Letters to Ebay
Page 12
Darrell
FAKE FOOD—BLACK FOREST CAKE WILL FOOL YA
This super realistic looking Black Forest Cake will look fantastic on your kitchen counter or dining room table! Cake is 5 inches in diameter and is permanently attached to a 6 inch cake round. It is topped with glistening “juicy” cherries surrounded by a row of dollops of whipped cream and frosted in dark chocolate! Item is bug proof, brand new and brought to you exclusively by Mrs. O’s Kitchen, makers of fine decorative display desserts.
Greetings! Mother’s 70th birthday is fast approaching (Jan. 27) and my brothers and I are planning a real wing-dinger of a party. My brothers, Larry, Carmelo, Larry Jr. and I all have issues with our mother though. Mother walked Larry Jr. to school until his junior year of high school. Carmelo was trapped in a well for 37 hours after Mother told him there was a quarter at the bottom. Larry (oldest) was forced to eat with chop sticks for an entire year after he told an Asian joke at church. And I had to rub the corns of Mother’s foot every day during the summer of 1985. Mother’s eyesight is deteriorating fast and she has trouble seeing what she is eating. We believe that your professionally handcrafted artificial cake would be perfect for her party. This would create the illusion that we purchased a REAL cake for her. If we placed a knife in Mother’s hand, would she be able to cut through the fake cake? Could she tell the difference? Does whipped cream spoil on top of a fake cake? Thank you.
Art
Hi Art,
It’s not easy to cut through one of these, although they are made of foam. She could probably tell it’s not real. The black forest has a plaster of paris top so forget that one.
What I think you meant is will whipping cream on top of the cake ruin the cake? No, not really if you wash it off carefully and don’t wet the cake round on the bottom. Does whipped cream spoil on top of a fake cake? It will spoil on top of anything! Go to my website and look over the selection there, then decide which one— www.mrs-o-kitchen.com.
Regards,
Mrs. O
Model A Ford Tool Kit Grease Gun
Up for auction is an Alemite lubricator for Model A Ford tool kit and also used into the mid 1930’s. The grease gun has some very light pitting and is in good condition. If you have any questions please feel free to ask.
Hello! Like most good Americans I am very keen on hygiene and like to keep my body as clean and good smelling as possible. I am a huge supporter of Crest, Old Spice, and Dial soap. Lately though, I’ve been having difficulty with cotton swab Q-Tips as they seem to unravel and break apart quite easy inside my ear. Therefore, my ears have become clogged with nasty ear wax and I have had trouble hearing as of late. My wife, Jackie, says I need to fix my issue quickly. I placed a candle flame near my ear hoping to melt the wax, but it burned the hair off my ear lobe. I believe your grease gun is strong enough to rectify my situation. If I purchased your grease gun, could I fill it with water and shoot it directly into my ear? The flow of the water will surely extract the wax that is blocking my ear canal. Do you believe the pressure of your grease gun would be too much for my ear drums? Will the tip of the grease gun even fit inside my ear? Thank you very much and I hope to do business with you.
Art
Hello Art, the grease gun may do the trick. But please be warned it would need to be cleaned before attempting this. I am not sure if this would fit your ear canal. It seems to fit mine which I would consider to be an average size. If the tip is a little bit too big you could try a small grease fitting at the opening. You may be better off to purchase a plastic turkey baster with the rubber bulb on the end. The actual cause of your ear wax problem originates with the Q-Tips. Every time a Q-Tip is inserted into the ear a small amount of wax is compacted. One other condition that can exist is selective hearing. I suffer from this condition from time to time and have also been accused of having a blockage in my ears. The problem is that if it is something that I want to hear I can hear just fine. Hope this helps and good luck with your ear trouble. Thanks for your interest, 1low64
~Kissing Booth Halloween Costume! Nib! ~*~ Wow!~ Bin!
~*~Kissing Booth Halloween Costume! New in Box! ~*~ Wow!~*~ Buy It Now!!! Very Popular… Won’t Last Long!
Kissing Booth Costume—Adult
How can they possibly refuse? With your irresistible good looks and that 25-cent price, you’re in business! This smooching booth is sure to draw customers, even the shy ones—its red velvet curtains provide the privacy they need. And aside from its obvious perks, your kissing kiosk made of flexible foam and tubing is lightweight, so you can "work" for hours without getting tired!
One size fits most. 5'3" TO 6' TALL 105 LBS. TO 200 LBS.
I am a zoo keeper specializing in anteaters and I am excited about your kissing booth costume. You see, since Jr. High I’ve had no luck whatsoever with the opposite sex. When I approach women my hands shake, my pimples turn dark blue, my elbows bark, and I puff up like a blow fish. I can’t even find a date at my Connect Four Club or the Xena: Warrior Princess conventions. How pathetic is that? Mother has said that I should be patient waiting for Mrs. Right. Mother makes the best cornbread. Well, I CAN’T FIND HER! But, with the aid of your costume my dreams may come true! I will wear your costume on the city bus, in the mall and strolling through the park with my chinchilla Skippy. People will be curious what I’m wearing. They’ll say, “What’s that silly lad wearing?” Beautiful women will kiss me! They just have to! Will it fit a 6 foot 7, 355 pound man even though your description says it can’t? Could I bump up the price to $1.00 per kiss? Thank you.
Art
I just love your sense of humor!! You were kidding, right? Well I too hope that this kissing booth costume will draw in lots of special ladies. If nothing else you will get a lot of attention. As for the fit with your “dimensions,” well, not sure on that one, the specs say it fits up to 6 ft. tall and 200 lbs. so I hope you’re handy as you may have to make a few adjustments… side boards? I am sure your mother will be very proud of you and Skippy will enjoy the outings. What’s he going to be wearing? As for changing the price, you probably won’t need to as you’ll be swamped with ladies all puckered up and the coins will add up fast. Especially if you run a special. Five kisses for a dollar? Times are hard and lots of ladies will be looking for a bargain, so I think you’ll do well. Especially at the mall. Try the bargain basement area. Back in Junior High I knew a guy that had the same reaction to the opposite sex. Was that you? Where are you from? I hope you win the bid and wear the costume in good health. See if you can get Skippy to take pictures as I’d love to see them. Especially the ones on the city bus. Take care and have a great day!! Lyn
Very Early Toy Electric Lectric Child’s Piano Works
This auction is for a very unusual early toy electric piano. It is called the "Lectric Piano." It plugs in and has an on/off switch. It is in good working order. This item measures about 16" across, 6½" deep and about 5" high. I believe the case is wood. It is covered in an ivory toned paper that can be wiped with a slightly damp sponge. There is a tiny bit of paint loss on the blue bear decal and on the drum.
Greetings! Our three-year-old daughter, Princess, has just begun piano lessons with Dr. Hans Liszt, a direct descendant of Franz Liszt the famous German composer and pianist. Despite Princess’s full schedule (ballet lessons, 10-meter high dive training, spelling bee competitions) we feel the piano will be her quickest way to fame and fortune. Right now she is excelling in the three-year-old division of the NSBA and last month took the regional division by spelling “insignificant.” An accomplishment to be sure, but the potential for financial gain is minimal in that business. Our family is struggling financially a bit as our investments in IOU ATM machines and Chatkins Diet Supplements (rip off) have yet to pan out. Anyway, as firm believers in animal rights we cannot condone a piano with keys made from natural ivory. We’re looking for a fine, lightweight piano for easy travel. Are your piano keys made from either walrus or elephant ivory tusks? Thank you.
Art
Dear Art,
Having such a precocious 3 year old must be a huge responsibility. The stress on the whole family must be enormous. I think you should contact the Dr. Phil show. I am sure your unique situation would be fodder for at least a series of 6 of his shows. That should provide your daughter with both some exposure and some experience before a live audience. Who knows, maybe your family personalities would lend themselves to a television vérité series la what’s-his-name, the musician.
As to your question, the keys on the piano are only remotely an animal derivative. You see they are plastic which, as I’m sure you know, usually has some form of petroleum as a component. And since petroleum is (as I understand it) formed from certain organic, once live things being under immense pressure for eons, then the piano keys, while not being ivory, are to some extent animal in nature. I hope this answers your question. If there is anything further, please let me know.
Thank you,
Shanna
1952 Military Canteen w/cup and canvas holder
This is a 1952 military canteen with canvas carrier and metal cup. The canteen is metal with a chain attached to the canteen cover.
Shalom! I belong to an environmentalist group called the Tree Spirit Project, where we pose nude on huge, sinewy oak trees. We are all mesmerized by an oak’s huge limbs flailing in the sky, and are moved to tears lying in the branches of this beautiful creature from the earth. (Although her moss often leaves a nasty stain on my buttocks.) Naturally, I’m a lover of trees and wish society would understand our principles of nudity with nature (we call this nudeture). Just last week my sister, Carla, called to tell me that a contractor is set to tear down our old house and build a shopping mall. This includes our childhood white oak tree (Quercus alba), which we both have fond memories of. Therefore, as a sign of protest I will climb our childhood tree and live within her branches in the nude. All I will take with me for survival is a water canteen and all-natural beef jerky. Do you believe your canteen will work well during my protest? Is it soft enough to also use as a pillow? Thank you.
Art
Wonderful! I hope your weather is better than ours (-4 degrees this morning)! The canteen would certainly last during your protest provided nothing unnatural happened to it. I would not care to use it for a pillow, though, since it is metal and would be hard, but it does have a canvas covering so it shouldn’t freeze to your cheek! Good luck in your protest. withersfam
Nike Fleece-Lined Cap with Ear Warmers, Unisex L/ XL
GENUINE NIKE BASEBALL CAP, FLEECE-LINED WITH EAR WARMERS. BLACK. 100 PERCENT POLYESTER. EAR FLAPS CAN BE WORN UP OR DOWN, JUST FOLD THEM UP. LOVELY QUALITY HAT. UNISEX L/XL.
I AM SELLING SOME SMALLER.
Greetings! As a youngster growing up in Fifty Lakes, Minnesota, I was mocked endlessly by other kids due to the size of my colossal ears. I even tried to cut off the extra cartilage with pruning shears. You see, my Dumbo-shaped lobes caused me much suffering and mental anguish. But, my luck changed in 1988 when I met model agent J. P. Williams while ringing a Salvation Army bell in front of the mall. Upon seeing my obviously exquisite hands, he offered me a contract on the spot. My hands even graced the cover of Macy’s Fall 1991 catalog (showcasing a beautiful 14k gold diamond micro pave band). An unfortunate twist of fate ended my career as a giraffe from the San Diego Zoo mistook my frozen banana for barley leaves. I now work for a engineering company as a dirt tester. As it’s getting quite cold outside I need a device to keep my 2 ½ by 1 ¾ inch ears warm. Do you believe your ear warmers could fit my mammoth ears? Could they keep an unusually large cochlea from frostbite?
Art
Hello Art,
Never had such a long message from anyone before. Cheered me up on this miserable damp Monday morning in the UK!! The flaps cover my ears, which measure 3 inches × 2 inches, bigger than yours. The flaps come down just under 4 inches from the edge of the cap. The other alternative I do is the Pilot/Trapper hat in fleece. These have really long flaps. Hope this all helps.
Regards,
Tony
Hats Galore
NEW! PAPER SHREDDER AUTO START/STOP WASTE BIN INCLUDED!
AUCTION DESCRIPTION: BRAND NEW! PAPER SHREDDER! FEATURES AUTO START/STOP! WASTE BIN INCLUDED! NOT remanufactured—BRAND NEW straight from the factory! Identity Guard Brand Name Shredder! RAM up to 6 SHEETS IN AT A TIME! IT’S POWERFUL ENOUGH! AUTO START—AUTO STOP—NO SWITCHES TO WASTE YOUR TIME—JUST RAM THE PAPER IN THERE AND IT DOES ALL THE WORK! You get the 3.8 Gallon WASTEBASKET (BIN) INCLUDED! FAST—SHREDS UP TO 12 FEET OF PAPER PER MINUTE! 8.5" wide standard letter- and legal-sized paper can be fed right into it without folding as the throat is 9"—it’s wide enough to handle it! REVERSE switch for clearing jams that may occur!
I’m kind of in a fix right now and may need use of a paper shredder. You see, I’ve been getting letters for the past seven months from this place in Washington, DC, saying that I owe them money. Something called “back taxes.” They said they might take away my 1991 Chevy Lumina. I don’t know why because it seems like I pay taxes all the time. When I buy a value meal at Burger King (I love those Whoppers) they always make me pay more than what the little sign says. It’s like 75 cents more every time. I’m a hard worker and already have to pay child support to one lady. I don’t need them taking more of my money. I figure that a paper shredder could shred those letters I get from Washington, DC, so they can’t trace them. I’ll just tell them I never got them. Will your paper shredder really destroy all those nasty letters to bits? Would it be impossible for those Washington, DC, guys to put together the shredded pieces of paper if they come to my house? Thank you.
Art
Art,
Well, once you buy the shredder and shred them to bits, and you put the shreds out to the trash, and it goes to the landfill, I seriously doubt they will go through a landfill just to find your shredded bits and try to put them back together one piece at a time, like a puzzle.
A safer way would be to put the bits down the toilet. Once they are wet and break apart—no one will find them, will they?
Good luck bidding and winning!
—Dave
Chessboard Game Onyx Mexican Art Imported New Handmade
Mexican Imported Onyx Chess Set
You are looking at a great Mexican imported item. This chess set comes complete with all the English chess pieces in this beautiful rose and white color. We also have more Onyx Chess sets at our eBay Store! All of our Onyx Chess Sets are hand-made from 100% natural onyx. Because of its natural state, colors and patterns will vary from set to set.
Bowlin’s is your #1 Southwest Retailer!
Approximately 14.5" × 14.5"
Genuine Mexican Imported Onyx
More Onyx Chess Sets in different sizes and colors available at our eBay store
You can get the whole collection today
Hello! As a former Elvis impersonator I suffer from the degenerative disease Gyrosyphilities and am thus bound to my trailer. My nephew, Emerson, visits me every third Tuesday of the month. We play board games (obviously not Twister) and drink slurpees. My trailer is surrounded by curious insects which have conjured up an exciting new idea. Instead of normal chess pieces we will assign our insect friends the value of the pieces. For example, ants will represent the pawns, walking sticks will appear as bishops, moths will act as knights, june bugs will personify the rooks, butterflies will symbolize the queens, and finally large locusts will exemplify the mighty king. We will freeze-dry the insects to insure they will not hop around the board and destroy our game. Naturally, because of my medical condition I cannot leave the house to purchase a chessboard. Do you believe your excellent chessboard is big enough to hold my insects? Would a butterfly (5 cm wingspan) fit in a square? Thank you.
Art
Hello Art:
Our largest onyx chess set has squares that are 4 cm. (Therefore, your butterfly may have a tight squeeze.) May I suggest you play with a smaller LEPIDOPTERA. The larger
style of our chess sets is $44.99. You can pick from colors like cream, tan, gray, rose pink, black, and dark brown. We have English or Aztec pieces. Or for other great Southwest products, you can check out our website at BowlinOnline dot com. Thanks again for your story which made me (and others around the office) smile! Sincerely, Robin
Halex Competition Brass Darts NIP
Up for auction is a brand new set of Halex Competition Brass Darts. These darts have plastic shafts, brass grips, and metronic flights. They have never been opened.
Not sure of the weight.
Hello! I have a question about the safety of your darts. Last Christmas, Larry-Michael, Uncle Harold (disabled taffy maker), and I were having a raucous game of Blindfold Darts when disaster struck. We were playing in Grandma Gigi’s garage when Larry-Michael unleashed his famous “Tony Stewart Windup” and let the dart fly. Well, let’s just say we heard a blood curdling MEOW. We flicked on the lights and found Fluffy sprawled on the NASCAR garage mat with a dart stuck in her midsection. Despite our best efforts to revive Fluffy, we lost her. Later we found out from our neighbor, Jed, that you CAN give mouth-to-mouth to an animal. I wish to purchase a safer dart board and darts for Larry-Michael. He’s basically been a mess since that day and I was wondering if your darts are sharp enough to penetrate the fur of an animal. For instance, if a wild dart happened to impale a small terrier (Scruffy) how much affliction would it cause? We wish to play safe darts again. Thank you.