BOMAW 12-14

by Mercedes Keyes

  "Ben..." His name came on the tail of a released deep breath.

  "Yes." He responded softly.

  "I'm - I'm all - messed up Ben. I - I try so hard, to do right, to be - good, you know? I do Ben, I wanna do - what's right, so bad, because - I - I don't ever wanna - regret, for the things I've done, or - might do. And still - I have - regrets, Ben. And all - I've ever wanted - is to be loved, respected and to be happy. But instead, I feel sometimes, like - a mindless idiot, chasing my tail. Because, no matter what I decide, I'm not happy - and I wanna be happy Ben, I just wanna be happy."

  "I know - I know you do."

  "Are we really, such good friends, that - I could tell you anything, be honest with you about anything?" She sat with her profile to him still, as if afraid to look at him.

  "Of course."

  She thought about them being friends, about the way he made her feel, about the way she felt since returning to Victor.

  "I - I miss you Ben, I miss you so much. When you're not around, I - I ache - right here..." She pressed her closed fist to her chest, rubbing at her diaphragm. "I - I - feel edgy, like there's something missing in my - in my - my soul - like I'm sick. And then, when you appear, like tonight, the ache, goes away, and - I'm not edgy, but - light as a feather, floating on a breeze - that I can only describe, as being, you. And - for those moments, all - is right - in my world." She slowly glanced at him, their eyes met, and his were just as moist, filled as her own, she looked away.

  "Why did you go back to him Crystal, why?"

  "Because - I - I owe it to him, to make it - work, Ben." She confessed softly.

  "Look at me Crystal, look at me."

  It took her a few moments, and once more, she did.

  "I'm in love with you - and you - you're in love with me. And we - belong together. I believe, my father, found your mother, so that I could find you. I know it - I feel it, and everything about us, when we're together, says it's so - and, you know it. So now, what do we do about this mess?"

  Crystal crumbled forward, her face hidden in the palms of her hands. "I can't undo it Ben,-..."

  "Yes you can!"

  "I can't Ben, I went back, I-..."

  "I'll take you there now ..." He grabbed hold of her, to turn her his way, but she hid behind her hands, "...listen to me, look at me, you get your things, you leave him a note, 'Sorry, the divorce is final, I won't be back.'

  "I can't Ben, I can't just - go back on my word like that! I am married to him you know!" She came up to plead for him to understand.

  "No - you're not! You're divorced remember?!"

  "I kno-o-ow, but - I went back, I have him doing all these things to help our marriage, to prove-..."

  "You have him doing all these things? Why the hell isn't he doing them himself? Why do you have to give him ultimatums? Crystal that's not right, that's not the actions of a man madly in love with you! I'm telling you now, were it you and I together, and heaven forbid, we had problems this bad, you think you'd have to force me to do things to save our marriage, to keep you? I'd do anything in my power to keep you! Godalmightly Crystal, I'd do anything now - to get you back." He shook her, unable to let her go, "I know that sounds crazy, I never really had you - but, I thought - all you needed was time, and I was willing to give you that. Then Kevin, ugggh..." He let her go, feeling the height of frustration, his hands went to his hair, gripping it, "... do you know what it does to me to know, that my own brother is the cause of me losing the most important thing in my life! And now, only to sit here, hearing that you love me..." He let go, breathing hard, turning back to her, "...you - you do love me don't you Crystal - is that - what you're saying?"

  She had been watching him, and now searched his eyes, her heart was going like mad, so much so that her ears were ringing, unable to speak.

  "Crystal? Tell me, do-..."

  Her fingers quickly covered his lips stopping him from asking anything further, she sat for countless moments that way, the sensation of his lips touching her skin, the heat from his mouth and nose as his breathing increased. As if a mind of their own, her soft finger tips moved gently to caress his skin, his full bottom lip, his bristly chin, her thumb stroking there and to his cheek and side of his face; she couldn't stop the tremors that shook her. Ben reached up covering it with his own hand. He was quiet now, watching her, his own heart slamming against his chest plate. One moment he was watching a tear spill over from either eye and roll down her face, and the next, she was there, against him, pulling his head to devour his mouth. Head angled, Crystal was on him, her other hand went to his arm to guide it around her. It was too much, unable to resist her, Ben's mouth opened over hers in a desperate attack, pulling her tight against him, their mouths fused and ignited a flame so hot and burning, they were both shaking. His large tongue entered her mouth, seeking hers to rub, caress and mate with; she whimpered, but pressed closer, tighter against him. Her fingers were in his hair, running through it as if desperate to touch him all over, starting at the top of his head, pulling him tighter still against her mouth, she sucked on his tongue, drawing it deeper into her mouth, as they fought to breathe.

  His hands held her body against his, running them up and down her back, unable to resist, one moved low to cup and squeeze the firm cheek of her rump, while the other went around to the front, palming a breast and squeezed, rubbing, holding and reshaping it with the quaking desperateness he felt. Crystal gasped in his mouth, "Aih! Ben..." His name was a desperate plea. He somehow shifted his steering wheel up and out of the way, the same for the arm rest wedged between them, and pulled her legs across over his, trying to move her onto his lap as a powerful erection surged thick; Crystal could feel it as his hips started grinding against her thigh. "Oh!" Crystal cried out as he pulled her further onto him, parting her thighs, his long fingers made their way to her center heat, slipping them under her panties to find her soaking wet.

  "Aih! Ben, Ben... oh my God." Her voice was a high keening as the tips of his fingers found her entrance, her swollen nub, rubbing and caressing. Starting to cry, Crystal parted her thighs; she wanted this, wanted him to touch her, wanted him to make her feel good, alive, loved - she wanted him.

  Overheated, Ben's lips were everywhere, from her mouth, across her skin, down her neck, "I love you so much, I swear - I love you so much - Crysta-Bella - please, I wanna love you." He begged, rubbing her, touching her so she couldn't help but grind against his fingers, gripping them, moving her crotch in pumping circular motions, she held onto him, shaking, trembling, clamping her thighs to imprison his hand, she reached down, holding it in place to grind against and before she knew it, she was coming. "AH! BEN! Oh God, oh God, Be-e-en!" She cried, shaking her head, sobbing, her body quivering. She could feel his strong erection below her buttocks, he was pressing it against her; kissing her, pleasing her - wanting to release it from his pants. The raging impact of what she just encouraged to happen, and what would also happen if she didn't stop now, slammed against her.

  "BEN! Oh my God, Ben - I'm so sorry, please - stop stop stop - stop! Please, I'm so sorry, please stop, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, forgive me Ben, please - stop please stop."

  He literally locked his body, froze it, all for his desperate sucking at the air around them. Crystal scrambled off of his lap back to her side of the car, pulling her skirt down, her voice quivering with her soft cries. "Forgive me for that Ben, forgive me - please forgive me - I'm so sorry."

  "It's okay - really, it's okay." He was breathing deep and long, trying to bring his aroused state back to normal, and had to stand from the car, walk in circles, pace a bit. Crystal sat still, waiting, her mind going nuts. One thing she could no longer deny, and that was the magnetism between herself and Ben. She wanted him, and as hard as it was to finally face the truth; she was in love with him. Dancing with him, staying with him, being with him at this moment, was all dangerous. She opened the car door and got out. Ben turned to look at her, "I'll be all right, just give me a minute."

&
nbsp; "I'm gonna go get a ride with Mundo, like I should have in the first place."

  "Wait! Crystal? I'm sorry, I-..."

  Crystal spun, "It's NOT YOU! It's not you Ben, it's me! You're perfect! Absolutely perfect! I'm the one that's all screwed up! I'm the one that's sorry, for putting you through all that I have, when - I better go."

  "Please don't go, let's just calm down, think."

  "There's nothing to think about Ben, this mess is mine. My God, you must be crazy to want me, Ben! You're every girls dream, you deserve a fairytale princess, someone perfect, like you! Forget me and find her! You don't deserve this, so don't do it to yourself - yeah - I'm in love with you - but - I've got baggage, loads of it - and by the way, I'm also married!" She sobbed, "I can't just - walk away Ben, I can't - I'm obligated to work-..."

  "Bullshit! Don't tell me about some fuckin' perfect princess - I gave her up, because I wanted you! YOU! That shit in your head, what you're trying to live by, it's all bullshit Crystal! Fuck him! Fuck all that crazy ass shit, your father put in your head! It's all - bullshit! Crystal, leave him! Just get your stuff, and go back home!" Ben shouted at her.

  "I can't! It may be all in my head, but - I can't get it out of my head - I can't make it go away Ben, you tell me, how do I make it go away? I went back, if I turn around and just - leave again, when he's trying, do you know how that would look? If I hadn't gone back, then maybe, but - I went back, I have to-..."

  Ben growled out in a mighty frustrated shout, stepped back and kicked in the side of his car door panel, once, twice, three times, swiping at angry tears.

  Crystal stood a moment gazing at him, she was about to say something else, but turned and ran off back to the club. Ben rushed around his car to call her back, but bit his lips together, watching her until she crossed the street and ran into the club. He stood, breathing hard, sniffing. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out his mobile and text Mundo, *Didn't work out, me taking her home. She's back there for you to take her, text me back that you see her.*He turned back to his car, climbed in and waited, swallowing the gathering moisture in his mouth, wiping away the silent tears that ran, sniffing - staring out of his windshield at the late night, partiers up and down the street. "Oh God, oh God, what do I do? What do I do? I'm in love with her, how can love - be so wonderful, and yet - hurt like this - nothing hurts - like this." He prayed low, sniffing, wiping at his face. He reached over into his glove compartment, grabbing a Kleenex to wipe his face, sniffing and waiting. Silent now, thinking, his mind in every direction, trying to escape the madness. Fifteen minutes later, he received a reply. *She here, goin' home wit' me.*

  Ben started his car and drove off.

  * * *

  Lucky Man, by Montgomery Gentry was playing.

  Held against Jake's body, in his arms, they swayed to a song that was his favorite.

  Vivian had been having the time of her life. The more Jake drank, the more loving he became towards her, flirting, winking his eye at her, staring at her, throwing kisses her way, telling her with his eyes, what that night would bring when they were back home. While she laughed, shook her head at him, tickled by this playful side of him, he looked younger. She had no problem imagining the Jake that went to school and wrapped all the girls around his finger, his brother's girls included. As much as she hated to admit it, she was also enjoying the fact that it was driving Kirsty crazy! She'd seen her grind her teeth a few times, roll her eyes a few times, and yes, glare at them - especially Jake. She wasn't the only one to notice, Jade, the black wife there noticed as well. As the only two black women present, of course it was natural that they'd make eye contact when noticing things, it was a silent - knowing communication where little needed to be verbalized, the eyes said it all. Even though Vivian had Jade in her corner, she made it a point not to exclude Cara, because from the moment they'd met, she'd been nothing but kind. As she was favored, Vivian favored in return. As they sat at the table, Vivian had counted exactly eight women who'd come to their table, grinning a mile wide to see Jake, ignoring everyone else present, which included her, because their goal was to get his attention; get him to buy them a drink; get him to have a dance with them; get him to join them at the bar; get him to let one of them sit in at their table; and to Vivian's delight, what they got instead, was an introduction to his fiancée. Oh yes, she was over the moon. That night, shock was defined to it's truest meaning. Needless to say, Kirsty was not the only one giving her sly glances and dirty looks. Thankfully, not all eight of the women showed lack of integrity, there were enough of them to maintain a balance in the universe, who had actually closed their mouths, sighed, immediately resigned themselves to the idea and said congratulations to him and to her. In fact, one, close as one could get to being drunk while still able to stand, said to Vivian with a sincere drunken smile, "How fuckin' lucky are you, only white man in this county with a dick meant to be shared, and you gone have it all to yerself! That's life! Enjoy it girl, I sure did on my turn." She grinned again, winking at Vivian, then at Jake, "You get ti'ed o'his ass, toss'im back, hell - we'll take him right'on back, that's fer damn sure!" That was the one that made Vivian's mouth drop open, looking at Jake, he only grinned and shrugged. All that aside, it was a delightful evening. This was their third dance together, they'd joined in a big line dance, Vivian never missed a beat, and of course, being black, had to add her own little shimmy, shake, dip and weave to it. Something the others dare not do or else mess up going into the next step.

  Jade sat on the sidelines with her husband, neither of them into country music or this kind of line dancing, watching everyone else, not one dance, were they willing to join in on. No matter how Vivian tried to get them up, or the brother there with his girlfriend; they had been out on the floor since arriving pretty much; in love to the bone, where everyone else was just background noise and passing images. Now, had the music been different, Jade and her husband would be out on the floor doing the bus stop, or Electric Slide, but not to what was being played, so there they sat. It was enough that they were actually staying and enduring the evening - Jake and Vivian's addition made that possible, because they really liked Jake, he was funny, engaging them in some serious discussions with his own point of view, surprising them; they hadn't expected such a head to be on his shoulders. Vivian could see that he surprised them, that too made her feel good inside, she was very proud of her man, because no topic brought up, even racial topics that compared people, did he shy away from, he just gave his well thought out and fair evaluation on the matter, and his answers, obviously from the heart, pleased them well. They liked him. Of course it helped, that he bought quite a few drinks for everyone, but they did their fair share as well. The announcement had already been made, that at ten o'clock, Karaoke would begin. Anyone brave enough to take to the stage, would be given the honor with a full audience at their feet. Jake was gearing up for it.

  The dance finished with them heading back to their seats, the ten o'clock hour was ten minutes away. Everyone at the table was aware that he would be singing, in general talk, it had gotten out.

  "Still not gonna say what you gone be singing, Jake?" Cara asked.

  "I don't even know what he'll be singing." Vivian informed her with a smile.

  "We never knew you could sing Jake." Wayne from work commented.

  Vivian didn't get him, could he not see how his wife was acting towards her, towards Jake, or was it that he chose not to see it? Maybe they had an open and honest relationship and he already knew what to expect so this did not surprise him.

  "I did some singing in the church choir-..."

  Tony almost choked, spitting his drink out. Vivian cracked up laughing. Kirsty looked at Jake as if he was lying and should be struck by lightening, and Cara's eyes grew big, while Wayne looked at him as if he'd lost his mind.

  "You? You sang in a church choir?"

  "And just why is that so hard to believe?"

  Jade and Craig passed a look between them wondering what the big
deal was, Vivian leaned forward giving a brief explanation, "Jake has a bit of a reputation."

  "HA!" Kirsty blurted following that statement. "A bit of a reputation, how about the towns greatest male whore?"

  Jake sighed.

  And finally, something managed to piss Vivian well off. "You, sweetheart, have just crossed the line! Did anybody here, ask you for your goddamn input? Who the fuck are you?!"

  "Calm down, calm down." Jake leaned over, to hug her, cool her engines, because she was ready for take off.

  "No no, calm down hell! I've endured plenty bool-shit tonight, but that right there, no no no! Let us get an understanding here and now sweetheart, that man sitting next to you, let him be your concern! Because the one next to me, is for me to worry about - which includes, his bit of reputation, as I choose to describe it! See, your goddamn problem is not that he had a reputation - but that you didn't end up with him, as I have!-..."

  "Okay babe, chill it's okay."

  "No, she has piss me right on off! Wayne, it's been nice meeting you - but her, you could have left her at home, because she isn't enjoying herself anyway, which was fine until she spread her glum over here, and I'm not about to sit here and pretend any longer, somebody has to go, her - or I'll be calling a cab. Because I have been stared down, glared at, enough this night, that's enough now! So, who's heading for the door?" Vivian demanded.

  Before another word could be said, Kirsty shot to her feet, grabbed her purse and stormed away from the table.

  Wayne sighed, stood, and looked at all apologizing, "I'm really sorry about everything, but - I better go." He turned and made his way off behind her.

  Jake watched them leave and then turned to look at Vivian, who was watching him and waiting for him to say something.

  "What? You mad at me now?" He asked, grinning of course.