“When would you like to make an appointment for the two of you to come in?”
“I don’t know; I haven’t decided what I’m going to do.”
The pastor raised her eyebrows. “What you’re going to do?”
“Jefferson and I are . . . separated, I guess. I’m staying with Alexis until Jefferson has a chance to put his things together and move out.”
The pastor nodded her head slowly. “I have to say, I’m a bit surprised. I thought you were strong in the Lord.”
Kyla met her glance. “I am!”
“I thought being strong in the Lord meant that your heart was fixed.”
“That’s what it means . . .” Her voice was slightly softer.
“I thought being strong in the Lord meant that you would stand through whatever was thrown your way.” Pastor Ford paused. “Kyla, let me ask you something. Do you think you’ve been set aside by God not to have trials in your life?”
Kyla remained silent.
“You may not be saying it, but you’re acting that way.” She paused again, before adding, “Jesus has given you the power to deal with what you’re going through.”
“Pastor Ford, it’s the Lord who has gotten me this far. It’s just that my heart has ached every second since I found Jefferson with . . .”
The pastor came around the desk and took Kyla’s hand. Her voice was gentle. “I understand, Kyla. I’m not even married to Jefferson and I feel bad. I feel bad for you and for him. I feel bad for me as his spiritual leader. But I know this can be turned around.”
“I don’t know how,” Kyla’s voice trembled.
“Kyla, other women have gone through this and have come out on the other side kicking butt. Sisters have come through adultery with stronger marriages, better self-images, greater love. This is your chance to look the devil in his face, call him a liar, and show him that you know how to stand.”
“I’m trying to stand,” she said weakly.
“It’s more than just trying. It’s doing what you know is right. Jefferson called me this afternoon and told me you won’t even talk to him.”
“That’s because I don’t know what to say . . .”
Pastor Ford smiled. “Then all we have to do is figure that out.” She reached across her desk and handed Kyla her Bible. “The Word of God is very clear on this, Kyla. This is about forgiveness.”
“That’s what Alexis says, but how can I just excuse and forget what Jefferson did?” Kyla asked, barely able to hold back her tears.
Pastor Ford held up one hand. “Oh, no. I did not say anything about excusing Jefferson. He has a lot of work to do to earn your forgiveness and your trust. What I’m talking about is releasing him from your judgment. Because judgment is not your job. That belongs to God.”
“I’m not trying to judge Jefferson. I just don’t want to be one of the weak women who let men walk all over them.”
“First of all, Jefferson is not like that. And secondly, it takes a person who is strong to forgive, Kyla. Forgiveness has nothing to do with weakness because by forgiving you’re walking in Christ’s example. Turn to Psalm 32:1.”
Kyla read the verse silently. Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
“God says that those of us who receive God’s forgiveness are blessed. God bestows blessings on sinners. And that is each one of us, Kyla. The blessing in this life is that we have salvation and the forgiveness of our sins.”
“I know that God forgives us, and I’m grateful for that. But how am I supposed to do that?”
“Kyla, forgiveness in this situation is a two-person process. Both you and Jefferson are going to have to work on this. But remember, it’s a process that will take time and will be continuous. And there won’t be an ending point; you’ll be working on this for the rest of your life because forgiving doesn’t mean that you’ll forget. But Kyla, forgiveness is a direct order from the Lord. Turn to Luke 17:3.” Pastor Ford began quoting the scripture from memory. “If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. Kyla, Jefferson has repented. He asked for the Lord’s forgiveness first. He came to me and I prayed with him. Now, he’s asking for your forgiveness.”
Kyla wiped a tear from her cheek, smearing her makeup in the process.
“Kyla,” the pastor continued, “I can give you scripture after scripture where the Lord tells us to forgive, just as He has forgiven us. This is the basis of our relationship with God.”
“This is just so hard . . .” Kyla sniffed.
“Oh, I know it is, honey. But the Lord never said this walk was going to be easy.”
“I can’t erase the picture from my mind of walking into my bedroom and seeing another woman there. My brain is filled with visions of Jefferson and Jasmine together.”
“I think that’s why the Lord made forgiveness such an important part of the Christian doctrine. God knew the hold these kinds of sins would have over us. But forgiveness breaks the hold and sets you free.”
With tears in her eyes, Kyla nodded.
“This is a crisis, Kyla. It’s spiritual warfare and you have to do all that the situation demands. You have to pray, call on the name of Jesus, listen to the Lord’s voice, and then move forward. You have to forgive. And you know how you can do it? Remember that God is with you, inside of you, filling you with the strength you need.”
Kyla nodded again and Pastor Ford stood. “I think it’s time for us to pray, but before we do that, what was it that you came in here to tell me?”
And through her tears, Kyla laughed.
Still in her bathrobe, Jasmine paced through the living room. This had not been a good day. No matter what she did, no matter who she called, Jefferson was nowhere to be found. There had to be something she could do to find him.
She sat down on the couch and brought her knees to her chest. As she rocked back and forth, thoughts of the past days floated through her mind. It wasn’t like she wanted to break up Kyla and Jefferson. But what kind of marriage could they have had if it was so easy to get Jefferson into bed? Obviously, Jefferson was attracted to her. Enough to risk his marriage.
Everyone would blame her, but this wasn’t her fault. Jefferson could have easily turned her away, but he didn’t. And she hadn’t really planned on Kyla finding out, but when she returned home early, it was inevitable.
Now, Jasmine felt she was close to having a real relationship in her life. Kyla had always been the lucky one. Now it was her turn. She had to do whatever it would take to get to the finish line. Finally, she went into the kitchen and removed the casserole dish from the refrigerator. “I’ve got to keep working my plan,” she said.
Leaving the bowl on the counter, she ran up to her room and changed into the same dress she’d worn yesterday. “Okay, Jefferson,” she said as she sauntered down the stairs. “We are going to have our night.” Looking in the mirror, she smoothed her dress and ran her fingers through her curls. Pleased, she got the dish, picked up her purse and locked the door behind her. He had to come home sometime, and tonight she’d be there waiting right at the front door.
Seventeen
* * *
“Argh!”
“What’s wrong?” Kyla asked, looking up from Alexis’ bedroom floor where she had the newspaper sprawled in front of her.
“Oh, nothing. I almost dropped this nail polish.” Alexis carefully placed the bottle on the nightstand.
“That would have been nice. Red polish all over your white carpet.”
“This is not red. It’s Wanderlust.”
Kyla rolled her eyes. “Whatever it’s called, it would have looked like red on your carpet. That’s why I suggested you put a different color carpet in here.”
“I love my black-and-white apartment.”
“It’s so hard to keep clean.”
“So what? I don’t have to do it.”
Kyla laughed. “And speaking of someone who refuses to lift a finger, how come you’re doing your own nails?”
&n
bsp; “Cause I haven’t had the chance to get over to Nancy’s.”
Getting on her knees, Kyla leaned against Alexis’ bed. “I hope it’s not because of me.”
“It’s not you. Dr. Lewis is the one who’s really keeping me busy.”
Kyla smiled. “How’re things with the two of you?”
“Great!” Alexis grinned. “I think this is moving towards the stage where you can call it a relationship. We’ve got as far as needing to have ‘the talk.’”
Kyla scooted up onto the bed and folded her legs under her. “How did it come up? Was he trying to . . . you know?”
Alexis laughed. “You are all up in my business.”
“Well, you’re up in mine. So tell me . . .”
“Well.” Alexis started waving her hands in the air to dry her nails. “We were here waiting for you guys. And we started kissing and before it got too far, I stopped him.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah, girl. I had to put on the brakes. One more minute and I would’ve been all over him.”
Kyla laughed. “What did you say?”
“I told him that I wasn’t a virgin, but I had been celibate and planned to stay that way until I got married.”
“And what did he say?”
Alexis shrugged. “I don’t really remember. It was all I could do to just concentrate on my words. But he did agree, though I don’t think he was too happy.”
“So, he hasn’t been practicing celibacy?”
“We didn’t go into that much detail, but I don’t think so. It’s interesting; when a man says he’s a Christian, it can mean something totally different than when a woman says it.”
“That’s not fair, Alexis. You don’t know what anyone means when they say they’re a Christian.”
“I know, but you know how these guys are. They will stand on every part of God’s Word except for the part about fornication. Remember Donovan? He actually told me that God wasn’t talking about us when it came to fornication. I asked him where in the Bible did God specifically exclude us? So I didn’t expect much from Brian when it came to this sex discussion. But, surprisingly, it went well.”
“Have you guys been out since then?”
“No, it happened Sunday and . . .”
“I’ve been here ever since. I hope I’m not getting in the way.”
“You’re not. I speak to Brian every day and he’s coming by in the morning to take me to breakfast. I guess he wants to stay away from those hot and heavy nighttime dates for a while. But that’s cool. So, speaking about our men . . .”
Kyla brought her legs up to her chest. “Leave it alone, Alex. This is the first time in days I’ve had a chance to relax.”
“I was just going to ask about your talk with Pastor today.”
“I already told you, I’m going to stay as the project leader with The Compassion House. She’s even talking about it becoming a full-time position.”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about.”
The phone rang.
“Good,” Kyla said. “I’ve been saved by the bell. It’s probably your man calling.”
“Hello . . . oh, hi, Jefferson. She’s right here,” Alexis said with wide eyes focused on Kyla. “No, it’s your man calling,” Alexis said, putting her hand over the receiver.
“No!” Kyla said, crossing her arms in front of her. “I don’t want to talk to him.”
“Kyla, take the telephone.”
“I said no, Alexis.”
They stood, holding their stares and finally Alexis brought the phone back to her ear. “I’m sorry, Jefferson, but my friend is acting like she lost the left side of her brain.” Kyla watched as Alexis nodded her head. “Uh-huh, uh-huh,” Alexis kept repeating. “Okay, Jefferson. I’ll give her the message. Good night.”
Alexis hung up the phone, her eyes bearing into Kyla. “You know you’re being ridiculous.”
“How come you keep jumping on me? It was Jefferson who cheated.”
“And you know what, Kyla, I’m sorry about that. I really am. But when he stands before God on judgment day, his sin won’t be any worse than any you’ve committed. So, you need to find a way to move on.”
Kyla rolled her eyes and stomped out of the room. She paced in her bedroom, angry with Alexis, but angrier with herself because she knew Alexis was speaking the truth.
The knock on the door made her jump, and she turned as Alexis peeked into the room. “I just came in to tell you good night.” She closed the door before Kyla could say anything, but not more than a second passed before Alexis opened the door again. “One other thing. Jefferson said to tell you that he loves you. He loves you with all of his heart and all of his mind. Not that that would mean anything to you!” And this time when she closed the door, Alexis missed the smile that had slowly edged onto Kyla’s face.
Jefferson was holding his head in his hands when Brian knocked on the door.
“I wasn’t sure if you were still here.”
Jefferson didn’t raise his head. “There’s no place else for me to go.” His voice was weary.
“Nothing’s changed?” Brian asked as he leaned against the door.
“I can’t even get Kyla to talk to me.” Jefferson raised his eyes. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I want to try to work this thing out, but she won’t let me.”
“You know she won’t be like this forever.”
“I hope not.”
“Just give her time. It’s only been a few days. And she’s hearing it from every end. I know Alexis is working on her.”
“Yeah, Alex may be mad at me, but she’s on my side, thank God.”
“And you can’t expect Kyla to just come running back to you. This is a lot for her to deal with.”
“I understand that, but we have to work through this together.”
“She’s probably thinking that your mind wasn’t on being together when you were with Jasmine.”
“Thanks, Brian. I feel so much better now that I’ve had the chance to talk to you.”
“Hey, I’m only trying to get you to see it from her side so you’ll be better equipped to handle this thing.”
“I’m afraid that the longer this goes on, the more she’ll get used to being without me and that is driving me crazy! I don’t want to live my life without Kyla and Nicole.”
“But what if she tells you she needs some space? Are you prepared to give it to her and move out?”
“I’m not going to move out! I’ll never do that. I’ll sleep in another room if I have to; I’ll do anything except move out.”
“Okay, remember I’m on your side. This will all work out.” Brian patted Jefferson on his shoulder. “What are you doing tonight?”
Jefferson shrugged. “I’m finished here; I guess I’ll just go home.”
“Let’s grab something to eat.”
“No, thanks. I’m not in the mood to go anywhere.”
“We can have something delivered to my place. It’ll give us a chance to hang out.”
“I’m not very good company . . .” Jefferson said, shaking his head.
“Well, I am. All you’re going to do is go home to that big house and sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Come with me, we’ll have pizza, and I’m sure there’s a game on tonight. I can take some of your money.”
“Oh yeah?” Jefferson smirked. “Still a Red Sox fan, huh?”
“You know it, and if we’re lucky, they’ll be playing one of your pitiful California teams. Whadda ya say? We haven’t had a chance to really hang out since I got back.”
Jefferson was thoughtful. “I guess I could. I already know that Kyla isn’t coming home tonight . . .”
“You don’t have to sound so excited,” Brian grinned. “I know I’m a poor substitute, but at least I’m something.”
“Maybe I should go home and change.”
“What do you need to change for? Just take off that tie and roll up your sleeves. I’ve gotta warn you though, I haven’t fin
ished unpacking. There are boxes everywhere!”
Jefferson chuckled. “Thanks, man. I appreciate having something to do tonight.”
“No problem. I just got Direct TV and with all of those channels, we’ll be able to find a game or two. Let me just grab my stuff.” Brian trotted out of the office.
Jefferson gathered his jacket and bag. Even if it was just for a few hours, he was grateful for the distraction. But he knew Kyla would not be far from his main thoughts. And that’s just the way he wanted it.
“Jefferson said to tell you that he loves you with all of his heart and all of his mind.” Alexis’ words played back in her ears. Kyla turned over and clicked on the light. Those same words were part of the marriage vows he’d written and he’d said them to her often through the years.
“At least he didn’t forget,” Kyla said to herself. She got out of bed and walked to the window. The city lights had dimmed long ago and a nocturnal peace had fallen atop Los Angeles. Hugging her arms against the coolness of the room, she returned to the bed. “With all of his heart and all of his mind.”
It was just after eleven. He was probably just getting into bed, watching the news, then reading his Bible. Before she could change her mind, she picked up the phone. She frowned when the answering machine came on and she hung up, dialing the number again. Surely, he was in the bathroom or something.
For the next fifteen minutes, she called continuously, never leaving a message, but finally accepting that he was not home.
Her decision came within seconds and taking a breath, she dialed another number. She closed her eyes, her pounding heart the only sound in the room. As the phone began to ring, the pit in her stomach warned her to hang up. What was she going to say anyway? But she had already dialed and she had to go all the way. She had to know.
“Wait! Keep ringing!” Jasmine yelled to the phone as she put her key in the door. It was probably Jefferson.
“Hello,” she said breathlessly.
Jasmine heard breathing on the other end.
“Hello,” she repeated.
“Jasmine . . .” the voice was a whisper.
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