by Andra Lake
I laughed and it came out bitter. Why exactly did I feel like I’d been dumped?
“It’s Ian, isn’t it?”
My head snapped up. “What do you mean?”
Lena grinned, the freckles rising on her cheeks. “There—now I’ve got your attention. Apparently all it takes is Ian Crawford.” She drawled his name dreamily. “Don’t think I forgot about your little crush.”
“Pfft.” I tried to wave her off. “He’s hot and everything but my mood has absolutely nothing to do with him. No way in hell. He doesn’t even like me. In fact, I think he dislikes me at this point.”
“That’s ridiculous. He barely knows you.” Lena dragged a piece of garlic bread through her spaghetti sauce. “What gave you that idea anyway?”
I bit my lip, considering how to respond. “He’s ignoring me. I think it’s because I was a bit rude about him making us partners in our History of Music seminar. I kind of asked if there had been anyone else he’d wanted to work with.”
Lena made a shocked noise and a hand flew to her mouth, but her eyes were smiling. “Shit, you need to work on your flirting.”
“His reputation just got to me I guess,” I muttered. “He might be hot but that doesn’t mean he’s a good person.” The moment I said it, I regretted it, because deep down I truly believed Ian was a good person. He was maddening and flirtatious, no doubt, but he had a soft side too. One that I’d glimpsed on only a few occasions—and always directed toward me.
Lena frowned at me. “Have you come out of some really bad relationships or something?”
Whoa. I dropped my fork and sat back. “Why, am I giving off an “I hate men” vibe or something?”
“Kind of. Yeah.”
Right. I glanced down at my lap. “I dated a guy in High School and it didn’t go well. He was a jerk.” But I’d never considered my dislike for Kevin to be tied to my feelings around Ian.
“Hmm.” Lena studied me for a moment before her grin returned. “Well, if you ever decide to play for the other team, I’m willing to swing for you. But only for you.”
I laughed. “Thanks for that.”
“No prob. But about Ian... I would just talk to him. Be friendly. If you’re going to be partners, your life will be a lot easier if you two can get along, right?”
“You’re not wrong,” I said and ripped a large bite out of my bread.
***
By the time by 2 p.m. rolled around on Wednesday, I was super nervous and excited for the seminar. Whereas before I didn’t like the idea of a small class or being partners with Ian, now I was grateful. It would be almost impossible for him to ignore me.
I got to the building ten minutes early, wandered the halls until I found the correct room. The door was open a crack, and when I pushed it open all the way, I realized I wasn’t the first one to arrive. Ian was sitting in a chair with his legs up on the table and a textbook on his lap. He glanced up and smiled when he saw me.
“Punctual teammate. I like that.”
I was so surprised at his nonchalant attitude and the fact he was talking to me again that it took me a moment to find my words. “What are you doing here so early?”
He snapped his book closed, kicking his legs off the table. “Came here to study after my last class. Less people to run into here.”
Ah, the trials and tribulations of being one of the most popular guys on campus: you couldn’t go anywhere without people wanting your time.
I sat down across the table from him, pulled out my text and notebook. Ian reclined and tapped a pen against his lips, frowning at me.
“You seem nervous. Jittery. Did you have like five cups of coffee today?”
Of course he had to notice that. “No.” I shot him a glare. “I’m just feeling a bit off.”
“Ah.” He smiled knowingly. “First time we’ve been alone together since Friday night and in such a small room too.” He sighed dreamily. “Memories.”
My cheeks flooded with heat. “It has nothing to do with that. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.”
“Mm, so do I,” he said as his eyes dropped to the low cut V of my shirt.
“Good one.”
He chuckled softly as a few students entered the room. I kept my head low to hide my blush and focused on organizing myself.
A tall woman with blonde hair in a messy bun entered the room. I didn’t realize she was Professor Durst until she addressed the class. She didn’t look much older than thirty-five.
“Good afternoon, everyone,” she said and smiled warmly. “I hope you’re all having a good week so far.” Her eyes fell on me. “You must be Alexis, the student we missed last week.”
I nodded, wanting to slip under the table. Being singled out made me uncomfortable and I tried to avoid it at any cost. “Sorry, I was pretty sick.”
“That’s fine.” She looked to Ian and her smile grew larger. “Ian said you two are friends so I partnered you up. I hope that’s all right.”
“If she’ll put up with me, that is.” He addressed the room and winked.
All the females in the room giggled like there was no way in hell spending time with Ian could be considered “putting up” with him. When I didn’t laugh along, ten heads swung toward me and I felt the weight of their judgment.
“Of course,” I said, feeling the heat in my cheeks still. God, why couldn’t I just act cool? I glanced up to see Ian smirking at me, apparently enjoying himself.
For the rest of class, however, he didn’t pay any attention to me. We were discussing this week’s lecture points and to my surprise, he was super into it and had some really good insight. He was also more than happy to throw out his opinions. I watched and listened to him with envy—he was so confident in the way he held himself, so sure that what he had to say was valid. He was discussing a subject I loved, but even if he’d been talking about physics I would have been riveted by his delivery. Now I could see why his mother wanted him to be an actor.
And I wasn’t the only one. Every female in the class was smiling at him—no, more like watching him dreamily—and he was either completely unaware or used to it. I realized I was glaring at all of them and consciously relaxed my features. It wouldn’t do to act like the jealous girlfriend when I had no stake on him whatsoever.
That knowledge made me just a bit depressed.
Unlike Ian, I stayed mute for most of the class unless called upon. I had some good points, sure, but speaking in public had never been my forte. I preferred to sit in the back and absorb everything like a sponge. Exams and papers were where I excelled.
When the seminar ended, Ian breezed out of the room without so much as a glance in my direction.
No way.
I shoved my books in my bag and quickly followed, trying hard to act casual and not like I was chasing after him. Of course the hallways were suddenly clogged with students walking four across at a snail’s pace. I skirted around them and out the front door of the building and there he was, striding up the paved pathway toward Quad, obviously headed toward where I could see some of his buddies by the fountain. I had no choice—if I wanted to talk to him, I’d have to call out to him before he got there.
“Ian!”
More than one head turned toward me, possibly some other guys named Ian, but all I cared about was that mine stopped and turned, arching a dark eyebrow. I hurried up to him, suddenly feeling stupid and uncertain.
“I, uh, just wanted to make sure we’re okay,” I stammered.
“Oh.” He frowned. “And here I was hoping we’d just pretend it didn’t happen. I’ve never been one for talks.”
“Me neither, but I thought...” I took a deep breath. “I thought you were mad at me or something.”
His gaze drifted somewhere above my head. It took him a moment to respond. “I was trying to give you what you wanted. I was staying away from you.”
“I didn’t want that. I’m sorry I threatened you.”
His jaw tightened. “If you really wanted to threaten me, y
ou should have pointed out that I performed an intimate sexual act with a minor. Because that is what has been eating at me since the weekend.”
Oh shit. I swallowed hard. I hadn’t even thought of that. Here I’d been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, I hadn’t considered that he could feel guilty about what happened between us.
“I’m eighteen in two weeks,” I said softly. “It’s just a number. It doesn’t mean anything.”
He chuckled but it didn’t sound right. “At this point, I’m four years older than you. That might mean something to a court.”
“Then stay away from me for two weeks,” I blurted out. “And then stop.”
His lips twitched like he was trying not to laugh. Finally he dropped his gaze to look at me, those green eyes twinkling. “That’s what you want, is it?”
“Yes, that’s what I want,” I said, feeling indignant. How dare he laugh at me?
“You’re a strange girl, Lex Watson.” He shook his head, but he was still smiling. As he walked away, he threw over his shoulder, “And I mean that as the highest compliment.”
I crossed my arms at his retreating back. How could calling me strange be meant as a compliment? And if I was not mistaken, he was walking with more of a swagger than usual. Great.
A variety of emotions swirling within me, I pivoted on my heel and headed home.
Chapter Seven
As the weeks went by, things started to feel more normal with Ian. So normal that I was pretty sure I’d fallen into the “friends” category. But at least he wasn’t pretending I didn’t exist anymore. In fact, instead of staying away from me, he was saving me a seat every Monday and Wednesday morning for our History of Music class.
We sat near the back of the class and ate breakfast, simultaneously trying to wake ourselves up and get something out of the lecture. He liked to save time and energy by bringing a laptop to class, making fun of my “archaic” handwriting ways. I was one of those retro people that weren’t trying to be cool, they were just stuck in a rut.
Ian tilted his head back and stretched his arms above his head, groaning with pleasure and apparently not caring whose view he blocked. “What’s up with the banana again? Do you eat them every morning?”
I’d recently learned that he didn’t eat them regularly like I’d fantasized. “Only on Mondays and Wednesdays.”
“You should up your intake. The oldest man in the world supposedly eats a banana a day.”
“That sounds like a big commitment. Maybe you should follow your own advice.”
“I just like telling other people what to do.” He grinned wickedly.
“Am I interrupting something?” A deep voice boomed, cutting my response short.
I froze. The professor was glaring up at us from the front of the class, his face half illuminated with a slide.
“No, sir. We were just discussing bananas,” Ian replied breezily. “Please continue.”
He didn’t just say that. I slid down in my seat, placing an elbow on the desk and shading my face with my hand.
“Bananas.” The professor grunted. “And what exactly do bananas have to do with my lecture?”
Ian shrugged, nonplussed. “They’re phallic. I’m sure there’s a connection somewhere.”
A ripple of laughter sounded throughout the lecture hall and even the professor smiled slightly. “Good try. I respect your honesty but from now on, keep your flirting outside my classroom, understood?”
“Yes, sir.”
I was still hunched in my seat, peeking through my fingers. I felt myself nod quickly and then the professor was talking again and everyone’s attention returned to the slides.
Ian gently pried my hand away from my face. “You should focus on the lecture, Miss Watson.”
“You’re such an ass,” I muttered.
“I know,” he mouthed back.
I rolled my eyes, but as much I hated to admit it, the gall that made him say “phallic bananas” to the professor was the same gall that made me drawn to him.
I also had to admit it was nice to get to know Ian more without all the pesky hormones getting in the way. Ian was a cool person in his own right—his crazy good looks only made people extra interested in him. I could kind of see why he wanted to make his own way, prove that he had a personality beyond his model face and a brain that would last longer than his looks. And even though he was more than comfortable in front of a crowd, I learned he didn’t actually enjoy doing it.
“I started modeling at the age of fourteen,” he confessed one day as we walked back to residence after our morning class. “My mom saw an opportunity and jumped on it. She’s always been image conscious. I love her, don’t get me wrong, but our priorities are different. At a young age I was being sent on modeling shoots in New York and spending time with people—models—twice my age.”
“Wow. That must have been weird.” The things he must have seen... The drugs. The women.
“Looking back, I guess it was. I got used to being in the spotlight and grew up fast. It wasn’t until I was out of my teens that I realized I’d never really been a teenager. So, I stopped modeling and enrolled in University at the age of twenty.”
“I heard you were considering being an actor at one point,” I said, even though I knew he had no interest in being an actor.
“That was Mom’s next plan once she heard I was dropping modeling. She said, ‘You want to go back to school? Wonderful, I know an amazing acting coach.’ It was always about ‘making use of what God gave me’ like I’d been bestowed some rare gift and was an idiot for giving it up.”
“Right.” I glanced over to see him staring straight ahead, his jaw tight. “I know what you mean—kind of. My parents think it’s a waste for me to study arts because I’m ‘too intelligent’ and should be focusing on something ‘suitable’. Like medicine.”
“Maybe we should pull a Freaky Friday and switch bodies.” He winked.
I laughed. “Right.”
“I, for one, would enjoy myself.”
I blushed like crazy but managed to talk my way through it. “It would be pretty sweet to try peeing standing up. I’ve got to admit, I’ve always been jealous of that.”
“Personally I wouldn’t get out of bed all day.”
We spent the rest of the walk laughing and joking, but when he arrived at the block, he suddenly grew serious and put a hand on my arm. “So I think we should talk. About that night. Do you want to go on a walk or something later?”
“Hey guys!”
A bright, cheery voice cut me off before I could respond. Lena was standing beside us, her smile melting into a look of confusion when she noticed Ian’s hand on my arm. He pulled it away like he’d been burned.
“Everything okay, Lex?” she asked, misinterpreting the scene as him comforting me about something.
“Yeah totally.” I shifted my bag on my shoulder. “I was just telling Ian how I’ve been feeling really stressed. I’m from a small town, you know, and not used to these large classes. Just asking him for advice.”
Lena turned to him expectantly as if waiting for her RC to deliver the same speech to her, another first year.
Ian raised an arm above his head and used his other arm to pull it into a stretch. The action made his shirt ride up, and both Lena and my eyes fell to the line taut skin above his jeans. Apparently he was going commando this morning.
“Let’s see...” He dropped both arms and shrugged. “When I’m stressed I like to exercise. Nothing gets rid of stress like endorphins.” He shot me a grin full of meaning. “Don’t you agree, Lex?”
“Running definitely helps,” I agreed, knowing full Lena wasn’t buying it. Her face had gone from expectant to suspicious. “Maybe we can go on a run together later.”
She scoffed. “I can’t run. Joints have pretty much destroyed my lung capacity. But let’s hang out later, okay? See you, Ian.” She gave me a look before waving to both of us and continuing into the building.
I exhaled and peeke
d up at Ian, expecting to see him smiling like me. Instead, he was scratching his chin, his eyes still on Lena’s retreating back.
“You should hang out with her tonight,” he said without meeting my eyes. “I’ll see you later.”
Before I could respond, he took the stairs that led under the block.
***
“I feel like we should have a ‘legit’ party,” Lena said. “Like a ‘Lex is now a legitimate adult come drink illegally’ party.”
We were sitting in my room drinking red wine and discussing what we should do on Friday evening for my birthday. I was all for not drawing attention to the fact I was one of the youngest students in residence, while the girls were all for themed parties.
“I like it,” Melissa agreed.
“We could totally do a Lolita theme,” Lena said, smiling deviously. “Like make you dress up in a schoolgirl uniform. That would be hot!”
Melissa caught my eye and we both stifled our laughs.
“The whole innocent theme would totally fit,” Carly agreed from Melissa’s bed. When I shot her a warning look, she quickly added, “Because you look so young and now you’re old enough to have sex with.”
“That’s ridiculous,” Melissa muttered. “I had sex at sixteen.”
“I know, I just mean college guys are adults and now she is too,” Carly said, backtracking and failing. “You know what I mean.”
“Whatever.” Melissa turned her attention to Lena again. “So this legit party—should we do it in the lounge and buy a bunch of inflatable penises and stuff like that? Like a stagette but guys are allowed too?”
I groaned. This was starting to sound like a nightmare. The last thing I wanted to do was carry around an inflatable penis in front of bridesmaids, let alone a bunch of guys. I was already going through my mental list of excuses when Carly piped up and saved me.
“How about we ask Lex what she wants to do. You know, for...diversity.”
All three of them turned their attention to me, and I took a sip of wine to buy time. If I said I wanted to lay low, they’d go ahead and throw an over-the-top party that would embarrass the hell out of me and drag me to it. So I couldn’t do that. I would have to come up with something...legit.