by Zi'ere
The man is coming home to you Kam.
I finish my homework and then I fix myself a drink to keep me company, as I sit in the bathtub with the jets on. I am in pajamas and setting my hair in coil rollers when my cell phone starts to ring. I don’t get to it in time but the house phone begins to ring as well. I get my cell from my bag that I’ve been sporting today. I see that the call was from Neka.
BYE FELICIA! You know damn well that I ain’t returning your call or answering should you call again!
The call on the house phone comes from NaNa. Now that is a call that I am interested in. On a Saturday night after midnight, if she is calling- her ass can very well be in the county lockup. They don’t let you use your cell phone in jail though. The call came from her cell phone, so I call her back.
“WHY IS YOUR HUSBAND AT HIS BABY MAMA’S BIRTHDAY PARTY LIKE HE PAID FOR IT?”
I need for her to shout over the music this time. I am sure that she said that my husband and baby mama in the same sentence.
“WHERE YOU AT?”
“CLUB 480 DOWNTOWN, CALL ME WHEN YOU GET HERE!”
Without knowing whether or not that I am truly coming to where she is, my girl hangs up on me. Rollers in, pajama’s on, I am putting my manicured bare feet in a pair of Jordan’s bought by who else?
Cussing and fussing, I grab my bag and then I hop into the Benz since it has a pistol in the glove box. If my eyes fall on anything wrong, I am prepared to face the judge, jury, and verdict. Orange isn’t my color but I will make it work for the benefit of my heart and all of this pain.
A female at the club in her pajamas is a dead giveaway that something is about to go down. It doesn’t help my situation that everyone in the city now knows that I am Pain’s woman. I don’t have a name to put with all of the faces I see but they all know Kamille for sure. One name that I do know is the bouncer Ben, who is at his usual post at the front door of the club.
“Kamille, you know I can’t even do this right here.”
“You tell that muthafucka to come out or I’m going in!”
“You’re better than this, Ma…you know that!”
“Ben, don’t make me act a fool out here with you too! His ass is in there violating and I’m not having it!”
He opens up the door and a rap hit by YG comes blasting out of the club, just as clear as day while he signals for another bouncer to come outside. The two men stand off to the side, deciding how to handle the clearly angry and deranged wife of a street boss. That’s when my ride or die comes busting out of the club, with Gavin by the ear.
“I DONE ALREADY CALLED MY GIRL, SO YOU HAD BEST GET GHOST! YOU KNOW DAMN WELL THAT SHIT AIN’T FINNA GO DOWN . . . NOT WHILE I’M ON THE SCENE!”
Somehow, NaNa is still talking over the music.
“Yo, you need to be glad that I’m using this cane to walk because you’re straight carrying a mufu right now!”
He talks that game to my girl but he knows that she is serious.
“Oh, so this is what you do when you step out?”
My hands are now on my hips.
Neither one of them has taken the time to notice me standing off to the side at first.
“What in the hell are you doing out of the house looking like that?”
“That’s all you’re concerned with right now?”
“Hell yeah!”
Pain looks around.
“I’m out here like this because my phone is blowing the fuck up at the house about your ass out here partying like a rock star! And then it’s with a female that you swear that you can’t stand the sight of!”
“Who called you? What did they say?” He is concerned about the all of the wrong things.
“You don’t get to ask me questions! I ask the questions! So you’re in the club posted up with your bird? Throwing her a birthday party and shit?”
“It ain’t like that, Kam!”
“This is what you had to do for her to get back in her good graces?”
“I keep telling you that I’m not feeling that girl like that no more!”
“Yea, you keep saying that bullshit but for some reason her name and yours keep coming up in the same sentences in conversations and shit!”
“Cause mufuckas is messy as hell! I know you that you ain’t believing shit that Neka says, when she is in there now sitting at the same table with Tip!”
“FUCK NEKA!”
My home girl and I speak at the same time.
“We’ve been together all damn day and you knew then what was going on tonight, even though you tried to downplay the situation! Why in the fuck you just can’t be a man about your shit?”
“Man . . . I ain’t finna do this shit with you in public!”
“I don’t know where your driver is but you had best beat me to the muthafucking house and I mean that shit!”
I walk off in the direction of my car, which is illegally parked on the corner.
“FUCK THIS SHIT! I AIN’T NO DAMN YES MAN! I WILL GET THERE WHEN I FUCKING GET THERE!”
Gavin is trying to be something that he really isn’t when it comes to me in front of the onlookers.
60
Only problem is that I am now sick of his shit. Coming home at the top of the morning and not taking care of himself, and then partying with another sworn enemy of mines. I am ready to teach him about his smartness. It doesn’t take but a second for me to produce the gun and then head back in his direction.
Anger consumes me. I can make his ass a yes man and I won’t hesitate to do it. Not only has he been caught in the wrong, he is taking the groove to another level by saying that he doesn’t give a damn. I get that he doesn’t give a damn about how it looks to me or about my feelings. The problem is that I can’t live in fear of him.
We’ve already been there and done that dance. This time I am making sure that I am the crazy one, since he ran over the sweet me. I am past done with the people who are supposed to love me, saying that they don’t give a damn. Carla has done it. Keith has done it and now here is the first man that I have ever been in love with, out here clowning in the street.
“KAM NO! NO! PLEASE DON’T DO THIS! KAM GET YO ASS IN YOUR CAR AND GO HOME!”
NaNa sees my gift first.
“PAIN GET YOUR BOYS AND GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! SHE IS AT HER LIMIT!”
“WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN SHE’S AT HER LIMIT? WHO’S SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF THAT?”
Stymy’s truck pulls up beside my car. I shoot both of the back tires out.
“LET ME GET THERE FIRST AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT MY LIMIT AND WHAT SCARY LOOKS LIKE!”
I feel as if I am on Tom and Jerry. Steam has to be coming out of my ears right about now. I can definitely see the little birds flying in circles around the top of Pain’s head. I snatch away from my friend. No one is going to see this pain. Before I end up in the county locked up for real because I can’t control my emotions, I hop in my car and then I speed off.
‘Your whole entire way of life is going to change dealing with a man like Pain.’
NaNa’s words of warning echo in my ears once again. I don’t know exactly what it is that she meant when she’d said those words months ago but today I understand loud and clear. Kamille Foster isn’t the type of woman to be carrying on in the streets.
Since I’ve been with Pain I have been using some of the foulest language ever . . . Stuff that I’ve only heard NaNa use. Gone is the quiet, delicate, prissy teenager was when I first met him. I am a boss’s wife. I am mean. I have no patience.
My anger switch is more sensitive than it has ever been. I am a fighter . . . combative and down for whatever. My fears are my well kept secrets. No one can guess that I have an ounce of fear, or they will try to use it against me. I have money in the bank, so putting up with Pain’s shit is no longer necessary or needed.
I look for the bad in everyone. You have to prove yourself to me. It has become my job to get an understanding the next day, I have no desire for a game of twenty questions. I
love Pain past the moon and back. He swore on everything that he loved in life, that his baby mama is not at all what he wants in being the perfect wife for him.
I can’t understand why she is an issue for me every time that I turn a corner. I know logically that Tiffani has the finances to throw her own party. There is no way that she is spending forty grand a month on kids alone. I am sure that if my house is paid for, that hers has to have been long ago paid for as well.
Get your own fuckin man and leave mines alone! But first off, my man has to stay away from around that wench! I can kill his friendly ass! Ugh, he makes me sick! Pain needs to get himself in line because things are going to end up very bad for all of us if not.
I’m not a fool. I know in my educated brain that Tiffani only does what Pain allows and supports. I don’t know how he did it but the crew is chilling in the den when I get there. I have stopped for gas but it has only been a few minutes. I didn’t even fill the tank up. I only pumped enough to make it home. The alarm on the door alerts the men that I am now in the house.
“When I taught you how to shoot that gun, I taught you how to aim at a human body! When did you start knocking holes in tires?”
Stymy is pissed at me.
“Do you ever stop to think that maybe I already knew some shit before you so callingly taught a dainty little girl how to shoot a gun?”
I roll my eyes at him before I stomp my way through the rest of the house.
I hear the cat calls behind me. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me tonight.
“That shit that you just pulled tonight cannot happen again!”
“You’re got damn right! Long as you know!”
He needs to know who is in the wrong, because it is not I.
“I’m talking about you- not me!”
Pain tries to get up from the ottoman in the sitting room. I watch him struggle out of the corner of my eye. His pain medication has obviously worn off, which means that he should not have had his chocolate ass in a damn club.
“I know damn well that you haven’t been smoking in my house?”
“Kam, I can’t be bouncing up and down to go out on the patio and shit just to smoke! Don’t you think that you’ve put enough rules on my ass already? Damn, man!”
I spray his ass down from head to toe with some Febreze, along with the area surrounding him. He coughs but he is too weak to get off of his ass to get some pure air.
“Don’t smoke in my fucking house! I told you that was a rule when you first got here. I have asked your ass politely for the last time!”
I can’t understand the notion of being almost murdered and while he has made some progress, he still isn’t all the way healed. Yet his favorite place to be is in the streets. I suspect that he will forever walk with a limp because he gives the clubs more energy than he gives physical therapy.
At the end of the day, I care more about his recovery than he does. The more that I remind myself of the issues with Gavin’s lifestyle, the more that I am convinced that I have a man who only cares about certain things. Health is apparently not one of those things.
“You clowning, yo!”
“My behavior is a direct reflection of yours! You give me shit and you had best believe that you are going to get it back two times over! I thought that I had already put your ass on notice!”
“That shit is hot though.”
As if he is a hard headed child, he pays me no mind and keep on talking.
“My baby has grown up. I love you Girl, come here.”
“Go to hell, Pain! And leave me the fuck alone, right now.”
I go into the bathroom and then I slam the door. I take a shower and then take the rollers out of my hair. There is no way that I am going to church on only a few hours of sleep.
61
Sunday is a chill day, according to Pain. He never puts on more than a pair of basketball shorts, no shirt. We move from the bedroom to the den to the kitchen and then repeat our movements throughout the day.
As he watches me cook his favorite breakfast, he throws in the news that he is now ready to get married. His logic is that there is nothing holding us back. He’s already accepted that I’m not going to go along with a huge wedding, feeding people that I don’t even know. Not to mention, the people that he won’t even allow inside of our home the next week.
“Let’s do it tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow? I can’t miss a Monday at the clinic without notice. I have patients coming in to see me and their sobriety depends on their sessions with me. Friday will be better.”
“Friday it is then!”
“This Friday?”
“Yes, Ma’am!”
“Why this Friday?”
“Kamille, why not? Have you changed your mind? You don’t want to marry me anymore?”
“I would never change my mind about something like that.”
I walk over to him and then I lean across the bar to give him a kiss.
“I’m thinking white and black.”
“You will jump off a fuckin cliff to right a wrong, won’t you?”
“Kam, it has nothing to do with anything or anyone except for me and you.”
“You know that your baby mama is going to be on suicide watch…..right?”
“All I care about is the new Mrs. Brown.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Friday and then what?”
“Take a week off from work. Honeymoon is gonna be off the planet.”
“Have you already planned this?
“You know how I do when it comes to my baby.”
“So the mermaid….”
I have a huge smile on my face.
“I listen and take note to everything that you say. I’ve got you no matter what. I’m planning when you are sleeping Babe . . . You know this.”
I am now in my Gavin’s lap, straddling him.
You are getting married Ladybug!
The entire week I am on pins and needles. Having someone else to make secret plans for the most important day of my life is a challenge. No matter how much that I whine and beg, Gavin still doesn’t give up any details.
I have a knot in my stomach. One thing I do know about my future husband, he will spare no expense to make sure that I feel like a queen. That still doesn’t change the fact that I need Ambien to sleep at night for the entire week. Wedding particulars stomp around in my brain every night, preventing sleep. Gavin only laughs. He has no idea how close that he is to being strangled.
Friday morning comes with birds chirping and a sunny start. The house is fairly big but I can make out the hustle and bustle going on downstairs and on the outside backend of the house. I hop out of bed and then I run over to the window. There is no way that I can keep this big smile off of my face. It is only seven in the morning and the land behind my home is being transformed into a bride-to-be’s delight.
Already there are walls made of white flowers that separate different areas of the yard. A dance floor is being laid down and an arch is being hoisted into the air. Tables are being covered with black linen table cloths. While chairs are being covered with black covers and set off with white ribbons that sparkle with rhinestone bows.
I can see Emma handing out orders on one end of the yard. It looks like Jai is in charge of another area. Somehow they are doing the things that I’ve only dreamed would ever happen in my life.
I go into the closet and pull out shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops. As soon as I open the door to my bedroom, I am met by Ant who has been seated on the outside of the room.
“Sorry, Boss Lady. Orders are that you can’t come out of the room, until it’s time for the ceremony.”
“What the hell!? PAIN! GAVIN, GET UP HERE NOW!”
“I will let Ms. Helen know that you are ready for your breakfast. Oh, and your pre-wedding video is in the DVD player.”
Ant then gently closes the door in my face.
‘I’M SO SICK OF THIS DUDE TELLING ME WHAT I CAN AND CANNOT DO! THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO MUS
CLE ME INTO SUBMISSION! THIS SHIT IS GETTING ON MY LAST NERVE!’
I am not a happy camper, as I stomp to the sitting room. Inside of the chaise, I put on the video that I’ve been commanded to watch. I see the well-recognized face of Vera Wang on the screen. I don’t see the gown but I do see the frame of the garment bag which is being held by three people, who carefully lay it out in the back of a Suburban XL.
I then get a look at the Red Bottoms that I will walk down the aisle in. I can’t completely see the shoes but it is evident that they are a sparkly treat that any woman would want to wear. There is no wrong done with either of those decisions. I am excited. I look down at the wedding set on my hand.
‘This is really it!’
“Yes, it is sweetheart!”
Ms. Helen, my housekeeper steps into the room carrying a tray of food.
Ms. Helen has come highly recommended to me by Doc. Evidently she has been with his sister in law, until her sudden death. I am just glad that I had the funds to offer her a job right away.
The plump woman can throw down in the kitchen, even though she only comes a few days out of the week. She makes us meals and separates them, so that we can continue to eat good during her off days. I simply love her spirit. She prays with me often.
“I know how you are when you are nervous, so I made you some solid foods that will stick with you and won’t turn on you when you start celebrating.”
“Aww, Mama Helen. You are always thinking of the little things.”
“Now Chile let me tell you this now, in case I don’t get another private moment with you again. We know that Gavin is just a man. Don’t go putting him on a pedestal because he can put together a pretty picture for you. Realize- he is JUST a man. He’s your man, but he is still JUST a man.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“He sure knows how to make a girl forget that he can mess up so bad! Oh, I have laid his name at the altar! Don’t make no sense sometimes, the things that he does like he doesn’t know any better. Then he has the nerve to act like the spokesperson for the Good Men Club!”