“I’m glad you guys are safe, and your house is too.”
“Me too. I mean, you too. I mean,” he sputtered. “You know what I mean.”
She chuckled inwardly. He was usually so smooth. Usually it was Molly doing the sputtering.
He closed the distance between them and raised his hand to her face. He hooked a stray hair behind her ear. “I mean, I don’t know what I would do without you.” He looked into her eyes and she could only gaze back.
Think about Gary. She cleared her throat. “Well, have a good night, Seth. See ya.” Before he could make any more of the evening, she went inside and closed the door.
She didn’t even see Jimmy watching the scene unfold.
27.
In the morning Gary took the stairs two at a time as he raced to see Julia. He’d just finished pulling his white undershirt over his head when he came to a halt in front of her. She didn’t seem startled in the least.
He was breathing hard from the effort, but he managed to get it out. “She’s my wife.”
“Well, there’s some news if I ever did hear it.”
“She’s my wife, Julia,” he said again, putting more emphasis on wife.
She stepped around Gary to retrieve the teakettle from the wood-burning stove. “I heard ya the first time, child. Do you know what her name is? Or where she’s at? Whatcha gone do ‘bout it?”
He sat heavily in the nearest chair. “I don’t know. I don’t know who she is, or how to find her. What can I do?” This time, he didn’t want some pearls of wisdom from a quirky semi-old woman. He wanted a genuine answer. He waited anxiously for a response as she put two cups on the table and filled them with steaming water. She plopped the tea leaves in matter-of-factly, and sat herself in the chair with the same regard.
“Well. I ‘spect you gonna hafta wait. Nothin’ else for ya.”
Gary knew the conversation was closed. It wasn’t the answer he wanted. He needed to do something. Act on this information. But there was so little to go on, what else could he do but wait? Wait, and hope she was waiting too.
28.
In the days following the fire, the damage was assessed and the cause of the fire was deemed natural. A handful of families had lost their homes, and it was discovered that two families were killed. A section of the wall was damaged where the fire came through, so the townspeople worked hard and managed to repair it in less than a week. The one good thing was that they hadn’t lost any crops or the supply stores. So, once the displaced families moved in with other people in the neighborhood and the wall was repaired, normalcy – if you could call it that – returned.
On Saturday, an unexpected knock brought Molly out of her routine. Dug barked and she leaned the broom against the wall in the kitchen. “Just a sec!” she called.
She wiped her hands on the front of her shirt and walked to the door.
Jimmy loomed on the other side, and startled her a little. She laughed at herself. “Hey Jimmy. What a nice surprise. What’s up?”
“I saw you with the McMiller boy.”
She was confused. “Seth?”
“Is that his name? All I know is it sure as hell isn’t Gary.”
Molly shifted her weight in the doorway and looked up at Jimmy. “What exactly do you mean by that?”
“You know what I mean, Molly.” He unfolded his arms and his tone softened a little. “Listen, these are hard times for all of us, but it’s no time to be giving in to every little temptation that walks by.”
She narrowed her eyes at Jimmy. “I appreciate the advice Jimmy, and I will certainly keep it in mind. However, there is nothing going on between Seth and I.”
Jimmy scoffed. “Didn’t look like nothin’ from where I was standin’.”
Molly threw her hands up. “Well I don’t know where you were standing, Jimmy. Quite frankly, it’s none of your business!” She regretted the barb immediately.
He frowned, and nodded. “You’re right. I’ll mind my business in the future.”
“Wait, Jimmy, I’m sorry, please…” It all came out in one stream of words that bounced off of Jimmy’s unyielding back.
By the time he reached the end of her driveway, tears brimmed in her eyes. What is wrong with me? He’s absolutely right, and I just jumped all over him. She closed the door and resolved to stay focused on Gary, but doing that brought its own set of unanswered questions.
That afternoon, Molly went to Beth’s. She felt lost. The chaos of the fire had put all of her issues on the back burner, but they all came screaming back with Jimmy’s visit.
Why haven’t I heard from Gary? Where is he? And how does Seth play into it? The questions repeated themselves over and over in her mind, plaguing her.
Beth answered the door, and before she could say hello, Molly blurted out, “Do you think he’s fallen in love with someone else, and that’s why he hasn’t come home?”
Beth let out an incredulous breath and opened the door wider. “Won’t you come in?”
Molly pushed past her, bringing a tornado of emotions into Beth’s home. “I mean, what if he’s met someone, fallen in love and sees no point in trying to get back here? He’d pretty much have to walk back if he was coming, anyway. Who’d go to all that effort if they had a perfectly good woman right where they were?”
“Hold on. Start over. What happened to the other options? He’s on his way and just hasn’t made it yet, or he’s sitting tight wherever he is waiting for the power to come back on so he can come back here? What happened to those more rational approaches?”
“After the fire and everything else we’ve been through, I was just thinking, what if he met a woman? What would he do? Would he even want to come back here? Why would he?”
She interrupted Molly’s stream of questions. “So…what prompted this sudden…revelation?”
That touched a nerve, and Beth could tell. “Nothing, it’s just been so long since we’ve so much as spoken to each other. I’m worried, is all. Those girls at the airport were always flirting with him. It could be one of them. He could still be in Philly, getting her pregnant by now.”
“No, really. What got your wheels turning in this direction?” Beth considered for a moment. “You were fairly fine when you left last night. Did something happen with Seth? Did he say something to you about men’s needs,” she put air quotes around ‘men’s needs’, “or something like that?”
“No, Seth didn’t say anything to me. It’s not his fault. It’s my own. I’m the one that planted the seed.”
“What? What seed?”
“Hmm? Nothing.”
Beth looked Molly square in the face. “OK, if you didn’t come over here to have a rational conversation that I can participate in, why are you here?”
She sank down into the nearest chair feeling defeated. “I just needed someone to talk to, is all.”
“Right, but what we’re doing here isn’t talking. It’s going around in circles. You’re avoiding whatever is really bothering you.”
Molly looked at the pattern on the wall and didn’t say anything.
Beth had one more thing in her bag of tricks. “Well, I was at a pretty interesting part in my book, so I’m going to go back to reading now if you’re just going to stare at the wall.”
Molly knew it was baloney. Beth hated to read. Nevertheless, she stood and made for the door.
Seeing the opportunity to clear the air go with her, Molly spoke up. “Fine.” What will she think of me? Now I’ve really done it. I finally have a confidant and just as quickly I throw her away.
Beth sat down across from Molly and folded her hands in her lap, looking intently at her friend. When Molly didn’t say anything, she prompted her. “Well, let’s have it!”
“Fine.”
“You said that already.”
“Yes.” Molly paused, trying to find the right words. Problem was, there were no right words. This wasn’t supposed to be happening. Gary was supposed to be there. They were supposed to be together.
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Beth saw the struggle playing out on her friend’s face. “Maybe if you just-”
“I’ve developed a bit of a crush on Seth. And I thought if I had done that, maybe Gary had too, so why would he want to come home?”
“Um…What?” She burst out laughing. Molly frowned. “Wait a sec. Lemme get this straight. You have a crush on my brother?”
“I know. I’m terrible. I’m a horrible wife.”
She’d stopped laughing, but was still smiling. “Now now, don’t get carried away. It’s been over three months without any contact from him. You’re likely to get a bit lonely. You’re only human. It’s what you do with those feelings that determines what kind of wife you are.”
Molly stared at the wall. The floral pattern made her wish for a simpler time. “One moment of weakness is all it would take. What if he acted on a moment of weakness? How would I feel?”
“How would you feel? That’s good to keep in mind if you’re ever…tempted.” She smirked. Molly glared. “I’m sorry, but Seth? Really?”
“It doesn’t matter who it is,” she said, Jimmy’s words echoing in her mind. “It just matters that it’s not Gary.”
Beth cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure. “So, what do you want me to say, then? How can I help you with this?”
“I don’t know.” Then a thought occurred to Molly. “What would you do?” she asked hopefully – not sure if she was hoping for permission or help staying away.
“Well, I’m not sure. On the one hand, Gary could very realistically be dead, and you could be keeping your life on hold for no reason.”
Molly gasped at the thought.
“On the other hand, you could start a relationship with someone, and he could show up at your door at any minute. He could be there now wondering where you are. And based on your reaction to the thought of Gary being dead, I’d say you’re not really ready to move on with that, are you?”
“No. I love him very much. This new thing is just…” Molly searched for the right word. “It’s just an infatuation. Nothing more, nothing less. But the temptation is terrible because Seth is here now. I have the capability to meet my needs now. Today.”
“Right, but those are all short-term needs. Think about what you want a year from now; ten years from now. The dreams you had for your life. Are you willing to throw those all away? It’s one thing if you find out Gary did die that day, or someday between then and now, but it’s quite something else to choose to throw all that you built together away simply because he’s not here right now.”
Molly felt stupid. She’s absolutely right. I’m acting like an impulsive idiot. I need to grow up and act like the married adult I am. “Thank you, Beth. You’re totally right.”
She seemed surprised that Molly accepted what she had to say so quickly. “Oh, OK, great!”
They sat quietly for a few moments. “What now?”
“Got plans for the day?”
“Besides my excellent book? Nope!”
Molly smiled and shook her head, glancing at the beautiful day just beyond the window. “Let’s go to the beach. I’ll meet you over there in like a half hour. Sound good?”
“Sure!”
“Does what sound good?” Seth said as he came into the room.
“We were just talking about going to the beach.”
“That sounds great, lemme change and I’ll be ready!”
“Um…didn’t you have to take care of Mrs. Bradleman’s yard today?” Beth asked uneasily.
“Done and done. I have the whole rest of the day to myself, and now I get to share it with one pretty lady and one I tolerate.”
Molly spoke up. “Well, if you’re only going to tolerate me, then maybe you should stay home.”
The game was on, and Molly was too caught up in it to care about who was breaking the rules.
The beach was on the other side of the wall, but not by much. They were in sight of the patrol, so they felt safe going for a little while, anyway.
It was seventy-five and sunny that January day. Molly wore a suit, but under shorts and t-shirt.
Especially with Seth on his way, what was I thinking? she wondered. He had an impeccable knack for making her forget who she was. She spread a blanket and plopped down. Just as she was unpacking her beach bag, Beth plopped down next to her. Molly made sure to sit on the very edge of the blanket, so Seth would have to sit on the other side. But he went ahead and spread a towel out next to her and sat down on that, leaving Molly in the middle of the two of them. She looked pleadingly at Beth, but her friend had no answers at the moment.
Beth was wearing a very cute purple sundress made of linen. It was sleeveless and flowy – perfect for the beach. Seth had donned board shorts and a white cotton button-down shirt, which he’d already unbuttoned, revealing a chiseled middle and beautifully sun-kissed skin. Molly started to sweat and her mouth went dry, but it wasn’t because of the weather.
He stood abruptly, breaking her concentration. “Anyone for a swim?” His shirt melted off him and landed on the towel he’d laid out.
“No thanks. I’m not warm enough yet,” Beth said.
“Molly? Come on! You’re no wuss like Beth here,” he goaded.
“Yes, actually I am a wuss like Beth. I think I’d like to just chill in the sun for a bit.”
“Suit yourself. You girls can giggle about me behind my back. That’s fine.”
“Hey, you chose to spend the day with a couple of women. This is what you get.” Molly said, not letting him play the feel-sorry-for-me-card.
He turned smug and dashed towards the shoreline.
“What the hell?” Molly said as soon as he was out of earshot.
“I know. I don’t know what to tell you, except every other time I’ve seen him act like this around a girl, it’s because he likes her. You better stay on top of it.” She caught herself immediately. “NOT SETH! The problem! Keep it under control!”
Molly smiled as she got more flustered.
She sighed. “You know what I mean. I’ve seen him with girls he’s interested in. Despite the fact that he’s a total turd bucket to me, he can be pretty charming when he wants to be. He’s pretty indiscriminate when it comes to whether a woman is taken or not. If he likes a girl, he goes after her, simple as that.” She paused. “What I’m saying is, don’t let your guard down if you care at all about Gary.”
“Problem is, my guard tends to disintegrate around him. I don’t even realize I’ve let it down until I’m alone, replaying the events.”
“Yes, well, this I can see,” she said as they watched Seth wade into the ocean, hooting and hollering about how it wasn’t that cold, although they could both see him on his tip toes, trying to keep the important parts dry as long as possible.
“What am I gonna do?” Molly asked, a hint of desperation leaking into her voice.
“Not make a move on my brother.”
“That’s the easy part.”
“And don’t let him make a move on you.”
Molly sighed. “That part will be a little more difficult.”
29.
It was over a week before she visited again. Every night Gary went to bed hopeful, and in the morning he woke devastated that he had no more answers than before. Julia said to be patient, that these things couldn’t be rushed. But Gary didn’t feel he could afford patience.
She’s waiting for me. He hoped.
He felt terrible having forgotten such an important aspect of his life. What kind of husband was I to have completely forgotten a woman I may have spent years with? he thought. Every moment the memories stayed out of reach was agonizing. He threw himself into work on the farm, trying to exhaust the guilt away. But even that didn’t help.
When he finally saw her again, he dreamt he was in a nice restaurant. It had a modern feel to it, with dark tables, a waterfall with white flowers floating in the pool at the bottom as its centerpiece, and fresh red roses everywhere, decorating the tables. The plates were a sla
te color with red napkins to match the roses, and the finest crystal he’d ever seen for glassware. He nodded his head in approval as he appraised the place. Then, his eyes fell on her.
She approached from the opposite side of the room. She wore a sleeveless wrap-around dress, the color of the roses, which hugged her curves beautifully. The bottom of it flowed mysteriously around her as she walked, giving her a mystical air.
She approached the table and clasped her hands in front of her. “Hi,” she said. Her voice was like music to his soul. It wasn’t deep, but it was lower in tone than he had expected for her size. It also had a fair amount of confidence, making her even more attractive.
“Hi.” Gary cleared his throat. “Welcome. Sit down!” He gestured towards the seat across from him.
“Thank you.” She sat and paused for a moment, smiling casually. Gary could feel his hands becoming damp. “So, Gary, what do you do?”
Gary launched into the story of his budding career as a pilot, and she rewarded him frequently with a dazzling smile. She explained she was moving north in August to finish out her degree in English. They sat and chatted for hours, and the scene began to blur. Key words floated past his mind’s eye, like writer and college professor.
He woke more slowly than he had from the first dream about her. He felt heavy, weighed down with information he didn’t understand.
In the morning, Gary relayed everything to Julia. She sat quietly across from him, drinking her tea. After he finished telling her everything, he waited impatiently for her to give an assessment. When she didn’t offer any words of wisdom, he prompted her.
“Well, what do you make of it?”
“I think the more important question is what do you make of it?”
“Maybe it was our first date. I wish she’d said her name. The entire night I didn’t say it once. I wonder if she thought that was strange.”
“Now, don’t you go overanalyzin’ it. This is just your version of what prolly happened. It’s possible you’ve forgot or just plain left out some of the details. We know fo’ sho’ you left out a pretty important one – that child’s name.” Gary frowned. “Well, you think some more on it. Everything’ll come back in its own time. You’ll see. Now, quit crowdin’ my kitchen.”
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