“Remember. Bad things can lead to good. You learned from your past. You worked hard. Adam sees who you are today. Remember, out of ashes, truth is born. Give Adam a chance.”
Emily opened her arms, and Kate entered her embrace, longing to believe that Emily had spoken the truth.
Kate stood in the church parking lot and gazed up at the red roof and the tall square bell tower. She had passed Good Shepherd Christian Church many times but had never been inside. Today, she would be.
Perplexed about her life, Kate needed focus and comfort. She was falling in love with Adam, one of the most unwise decisions her heart had made. Wisdom assured her it was hopeless.
She’d tossed her rationalization from one side to the other, trying to explain what was happening between them. Adam had been wonderful to her since their return…even romantic for a man confined to a hospital, but his feelings couldn’t be real. Adam came from wealth and prestige. Kate came from poverty and mediocrity. The two didn’t mesh.
Kate ascended the steps into the massive church, asking herself why she had come here rather than her own congregation. Liza’s invitation, perhaps. She’d grown fond of Liza—a woman with a loving heart, an open mind and a spirited soul. She was a giver, and Kate admired her.
The summer heat cooled as Kate stepped into the interior of the building. The organ’s pipes resonating into the entrance beckoned Kate to step into the sanctuary. Ahead of her, a stained-glass window glowed in the mid-July morning sun, the colors vibrant and dramatic and amazingly similar to the stained-glass window in the Vance Memorial chapel. She wondered if the artist was the same.
She made her way halfway down the aisle and settled into a pew. Her gaze returned to the window where Jesus, the Good Shepherd, stood holding a lamb in his arm. He clasped a shepherd’s staff in the other hand, His face serene and loving. The picture warmed her thoughts. Even when sinners strayed, Jesus sought the lost and brought them back to safety. Kate needed to remember that.
Too often she struggled and drifted, loving the Lord, but forgetting to praise or call on His name in times of trouble. “The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want.” The promise drifted through her mind like a balm.
She drew her gaze from the window and scanned the congregation, looking for the Montgomerys. The church offered two services, and she wondered if they attended the other. When she was about to give up her search, Kate spotted Frank Montgomery’s impressive form and white hair on the left a few rows ahead of her. Liza sat at his side.
When the organ ceased, the pastor—Gabriel Dawson, the sign outside had said—stepped before the congregation, a good-looking African-American man with a strong build and a warm smile reflecting in his black eyes. “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.”
“Amen.” The voices boomed and resonated from the spacious ceiling.
Kate bowed her head for the prayer, her own prayers rising for strength and acceptance of God’s will. When the litany ended, Kate settled back for the scripture reading.
“The Bible reading for today comes from Romans eight.” As he opened the large leather Bible, Pastor Dawson’s rich voice filled the room. “Verses twenty-six and seven,” he said. “‘In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.’”
The words washed over Kate like bathwater, warm, soothing, pure. “God works all things for the good of those who love Him.” Where was her trust? Her faith? She had to let go and let the Lord’s will be done in her life.
She thought back to when Adam was in the depth of pain, and she had been so filled with fear. She had not remembered that the Spirit felt her pain, groaned with her hurts and interceded on her behalf.
Kate captured the thought and held it against her chest, repeating the message. The Spirit felt her pain and her fears. God would be faithful to His promise to work good things in her life, so why did she continue to fear the past and worry about what people might think? God had been so faithful, so good, and Kate needed to cling to those words.
When the choir rose, Kate leaned back to enjoy the music, but before her back hit the pew, she jolted upright, seeing Sam Vance among them. He sat behind a keyboard, ready to play. Sam in a church choir. The image was ludicrous, but absurd or not, she watched him, lifting his voice in song to praise the Lord. The congregation swayed to the spirited rhythm, and Kate focused on the meaningful message as she listened to the song about God’s goodness.
After the service ended, Kate held back to catch the Montgomerys. Liza spotted her as Frank headed off in another direction. The woman’s eyes widened and her cheeks brightened with her greeting.
“Kate,” she said. “Welcome. I’m so pleased to see you. What brings you to Good Shepherd?”
“Your invitation,” Kate said, “and the need to spend some time with the Lord.”
Liza opened her arms and gave her a hug. “You’ve been through so much,” she said in Kate’s ear.
Though surprised at her display of affection, Kate reveled in the warmth of her arms. “You, too.”
“Are you in a rush?” Liza asked, loosening her grasp.
The question caught Kate off guard. “Not really. I have to work this evening. Did you need a lift?”
“Frank has a meeting, but I can wait. It should be short.” She fiddled with her handbag a moment before continuing. “No. I wanted to talk with you for a moment.”
Concern prickled up Kate’s arms. “Talk? I have a few minutes.” She pointed to the entry. “Here?”
“We could walk outdoors. It’s a lovely day.”
“That’s fine,” Kate said, following her lead to the exit.
“I told Frank I might be outside waiting. Let’s find a bench.”
As they stepped through the doorway, the sun’s rays warmed the chill that Kate had felt earlier. She harnessed her concern, pushing God’s words forward in her thoughts. “God works for the good of those who love him.” Why was she so afraid? What could Liza ask that she couldn’t handle?
Liza guided her into the church gardens. In the sunny spot, flowers blossomed in profusion, and along the walk aspen and mountain ash freckled the area with shade. Liza motioned to a bench while Kate followed her.
“It’s lovely out here,” Liza said.
Kate agreed, still wondering why Adam’s mother had asked her to talk.
Liza set her handbag on the bench between them. “Are you making any progress on those telephone calls for Jessica?” Liza asked.
“I have, and I’m doing well, if I do say so myself. I’ve added a few donations to the list…and a couple of requests to call back after they’ve had time to think about it.”
“Good for you.” Liza shifted her bag to the far side of the bench and closed the space between them. “I’m an older woman, Kate. Some of my senses have faded a little. I don’t see as well as I used to, and my hearing isn’t as sharp as it was, but I do see and hear things with my heart.”
Kate held her breath. Should she admit she loved Adam? She was sure that’s what Liza was about to ask. She almost grinned at the woman’s persistence.
“When I asked you to help out at the shelter, I had no idea the project would touch you as personally as it’s done.”
Kate’s breathing became laboured. “What do you mean?” she asked, knowing the answer.
“Some of your comments, the look on your face, let me know that the shelter has a deeper meaning to you than you want to let on. I’m sensing that something has caused you deep sorrow…and if you’d let me, I’d like to listen.”
“But I don’t—”
Liza shook her head. “Weeks ago you made reference to the Montgomerys’ history an
d contribution. You said we live in two different worlds. I want to know about your world, Kate, because I think it’s holding you back from wonderful things. Indulge an old woman, dear, please.”
Kate repressed her panic. Her chest ached with the desire to unlock her heart and release the details of her past that had rooted her in fear.
She studied Liza’s gentle face. The tender look in her eyes ended Kate’s lifelong struggle.
“It’s so difficult to talk about.” Her hands shook as she fiddled with her shoulder bag strap. “Times were so hard, and my mother did all she could to make a life for us…but life was against her.”
Kate searched Liza’s face and saw nothing but interest. “My father left my mother when I was very young. They were divorced, I suppose, and my mother raised me alone. She had many health problems, cancer at the root of most of them. I told you my mother died of cancer when I was eighteen.”
“Yes, you did,” Liza said, her gaze never wavering.
Kate couldn’t maintain eye contact. The hurt was too deep and the shame was bottomless. “My mother’s health kept her from holding a steady job, and we lived on welfare most of the time. We scrounged meals where we could, and we even stayed in homeless shelters more than once.” She lifted her gaze to Liza’s. “That’s what you heard in my voice and saw in my eyes…experiences we’ve been discussing about the shelter that are too similar to the ones that I lived.”
“But you shouldn’t feel ashamed of that, Kate. Your mother did the best she could under the circumstances and that’s all you could expect. She gave you a strong faith and a big heart. Sometimes the Lord allows us to suffer and cope with harrowing experiences to make us stronger people and to teach us humility and compassion. You have both of those, my dear.”
“I’ve never blamed my mother or the Lord. I realize it’s part of life. We never know what we might be dealt. I survived. I struggled, but made my way through college. Yet somewhere inside me, I’m still the frightened child sleeping in a homeless shelter with an ailing mother. Self-esteem is based on worth, and I’ve always felt unworthy.”
“Kate, I see nothing but an intelligent, caring woman whose charm and beauty have captured my son’s heart. He won’t say it, but I see it in his eyes.”
Holding back tears, Kate closed her eyes, listening to Liza’s hopeful words.
“Adam has always been my difficult son,” Liza continued. “The one who I know so little about, but one I love with all my heart. It would bring me great joy to see you and Adam fall in love.”
“I’ve never told Adam a thing about me, Liza.” Kate’s words were a whisper. “He doesn’t know about my life, living on handouts and in homeless shelters. I don’t know that I can ever tell him.”
“I told you once before that rich or poor means nothing.” She clutched her hand against her breast. “What counts is in here, Kate, and I believe that Adam has seen your heart. He admires you not only for your lovely appearance but for the deeper beauty inside.”
Liza lowered her hand and clasped Kate’s. “I can promise you this. Your past will make no difference to my son. That’s all I’m going to say.”
She drew Kate’s hand to her chest. “We are equal in God’s eyes, and what counts is right in here.”
The tears Kate had tried to harness flowed from her eyes and dripped from her chin. She’d longed for a mother for so long, and today she’d found one in Liza.
Chapter Fourteen
Monday morning, Kate sat in Adam’s kitchen and sipped her coffee. So much had happened in the past two weeks. Events to fill a lifetime. And so much had happened between her and Adam. She feared thinking about it.
Her emotions swung from ecstasy to despair. She’d listened to Liza and wanted to believe her, but was it only a mother’s wish and not reality? For now she clung to every minute with Adam, and if Liza was wrong, Kate would leave Vance Memorial. How could she spend days seeing Adam, remembering the emotion she’d felt in his arms, and have him walk past her as if she were a stranger?
And it could happen.
Kate jumped at the telephone’s peal. Her heart pounded without reason as she reached to answer it. Hearing Adam’s voice alarmed her.
“Anything wrong?” she asked.
“No, I want some real clothes. At least sweatpants.”
“What’s this all about?”
“I’m tired of this hospital getup. Can you bring my things with you today? I thought I had a shirt and pants here but they’re missing.”
“Your mom took the clothes home to wash them,” Kate said, thinking back to Liza’s display of motherly love.
“Then she must have my wallet and comb…the things from my pockets?”
Feeling calmer, Kate agreed. “I can pick them up for you if you want.”
“Would you?”
Her body warmed hearing his requests, as if she were the special person in his life. Like a wife. She slammed the thought into her mental wastebasket. Cling to the moment, she reminded herself. “Sure. It’s not a problem. I’ll be there in an hour or so.”
When Kate replaced the receiver, she leaned against the kitchen counter and pulled herself together. Her feelings for Adam had multiplied tenfold since the shooting. She’d grown protective and too involved. Too much for a friend. She was fooling no one about her feelings. She hadn’t fooled Liza or Sam for that matter and…especially Adam, and he had just naturally joined in the amusement.
Time will tell. The words rang in her head like a death knell. Adam grew stronger every day. Soon he’d be out of the hospital. His life could move on to his country-club world and his better-than-thou attitude she’d seen so often.
And where would she be?
Forcing the concerns from her mind, Kate took her coffee mug into the bedroom. She dried her freshly washed hair, applied makeup, then dressed. Ready, she entered Adam’s bedroom. Her breathing accelerated as she stood in the doorway, feeling like a voyeur. Though uncomfortable, she ambled to his closet and located a pair of sweats. A duffel bag sat on the floor, and she dropped them inside.
She looked in his dresser drawer and pulled out socks, but her hand trembled as she located his underwear in the drawer beneath. Too intimate. Too telling. Slimline boxers. Beige, pale blue or white. Like Adam, reserved and indifferent. Nothing too colorful or too exotic.
A robe hung on the closet hook, and she placed that in the bag with the other items. She zippered it closed, then headed downstairs to call the Montgomerys to tell them she’d be by for Adam’s personal items.
The Monday late-morning traffic moved freely, and Kate arrived at the Montgomerys’ home in good time. With each visit, the lovely home punctuated her awareness of different worlds and different lifestyles. Nothing could change that truth.
Before she reached the porch, Liza pulled open the door, her smile as warm as the morning air.
“Come in, dear.” She stood back, motioning Kate to enter.
“I can’t stay,” Kate said, knowing Liza would try to feed her or invite her to visit for a while.
Liza ignored her statement and steered her into the breakfast nook. “I’m finishing brunch. Have some juice, at least.” She poured a glass of orange juice before Kate could decline.
With little choice, Kate sank into the chair and accepted the beverage.
“Adam’s doing so well,” Liza said. “I’m hoping he’ll be released soon.”
The statement jolted Kate. She’d gotten so comfy at Adam’s town house, she’d foregone looking for her own temporary housing. With Adam’s release, she would need a place to live. “Yes, he does look well. He sounded like his old self this morning.”
Liza smiled. “When he realized he was missing his wallet, I knew he’s almost recovered.”
Kate swallowed the last of the juice and slid back the chair to rise. Before she stood, Frank’s voice bellowed from the living room.
Liza bolted upward and dashed to the doorway. “What is it, Frank?” She gave Kate a concerned look and
headed down the hallway.
Kate followed, her own worry rising.
Adam’s father sat in a recliner in front of the television. A newscaster’s words were lost in Frank’s tirade.
“Calm down,” Liza said. “Tell us what’s wrong.”
Frank slapped his hand against the chair arm and hit the remote.
The silence rang in Kate’s ears.
“Alistair Barclay has announced his candidacy for mayor in the next election.”
Frank’s face was bloodred, and Kate feared a stroke. She’d heard his irritation with Mr. Barclay in the past but knew little about the depth of the problem.
“He’s a Brit. How can he run for mayor?” Frank said, his hands balled into fists. “The man is double-dealing. He’s got something up his sleeve. Why mayor?” His eyes narrowed.
“I don’t know, dear. I suppose he has issues,” Liza said.
“I’ve got issues,” Frank said, his voice blustering.
Kate held back her thoughts, wanting to tell him that Alistair Barclay was a nationalized citizen, but she felt out of place doing so.
“He’s out to get me. That’s it…but why?”
The front door opened on Frank’s question, and Jake appeared at the living room archway. He looked at his father’s face. “I just heard it on the car radio.”
Frank’s expression altered seeing his son, but he continued his comments about Barclay.
“He must be a citizen, Dad,” Jake said.
Kate’s head nodded before she could stop herself.
Jake noticed. “Is he, Kate?”
Kate wanted to kick herself for getting involved. “Colleen mentioned it the other day when she was telling Adam about her conversation with Sam. She said she recalled a feature story in the paper when he was naturalized.” She swallowed, waiting for Frank’s angry comments.
But Frank was silent.
“Guess the news left that out, Dad.” Jake sat on a nearby chair and rested his elbows against his knees, his hands folded in front of him. “I don’t think he’d win an election anyway.”
“Why not?” Frank asked. “He seems to have a growing following. I hear he’s donating money to every worthy cause in the city. You can’t tell me those people won’t support him.”
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