by Pj Fiala
She took a deep breath while the nurse raised the head of the bed and lowered it so her feet could touch the floor without having to drop down. When the bed was set, she instructed Joci on how to turn toward her and scoot forward. Joci did as she was told. More than once, she gasped in pain. She breathed through it and kept moving. By the time she reached the chair, she was sweating and panting, and tears slid down her face. The nurse got her situated, covered her up with a blanket, and began changing the sheets.
Jeremiah kneeled down next to Joci. His eyes were bright with moisture. “That was pure torture watching you in so much pain.”
She gasped. “Should’ve been me.”
His voice hoarse, he said, “I’m so proud of you, Joci. You did so good, baby.”
She smiled weakly. Whew, that had been hard. Before long, the nurse finished with the sheets and told Joci it was time to move back to the bed. Tears slid down Joci’s face. She wiped them off and nodded. She was still a bit shaky from moving to the chair, but she was so tired that all she wanted to do was get back to bed and sleep.
She took a deep breath, and they moved her back to bed. She felt as helpless as a baby. True to her word, the nurse gave her a shot of something to manage the pain and told Jeremiah she would let the girls know it was okay to come back in. She looked at Joci and said, “After that, labor will seem like nothing.”
Joci groaned. She couldn’t even think about labor right now.
Jeremiah’s hands shook as he caressed her face and smoothed her hair.
“I love you so much, Joci. God, I’m so proud of you.”
39
Got Her
The next morning, Joci woke up feeling better. Jeremiah couldn’t be swayed to leave her alone at the hospital, so he slept in the recliner next to her bed, holding her hand.
The night before, Jackie had asked if there was anything she needed and Joci asked her to bring something else to wear besides these hospital gowns. The doctor had said they were taking the catheter out today, and she would have to start venturing all the way across the room to the bathroom. She wasn’t sure how she was going to do that, but at least she wanted to have something that fit a bit better and wasn’t so baggy. She thought a pair of yoga pants and a tank top would be great and was oddly excited about the prospect of wearing real clothes again.
She looked over at Jeremiah. He still slept in the chair. His breathing was steady and strong. His beautiful face was relaxed in sleep. Their baby was going to be beautiful, whether it was a boy or girl. She couldn’t blame LuAnn for wanting him. What normal, red-blooded woman could look at Jeremiah and not want him?
She reached down and touched her belly where their baby rested. It had been three days now. The doctors were feeling more and more positive that she wouldn’t miscarry. She had been trying not to get too excited about having another baby. If she did miscarry, it would be heartbreaking.
While she laid here in the hospital, she found herself dreaming about their lives together. Having the girls around chatting about the baby increased her excitement. Now she found that she couldn’t think of the future without thinking about the baby.
She whispered as she caressed her tummy, “Please be okay, little one.”
Jeremiah opened his eyes. “I love watching you talk to her.” He smiled and leaned forward.
She looked into his eyes and grinned. “I love that you place your hand on my tummy every time you kiss me as if you’re telling her hello as well.”
“I am. I can’t wait to hold her in my arms and kiss her.”
She sighed. She was still sore, but she was happy.
“You know it could be a boy, right? I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
Jeremiah laughed. “Baby, I could never be disappointed with a child we made together…but it’s a girl. I’ve dreamed about her.”
She giggled. “You know we have a lot of work to do at the house, right? We aren’t exactly set up for a baby. I was getting overwhelmed listening to the girls talk about it yesterday. So many things to buy, so much stuff to get. God, I forgot about all the stuff!”
He put his hand on her tummy. “We’ll be fine, sweetheart. Whatever we need, our families will have it in a snap. We’re fortunate this time. Money isn’t an issue like before.” He leaned up and kissed her tummy. “Good morning, little one.”
Then he looked at Joci, leaned in and kissed her good morning. “Good morning, little one. How are you feeling this morning?”
“I feel better. I’m excited over getting to put clothes on. Simple little things like that and it was the first thing I thought of this morning—although the prospect of trekking to the bathroom has me practically hyperventilating.”
“I hate that you have to go through this. I would take it myself in a second if I could. I’m here for as long as it takes. I hope you know that.”
She smiled. She knew.
There was a knock on the door. “Glad you’re awake. I have clothes.” Jackie’s smile could light the sky. “I knew you couldn’t wait to get dressed. So, I got up early and picked up some of your things.” She walked in and set a bag on the bed near Joci’s feet. “How are you this morning?”
“I’m better today. Thank you so much for bringing me real clothes.” Joci giggled.
“You’re welcome. How are we going to do this?”
Joci tried adjusting herself in the bed. “I think I have to wait for the nurse to remove the catheter before I can put pants on.”
Jackie nodded. “I had forgotten about the catheter.”
The nurse rounded the door just then. “I saw a bag of clothing walk through the door. I bet you’re ready to take off that designer gown you’ve been wearing.”
Joci nodded.
“Okay, the first thing is to remove the catheter. Then we can work on getting you dressed. If you still have some strength, we’ll take a trial run to the bathroom.”
The nurse looked at Jackie as if to say, “You need to leave.” Jackie got the message, raised her hands in the air. “I’ll be out in the hall.”
Then the nurse looked at Jeremiah. “I’m not leaving.”
It was a statement that brooked no argument. The nurse looked at Joci, and she smirked. “Pick your battles.” Once the catheter was removed, it was now time to get dressed. The nurse helped remove Joci’s hospital gown, and Jeremiah gasped at all the bruises and marks on her body.
“God, Joci. Oh, honey, I’m so damned sorry.”
She looked at him and touched his face. “Please don’t worry. They’ll heal.”
They wrestled with her clothing. Jeremiah helped where he could. The nurse cut the right strap of her tank top and then slid the right side of the tank top up under her arm and over her breast. Then she pulled the straps back up over her shoulder and with a couple of safety pins, fastened them together. They laughed—it wasn’t designer, but it would keep her from showing her visitors anything they shouldn’t see.
“Do you feel like trying to get to the bathroom?” the nurse asked.
She nodded. “I need to know I can do it. Dreading it won’t help. I need to try.”
Jeremiah stood close to Joci. “I want to help her.”
The nurse nodded and instructed him on how to be of the most assistance. She was cut and bruised everywhere. Joci slowly stood and grabbed Jeremiah’s arm. She shook from head to toe.
“We don’t have to do this, honey.”
She shook her head. “Yes, we do. I need to do this.”
She took a tentative step. Then another. With long pauses between each step, it took them forever to get to there. Once they made it, Joci was exhausted. She wanted to brush her teeth and wash up a little. Jeremiah insisted on helping her. They filled the sink with water, and he grabbed a washcloth. He wet the cloth and added soap. Gingerly, Joci sat on the edge of the toilet and washed her face, then her underarms. After the two of them wrestled her yoga pants down, she finally washed her lower region. It wasn’t great, but it felt better to feel a l
ittle cleaner.
“I never would have dreamed you would have to help me take a sponge bath. It’s embarrassing.”
“Joci, there isn’t a part of you I haven’t already seen. Besides, do you know how impossibly useless I feel not being able to help you? This at least makes me feel like I’m of some use.”
“Okay. I’m sorry. I have no idea what you must be feeling. But I can guess.”
“Ready?” he asked.
She took a deep breath and nodded. He held out his arm, and she grabbed it and hoisted herself up. She cried out a little at the pain, but it wasn’t as bad as yesterday. They slowly made their way back to the bed, and she eased her exhausted self into it. She shook and sweated from the exertion. But she felt great that she had accomplished what she had.
He leaned down and kissed her. “I’m very proud of you. You are one tough cookie.”
Joci smiled. “You better believe it.”
Jackie came back in and saw how pale Joci looked. “God, Joci. Are you okay?”
She opened her eyes. “I went to the bathroom.”
Jackie looked at her sister, her brows furrowed. “Ooooookay.”
Jeremiah laughed. “She means she walked to the bathroom.”
“Ohhhhh. How great. How did it go?”
“Well, I’m exhausted now. So I guess I’m still pretty helpless,” Joci quipped.
Jackie smiled. “But yesterday, you wouldn’t have been able to do that much, so you did great.”
Joci closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.
People floated in and out all day. She took catnaps between visitors. She just couldn’t help it. Jeremiah never left. Around 6:30 that evening, Jeremiah’s phone rang. Most of the family was there visiting. He looked at his phone. “Tommy. Hopefully, he has some news.”
He answered his phone and took Joci’s hand in his. “Tommy, what’s up? When?”
Jeremiah looked at Joci and watched her face.
“That’s bullshit. You saw the recording. She knew exactly what she was doing… Okay. I know…sorry. Thanks, Tommy.”
Jeremiah put his phone back in his pocket. “They have LuAnn. They found her in Upper Michigan hiding in a run-down motel. She’s claiming she didn’t know what she was doing with the bike; she was just mad at Joci.”
Gunnar jumped up. “That’s fucking bullshit.”
Jeremiah held his hand up. “I didn’t say it was true, Gunnar. I was simply repeating what Tommy said. We have the video of her cutting the brake lines. We could clearly see the look on her face. She’ll go to jail.”
40
Moving Along
Joci spent the next week in the hospital. She was healing and still pregnant. Things were looking up. She could now make it to the bathroom on her own. She had made the trek by herself yesterday while Jeremiah was on the phone dealing with shop business. He was irritated with her for trying to do it on her own, but she needed to know what she could do in case she was home alone and needed to use the toilet. She was excited as hell to be able to go home today. It felt like weeks since she’d been there.
Jeremiah and the boys walked back into her room. They had taken all the flowers and gifts down to her car.
“Are you ready to come home with me?” Jeremiah asked as he walked back into the room, smiling when he saw her sitting up.
“Yes. I can’t wait to get home.” Joci sat in the chair that Jeremiah had slept in for the past week and a half. She was dressed in a clean pair of yoga pants and a new tank top, decorated with surgical tape. She was ready, just waiting for the doctor to come in and release her. Jeremiah and the boys sat in the other chairs in the room while they waited. Joci looked up when Dr. Wan, her OB-GYN, walked into the room.
“Good morning. I hear you’re being released today.”
Joci smiled. “Yes, I can’t wait to get home. Dr. Wan, I would like you to meet Jeremiah and my sons Gunnar, JT, and Ryder. This is Dr. Wan.”
Jeremiah and the boys stood up and shook hands with the petite Asian woman in the white coat. They exchanged pleasantries, and Dr. Wan glanced at Joci, a smile on her face.
“Joci, before you go, may I listen to your tummy and check on the baby?”
Joci nodded and slowly stood up. She felt a little out of balance with her arm in a cast and her shoulder in a cumbersome corset-type thing to keep it from moving. But if she moved slowly, it wasn’t too bad.
Jeremiah and the boys shot up to help her, but Joci shook her head no. She needed to do this. She limped over to the bed and sat on the edge. She pushed herself back and slowly turned into the raised head of the bed. She grabbed the controller and lowered the head down so she was lying flatter.
Jeremiah and the boys hovered nearby. Dr. Wan smiled as she pulled her stethoscope out.
Dr. Wan winked at Joci. “I probably won’t be able to hear the heartbeat, but I would like to do a sonogram to make sure everything is okay. We might be able to see the baby’s heartbeat on the sonogram. If you’re at least six weeks pregnant, we’ll be able to hear it. Do you mind if we do it right now before you leave?”
“No, I don’t mind. I want to know that she’s okay.” Joci glanced at Jeremiah, and he nodded in agreement.
“‘She?’” Dr. Wan smiled.
Gunnar spoke up. “Dad knows the baby’s a girl. I’m going to have a little sister.” His smile lit up the room.
Dr. Wan smiled and nodded. “I’ll go out and have the technicians bring the machine in, and we’ll take a look. Stay right where you are, Joci.”
She left, and Joci winked at Jeremiah. He had a huge grin plastered on his face.
Within half an hour, the technician was in the room hooking up the sonogram machine and preparing Joci. When Joci had been pregnant with Gunnar, she hadn’t done this. The technician pulled up Joci’s shirt and tucked towels around her clothing, so nothing got full of gel. They dimmed the lights. Dr. Wan and the technician were to Joci’s right, and Jeremiah and the boys were to her left, watching the screen on the sonogram machine.
The tech started pushing the probe around Joci’s tummy and stopped on a little blurb. It didn’t look like anything but a blob. The tech took a few pictures and kept moving the probe around. After a few minutes, she moved the probe around, then stopped and went back.
“Oh, well, look at that. I think I see the heartbeat. Dr. Wan, what do you think?”
Dr. Wan looked closely at the screen. The tech put a little more pressure on Joci’s tummy and there it was! You could see movement within the little blurb. It was very faint, but there was a little flutter.
“Yes, I believe that’s her heartbeat,” Dr. Wan said.
Jeremiah grabbed Joci’s hand. “Amazing,” was all he could say.
Gunnar said, “Cool.”
Ryder whispered, “I’ll be damned.”
Joci just stared. The baby was alive. She was going to live. Her eyes sparkled with moisture; she was so relieved. She hadn’t even realized how scared she’d been. Jeremiah leaned down and kissed her forehead.
“Don’t cry, baby. Look, she’s healthy.”
Joci tried to control herself. “I know. I’m so relieved. I can’t believe she made it through.”
Dr. Wan touched Joci’s leg and patted it. “Looks like you have a strong little girl there.”
The technician spoke up. “We can’t tell the sex yet.”
Jeremiah informed the tech that he knew it was a little girl. He had dreamed about her. The technician just nodded her head.
A few more pictures were taken, and the technician packed up the machine and made her way out the door. Dr. Wan told Joci she would see her at her scheduled appointment in a couple of weeks, and she left. The attending physician came in a while later and released Joci to go home.
It took a while to get her into the car and then into the house. She let out a huge sigh of relief, it was great to be home. “I need to lie down. I hope you don’t mind. Will you all be here or are you leaving?”
Jeremiah chuckled. “We
’re staying. JT and Ryder are running out to get lunch in a little while.” He kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Then do you mind if I sleep on the sofa? That way I can hear you as I fall asleep.”
JT shrugged. “Will you be comfortable on the sofa, Mom?”
She stared at JT and swallowed the knot in her throat. That was the first time he had called her Mom. She smiled. “It makes me feel better to hear people talking.” As she walked by him, she gave him a brief hug. He gently wrapped his arm around her, afraid to squeeze her.
Jeremiah patted JT on the shoulder, his eyes growing moist, then walked into the living room with Joci.
She sat on the sofa. He plumped some pillows behind her back and gently pulled her feet up. Gunnar ran and got her a blanket and threw it over her. She smiled and drifted off to sleep right away.
“Ryder, you’ll have to climb out of your shell eventually,” JT laughed.
“Fuck you, JT. It might be easy for you to come on to women; it’s not for me,” Ryder muttered.
Joci opened her eyes and looked around the room. Ryder leaned forward and smiled at her.
“How are you feeling?”
Joci smiled at him, “I’m feeling pretty good. How are you doing? Are they picking on you?”
Ryder shrugged. “They’re assholes. I’m sorry, Mom. I feel bad that you’re going through this.”
“Thank you, Ryder. I don’t want you to worry. I’m just fine, getting stronger every day.” Joci smiled and held his gaze.
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Her eyes glistened at the sudden show of emotion. Ryder…the shy boy.
When he sat back, JT piped up. “Are you hungry? We put some stuff together for a quick dinner.”
She nodded, noticing for the first time that she was feeling a bit like eating. Gunnar and Jeremiah jumped up to bring the food into the living room.
She turned herself on the sofa, so her legs were on the floor. She struggled to sit up with only one hand free. With her bandages, she felt out of balance. Ryder and JT both jumped up to help her.