over mine. We sleep like that, tangled up in each other.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Emma
Aiden went to the hotel gym first thing in the morning. I showered and put on my black dress. It’s my funeral dress. I wore it at each of my parent’s memorial services. I hate this dress, but it is the most appropriate thing to wear when I spread Mom’s ashes. Staring at the urn, I wait for it to give me some last piece of advice, but it remains silent.
“I wish you had told me about your life.” I adjust the band of my dad’s watch. “I have so many questions that you’ll never be able to answer.” I’ve tried to be strong, but my shoulders shake. “I don’t want to let you go, Mom. I love you.”
“She knows that, Emma,” Aiden says, leaning against the open door. He’s carrying the garment bag he brought.
“How long have you been there?” His arms wrap around me. “Just a few seconds.”
“You should get ready. We have to leave.”
He lifts my wrist and looks at the watch face. “Yeah, we’re running late. I’ll be quick.”
When Aiden comes out from his shower, I gasp. I expected the garment bag to contain a suit, but I’m blown away by Aiden in formal Marine dress blues. His broad shoulders fit the midnight blue coat as if it was made for him. The gold buttons on his uniform are polished to a brilliant shine. The white sash at his waist accentuates his physique. In the crook of his arm is his white cap. I open my mouth but I cannot even form words. “You okay, Cooper?”
I swallow back my admiration and awe. “You look so handsome.”
“Thank you. We both clean up good.” He crosses the room. I stare up at him. He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear then adjusts his cap. “Shall we?” He takes the urn and offers me his arm.
If I thought the women’s gazes lingered on Aiden before, it is nothing compared to how they stare at him now. It’s as if he’s royalty. Random people stop us to thank him for his service and shake his hand. But he is modest in all his responses. In fact, he thanks them for their support.
It’s not until we’re on the road again that his shoulders relax.
“You don’t like the attention, do you?”
“Not this kind. I signed up for the job. I got everything I was promised. I don’t need more accolades than that. Don’t get me wrong, Cooper, I appreciate the acknowledgement, but I didn’t have the same sacrifices as some of my brothers. I watched gates and marched in the dessert and I helped build a school. That experience shaped me, though. It taught me focus, restraint, and respect. Things I desperately needed. So, in a lot of ways, I’m the one who’s thankful.”
I must be staring at him in a strange way. I can’t take my eyes off him.
“What?” he finally asks. “Do I have something on my face?”
Yeah, he does. It’s a mixture of courage and beauty and humility and many other things I can’t put into words.
“Aiden Sheffield, I wish the world had more people like you in it.”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Emma
We make good time to Linx, arriving midmorning. The town is small, many of the businesses on the main street are family owned. We are quiet, absorbing every detail. For Aiden, he’s looking at his past. For me, I am trying to reconcile that this was my mother’s home. I clutch the urn closer to me.
When we reach the river, Aiden pulls up next to a dock. “Ready to do this?”
“Yes.”
I’m surprised to see a man there, standing next to a pontoon boat. He walks toward us, but when Aiden steps out of the car, he almost stumbles back.
“Aid, is that you?” The man’s voice is thick and a bit hard to understand. I see the hearing aid on his ear.
“Sid, thanks for doing this.”
“Sure thing, man. It was good to hear from you. But you sure you’re Aiden? You look so different.”
Aiden nods, giving him a good-natured smile. “Aqua Man was the coolest superhero, and he never got his due.”
The man laughs, shaking his head. “Yep, you’re Aiden.”
He puts his arm around me. “This is Emma. Emma, this is my friend, Sid. He’s going to let us borrow his boat.”
I hadn’t even thought of a boat—I just figured I’d stand at the edge of the river—but Aiden did. For the millionth time, a fierce gratitude fills me.
“Nice to meet you.” Sid and I shake hands, which is awkward because I’m still carrying the urn. Aiden takes it from me. Sid’s gaze rests on it. “You gonna tell me what’s going on?”
“I’d rather not, if that’s okay.”
“Sure, sure, you were always mysterious. Why change now?”
Aiden chuckles. “Yeah.”
“I didn’t tell anyone you were here.”
“Thanks. Sid, I’d love to catch up, but we need to get going.”
“No problem.” Sid hands him the key. “You know how to drive this thing?”
“Yeah, I’ve driven one before.”
“Good. Just leave the keys in the glove box when you’re done and text me.”
“You want me to just leave them in the boat?”
“You forget where you are, Sheffield? This is Linx.”
Aiden nods in agreement. “Yeah, I guess I did.”
“They don’t steal boats in Linx?” I ask.
Sid answers. “They do, but everyone in town knows who stole it, why they did it, and where it is ten minutes after it happens.” He looks back at Aiden. “Some things never change.”
Aiden hands me the urn. “Why don’t you get on the boat, Emma.”
I watch as Sid and Aiden exchange a few more words. Sid is shorter than Aiden. They exchange a quick hug. Aiden jumps on board.
He opens a storage bench and throws an orange life preserver to me.
“I can swim.”
“It’s just a precaution.”
“Why aren’t you wearing one, then?”
“You gonna call me out on all my double standards?” But he’s smiling when he says it. “You don’t have to wear it. But it’s not me being chauvinistic. It’s me wanting to keep you safe.”
When someone says something like that, well, I can’t argue. But I hand him one. “Same goes here.”
He stares at it. “You’re kidding, right? This thing won’t even fit me.”
“It’s not emasculation. It’s me looking out for you. It works both ways.”
Of course, he’s right. The life preserver doesn’t fit him. Neithe
r of us wears one.
The river is long and curvy. The current picks up. The sun sits right on the edge of the water as if it’s waiting for us.
We pass a few fishermen in smaller boats on the way. Aiden nods to them. Some salute him, but they all have curious expressions. Their gazes linger on us, making me uncomfortable. Aiden seems bothered by it, too.
He chooses a place and sets anchor, then he places a hand on each of my shoulders. “This was her favorite spot.” He points toward the horizon. “She used to say it’s the only slice of heaven you can find in Linx.”
“It’s beautiful. Thank you for bringing me here.” It is tranquil and secluded. It feels safe in a weird way. I wonder if my mom felt safe here. The water flows beneath, the sky hovers above, the woods surround us, and the sun looms ahead. The water is choppy, making the boat rise and fall. Aiden sits and pats the area next to him, and I join him. “Do you want me to go to the other side of the boat? It’s not much, but a little more private for you.”
“No, Aiden, she wanted you to do this with me. Besides, I need you.” I take his hand and squeeze it for strength. There had been no doubt in my mind this would be hard, but it feels like I’m climbing a fucking mountain, one I can never summit. At least I have Aiden. He gives me strength and courage I didn’t know I possessed.
“Emma, why don’t take a few minutes to say good-bye.”
“I’ve been saying good-bye for a long time. No more good-byes.” The lump in my throat is so huge it chokes my voice, undermining my statement.
“Grieve, Emma. You need to grieve. Take your time. Don’t think you’re not being brave. There is no shame in sorrow, angel.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. This isn’t for her. You already honor her memory in every way, Emma. This is for you to find your peace. It’s your good-bye.”
I close my eyes. My words are silent, but I know she hears them. I love you mom. There are so many things I didn’t know about you. I wish I had. I am still upset and angry about what you did. I am also sad you had so much tragedy. But I do know you were a great mom. You gave me everything I needed and more than I deserved. Every milestone in my life brings a memory of your support and encouragement. Everything I ever achieve will be in credit to you and dad. I love you.