by Lisa Edward
“Jay, this is my … boyfriend, Riley Hammond.”
I looked at Riley, not sure if I had overstepped the mark, but he positively beamed at me before turning his attention to Jay.
“Nice to meet you, Jay.” They shook hands politely. “So you went to school with my girlfriend,” he said, smiling again and casting me a quick sideways glance, obviously enjoying the new terminology, “and you worshipped her, did you say?” He raised one eyebrow.
“Ah, yes, her playing,” Jay responded nervously. “Tara was one of the most naturally gifted musicians to graduate, everyone knew she would do great things in the future.” He turned to me. “So who are you playing with?”
“No one right now. I stopped playing a little while ago actually,” I confessed sadly.
“But she’s going to take it up again, aren’t you?” Riley added, looking at me pointedly, “because someone as gifted as you obviously are, should be following their passion.”
I gave Riley a sly smile. Yes, I would take it up again, even if it were only for my own enjoyment, because it was my passion.
Jay chatted on excitedly before it eventually dawned on me that I did in fact know him, not as a cellist but as a very good violinist, and Riley seeing that I did finally recognise him, moved over to let Jay take his seat.
We gossiped animatedly for about twenty minutes and in between, “you’re joking,” and “she didn’t,” or “no way,” I was caught up on all my old classmates who Jay had either kept in touch with, or had a friend of a friend who did.
It was as if I had blocked that whole part of my life out, yet there was this gaping hole in my soul where it used to be. As Jay talked about old friends, most of whom were still playing, which I envied incredibly, some in small bands like Jay, right through to the Melbourne Symphony Orchestra and overseas, the hole in my soul deepened.
After about half an hour, the emcee announced that the charity auction was about to start. Jay excused himself. “Part of being an army brat,” he joked. “My dad got my band the gig, but I also have to help out wherever he says.” He stood and made his way over to the stage.
“Fuck me! Did he say his name was Jayden Conroy? Like, General Conroy? That’s his dad?” Tech was staring, mouth gaping.
“I guess so. Why?” I asked, not sure what the big deal was.
“Because he’s a fucking legend, and his son worships you!”
We perused the list of items up for auction. There was everything from tickets to sporting events, to holidays interstate and overseas, to various items of furniture. Riley and I leaned in together, pointing to different items that caught our interest.
“Is there anything you want to bid on?” I asked.
Riley pointed to the holiday for two to Fiji and smiled at me. “Would you like a tropical island holiday?”
I read the description; five nights at a five-star spa resort with all meals and beverages included, and of course return airfares thrown in, valued at $7,500.
I nodded eagerly and he laughed. “Okay, let’s go for that.” He kissed my cheek softly before whispering in my ear, “It would be good to get you to myself for a few days.”
The auction started and they worked their way down the list. Jay was holding up the smaller items for people to see, and pointing out the larger ones that were placed around the stage. Everyone was getting into the spirit of the occasion, the money going to families of fallen soldiers who were finding life difficult after losing their loved ones.
Next up was our holiday. The excitement gripped the pit of my stomach and I clutched onto Riley’s hand in anticipation. The bidding was low to start with, and Riley stayed calm as he raised his number placard to place each bid, but there were other people who wanted the holiday and the dollars started climbing. By the time it reached $3,650 there were only three bidders left, and Riley was one of them.
I looked around to see who else was bidding. There was an older couple who looked like they had plenty of money, and a younger couple who discussed every bid like it could be their last.
I leaned in to Riley. “What’s your limit?”
“As much as it takes.” He smiled, obviously enjoying the process.
The bid was with Riley at $4,250. The younger couple, after discussing between themselves whether to continue or not, shook their heads and dropped out. Now it was only us and the older couple. I looked over at them and they were watching us, sizing us up. I smiled at them pleadingly and the wife smiled back at me, then leaned in to her husband to whisper something in his ear. They shook their heads and bowed out of the bidding.
The auctioneer knocked down the prize and our table erupted with cheers. We were going to Fiji!
I hugged Riley excitedly.
“Thanks for giving me my hand back.” He laughed.
I hadn’t realised that I had been squeezing his hand so tightly that it was red, so I gently kissed his fingers to sooth them. He watched me, eyes scorching as my kisses became more tender and lingering. I looked up at him from under my lashes, enjoying the effect I was having on him. I could see his chest rising and falling as his breathing increased along with my affection.
“The next item is very special,” the auctioneer announced somewhere in the background, but I wasn’t really listening. “It’s a Steinway baby grand piano which was a late addition to the auction, kindly donated by Reynold’s Music World, and is valued at $15,000.”
I stopped mid kiss and sat bolt upright. Riley looked at me, and then turned his attention to the stage.
The piano was a beautiful gloss black, its keys pristine ivory and ebony, and it made my heart skip a beat just to look at it.
Riley took my hand and squeezed gently. “Steady there, I don’t think it will fit in your apartment.”
I looked into his eyes and he looked deep into my soul. “I know; I get it.” He kissed my hand. “If I could buy it for you I would, you know that.”
Jay stepped up to the auctioneer, said something in his ear, and then indicated to me, smiling.
Oh no. What was going on?
“I believe we have a very talented pianist with us tonight. Perhaps she will play this beautiful piano for us, for a small donation?” The auctioneer was smiling widely at me like he thought he’d just struck gold.
I, on the other hand, was shaking my head so hard from side to side that I thought it might actually fall off.
“I’ll donate $100 if she plays!”
I spun around to look at Cooper, who still had his hand in the air, and punched him hard in the stomach. Bear and Tech both stuck their hands up too, clearly not recognising the sheer panic that was gripping me.
I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and pass out. I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Just breathe,” Riley whispered to me. “In and out, just breathe.”
Shaking my head at him, he saw the distress on my face.
“I can tell them you can’t do it. There’s no shame in it.”
But there were now other people who I didn’t even know volunteering to donate $20 here, $50 there.
Looking at Kelli, she smiled reassuringly at me. “You can do this. You just have to believe in yourself again.” She patted my arm and gave me a nod.
I started to stand because I felt I had no choice, and looked down at Riley, pleadingly.
“Just play from the heart. It’s a part of you, you can never lose it; you just have to find it again.”
Shakily, I made my way to the stage, trying hard to steady my breathing so I wouldn’t pass out. Play from the heart, I repeated. What’s in my heart?
I stepped up to the microphone. “It’s been a long time, ladies and gentlemen, so I will do my best, but I can’t promise anything.”
I smiled at Riley who patted his chest at me to signal play from the heart.
“This is for Riley, in memory of his mum.” And I made my way to the piano.
Opening the lid, I lovingly ran my fingers along the smooth gloss edge.
“Be kind to me, old frie
nd,” I murmured.
As the first few bars of ‘Für Elise’ filled the ballroom and the five hundred strong crowd hushed, I glanced up at Riley. He was sitting with one hand over his mouth, the other still on his chest.
Closing my eyes, muscle memory took over, allowing my fingers to fly over the keys as they had done a thousand times before. I felt at peace, the music flowing from me as if it had been only yesterday that I had played, not two years ago.
When the piece finished and I opened my eyes, my vision was blurred and it was only then that I realised that I had been silently crying. I quickly wiped my eyes and then noticed that the huge room was still dead quiet. You could hear a pin drop. Then suddenly people started clapping, and I finally exhaled.
Jay was watching me warily as I approached him, not certain if I was going to hit him or hug him for putting me on the spot. I chose the latter and gave him a warm hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered in his ear, and made my way back to my seat.
Riley looked up at me as I came closer. I could see tears in his eyes, and he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto his lap. He held me close, his face nuzzled in my neck, and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him tight.
“You are truly exceptional, Tara; never let anyone tell you otherwise. The way you make people feel, the way you made me feel when you played—it’s a gift. Thank you so much,” he said hoarsely and kissed me deeply on the lips.
“You said play from the heart. You’re in my heart.” And I kissed him just as passionately.
We were getting ready to leave when Jay came over to us, accompanied by an impeccably dressed man in uniform, and an equally immaculately dressed woman.
“Tara,” he said with a big grin on his face. “Do you have a moment? My parents would like to meet you.”
Riley and the other guys immediately stood to attention as General Conroy and his wife neared, in awe of the great man’s presence. He felt like someone important; he filled the space around him with an aura that was undeniably powerful.
Jay introduced his parents to me quite formally, so I in return greeted them just as formally.
“Please, call me Elizabeth, dear, and this is Jerry. Jayden tells us you two are old friends,” Jay’s mother said.
I looked at Jay and he was beaming at me, so I nodded and agreed wholeheartedly that yes, indeed we were very good friends.
That seemed to please his mother, so she continued. “You played beautifully tonight, a real treat.” Then turning her attention to Riley. “Is this the young man you dedicated the piece to?”
I took that as my cue to introduce Riley and the rest of the table to Elizabeth and Jerry. They all of course referred to Jerry as General Conroy and Elizabeth as Mrs Conroy, and they were not corrected as I had been.
While the General discussed which unit the guys were in with them, Elizabeth reached into her purse and pulled out a card and handed it to me.
“If you ever need anything, Tara, you give me a call. We military wives and partners have to stick together and support each other, so you call me anytime for anything.” She smiled sweetly. Jerry nodded to us all, and then they left.
Tech sat back down hard into his chair. “Fuck me!”
WE CUDDLED in the limo on the way home, holding hands and kissing as we reminisced about our evening. I was still on a high from playing in front of five hundred people, and Riley was still overwhelmed by the gesture I’d made by playing for his mum.
The car pulled up and Cooper gave Riley the hurry up and say goodbye look, but instead I told the driver not to bother waiting.
Riley’s eyes widened as realisation of what I was implying dawned on him, and with a sly grin on his face, he quickly said goodbye and jumped out of the car.
I was leading Riley up the driveway to the security door; butterflies going crazy in my stomach from what I was sure would be an unforgettable night, when someone moved out from the shadows.
The shape was all too familiar. It was Stephen.
“Hello, Tara. You’re a hard lady to track down,” he said, stepping into a beam of light.
“What the fuck are you doing here, Stephen?” I said, surprised, my heart taking a not-so-pleasant leap into my throat.
“Language, Tara. You know I don’t like it when you speak that way. Have I taught you nothing?”
I could see Riley taking a step towards Stephen, his hands balled into fists by his sides. I stepped towards him and took his hand, prying his fingers free so I could link mine with them. He looked down at me, his jaw clenched.
“Take it easy, soldier,” I whispered. “You’re still in uniform.”
I knew if Riley started anything between them, Stephen would have no hesitation in making life as difficult as possible for him. He stopped beside me and nodded slightly, understanding what I meant.
I turned back to Stephen, the high of performing at the ball making me feel invincible.
“Obviously you didn’t get the memo, Stephen, but I thought the fact that I had moved all my stuff out, and stopped answering your calls, would have clued you in to the fact that we are no longer together.”
He smirked. “I see our time apart has given you a smart mouth, Tara, so let me make it perfectly clear: I have invested a lot of time in you, so you are mine until I decide otherwise.”
I could see the fury in his eyes. I had never spoken out to him before, and it did not sit well.
He took another step closer. “You look …” His eyes swept the length of my body. I knew I looked good tonight; I had received numerous compliments, so I stood tall. “You look like a cheap street walker,” he said with disgust. “Have you been to a Hookers and Toy Soldiers Ball?” He looked at Riley as he said “toy soldiers”, making a derogatory reference to Riley’s military uniform.
I waited for Stephen’s insult to wash over me, slap me in the face and knock the wind out of my sails as it always had in the past, but nothing happened. It was strange; his words had no effect on me because I knew he was wrong. Oh my God! He was wrong about me!
Riley, however, was having a hard time controlling himself and lunged forward. If I hadn’t been holding tight to his hand he may have reached Stephen and knocked him on his ass, and deep down I must admit I wished he had. But I held tight and jerked him back, trying to increase the distance between them. I could almost see the steam coming out of Riley’s ears as he looked at me again, pleading with his eyes for me to let him go.
“You can’t speak to Tara like that. Not now, not ever.” It was Riley speaking, but it didn’t sound like Riley’s voice; it was hoarse with fury. “I suggest you leave. She’s not yours anymore, and she’s not coming back to you.”
His voice faltered towards the end and my heart broke for him. Was he worried that I would go back, like Rebecca had gone back to Patrick?
I looked at Riley, trying to reassure him. “Riley’s right. I’m not coming back. I’m happy now for the first time in years, truly happy, and it’s because I left you. There is no turning back for me.”
Then I took another step closer until I was only inches from Stephen’s squinted stare. I looked him squarely in the eye, raising my chin defiantly. “I’d like you to leave.”
Stephen stood there for a moment as if he were waiting for the joke to be over. Had I really dared to say “no” to him? Then his composure cracked and he came at me, spinning me around by the top of my arm and squeezing hard, his fingers digging in painfully. The look in his eyes was terrifying, but I held up my hand to Riley, telling him not to intervene.
“I. Will. Decide. When. It’s. Over,” he said, wrenching my arm back and forth as he emphasised each word.
Every jerk became more violent until I was finally thrown off balance and tumbled to the ground, letting out an indecipherable grunt. The pain was immediate as my hip and thigh made contact with the brick edging of the garden bed, my arm scraping down a rose bush as I fell. It had all happened so fast, but he had finally managed to knock the wind out of
my sails.
There was movement out the corner of my eye as Riley flew at him, taking him to the ground with a hard thud.
“You want to lay your hands on someone? Lay them on me,” he seethed, then as if in slow motion, he raised his fist into the air and brought it crashing down into Stephen’s face. The sound was sickening, as Riley repeated the action over and over again in rapid succession, spraying blood from Stephen’s nose and split lip.
Stephen whimpered, trying to cower away instead of fighting back. It was pathetic.
“Riley, that’s enough,” I said quietly as I shakily got to my feet. Then I spoke a little louder. “Babe, please, that’s enough.”
His hand stopped in mid-air at the sound of my voice and he stood instantly and came over to me, wiping the sprayed blood from his face with the back of his hand.
He placed his hands on the tops of my arms, and I recoiled as he brushed past the area that Stephen had gripped so tightly. He stepped away, crushed that I had reacted so negatively toward his touch. From a wild animal, he now looked like a wounded bird.
“I’m so sorry, Tara.” He was backing away from me as he spoke, hands signalling resignation. “I didn’t mean to lose it like that. I’m sorry.” Where was he going? He couldn’t leave.
“No, Riley, don’t go. Please.” I raced to him, wanting to bridge the gap as quickly as possible. “You just touched where my arm is sore that’s all.”
He stopped, processing what I had just said.
Taking the opportunity to bridge the gap further, I took his face in my hands. “Don’t apologise. You have nothing to be sorry about.”
I turned to Stephen, who had managed to sit up on the ground. He was wiping the blood from his face with a monogrammed handkerchief.
I looked down at him and for the first time, saw him for what he really was: a weak, pitiful excuse for a human being. He had been more than happy to push a girl around, but when his opponent was someone of equal size his true colours had shown through.
“Stephen, I want you to go, and never contact me again.”
He looked at me through swollen eyes, but this time the look was a little more wary. I stepped closer to him, furious that he had ruined our evening with his presence.