Crystal stood staring at him counting to ten, remembering all the things she'd been coached at counselling that she and Shawn attended together. Victor went to the chest of drawers for underwear, she focused on speaking calmly, reminding herself that it was a strength not to yell and loose control, not a weakness.
"I thought about it, I'm going to that dinner for her. You can tell your father, that the boys and I-..."
"Fuck that!" He ripped stepping into his underwear, "...how you gonna tell Mundo to take MY SON with him, what kind of bullshit is that?!"
Again she stood and stared, waiting, letting him blow off steam and because she wasn't saying anything,
"Well?!" He shot.
"Well - what?" She asked calmly.
Victor was angry, it showed in his expression, "You did this deliberately! You need for us to argue that badly?"
"I'm not arguing with you at all, I'm going to that dinner for Mama Jojo," She returned softly, "...since you don't consider her anyone of importance, you're not required to attend, which is why I'll be going without you."
"Whatever Crystal, but you don't have a right to take my sons there when I had plans for us, them!"
"You could take Darren with you... oh, but wait... he doesn't really ... uh, like - being alone with his own father, does he? Cries and cries and cries, right? Shame that, we could split right down the middle, but, your own child doesn't like you." She stated pointedly, looking him directly in the eyes.
"The way he likes Ben, right? You did that, turned my son against me."
"I did no such thing, what's that old saying, babies and animals, they always know... don't they?"
"What's that supposed to mean?" He bit out, she sighed with Victor standing incredulous, "What's happened to us Crystal?"
"I woke up. I've withdrawn from kissing your ass, groveling and pleading behind you, I'm no longer broken and blue because you don't love me the way I loved you."
"I do love you Crystal, you know I do!"
"You don't even know me, still to this day, you don't know me! Not one deep thing about me."
"How can you say that, I know you."
"Tell me one significant thing about who I am?" She requested, challenging him.
"Your dad was an asshole, a prejudice jerk and you're... angry all the time, because... he treated your mom like shit. But that's in the past! He's gone now, you don't have to let all that stuff control you so that it ruins what we have, I mean, just let it go! Your mom's with Shawn now, she's happy, why can't you be? Is that counselling even helping you? I mean, let's face it, I treat you good, much better than your dad treated your mom, so why do you have to make me suffer for the shit he did to her?"
Crystal didn't know what to say to him. All he did was roll out some crap that he already knew, stuff he'd heard from her and Mundo and her mom over the years. Nothing new, nothing about her, just a quick roll out of what he thought the problem was. Right then, she missed Ben so much she almost started crying. Why couldn't he be more like Ben? Ben made her feel like talking, he made her feel like confiding - he made her feel like being close to him, touching him, holding his hand and following his lead. He wasn't perfect, no, but he was all heart - he was real - and nothing had meant more to him than making sure she was okay. Everything else could wait, she and her boys had come first with him - she didn't feel any of that coming from Victor.
Ben was fully into her and her boys.
Victor was fully into himself.
Everything Victor did and had done was to make himself look good before others.
Thing is, he acted like he'd changed. Maybe she didn't feel it was so because she just didn't want to, she wasn't trying as hard as she could to see changes, to make things work. She kept reminding herself that she'd promised to give it her all, but that was proving to be harder than she thought. She reminisced back to the few times she'd tried talking to Victor sense their getting back together, for some reason, any discussion was derailed by him because he didn't want to listen to the details, he kept rushing into the midst of what she was saying with what he thought she was trying to say until she just clamed up - gave up. No matter how much he said he wanted to know her, he really didn't want to have to invest that kind of time listening to what she had to say. Truth of the matter was, he didn't want to hear it, not really. Thus, by knowing that, she didn't want to give it to him, she didn't trust him with the deep, dark ugly parts of her past surrounding her father. Ben knew a bit, Shawn knew all and Mundo, knew a bit - her counselling was helping her to share it there as well. Victor... no - she could not give him that part of her - he wouldn't know what to do with it anyway.
"As I said... you don't know me, you haven't a clue. 'Scuse me, have to get ready and then Darren up and dressed." She went to pass him when he grabbed her arm.
"Are you and I back together or not? Because it sure as hell doesn't feel like it."
"Have you done your counselling? No... you haven't. You keep making excuses for not attending, you're going to get fined. With that hanging over you, don't see how you expect to fix us, when you refuse to fix you."
"I don't need to waste my time that way, there's nothing wrong with me." He defended.
"Says the man who set his mother's house on fire..." She retorted sarcastically, rolling her eyes and shaking her head she pulled her arm away and carried on to get ready for dinner at her mother's and Shawn's.
Jake's and Vivian's farm house...
"Okay, just making sure I don't bring anything similar to what you're bringing, see you guys later." Vivian finished her conversation with Meribel hanging up the phone. She, Derrick and family were coming up for the dinner, bringing Puerto Rican rice and Pasteles. It seemed that Sylvia begged her for them, she was craving Puerto Rican food like crazy, Meribel had it covered, plus they would be taking Sasha back with them, it was time to get back into school mode.
Vivian decided to prepare a big seafood salad with all the works, filled with various shell fish.
Married a month now, she was surprised that she'd gotten right into the domestic housewife thing and was determined to do it right to the hilt, even so far as down to the detail of wearing an apron while preparing meals. Simply because she was determined to dress neatly and completely everyday and to protect her clothing, an apron was a must. She wanted to test if it were possible to be a proper housewife without slipping into wearing sweats all day. She read as many books as she could find on properly running her home, laying out a cleaning and cooking regime that would keep her beautiful home immaculate. She had stacks of Good Housekeeping magazines, recipe magazines and was determined not to repeat a meal in a 60 day cycle period of time unless Jake went on and on about a certain dish that he wanted to eat again, otherwise, everynight, every dinner was different, an adventure.
She bought journal books to fill with tips, tricks and recipes that she altered. And she wanted a way to keep up with her life and the activities and feelings she went through going from a full time career woman to a stay at home housewife and soon to be, mother.
She was determined that everything would be done, just so.
When she'd shared her activities with Sheila, she'd laughed and laughed and laughed until she was crying, everytime she went to say something to Vivian, she would start laughing again.
"Why is that funny?" She had tried to defend her actions.
"Vivian, everything you do girl is to the extreme, relax - chillout girl, you ain't joined the army, you just got married." Sheila had said.
"I want my home to be run on a routine that resembles the style of our home. I really want to be a good housewife, guess what? We're getting chickens! Mama Gert and Bart is going to set us up. A rooster and all girl, crazy or what?"
"Listen at you gettin' all into it. You sound happy."
Vivian had smiled, "I am, I really am. Jake is working, putting in overtime, and along with the band he has now, they're out in the barn rehearsing alot, they really sound good Sheila."
"Em, sorry, ain't into country."
"I know I know, but they're gettin' it together. He is trying to get so much done, paying my bills - the ones I brought from Chicago, no complaints about it. My wedding gown, no complaints, he's just doing what he has to do, so, the least I can do, is make it all worth it. His home is-..."
"Your home you mean." Sheila had interrupted to remind her.
"Yes sis, I know it's my home too, but I'm just saying, I want things perfect for him, because he made this place, perfect for me."
"Do ya'thang then baby'girl, do ya'thang. How you feeling otherwise, the baby?"
"Still getting the morning sickness, but I'm not going to let it keep me from taking care of my home. Besides I still have Paul, for now anyway - my goodness he helps me out so much. I don't know what I'm gonna do when that boy leaves for school. Girl, he's been writing to that Jackie he was involved with on a regular and we found out, sending her money too. Jake had a fit."
"I don't blame him, he don't need to be sending her no money."
"It's kind of heartbreaking, I feel so bad for him, he's so much in love with her but hasn't heard one word back from her."
"Maybe it's for the best, she too old for him anyway."
"I don't know, he's pretty mature - if you ask me, I don't see anything wrong with it. His own mother tells him it's his life, he can do what he wants with it, I agree."
"You ain't got no kids, no boys of your own. I can tell you now, I sho'don't want no woman taking advantage of my sons, especially with that much of a age difference. But that's just me."
That discussion was earlier in the week, and now, today her focus was on finishing up the salad, and getting it in the refrigerator. It amazed her how at one time she feared giving up her job, getting married and moving away from the city. The thought of starting a new life in a small town made her drag her feet and perhaps it would've sucked if it wasn't for the fact that she was surrounded by family. She had Shanna, Sylvia, Mama Gert, Meribel, Paul, Crystal, Mundo, Angela and Shawn - not to mention her own domestic life activities to keep her busy, there was not a boring moment. In fact, there were times when she wished for a quiet moment alone where no one was looking for her, calling her on the phone or just picking her up to go here or there with them.
She had believed in the beginning that she and Sylvia would be closest with her living there - but in truth, as it turned out, she and Shanna were almost sewn at the hip. Talk about your fears, she hadn't been half as bad as Shanna. Royce was catching hell with trying to pin her down for a date. Shanna was stubborn, and running from any idea of matrimony that didn't revolve around someone else. After learning the extent of just how badly John Sykes had abused her, Vivian understood and wondered if she would ever come around to marrying again.
She'd told her on one occasion after she and Jake returned from their honeymoon, "Shanna, you're surrounded by family this time, and even if you weren't - I can't see Royce hurting you, I don't think it's even in his make-up." Vivian commented for Shanna to shrug, look her in the eye to reply, "I - I can't do it. Believe me, I've tried to imagine us married, building a life together - I have - and I really care about him, a lot - but I feel weird inside when marriage talk starts up. I - I told him, he should probably try and find himself someone else."
"You did? Could you live with that Shanna? Him being with another woman?"
She'd made a face as if imagining it, but shrugged and Vivian knew then to drop it and move on to other things.
As for her own life, Vivian kept ginger near and was up early to fix Jake breakfast in the mornings, if he wasn't coming home for lunch, he'd call her and have her bring him lunch to eat with him at work; everyone on his job knew her, respected her. When the guys from the band was there practicing, she made sure to take them something to eat, they loved it in fact - the moment she walked through the door of the pole barn, all their faces would light up, a couple of them rubbing their hands calling out to her, "Yes! What you bring us tonight?" They'd ask. They never knew what was to come because Vivian made it a point of being just as creative with sandwiches and soups for them. On more than one occasion she smiled leaving to hear one or another saying to Jake, "You are one lucky bastard."
Back to the present, she stood away looking at her handy work, that seafood salad was too beautiful to eat, but eat it they would. Covering it with the Tupperware lid that came with the carry along platter, she carefully placed it in the refrigerator, closing the door, satisfied with her contribution to dinner.
The sound of crunching gravel on their long driveway alerted her to someone pulling up, peeking out of her kitchen door she was surprised to see Gert pulling in to park. Smiling she pushed her screen door open to step outside to greet her.
"Hey Mama Gert, this is a surprise..." Her smile with the greeting slowly faded as she watched Gert's movements, body language of brisk and stiff walking to the back of the car, popping the truck of the Lincoln, to her shock, she yanked out two suitcases and a couple of other small bags.
"What the....?" She made her way down the porch approaching Gert, "Mama Gert - what's going on?" She asked crossing the side of her yard to the gravel drive and parking spots.
"I'm done! Get them apple pies out the back seat for me sweetheart." Gert directed.
Vivian was stunned, "What do you mean, done... what's all that?" She asked, unable to move at the moment. Gert stopped, looked up, "I apologize, I'm acting presumptuous aren't I? I haven't even asked if I'm welcome to come stay here, so I guess I better for I move my things a step further."
Vivian slowly closed her mouth and then snapped out of the trance she slipped into, "Mama Gert, don't you dare stand there and insult me that way!" Feeling emotional her eyes grew moist, "Don't you even think about going anywhere else! I can't believe you said that to me!" Vivian grumbled resentful.
"Well, one can never be too sure, I-..."
"Mama Gert don't make it worse! And leave that stuff-..."
They both turned to see Jake, with Paul sitting beside him, driving his restored Volkswagon pulling into the yard, he'd just gotten off work and Paul always picked him up so that Vivian wouldn't be left without a vehicle. He, Jake - wouldn't be working overtime that night, nor rehearsing, they had a dinner to attend. Needless to say, both men's eyes honed in on Gert and her luggage as they pulled up alongside her Lincoln.
Vivian rushed to the car, going into the backseat to get the apple pies as Gert had instructed. She couldn't help making eye contact with her husband and then Paul as he cut the engine, opening the doors, she watched her tall mate unfold from the rounded small car. The whole time his eyes were on his mother and the state of her presense.
He stood, quiet staring and then let out a long audible exhale - it was obvious what was going on, he turned to Paul, "You get some, I'll get the rest." He ordered his son.
Paul rushed to do his bidding.
Another sigh escaped Jake as both hands went to his narrow hips, finally addressing his mother, "What am I gonna do with you?"
Gert lifted her chin in defiance, "Don't know a man yet, I'm needin' to do a thang with me or for me, get that straight right now young man!"
Making a face that almost made Vivian dissolve into laughter, her husband turned his bewildered expression on her, "I'll get the rest of her things, get a room ready for her." A wink followed his bidding.
Vivian turned with the pies, "Come on here Mama Gert, and don't you dare make another mention about staying here, you hear me?"
Smiling, Gert followed her in, "Yes I do, and I want that room with the pretty floral wallpaper and walnut furniture we found, with the built in sink?"
Vivian started grinning, "Yes ma'am, that room is all yours, for as long as you feel you need it." Vivian returned and calling out to Paul when they entered, "Paul take her stuff-..."
"Heard, on my way with your stuff grandma."
Vivian walked to the counter to sit the slightly cooked pies there, "Mama Gert, these need cooking still?"
Vivian walked to her modern high ovens - there were two, one up from the other, and turned them on while Gert told her the temperatures and to set the timer as well.
Moments later, the pies were baking, Jake and Paul brought in all of her bags and all were gathered around the kitchen as he sat at the table, dusty, dirty, needing a shower, removing his steel toe boots that he set aside for his wife to walk over, cutting him a sideways glance, grabbing them, she put them out on the porch.
He grinned, used to that by now, turning to his mother, "Well, let's hear it, what'd he do now?"
Everyone knew he was talking about Bart.
Vivian returned to lean back against the counter, Paul stood in the kitchen door holding up one side of the frame while Gert sat at the table across from her son.
"Told me to go!" She said directly.
Paul and Jake both looked doubtful of that one, she noticed it.
"He most certainly did tell me to go, so I went." She defended her actions.
"Why Mama Gert?"
"He knew how important this dinner was to Shawn for Mama Jojo, and there were things I felt that he should know - after learning those things, he refused to go."
"I'm not gettin' it mom." Jake returned.
Gert stood from the table, "Seein' as how you're my child and I'm your momma, ain't a need for you to get it. In the end, he told me to go, and here I am."
Vivian chewed on the corner of her mouth not to laugh out, trying to stay out of it, rolling her eyes to the left, twirling the hair at her nape. Did this mean that Bart knew about Edwin Piercey? Or had Gert confessed that she'd had an affair with him? In either case, if he knew, Vivian understood he would struggle having to sit down with this man's aunt. Shanna said Edwin wasn't Shawn's father - but she never said how they knew for sure. Were test run? How did they know for sure?
Jake stood, "I need to get in the shower. Mom, stay as long as you wish, but - I don't see dad telling you to go, you sure you understood him right?"
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