“Are you okay?”
I sit up straight and squint at the man standing in front of me. As it turns out, it’s Elizabeth’s no-good, cheating husband—Phil, is it?
“No, I’m not okay!” I snap at him, standing and looking him right in the eyes, almost as if I were seeing Jim instead of this man I barely know.
“Do you need help?” His expression grows bewildered.
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. But if I did need help, I wouldn’t go looking for it from someone like you.”
Now he looks totally baffled. Of course he has no idea that I know what I know, but he should know he’s a complete jerk. Or do men ever get this? I’m not sure. But he doesn’t say anything, just steps away as if he thinks he’s come across a crazy woman. Maybe he has!
“That’s right.” I continue my attack, unwilling to let him off the hook. “Run away. Just like all the rest of the cheating husbands in this world. Put your tail between your legs and just run.”
“Are you okay?” he asks again. “I mean, you look a bit flushed. Have you been in the sun too long? You want me to call someone?”
“No thanks!”
“Okay then …” He steps back once more.
I shake my fist at him. “I know what you’re doing. I’ve talked to your wife, and you’re just as bad as my husband, and you—you should be ashamed of yourself!”
“What do you mean you’ve talked to my wife? What are you talking about?”
“Elizabeth told all me about you. She knows everything! And she’s a good person too. You don’t deserve someone as sweet as she is. You men are all alike. You get tired of the old model and think you can trade us in for something newer and flashier. Well, it’s about time you learned that we won’t put up with it anymore!” Then I shake my fist at him and storm off. I can hear him calling after me, asking me what I’m talking about and if I’m okay. He even follows me for a bit, but I simply pretend he’s not there. However, I start to feel uncomfortable as we get closer to the lodge. He’s right behind me, still asking questions. And I worry that someone will see him making a spectacle of himself—and me.
“Leave me alone!” I turn and yell at him. “What are you, some kind of stalker or something?”
Clearly embarrassed, he turns and quickly goes the other direction.
Men! Can’t live with them, can’t kill them—well, not legally, anyway.
As I go back into the lodge, somewhat pacified by my attack on Elizabeth’s husband since I never found my own, I am hit with a sudden urge to talk to her again. I feel like this woman really gets me. Oh, we’re from different circles, and she may not appreciate things like real designer clothes and good shoes, but on some level I feel we could relate. Or maybe it’s just that we have the cheating husband thing in common. But at the moment I’d really like to find her again, and I’d like her to sit down and have another drink with me.
I glance around the lobby, hoping to spy her. She seems the type who might be curled up in a corner with a big novel. But, no, she doesn’t seem to be around. I do spy the bridesmaid girl sitting in a corner with a magazine. Now what was her name? Something Scandinavian as I recall.
“Olga?” I try tentatively as I walk toward her.
She looks up blankly. “Are you talking to me?”
“I know we met at lunch, but—”
“Ingrid,” she offers, nodding to the chair next to her.
“Thanks.” But I don’t sit down. “Have you seen Elizabeth by any chance?”
“Not for a while. But I think she’s helping Margaret watch Laura’s baby this afternoon.”
“Margaret?”
“You know, the older woman at lunch. She’s Jenny’s grandma.”
“Oh yes, right.” I nod and pretend I’m not as oblivious as I may appear. “And Laura was the other woman? The one with the baby?”
“Right. Elizabeth and Margaret wanted to give Laura some time to rest before the wedding.”
“Wasn’t that nice?” I say. “Do you know where Margaret’s room is?”
She tells me where she thinks it is, and I thank her and leave. I’m not sure about bursting in on the two baby-sitters, but I feel an urgent need to talk to Elizabeth. Besides, how many women does it take to watch one tiny baby? Not that I have experience with such things. But, after all, it’s only a baby. I, on the other hand, am a woman in serious distress. Surely Elizabeth can spare a few minutes for me.
Chapter 10
ELIZABETH
I listen with mild interest as Margaret recalls the hardships and pleasures of her early years of marriage, raising babies during the war years, her life changing when her husband came home. Mostly it sounds rather sweet and idyllic—like an old movie perhaps. My thoughts begin to drift, and I wonder why I encouraged her to tell me all this in the first place. On the other hand, she does seem to revel in this sentimental journey, and I have to wonder how long it’s been since she’s gone down these old roads. It’s a shame I don’t have a recorder or some way of taking all this down. I’m sure her family, especially Jenny, would appreciate hearing all this someday. At least I know I would in their place. My mother died when my boys were still small, and I missed so much.
Then Margaret begins recalling a time when her marriage was in serious peril, and my ears perk up.
“The children were nearly grown by then. One still in high school, the other in college,” she’s saying. “And I guess it was what you might call a midlife crisis.”
I lean forward with interest. “Your husband? What did he do?”
She smiles, sadly it seems. “Not my husband, dear. Me.”
“Oh …”
She nods. “I could make excuses—say that I married too soon and never got to do all the things I wanted or that Calvin was too distracted with his work, his career, and neglected me—and while some of it would be true, it’s not really the truth.”
“No?”
“No. The truth is, I allowed my heart to stray.”
“Did you have an affair?” I wish I hadn’t said it, can’t believe I let the words slip out. But there it is, lying between us now. “I’m sorry,” I say. “It’s none of my business—”
“Nonsense. I’m the one who’s doing the telling here.” She sighs and shakes her head with what seems sincere regret. “And I’ve never told anyone before—”
“Please don’t feel you need to now,” I interrupt, feeling slightly voyeuristic, not to mention nosy, since I really do want to hear the rest of this. I’ve always had Margaret on something of a pedestal. I know Jenny has too. Even Jeannette goes on about how Margaret is just a step below sainthood. Naturally, I’m curious.
“No, that’s just it. I do feel that I need to say this now.” She presses her lips together. “If you don’t mind, that is.”
“Not at all,” I assure her. “And you can trust me. What’s said here stays here.”
She smiles. “Yes, I had a feeling. Jenny is always telling me how her secrets are safe with you.”
I check on the baby, who’s still sleeping soundly, pink rosebud lips parted enough that the pacifier has tumbled onto the yellow fleecy blanket beneath her. Then I sit down, lean back in the chair, and wait.
“As I said, I could make excuses, and believe me, I’ve done that before—if only in my head—but the truth is, I allowed my heart to stray. And I knew better.” She reaches up and pats her hair as if she’s remembering a time when it wasn’t snowy white, a time when her face wasn’t creased with wrinkles and laugh lines, a time when her faded blue eyes must’ve been brighter and clearer. “I was about your age, or maybe younger, although we seemed older back then. I don’t know how you kids keep yourselves looking so youthful.”
I laugh and wave my hand. “Thanks, but it might just be your perspective.”
“Perhaps. Well, back to my story. A dear friend of the family, Dr. William Kelley, had been widowed for a few years, and then his receptionist left to have a baby, and I offered to fill in until he found a new
one. Dr. Kelley was a distinguished-looking man with a gracious manner. I’d always admired him, but it had never been anything more than that. So I went to work for him, and during the slack times, he and I would visit. We could just talk and talk, and I felt as if he really respected my opinions and thoughts, and I rather enjoyed the attention. Oh, it’s not that Calvin wasn’t like that. It’s just that we’d been married for a long time, and I suppose we took each other a bit for granted…”
I can see her grip tighten on the arms of the chair, and I know this isn’t easy for her. “Don’t we all do that,” I admit. “I mean, once we’ve been married for a while, don’t we all take each other for granted?”
“Perhaps …but I still feel bad about it.” She reaches in her sweater pocket for a handkerchief and daintily wipes a tear from her cheek, then sighs and continues. “At the time I told myself that Dr. Kelley and I were simply good friends. He was lonely, and I was, well, at a place where I felt a bit lost.”
“Because your children didn’t need you so much?” I offer. “And your husband was focused on his work?”
“Yes, I’m sure those were factors. But as I already said, I didn’t stop myself; I chose to step into what I fully knew to be sin.”
There’s a long silence now, and I try to imagine a much younger, probably very beautiful Margaret, falling into the arms of the handsome but grieving physician. Perhaps there were no patients that afternoon … the privacy of an examining room. Then I make myself stop, because she’s speaking again.
“I told myself that our lengthy conversations were innocent, but I knew my heart was falling in love. I became obsessed with him. I’d spend all my time thinking of him, doing special little things for him, driving by his house on my way home from the grocery store, making up an excuse to run an errand that might cause me to bump into him. And finally it seemed my dreams were coming true. Dr. Kelley told me he was in love with me. We were closing up the office due to an unexpected blizzard. I was checking thermostats and turning off lights, and he stopped me in the hallway and, right then and there, confessed his love for me.” She sighs deeply. “Oh, I was so surprised. I think I honestly believed it was only me enjoying something of a schoolgirl crush that could never be returned. But there he was, telling me his heart was involved too. The next thing I knew we were kissing.” She actually blushes now, using the handkerchief to dab at her flushed cheeks. “It was quite scandalous really.”
I’m dying to know what happened next, but for once I manage to bite my tongue and just wait. Let her tell this story in her timing. I pretend to distract myself by checking on Amy, but she is sound asleep now.
“And that was it,” says Margaret with a tone of finality.
“That was it?” I can’t help but feel disappointed—as if I’ve been watching this romantic movie, and suddenly it’s over without a single real love scene.
She smiles. “I told Dr. Kelley that I had to quit working for him and that I could never see him again. At least not privately.”
“Did you tell him you loved him?”
“No, of course not. That would’ve only made things worse. It might have given him hope, and I’m sure that would’ve hurt him even more.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I would never have left Calvin for him.”
“Oh.”
“Our marriage wasn’t perfect. Not by any means. But I wasn’t willing to toss it aside, either. Maybe values were different back then, or maybe people settled more easily than they do nowadays. Sometimes I think the younger generation has such unattainable ideals. It seems they want it all—happiness, wealth, health, the works. But maybe that’s not how God intended it. I suppose I believe that God gives us some hardships to strengthen us. Or maybe it’s just so we’ll wake up and smell the coffee.” She smiles. “Do you think?”
“I guess so.”
“Most of all, I think God wants to remind us that heaven is meant to be experienced in heaven, not here on earth. Maybe I would’ve gotten some short-lived happiness by indulging my affections for Dr. Kelley. But the bottom line is, I still believed in my wedding vows. I still cared about Calvin. And I suppose I viewed my marriage as an investment of sorts. I’d already put the best years of my life into it, and I wasn’t ready to throw all that away. And then there were the children. So much to lose. Do you know what I mean?”
I consider this. “Maybe.”
Chapter 11
MARGARET
I’m just finishing my story when someone vigorously knocks on my door. The sound makes me jump and wakes the slumbering baby. Elizabeth runs to get the door, and I check on little Amy, who is now beginning to fuss. I replace the pacifier in her mouth and then carefully pick her up, cradling her in my arms. I lean down and inhale a whiff of fresh baby scent. Ah, there is nothing sweeter on earth.
“Sorry to barge in like this,” says the woman who had been seated at our luncheon table earlier. The one who had left looking rather upset. “But I was looking for you.”
“For me?” Elizabeth looks surprised but lets the woman into my room. “Do you remember Suzette?” she asks me. “Her husband is Michael’s boss.”
“Oh yes,” I say with a smile. “I do remember. How are you, Suzette? Would you care to sit—”
“No, I just hoped I could steal Elizabeth from you—”
“But I’m helping Margaret baby-sit,” Elizabeth says quickly. “And we were—”
Just then Amy lets out a little squeal. “I think it might be feeding time anyway,” I tell them. “Perhaps we should get her back to her mommy.”
“Here,” says Elizabeth. “Let me take her back for you. You should at least put your feet up for a while. It’s only a couple of hours before the wedding.”
“Yes, you may be right.”
Elizabeth points to the diaper bag. “Why don’t you get that, Suzette?” Within seconds the two of them and the baby are gone, and once again my room is quiet.
Quiet—how quiet my life has become. I slip off my shoes and lie down on the bed, pulling the bedspread over me. And for a brief moment, merely seconds, I remember how I felt the day William confessed his love to me. But I am surprised at how this memory no longer brings a thrill. Only sadness. In fact, if I could trade that day, that moment, that memory for just one more day with Calvin, I would. I so gladly would.
I never knew for sure whether Calvin found out or suspected there was anything between William and me. Certainly he never said as much, although he was curious why I quit the job suddenly.
“I miss being at home,” I told him. “And I want time to get things ready for Karen. You know, she graduates this year, and there are all those senior activities.” And he seemed to buy that. Although I do recall him commenting on something one time after that. We’d been to a dinner party, a party where William had been a guest as well. I’d been cordial, as had he, but we both remained cool and somewhat distant. As we were driving home, Calvin said, “Dr. Kelley seems sad.”
“Oh?” I said, hoping to sound nonchalant.
“Yes. I think he misses you.”
“Misses me?”
“As his receptionist, you know. I’m sure he thought you were quite a find.” Then Calvin turned to me and smiled. “Fortunately, I found you first.”
And I do feel fortunate. Because when it was all said and done, no one ever could’ve loved me like my Calvin. And I never could’ve loved anyone nearly as much as him.
Our love seemed to grow over the years. He became less obsessed with his work, and we began to travel some. And the older we got, the dearer he became to me. And now I miss him so. There are, in fact, only two things I really regret about Calvin. One is that I ever let myself get swept away by my foolish infatuation with Dr. Kelley. The other is that Calvin is gone. But I have a feeling it won’t be terribly long before we’re together again.
I haven’t told my family, but only a few weeks ago my doctor told me that my heart condition is rather serious. He is even suggesting
some newfangled surgery where they plant a device inside my heart to keep it going. But I told him I didn’t want to do anything yet. “Let me make it to my granddaughter’s wedding without all this fuss,” I pleaded with him. “Then we can talk about it later.” Fortunately, he agreed.
Chapter 12
ELIZABETH
What on earth is urgent?” I ask Suzette as we go downstairs.
“I just really, really need to talk to you.”
I give her a sideways glance. “I’m surprised you’re up and able to talk after all the cocktails you put away earlier.” I’m actually amazed that this woman can walk in a straight line, but she seems to be getting along okay, although I notice she’s wearing flats now.
Suzette waves her hand dismissively. “Oh, that’s all over with. I threw up in my room. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Oh …” We’re in the lobby now, and I see my sons, Conner and Patrick, checking in at the main desk.
“You guys made it!” I say as I abandon Suzette and go over and give them hugs. “How was the drive?”
Conner makes a face. “Pat’s driving almost made me lose my lunch.”
“Hey, those curves are fun.”
“I thought Lucinda was coming with you,” I say to Conner. Lucinda is his most recent girlfriend.
“Nah, her dad got sick, had to go to the hospital. She decided to stay home.”
“Is it anything serious?”
“Kidney stones, they think.”
“Sounds painful.”
I turn to Patrick. “Did you guys get your room okay?”
“Yeah.” He dangles a key. “We thought we’d dump our stuff, then head down to the pool to cool off.”
On This Day Page 6