I didn’t know where I was headed, but I knew I had to get away.
***
Why was it when the shit hit the fan, guys always fell back on old habits? What the hell was wrong with me?
“I was surprised to see your name pop up on my phone,” Harper said, just seconds after I’d dialed her number, half in the bag once more. Although I was still in high school, Jack Daniels wasn’t that hard to come by—you just needed to know the right people. And lucky for me, I still had a handful of friends I could count on to come through, no questions asked. “After what happened at the lake last week, I didn’t expect to hear from you again,” she said. “You left me hanging. I should’ve chased after that dark-haired bitch and taught her a lesson about rolling up on my man.”
“She’s not a bitch,” I said defensively.
“Whatever.”
Why I decided to call Harper to come pick me up was a mystery. Impulse dial, maybe? Regardless, I needed an escape. I didn’t want to think anymore. Couple Harper with a bottle of Jack and there you go—lost in the abyss. We sat parked in her car on the side of the road just a few blocks from my house. I wasn’t sure whether she could tell that I’d been drinking, but if she couldn’t, I’d say she needed an eye exam.
“I felt like getting out of the house,” I shrugged, like it was no big deal. I didn’t want to talk about what had led me to call her. The whole point had been to forget everything.
Smiling, she twisted in the seat to face me. “Does this mean you want to pick up where we left off?” She placed her hand on my arm and I could feel the other hand slowly inching down my leg.
My voice caught in my throat. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I was tired of thinking. I just wanted to be numb for a while. On the one hand, I was drunk and could easily bang Harper, right here, right now. But on the other, no matter how much I drank or how close Harper’s hand was to my man business, I couldn’t get Carly out of my head. I felt like a bowl of Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. Pop. And snap is exactly what I needed to do. Snap out of this haze before Harper had my pants on the floorboard.
But again, and I know it’s cliché, like father, like son. Nate was spot on. I was just like my father. A coward. I couldn’t bear to look at myself in the mirror because I was scared of what I’d see.
I was so far down Harper’s throat, my hand wrapped around her tit, it just didn’t matter who I was at this particular moment. We were both breathing heavily at this point, making it impossible to see in or out of the car. It was the second coming of the infamous Titanic scene where Kate Winslet left her handprint on the glass. I wrapped my fingers in her long, silky hair, manipulating her head every which way. It felt as though my body had morphed into a lion and I wanted nothing more than to ravish my prey. I knew I was being rough, but I didn’t care. Harper wasn’t complaining. She seemed to be as into it as I was. She had her hands under my shirt and by this time had managed to tug my cock out from under my waistband.
At the moment before insertion, my dick fully erect and ready to take aim, she spoke. “Do you want to move to the back seat? There’s more room.” Her voice was husky and passionate, but something was off. Her voice, instead of luring me closer, acted as a trigger. If she hadn’t spoken and just accepted the fact that she had to be on top for once and deal with the cramped confines of the front seat, I would’ve made the biggest mistake of my life.
I immediately realized what was going on, and with my dick now soft, said, “I’m sorry, Harper. I shouldn’t have called you.” The look on her face went from Kate Winslet in her steamy Titanic scene with Leo to the writhing, possessed girl in Exorcism of Emily Rose in an instant.
“What the fuck, Gavin?”
I put my cock back into my pants. “I thought I wanted this,” I said, pointing back and forth between the two of us, “but I would be doing it for all the wrong reasons, and I can’t do that to you. I had a shitty day and I thought getting drunk, calling you, and fucking, would make me forget everything.”
“Asshole!” she screamed and smacked me. She threw on her clothes as fast as she could and jumped back into the driver’s seat. “Get the fuck out of my car!” She gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles white. I’d seen the same response from Carly just a few days ago.
“I said I was sorry,” I mustered, hoping that would buy me at least another thirty seconds to collect my scattered clothing.
“Sorry?” she cried. A knowing look dawned across her face as she studied me. “I know what this is really about. It’s that chick from the lake, isn’t it? I saw the way the two of you looked at each other. All desperate and shit. God, Gavin, how could you do this to me? You got my hopes up for nothing.”
“Tonight had nothing to do with her,” I snapped, closing my eyes. I took a deep breath. Or does it? Either way, it wasn’t Harper’s fault and I didn’t want to take my anger out on her any longer. “I have a new sister. My dad’s new wife popped out a kid,” I admitted, the words almost clogging my throat.
There was a time, before all the crazy shit happened, when Harper and I told each other everything. She’d been more than just a good fuck. She was the first real girlfriend I’d ever had, and we were together for more than a year. It felt right to tell her, especially after what had just happened. Although I knew things would never, ever, be the same with Harper, I was once again hoping for forgiveness. And to my surprise, she obliged. I must be part cat because there was no way a guy should get as many lives as what I’d gotten lately.
“That sucks, Gavin. I know things haven’t been easy for you.” Her smile felt genuine. She has witnessed first hand how blindsided I was by my parents’ divorce. She had tried to get me to talk about it but I’d refused. I’d pushed her away and instead turned to Jack, hurting her in the process. It was amazing she’d forgiven me. Again.
“Yeah, but it’s still no excuse for what I just did.”
“You’re right.” She slapped me again, this time with less force. “So I guess this means we aren’t picking things up where we left off?” she teased, a hint of sadness in her voice.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “But thank you, Harper, for opening my eyes, and pants, as bad as that sounds.”
She nodded, silent for several seconds, watching me closely. “I still think you stopped because of the chick. I just hope she knows how lucky she is.” She leaned over and briefly pressed her lips against mine one last time. Then she started the car and dropped me off at home. I had more apologies to make.
Chapter Nine
Carly
“You ready to go, Car?” My dad said, coming into my room Friday afternoon. I was practicing for ensemble. If I wanted to keep my chair I had to practice.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” I said, carefully putting my violin away.
“I’ll meet you downstairs.” He turned and walked away.
I quickly changed my shirt and touched up my makeup. We were checking out possible locations to have my senior recital.
“I’m all set,” I said, reaching the front hall.
My dad grabbed his keys, and we left.
We checked out three places. Two were churches, and the last place was a café/bar. We stayed to order food.
“Which location did you like the best?” My dad asked while we waited for our meals.
I took a long sip of water. I knew which place I liked the best, but it was also the most expensive. I wiped my face with my napkin and placed it on my lap. It was another stalling technique.
“Well,” my dad said, waiting for my reply.
I had to speak my mind. If I couldn’t be honest with my father, I was in big trouble. “This place,” I said, looking around. It was perfect. Cozy. It didn’t open until noon on Sundays, so it could accommodate us in the morning. There was a small stage where karaoke or live bands performed, depending on the night of the week. It also offered a small catering menu. It wasn’t your typical place to hold a senior recital, which was why I loved it. I thought
it suited me and the music I intended to play. I had some fresh ideas that fit this type of venue better than a church. I could only imagine the surprise on Mr. Kinsler’s and Mrs. Wang’s face when they opened the invitation.
“It’s settled,” my dad said, beaming proudly. He didn’t try to talk me into reserving one the churches.
“This place costs more money.” The churches were essentially free, although it was customary to make a donation.
“Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?” I asked feeling guilty. I knew my dad already dished out a lot of money for my private lessons. Plus he’d have two kids going to college next year.
“I’m sure. I can see you playing here. It reminds me of the music you’ve been playing lately. It’s great that you’re finding your own niche in the music world. Your mom would be so happy for you.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
We ate our food, and then booked the café for the first Sunday in April, nine months from now.
As soon as we got home I texted Connor to see if he wanted to hang out before band practice. A half an hour later I stood on his doorstep, knocking.
“This is a nice surprise. Come in,” said Connor, moving aside to let me pass through.
“Thanks for letting me come over on such short notice.”
“No problem. I was just fooling around on my keyboard.” I followed Connor to the family room and sat next to him on the couch. “I’m happy you want to hang out.”
I swallowed. I didn’t want Connor to get the wrong idea. Quickly, I launched into why I was there, “Actually, I have a favor to ask.”
“Shoot,” he said.
“I’ve set the date for my senior recital. It’s in April. I want to do something unexpected and I was wondering if you’d help me.”
If it wasn’t what he expected me to say, he didn’t act like it. “Love to. What did you have in mind?”
“The majority of the recital would showcase me on violin, but I don’t want to do the same classical stuff that everyone always does. That everyone expects. I want to play something with an edge. Like the stuff we play in Karma. Can you help me?”
“Sure,” he nodded.
“Also I want to sing, but I’m not sure what.”
“Okay, let’s go to my room.”
I looked at him with surprise. Was Connor hitting on me? “Okay,” I said slowly, making it sound more like two words than one.
He chuckled. “I have a keyboard and computer in there. It’s where I work.”
I felt like an idiot for assuming the worst. “Got it. Lead the way.”
Connor’s room was huge. His bed and dresser were in one corner of the room and the rest of the space was jammed with equipment. “Make yourself at home.” I sat on the edge of his bed, while he sat in a chair behind his keyboard. “Where do you want to start?”
“Can you help me write a song?”
“To play or to sing?”
“To sing.”
“Probably. Have you come up with anything yet? A melody? Lyrics?”
“I have a melody, no lyrics. But it’s not much,” I admitted.
“Let me hear.”
I hummed a few bars. “I was thinking it sounded like a good chorus. What do you think?”
“It’s a start,” Connor said. He sat at his keyboard and played around for a minute, experimenting with different keys. “What about this?” He said, changing the notes, but keeping the rhythm that I’d written. “Your voice has a wide range. We should highlight it. I’ll play it again. Try to sing, or hum, along.”
I matched the notes with my voice. “I like it,” I said.
“Me too.”
We continued to work, losing ourselves in the music. “Damn,” Connor said. “It’s after seven o’clock. We gotta go.”
“Wow. Time flew.” I checked my phone and saw that we were five minutes late to practice.
“It sure did,” said Connor.
“Thanks so much for helping me.”
“Don’t thank me yet. It’s not done. We’ll keep working on it.”
“Really? You don’t mind?”
“Nay, it’s fun. I live for this shit. Making music from nothing but notes,” said Connor.
I could really see myself with someone like Connor. We shared a passion for music. Then why did my mind drift to Gavin as lyrics swam in my head for the piece we were creating? Luckily, I didn’t have time to sort through my feelings at the moment.
We gathered our things and left. It didn’t take long to get to Ed’s. He lived right next door. Even so, we were the last to arrive.
“What the fuck, dude. Did your car break down?” Joked Nate, as Connor opened the door.
“Ah, I see what took you so long,” said Ed, winking. I entered right behind Connor.
“It’s not like that,” said Connor.
“If you say so,” said Ed, tapping on his drum.
Red faced, I took out purplicious and plugged her in. I barely looked in Connor’s direction the whole night. I didn’t want the guys to think Connor and I were a thing.
Chapter Ten
Gavin
I checked my bank account and I almost had enough to buy a car. At the very least I had enough to start car shopping. And I had a few hours to kill. I found Nate in the family room watching TV.
It’s ironic to think that on the same night I almost made the biggest mistake of my life with Harper, I made the best decision of my life and made amends with Nate. When I got home, I gave Nate a sincere apology. I told him he had every right to hate me and compare me to Dad, but that I loved him and wanted to start fresh. I even took a page out of Mom’s book and littered his bedroom floor with Kleenex. To Nate’s credit, he understood why I’d been so angry, and it felt like we’d finally made it past a major roadblock. Things weren’t quite back to normal, but for the first time in over a year, I felt like we might be able to move past all the shit.
“You want to go look at cars with me? I gotta get my own set of wheels soon. I’m sick of always borrowing Mom’s car.”
“Sure. Let’s go. I’ll drive,” said Nate.
“Very funny.”
“I thought so,” chuckled Nate.
We went to a used car dealership, and I saw a couple of possibilities. None were as nice as the car I’d totaled but I didn’t care. It would be mine. Buying a car symbolized freedom, especially since I would pay for it with my own money. I’d experienced a similar feeling when I’d gotten my tattoo. I’d had to work for it. I liked the sense of accomplishment and self worth that came from working hard to get something I wanted.
“When do you think you’ll have enough money?” Nate asked as we got in his car to drive home. For once Nate didn’t mention how if I’d just call our father, I’d be able to drive out of the dealership with a brand new car.
“Soon, brother. Soon.”
“Good for you.”
Nate dropped me off at home. He had band practice, while I went straight upstairs to work on my drawings. I had abandoned the dark-haired angel sketch, scrapping that character all together. My new focus was drawing a dark forest with trees that appeared to come to life when you stared at them long enough.
“Hey, Gav?” I heard Nate shout from the doorway more than two hours later. I pulled out my ear buds. “Yeah?” I hollered back.
“Karma just got its first gig.”
“No shit, bro! Congratulations.” I stood up and gave Nate a fist bump.
“We’re playing at Ed’s cousin’s annual summer bash. You should come. It’s gonna be the shit. I still can’t believe it. You should hear us.” He paused briefly, as if debating whether to say anything more, but then continued. “Carly is amazing. She has really turned us around.”
“How is Carly?” I asked, without thinking. I couldn’t get her out of mind, even though I’d tried.
“She’s good. But I think she’s dating Connor.”
“What?” I said, sitting up. Nate had my full attention. I couldn
’t believe Connor would do that to me. I know I’d told him I didn’t mind if he asked her out, but I’d been lying and he knew it. But then again, I had fucked things up when I’d kissed Harper at that damn party right in front of everyone. Would I forever be punished for that act of stupidity?
“They haven’t made a public announcement or anything, but they showed up at band practice together one night. They were both smiling and shit. When Ed called them on it, they acted all weird. Almost guilty.”
“Fuck!” I yelled. I never should’ve asked him about her.
Nathan looked sympathetic. “Just in case you want to come, we’ll be playing two weeks from Saturday at Ed’s cousin’s. We go on at 8 p.m.”
I replaced my ear buds and returned to my drawing. My pencil snapped under the extreme pressure. “Shit,” I shouted, throwing it across the room.
Chapter Eleven
Carly
After countless hours of practice, we’d finally landed our first gig. And to be honest, it felt awesome. We’d be playing at Ed’s cousin’s annual summer bash in just a few short hours, and I was nervous. I checked and rechecked my bag ten times.
“Let me know when you’re ready. I’ll give you a lift,” Drew yelled from downstairs.
“I’ll be down in a minute.” I dashed into the bathroom one last time. Staring at my reflection, I decided it wouldn’t hurt to touch up my makeup. I outlined my eyes again in a deep purple to help them stand out and reapplied lip-gloss.
Okay. Ready as I’ll ever be.
Drew was lounging on the couch and stood when he saw me. He whistled, “Damn, sis. Maybe I better rethink my plans tonight. I don’t want anyone to cop a feel on my baby sister.”
I invited Drew to the party, but as usual, he had plans with Lucas and the guys to go to a concert. He said he’d be happy to skip it, but I knew that wasn’t exactly true. He’d been looking forward to seeing the band perform ever since he bought the tickets back in April. I didn’t want to ruin that for him.
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