by Zi'ere
You don’t know what to do with your life anymore, Kamille. One minute you want to kill him and the next you’re following his requests. I guess this is what Frankie Beverly sings about when he sings: ‘Joy and Pain are like sunshine and rain.’
I pick up speed to get out of the neighborhood. Jai’s community screams exactly what Gavin and I want and need for our future.
Once I am home, the house is too quiet, five minutes after I walk in. I’ve already eaten, so I walk out to head to the mailbox hut. I am slow walking and in no hurry to get back home. I miss Gavin.
I need to stop tripping and tell the damn truth. Seeing him every night has become a routine and now I know that he isn’t finishing up his day to come and be with me. A bath and some ice cream and then to bed I go. I put a pillow between my legs and then I cry myself to sleep.
Thoughts of what a real man is about enter my mind. I know that if a man wants a woman, he won’t let anyone stand in the way of being with that woman. When he wants to stay, then nothing can make him leave. When he wants to leave, then nothing can make him stay.
My eyes pop open and I begin to feel on the duffle bag that’s sitting in the corner of my bedroom. Kamille has to love Kamille first, before I can even consider anyone else. Gavin has handed me everything that I will need to get a setup on my own. I don’t need him for anything else.
If I do everything the way that he has set it up, my life will totally change. Everything will belong to Kamille Foster, in her own name. There will be nothing that Gavin can do to recoup his money or property after my name only is on the dotted line. This is a big jump of: I-completely-trust-you-Kamille going on.
36
Classes go on, even though I have a lot going on in my personal life. Professionally, Doc is only waiting for my transcript in order to start me interning for the counseling position that I was promised in his practice. With Gavin, I allow things to flow to a level of peace.
That doesn’t mean that we are in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. I have calmness in my heart, I love the man. He messed up big but he’s made up big as well. We are only days away from moving into our new one point five million dollar home together. Furniture has been ordered and paid for, painters have instructions, and colors have been coordinated.
I am pushing the Benz, headed to the house after work when Gavin calls me. I answer the call hands free.
“Hey Babe!”
“Yo, when are you coming home?”
“I’m on my way home now, what’s wrong?”
“Man, your home girl is foul as fuck! I want to deal with this bitch, like I usually would but I’m calling you first to ask if you want for me to spare her life. How do you want me to handle it?”
“What bitch? Who are you talking about? Handle what?”
“Your girl, Neka!”
“Neka? Hold on, I’m not understanding what’s going on?”
“I’m here in the apartment finishing up packing the things that you wanted me to and this bitch rings the doorbell. I answer the door and tell her that you aren’t home and that she needs to call you on your cell. So this bitch bow guards her way in anyways, saying she’s going to wait on you. I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable with her being here and you aren’t here.”
“What the fuck?”
“Right! So I called Jai and Stymy to come over here because I don’t need any shit with another female’s name attached to it, when it comes to keeping us on track. As soon as I hang up with them, I get back to work.
She starts asking questions about the new house and why can’t I see that she is a better fit for me than you are? Then she’s all in the kitchen trying to push up on me, asking me what do you have that she doesn’t!
She was saying how you can’t possibly know how to take care of a man like me….I’m talking straight disrespecting! So I push her and tell her that she can wait for her ass whipping outside. Because when you found out about her shit, that it wasn’t gone be balloons and cake!”
“I know damn well….” Gavin cut me off.
“Babe, don’t get too upset. I took care of it! She’s gone now, Stymy picked her ass up and carried her ass to the curb. I got somebody in mind to put on her ass. Before the sun sets she won’t be in a position to disrespect shit else!”
“That bitch is bold as fuck!”
“Kam, come on- don’t talk like that! Don’t let that tramp pull you off of your level!”
“That bitch has never even been to my apartment before! How in the hell does she even know where I live at? I’ve never even let her inside of my house! She has NEVER even been in my fucking house!”
“Damn! See I ain’t know all of that! That’s why I called backup. Shit, I’m barely in this bitch and she’s tryna get me caught up on some Kobe shit! I ain’t that big of a fucking fool!”
“Naw, this hoe been trying me for the longest! I’m so over her shit!”
“Kam come home because I need for you to get some stuff straight, so we can get the gas on our move. I can’t be bailing you out of jail or dealing with you fighting out in the streets. I don’t want that and you are not that woman. We ain’t even gone talk about the fact that if you come back with a hair out of place, that bitch’s life will be over!”
“No, I’m just going to talk to her!”
“Come pick me up then, we will go together.”
“I will see you when I get home.”
I disconnect the call.
I almost cause a bad accident by making an illegal U-turn in the middle of four lane traffic. The anger is building up to my neck. All of the cute little jabs that she’s taken at me over the years are now causing a fire to brew in my eyes.
Of all the girls in the world, she has to be a jealous mouse! The phone in the car begins to ring again. I’m not interested in talking to anyone. No one is going to stop me from getting my hands around Neka’s neck. When I stop at the only light that I can’t run illegally, the car suddenly shuts off.
No matter how many times I turn the key in the ignition, it won’t make a sound. It’s as if someone has taken the battery out of it. I hit the steering wheel in anger. The silver Benz symbol in the center of the wood grain and leather reminds me of the culprit: low jack.
My cell phone begins to ring in the side pocket of my new brown gator skin Dooney & Bourke bag. I am pissed to see my man’s face on the screen, serving as caller ID.
37
“Oh . . . So your bad ass gone answer the phone now, huh?”
“I don’t hear the phone ringing over the radio, what are you talking about?” I lie.
“Where you going, Kamille?”
“I’m coming to the house.”
I lie again.
“You damn right because you can’t go nowhere now! You live on the north side but that car was headed to the south side.”
“I’m sick of that girls shit, Gavin! She’s been dissing me like I am the dorky nerd that can’t pull or keep a man for years! She thinks that she is so much better than me! Then for her to come to my house and try to push up on my man- I can’t let that go and you know it! This girl was bold enough to come to my house, when she knew damn well that I wasn’t going to be there!” Tears begin to fall.
“Baby, I understand all of that. But, Mrs. Brown is a lady in the streets and only my freak in the sheets. I promise you that she will feel pain greater than what you are feeling right now. I promise you I’ve got this.”
Gavin’s voice is calm.
My tears stop instantly.
“When I turn the car back on, you only have a few minutes to get to me.”
“Yes sir.”
“I’m serious Kamille. Don’t make me turn that car off again!”
My new father doesn’t waste any time laying down the law. He is totally right and I know it but I don’t want to hear it at the time. Regardless, I am going to have to catch up with Neka in the streets because I can’t get to her today.
Of all the days tha
t I should have been in the Altima. Once the car is turned on again and I have been flipped off four times, I am on the road again. I wirelessly called Jai.
“I don’t have time to small talk but when you see your girl, you had best let her know she has an ass whooping coming to her ass!”
“The thing is, I don’t have small talk for the shit that she did. For some reason, this heifer forgot that you aren’t single anymore Kam- You are a boss wifey.”
“So what are you saying?”
“I’m saying that even though Pain called me- I can’t stop that ass whooping and whatever else he wants to do from coming! She knows you don’t even rock with her like that! She’s never even been in your apartment, how in the hell did she know which doorbell to press?”
“Thank you! That’s what the fuck I want to know!” I am screaming, as if someone has just handed the news to me for the first time.
“You know I was ready to get in her shit but the men told me that I was there to only serve as a witness. They wanting me to see her showing out, so that nothing could be twisted and to prevent her from hurting you with a lie. He didn’t call me to handle a damn thing. She’s got to feel the Pain now and it ain’t gone be like she was expecting either.”
Jai is cool as a fan as well.
“How in the fuck are ya’ll so damn calm right now? You and his ass are talking in the same tone of voice. Neither one of ya’ll is hot about this shit but me!”
“Kam, you are in a worry free zone now, Babe. I don’t even have to protect you anymore. I got there ready to go in on Neka myself . . . Hell. But he told me to chill and that he had the situation under control. He just wanted me to see the situation with my own eyes.”
“Sounds like something Ryan would do.”
“I know right, that’s the same thing that I said to myself. Your man has you, Sweetie. Let that man be the husband that you said that you wanted him to be.”
“Well when his ass starts to get on my nerves, I guess that I won’t be able to call you because you’re in love with him now!”
“Shut your dramatic ass up!” Jai busts out in laughter.
“We all know who is going to drive who crazy because they ain’t been smashed right in….hell never!” she laughs.
I hang up the phone in her face. I am positive that she is about to pee her panties from laughing at me, but that will be good for her. I don’t know how we ended up on my sex life anyway. We were supposed to be talking about her belly to the ground friend.
Pulling up to the apartment, it is surprising to see a moving truck in the driveway. I was under the impression that we were at least a week away from moving into the new house. None of my furniture will be moved because I’d told the white lie that the furniture belongs to my landlord. The lie that the apartment came furnished had to be told.
Yes, things are back on track between Gavin and me but my desire to keep another space just in case is mandatory for my own security. The moving truck is for all of the new clothing that Gavin has been purchasing me and for certain knick-knacks that I want to keep as well.
A small truck is needed just to transport my shoes alone. When I park at the curb, I see Gavin smoking a cigarette, while sitting on the back bumper of his truck with three of his top men.
“Oh, there goes Laila Ali!”
Gavin hops down and then puts out the cigarette. At the same time, NaNa’s caprice screeches to a halt, at the foot of the drive way.
“And there’s her trusty sidekick…..Money Mayweather!” Gavin has jokes for days.
“WHERE THAT HOE AT! SHE HAS CROSSED THE LI NE AND I NEED TO GET AT HER ASS NOW!”
“Calm down Mama, she’s gone.”
Gavin tries to talk down my hype woman.
“I bet she is gone now! But I know where to find that ass!” Just as quick as she comes, my girl was speeding off again.
Gavin tries to comfort me but he reeks of cigarette smoke. He knows that I will put him in a headlock about smoking around my clothing and things or in the house.
“I’m so not in the mood for jokes today. Hi fellas.”
I am greeted by the men, whom I have become really acquainted with over the last few months.
“What’s going on with all of this?”
“With what happened today I feel like it’s time for you to be somewhere safe. That way I will know that you are okay, whether I’m there or not.”
Gavin towers over me.
“Okay, so that means what? We are just getting things back on track, do we just start living together out of the blue?” I am totally confused.
Gavin and I are working our relationship out true enough but we are taking things much slower than we had in the beginning. He doesn’t stay the night with me every night anymore, perhaps only two nights a week.
Right now we are actively dating. We’re getting me acquainted with the kids, slowly as well. Tiffani is still giving him a hard time about her and the kids. It is a lot to deal with for anyone.
“If you want me at the new house, then that is where I will be. That is your house. I want for you to be comfortable, so whatever you say goes. You just have to be safe.”
“Okay. We will talk about it later then. I don’t want to hold you and the guys up.”
“We are all ready to go, we were just waiting on you. The guys are going to drive the cars and the truck. You are going to ride with me and you will be home for real!”
Gavin leans down to kiss me.
“So everything is packed nice and neat in the truck?”
“Yes ma’am, I took care of everything.”
“Thank you, Baby.”
I stand on my tip-toes to give him a kiss, since he is chewing Orbit’s gum.
38
His eyes are dancing. I can tell that he is happy that I am giving our relationship a true shot, but I feel something different. Yes, I want the man but I’m not going to be a fool. I have come too far to end up in shambles after a broken heart.
The new house is paid for, so keeping the rent paid on the apartment is only a small thing to me, now that I’ve gotten comfortable financially with Gavin’s help. When it is time to renew my lease, I will pay the rent up for an entire year up front.
I’ve always had a good relationship with Grace, the older woman who is the property manager, so it was easy for me to ask her to keep an eye on my apartment, since I won’t be there every day. She commends me on taking such grown up precautions with my love life.
Sitting in the truck beside Gavin, my mind goes down memory lane. I remember the sheer joy I had when I first got the keys to my little duplex. It was as if I had purchased it, instead of leased it. It took me some time, but I finally got it set up the way that I wanted it.
I don’t have anyone to impress and I am in competition with anyone. The space is serenity for me. I can go inside, lock the door, and relax for days without moving a muscle.
“I promise you that all the good memories you’re leaving behind, you will add more great memories in the new house.”
“Mr. Brown, you make a lot of promises to have so much going on with your life. I’m talking about things you won’t even discuss with me. We are way passed the secrecy and I’m tired of it.”
“It’s you and the kids, that’s it. I thought I proved that already.”
He then points at the ring that I still wear.
“I want to trust that Gavin, I really do.”
“Kamille, nobody on this earth besides Gwen can say that I’ve given them a ring. I have never proposed to anyone. I have kids- yes. I made things good for her and the kids- yes. But agree to marriage- no! Never!”
“I know that you have put up some serious money to prove to me how dedicated you are to me. But, I don’t know if you throw that money around everywhere.”
I need truth.
“The business is doing well but it ain’t doing that good, for me to be throwing a mil here and over there. We still have to eat after the fact. Property taxes have to be paid
, kids still need their tuition to be paid and Jordan’s on their feet, all of that.”
Gavin kisses my hand.
“Does Tiffani know about the house?”
Gavin is the type of man that you have to ask the tough questions with or he isn’t going to offer any answers.
He looks at me and I turn sideways in the passenger seat to look back at him as well. Even though I know that the radio is on, I can’t hear it at this moment. It’s as if time is standing still.
“I’m not going to lie, Kam. She doesn’t know. I couldn’t tell her before it was finished. I knew that she would cause so much drama, that you probably wouldn’t even have gone through with it.”
“Well, she’s going to find out soon.”
“You ain’t lying about that because the kids love you. I had to hear too much shit about introducing you guys. Then the shit with the bowling alley, when we did the go-karts, and movies- she is really bugging the fuck out.”
“Why though? You guys haven’t been together in forever, right?”
“We haven’t been together but I still have a key to her house and everything that we do with the kids now, she and I used to do it together. I am willing to do whatever it takes to remain in the kids’ life like I want to be.”
“Wow, don’t you think that you should have told me about this a long time ago?”
“You’re right, I’m sorry, Babe.”
My feelings are hurt. Omitting information is Gavin’s strong suit and I’m not pleased.
Inside of the house, I get an instant pick me up because the furniture has been delivered and everything is already set up. All that I have to do is add my womanly personal touches and get some beautiful plants to brighten up the place.
I had no idea that all of this kind of activity was going to happen in my life, this time last year. Now I’ve skipped years ahead to having my own home. I am now an official home owner. And it doesn’t matter what Gavin tries to do in court or anywhere else, this house is mine.