by K E Osborn
And that’s a thought I can’t stand!
We get to the car as one of the photographers continues to chase us and take photos of me and Aston.
“Annie, sweetheart, get in the car,” Mum says and opens the door for me. I rush in followed by Aston then Ella and she slams the door shut. I lean into Aston and he covers my face as the cameraman takes more photographs through the window. My eyes well with tears and I can’t help it as the tears flow down my face.
“Oh Lennox, don’t cry. Baby, she isn’t worth your tears,” Aston says rubbing my arm.
Mum and Dad yell at the photographer, but I can’t understand what they’re saying.
“Jesus Christ, this is crazy,” Ella whispers under her breath as my heart beats faster and I start to breathe quickly. I feel hot, and a cold sweat encases my body. I start to shake and I can’t seem to catch my breath. My head is buzzing and I can hear Aston talking to me, but I can’t understand a word he’s saying. I look up at him and everything is spinning as the thumping in my ears from my heart is so loud it’s deafening. Aston bangs on the window and Dad and Mum look in to see me panicking.
Is that what’s happening? I’m having a panic attack!
Mum and Dad quickly get in the car slamming their doors and Mum looks back at me as I try to get my breathing under control.
“Annie, look at me,” Mum says and I can hardly see her through the tears as Dad puts the car into reverse and drives out of this God-awful place.
“Annie, take a deep breath sweetheart. It’s okay they can’t hurt you, you’re safe,” Mum says leaning back and rubbing my face as Aston gently caresses my back.
I start to feel less hot and my heart rate is slowing down as I look into Mum’s eyes and she takes long breaths in and out. I mimic her and take a long breath and then breathe out slowly. It’s helping.
“Good girl, Annie, just breathe,” Mum says as I feel the car moving forward toward home, my safe place. To where me and my family live. My family. Me, Mum, Dad, Ella and Aston, no one else fits into my family, not even my terrible birth mother. I can’t believe she did this to me. I can’t be sure she set it up for the cameras to be there, but I can’t be sure she didn’t either. I don’t know how I’m supposed to cope with that knowledge, or deal with the shitstorm that’s inevitably about to hit.
When we arrive home after the shambles at the park, Dad goes online straight away. The photographs of us are already in circulation, with quotes from Loretta saying, ‘I’m Annie’s birth mother and we’re getting along famously.’ I shudder as Dad reads out the quote.
Why would she talk to the paparazzi without asking me if I wanted this to be public knowledge or not? I certainly didn’t want the world knowing just yet, probably not at all. And now everyone is going to know and compare me to her.
“I can’t believe she did this,” Mum says as she paces the kitchen.
“It’s everywhere,” Dad murmurs as he scrolls through his iPad.
Aston wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me closely to him. “Are you okay?”
I shake my head. “I can’t believe she would do this? I mean honestly, maybe she didn’t know? Maybe she just doesn’t know how to handle the press. Maybe she’s just going along with what they say because she’s new to this world, and doesn’t understand how to deal with them, right?” I ask and Mum shakes her head and scoffs.
“Annie, I know you want to think the best of her, but she did this. She knew they were there and she wants the world to know you are hers, and that rings alarm bells for me. Ever since she showed up, alarm bells have been ringing nonstop in my head driving me insane. I don’t trust her Annie, and neither should you. You’re too forgiving. All I know is she’s never stepping a foot inside this house again,” Mum exclaims as she continues to pace.
“Lia, we have to give her the benefit of the doubt until we hear her side of the story. It is likely that she planned this, but there is a small chance she may not have. If Annie wants to see her again, we can’t stop her.”
“Like shit we can’t!” Mum says and I look up at her face – she’s fuming. Her breathing is quick and her face is a bright shade of red. Her nostrils are flaring and the thump of her feet, as she paces lets me know how utterly angry she is.
“I agree, Lia, I don’t think we can trust her. When the cameras came out, she wasn’t even shocked, Lennox. She knew they were there, and something feels really wrong here. I know she’s your biological mother, but Annie maybe she’s only in touch with you now because you are super famous, rich as fuck, and she just wants someone she can extort money from. I don’t know about you, but I noticed the glazed look in her eyes. I don’t think she’s as sober as she claims to be,” Aston says and I furrow my brows at him.
“What do you mean?” I ask and Dad exhales.
“I think Aston is right, Annie. The last couple of times I’ve seen her she’s showed signs that she was using again. Her pupils were dilated and she was a little shaky. You probably didn’t notice it, but I sure did,” Dad says and I shake my head.
“No, you can’t be right. I didn’t notice it at all,” I say and mum shakes her head and starts to pace again.
“You should have told me, Colt,” Mum tells him and runs her hand through her hair.
“I didn’t want to work you up.”
“So you all think the same thing? That she’s still on drugs and that she sold my story to the paps just to gain something from knowing me?” I ask and look around the room while everyone nods including a silent Ella. “Well, this is bullshit! What about the whole… innocent until proven guilty thing? What about trusting that she loves me enough to just want to be with me?” I ask loudly and stand up from the table.
“Lennox, I think the signs all point to her being a user and an abuser. I honestly think you should cut all ties with her. She’s no good for you and I can see this sending you in a downward spiral, and I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you filled with sadness again, and I certainly don’t want you going back to thinking that you’re not worthy of love because you are, Annie. You’re worthy of so much, and someone like Loretta can’t possibly give that to you,” Aston says and I tense up glaring at him.
“Seriously? Someone like Loretta? Because she’s trash, right? Well, just remember Aston that I’m half made from her. So if she has trash in her then so do I. And to be honest if you’re so narrow-minded to think that trashy people are no good, then maybe you need to re-think about being with a half-trash girl like me!” I say loudly and he shakes his head.
“That’s not what I meant Annie, and you know it!”
“Whatever! If Loretta isn’t good enough for you then maybe I’m not either!” I yell and storm out of the kitchen.
“Annie!” Aston calls out.
“Let her go, she needs to cool off. It’s been an emotional day for her,” I hear Dad say as I storm into the lounge room to just think this through. I know all the signs are pointing to the fact that she did this. I know that I should just cut my losses and run. But she is my birth mother and if someone should give her the benefit of the doubt it’s me, right? I pull my mobile from my pocket and dial her number.
It rings twice before she answers. “Annie?” she asks and I tense up hearing her voice.
“Yeah, it’s me. Did you know they would be there?”
“No, of course not, honey.”
“Okay, well, why did you talk to them? I didn’t exactly want this to be public knowledge.” She’s quiet for a moment. “Loretta?” I ask and I hear her exhale.
“Is that because you’re ashamed of me?” she asks and I frown. Maybe she is insecure about this whole thing too.
“No, I just wanted to keep it between us. There're enough rumours and bad press circulating about me as it is. I don’t need the paparazzi chasing me about this or chasing you. They’re beasts Loretta, and you can’t trust them at all,” I say and she’s quiet again.
There’s a short pause and then I hear her exhale again. �
�Okay, I’m sorry I spoke to them. I know now I shouldn’t have done that, but I’m just so proud of you, my daughter. When I had a chance to tell the world that you were mine I was thrilled, I won’t lie. Annie, you mean so much to me and I just want to shout it from the rooftops that I made someone so perfect.” Her words are sweet and they’re soothing me slightly.
“Do you think you could come over? Everyone is pretty mad and I think they need to hear your side of the story.”
“Of course honey, I’ll leave right now and be there soon.”
I nod and hang up the phone, not saying goodbye because I said what I needed to say. Ella walks in and comes to sit down next to me on the lounge suite.
“You okay?” she asks.
“Yeah, just spoke to her and she’s coming over to explain.”
Ella raises her eyebrows in shock and bites her bottom lip. “Do you think that’s such a good idea? I mean Mum will probably strangle her,” she says in all seriousness.
“I know Mum’s angry, but she needs to understand that maybe it’s not as cut and dry as she thinks it is. Maybe Loretta really is just looking to have me in her life?”
“I don’t know Annie, just be careful, okay? I love you and I only want you to be happy. If that means having her in your life, then I’m all for it. But if she makes your life harder then maybe you should cut her loose?” Ella says and I nod taking in what she is saying. “You were pretty rude to Aston before. He’s worried about you, you know?”
I roll my eyes. “Well, maybe he should think before he opens his mouth. If Loretta is such trash to him then he must see me like that too, and if he does then I don’t know where that leaves us?” As I say it, pain rips through my chest.
“Annie, he loves you. That’s painful obvious. He doesn’t see you as trash, he only sees the good in you, which is what we all see. We just don’t want to see you being used, that’s all,” she says and I nod in agreement. I don’t want to be used, but I need to know the full story from her before I can make an informed decision.
“I know, maybe I was a little harsh with him,” I say and Ella nods.
“Just make sure he knows where you stand ‘cause right now he’s freaking out that you’re going to leave him,” she says and my heart constricts. I wouldn’t leave him, I can’t stand to be away from him. We’re good, I just need to tell him that.
“Okay, I’ll come in and talk to him,” I say just as the buzzer rings for the gate. “But I’ll get the door first.” Ella nods and we walk out of the lounge room and down to the front door.
I press the button for the gate and open the front door, waiting as I watch Loretta’s car come down the drive. Ella pats my shoulder and I smile, she turns and walks toward the kitchen, leaving me to talk to Loretta by myself for a moment before Mum comes to rip her head off.
She pulls up and grins as she gets out of the car and walks across to me. “Hey,” she says and I exhale and nod at her.
“Hi.”
She steps up and takes me into her arms before I have a chance to think. “I’m so sorry, Annie. I never meant to hurt you by telling those photographers about us. I hope you can understand why I did it,” she says and pulls back from me and looks me in the eyes.
I furrow my brow wondering what she means by that.
“You knew they were there, didn’t you?” I ask and her body slumps and she looks down at the ground confirming I was right. “Why did you do it?” I feel anger building inside me as I clench my fists into balls by my sides.
She looks back up at me and shakes her head. “Honestly?” she asks and I nod. “I’m sorry I talked to the press. If I’d known it would hurt you, I never would have. But you have to understand Annie, I come from an entirely different lifestyle to you. I’m having trouble keeping my house because I can’t make the rent on time. I’m struggling to find a job because of the way I look, and bills just keep piling up. I know I have no right to ask, but if I could have a loan it would help so much. I would pay you back of course, but I just want to be able to stay here in Oxfordshire and be close to my daughter—”
“Are you serious?” I yell. Now anger is flooding every vein in my body. I feel hot and I can’t believe she’s actually asking me for money. It’s not that I can’t give it to her, I have millions after all. It’s just she’s only met with me a couple of times and just because she gave birth to me doesn’t give her the right to ask me for money.
“I know it is a lot to ask, but I just want to be near you, Annie. I want to be able to get to know you, to be here as your mother—”
“I have a mother, and she would never ask what you are. Is this the only reason you came to me now? Because you have no money?” I ask and she shakes her head.
“No, of course not—”
“How can I believe that, Loretta?”
Her face turns to anger. It goes from a soft and pleading gaze to hard and cold. “So you won’t give me the money?”
“No,” I reply.
She huffs and shakes her head. “Well, that makes things a little more difficult then,” she says and I furrow my brows wondering what the hell that means.
“I think you should leave,” I say and she shakes her head.
“So you really won’t give me anything? Nothing to help me get on my feet and make it so I can stay here and get to know you?”
“No,” I reiterate.
She screws her face up and purses her lips like she’s infuriated, then she steps closer so she’s right in my face and I can see the rage through her eyes. I want to take a step back because she’s intimidating me right now and I actually feel a little scared.
“You ungrateful little bitch!” she says moving even closer to me.
I raise my eyebrows and I’m a little taken back. “What?”
“You heard me! You’re ungrateful. I gave birth to you. I’m the one who had to sit in a fucking hospital and detox while you were struggling to breathe. The hospital should have been worried about me, and all they cared about was whether you lived or not. You were born with drugs in your system and you should’ve died. Without me you little bitch, you wouldn’t even be here. So the least you could do is give me some money to cover all the money I wasted on you,” she berates and it’s like a stab to the heart.
“Are you serious right now?”
She laughs a belly laugh at me right in my face. “Deadly. So if you don’t give me some money to pay for all the time in hospital and the food and diapers and everything I had to buy for you, plus the maternity DNA test, I’ll tell the papers all sorts of things about you. Things you won’t remember, but they happened. You were six-months-old when they took you from me, and that first six months of your life, well you don’t even want to know what happened to you, Annie.”
A cold shudder washes over me as I start to feel nauseous. “What are you talking about?”
“Give me the money, Annie!” she yells and I take a step back and look at her wondering who the hell this woman thinks she is. I can hear footsteps running toward me as my rage boils to the surface.
“No, fuck off and get out of my life,” I scream and she scoffs and brings her hand up and slaps me hard across my face. A pain rips through my cheek as my head snaps to the side with the force.
“Hey!” Aston calls out rushing to my side as I bring my hand up to my face to ease the sting.
“Give. Me. The. Money!”
Mum races forward and pushes her and she steps backward as Mum takes her by the scruff of the neck. “If you ever, and I mean ever, hit my daughter again I swear to God I will kill you myself,” Mum says through gritted teeth as Dad rushes up and pulls her away from Loretta.
I stand here shocked at how she seemed so friendly and yet she’s a complete bloody psycho.
“Get the fuck out of here and if you ever come back I will not only call the police, but get a restraining order. You will never see our daughter again, do you hear me?” Dad yells as he continues to hold Mum so she doesn’t strike out at Loretta.
<
br /> Aston wraps his arm around me holding me tightly to him. I cuddle into his side as tears start to form in my eyes. She looks at me and screws up her face.
“All you had to do was give me some money and everything would’ve been fine, but now… now you may have won this battle, but Annie you have not won the war. This isn’t over,” she says staring at me with such an intense gaze that it makes me shudder.
“This is over Loretta. If you come near us again—”
“You’ll what, Lia? You’ll kill me and then go to prison and be away from your precious little angel? I don’t think so. Watch who you threaten bitch,” she says and Dad steps forward aggressively and Loretta stumbles back. She may not be scared of Mum, but she sure is of Dad.
“Get out of here and don’t ever come back. Lia might not hurt you, but I wouldn’t hesitate,” he says and she looks at Dad and swallows a lump in her throat. Even I’m intimidated by the way Dad is looking at her right now.
“Okay, I’m leaving. But just remember Annie, you’re the one who ruined this. You’re the one who ruined everything,” she says and it is like a knife to the heart. No, not a knife that doesn’t explain it correctly, more like a jackhammer working double speed and then being trampled on by a herd of elephants. I don’t mean anything to her, nothing, and all she saw in me as was a bloody meal ticket.
“Just get the fuck off my property,” Dad says and Aston holds me tighter and brings his hand up to the back of my head holding me to his chest.
“This isn’t over!” she says looking at me and smirking.
“You could never be my mother,” I sneer back at her and she laughs.
“Oh honey, I never wanted to be,” she says cutting me to the core. I start to tremble knowing that when she said she loved me it was all just a lie to coerce money from me.
I was right all along, I’m not worthy of love.
Loretta steps into her car and drives off, skidding and throwing stones all through the air as I start to cry into my hands.
“Oh Annie, why was she here?” Mum asks rushing to me and taking me from Aston’s arms into her own. I continue to cry as my chest heaves and my heart gallops so fast I feel sick. I can’t talk so Mum simply holds and comforts me as everyone gathers around.