by Lisa Edward
“Not as much as I’ll miss you.” He kissed me longingly on the lips then pulled back, studying my face. “I love you, Miss O’Connell.” Then, with a cheeky grin, he added, “Maybe one day you’ll be Mrs Hammond.”
My eyes widened, and I smiled broadly at him.
“Just thought I’d give you something to think about,” he said with a wink.
He kissed me again and then started to leave, walking backwards and blowing kisses at me, still with a cheeky grin on his face.
I laughed, then with my heart still fluttering, called out, “You know the answer would be yes.”
JASON LOOKED concerned as he told us about his sister’s wedding that was coming up in a few weeks.
He turned to Kelli and me pleadingly. “Can one of you come with me as, you know, my date? It’s on Valentine’s Day weekend in Brisbane.”
“Sorry, Jase, not me,” I said apologetically. “I’m going to Sydney to see Riley that weekend.”
There was no way I was going to miss seeing Riley, no matter how much I wanted to help Jason out.
“That’s okay. I’m not doing anything,” Kelli volunteered. “I’d love to come; it should be fun.”
Jason’s expression didn’t look like it was going to be fun.
“What’s wrong? Don’t you get along with your family?” Kelli asked, frowning.
“I do. It’s just that it’s always awkward trying to pretend I’m something I’m not; at least if I have a date it will take some of the pressure off.”
Kelli and I both had a light bulb moment as we remembered that Jason’s family had no idea that he was gay. Of course it was going to be difficult for him.
“Don’t worry,” Kelli said jokingly, “I’ll play the loved-up girlfriend for you.” She leaned over to Jason and draped her arms around his neck, then gave him a little nibble on the ear.
Kelli and I met at the gym bright and early for our usual workout. It was less than a week now until my trip to Sydney, and it couldn’t come fast enough. I hadn’t seen Riley for five weeks, and I had missed him every second of every day. We had Skyped almost daily, whether he was supposed to be using it or not, and I had quite often drifted off to sleep with his image lying on the pillow beside me.
We were on the treadmills going for a run when the morning news came on, showing us the devastation of the floods that had swept through northern Queensland.
“Say goodbye to your weekend away,” Kelli said, knowingly.
“Why? What do you mean?” I asked turning to her.
“I’ve missed Valentine’s Day a few times with Coop because they always go to help the flood victims. I’d put money on them doing it again this year.”
I stopped running for a split second, and almost went tumbling down before regaining my footing.
“So I won’t get to see him?” I said, tears already starting to well in my eyes.
Kelli just shrugged. “Give him a call to check, but I wouldn’t go paying for your airfare just yet.”
I went straight to the change room to find my phone. There was already a missed call from Riley, and my heart sank. I knew what the message was going to say. I pinched the bridge of my nose as I listened to his voice explaining the circumstances, and apologising for the late notice, but he would have to miss our weekend. He sounded as upset as I felt.
I drew a deep breath and exhaled slowly, then called him back.
“Hey babe,” he said after one ring. “Did you get my message?”
“Yeah, and it sucks, but I understand.” I knew he was cancelling for a good reason, so I couldn’t be angry with him. “You do what you need to do. Don’t worry about me.”
“But that’s just it; I do worry about you,” he said. “I was really looking forward to seeing you this weekend. It’s been so long since we’ve been together.”
I knew what he meant; just the sound of his voice made my body react. He told me they would be leaving that afternoon, and he wasn’t sure when they would get back. It would depend on how badly they were needed, not just to help clean up, but to provide a presence in the towns to discourage looters from the area.
“Don’t worry about me,” I repeated. “Marcus had a spare concert ticket for Friday night. I’ll see if he still has it. I can spend the time with him.”
“I’d rather you were spending the time with me, but I’m fine with you hanging with Marcus.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “I’m not sure what coverage they’ll have there, hopefully my phone will work, but I doubt we’ll be able to Skype. Okay?”
“Yep, no problem, babe,” I said, trying not to sound as disappointed as I felt. “Just look after yourself. Happy Valentine’s Day. I love you.”
I hung up the phone feeling totally dejected. I knew it wasn’t Riley’s fault, and that he was as upset about it as I was. Life goes on, I told myself. I just needed to find something else to fill my time.
I called into Songbirds on the way home from work to see Marcus. I knew the bar wasn’t open yet, but I also knew that he would be there, as he always was.
He had bought concert tickets for himself and Jason to see Jason’s favourite band, but Jason’s sister’s wedding had come up, and last I’d heard, Marcus was left with a spare ticket. I walked in and was greeted by Marcus’s welcoming arms.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked, reading my mood.
I stayed in his arms, needing the comfort. “No, not really. I have to cancel my trip to Sydney this weekend.” I sighed heavily and he squeezed me tighter, rocking me a little from side to side.
“Do you want to come to the concert with me?” he asked, smiling down at me.
“Do you still have the spare ticket?”
“No, not exactly, but I would rather take you, so I’ll figure it out.”
He gave me a kiss on the head and I snuggled into him even more, grateful that I wouldn’t be moping around at home alone on the weekend.
Needing to work through my mood, I went and sat down at the piano, and started to play whatever came to mind. It was always a great way for me to forget everything that was going on, and after nearly an hour of playing, I was out of my funk and able to smile again.
Marcus and I decided to make a real night of it, so he made a reservation at my favourite seafood restaurant for an early dinner before the concert. The restaurant was all decked out in red for Valentine’s Day, and there were couples at every table, holding hands and being all lovey-dovey.
Marcus and I looked at each other and laughed. He shrugged at me, and then with a cheeky dimpled grin, held my hand across the table like everyone else was doing. We shared a beautiful seafood platter and a bottle of expensive champagne, which Marcus insisted on paying for, before we walked the several blocks to the concert venue.
We found our seats, which were only a few rows from the stage, and waited excitedly for the feature band to come on.
“I can’t thank you enough for bringing me, Marcus.” I grinned at him. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be sitting at home, probably crying right about now.”
He put his arm around my shoulders, and leaned in to kiss my cheek as I wrapped my arms casually around his waist. He was such a good friend to me, and I was so grateful for this distraction.
We spent the next two hours on our feet, dancing and jumping up and down to the music with the rest of the crowd. The concert was spectacular; they had amazing dancers throughout, and an unbelievable pyrotechnics display at the end. We left the venue with our ears ringing, and my feet hurting from dancing in shoes that were too high to be danced in.
“Did you want to get a drink?” Marcus asked as we strolled back towards the car. It was getting a little chilly and I hadn’t brought a jacket, so he draped an arm around my shoulders and I huddled into him.
I looked up and nodded. I was having a great time, and didn’t have any reason to rush home, so why not?
We called into a pool bar, and Marcus bought us a couple of beers while I racked up the balls. I’d played against Marcus at
the beach house, so I knew we were as good as each other at the game. We drank beer after beer while we played. I won the first game, and then Marcus won the second.
“Best out of three?” I asked as I racked up the balls again.
“What’s the prize for the winner?” Marcus asked as he walked over to me.
“I don’t know. What do you want it to be?”
He brushed a stray hair back behind my ear. He was looking down at me with a look in his eye that I had seen in Riley’s many times, but that couldn’t be right. Maybe I was just missing Riley so much that I was projecting onto Marcus what I wanted to see from my boyfriend.
“How about we just finish drinking at your place instead, while I can still drive,” he suggested, still gazing down at me intensely.
“Chicken,” I joked. “You’re just scared of losing to a girl.”
He chuckled. “Yeah, that must be it. I can’t think of any other reason I would want to go back to your place.”
We stumbled into the apartment, and clumsily sat down on the couch. My feet were so sore, and I desperately needed to get my shoes off.
“Let me help you,” Marcus said as he knelt down in front of me, and slowly undid the fiddly buckles and removed my shoes.
I sighed appreciatively at the relief, and Marcus sat back up next to me, then swung my legs around so my feet were up on his lap. I lay back against the arm of the couch while he tenderly started massaging my throbbing feet.
“Ah, that feels so good,” I sighed, closing my eyes and allowing Marcus’s skilful hands to massage away all the aches and pains.
He chuckled softly, and I opened my eyes. He was watching my face with that look again, the look that couldn’t really be there.
I got up and fetched us another couple of beers—not that we really needed anymore to drink. Marcus brought up Riley, which was unusual. He hardly ever asked me about him these days, but I guess he knew that I was missing him, and I might want to talk about it. I told him how hard it was being apart all the time, and confided that I missed the intimacy more than anything, and Marcus listened intently. When I started getting a bit teary he held his arm out, and I cuddled into him, then he moved down the couch a little bit so we were half lying down, and started stroking my hair.
It was the way Riley stroked my hair when we were in bed, and I closed my eyes, finding the repetitive motion soothing.
I was getting sleepy, as I always did when my hair was stroked, and I needed to go to bed.
“Did you want to stay the night?” I asked Marcus. I knew he had been drinking as much as I had, so shouldn’t be driving.
“Ah, yeah, okay, sure.” He sounded surprised, and I laughed to myself at his tone of voice.
I sat up. “You can have the couch, which is lumpy, or you can share with me, as long as you don’t snore.”
He gave me a half-smile. “I’ll share with you.”
We started getting ready for bed. I got changed in the bathroom while he got changed and jumped into bed. When I came in, he was already under the covers on my side.
“Scoot over, you, that’s my side,” I said, smiling at him, and he shifted over, grinning at me. “So tell me,” I said as I climbed into bed, “is there anyone in your life at the moment? Anyone on your radar, so to speak? You never talk about it.” I lay down, facing him, and he mirrored my position.
“There is, actually, but it’s complicated. They’re a friend, and I don’t want to ruin the friendship.”
I smiled to myself; he had to be talking about Jason. “Well, I think you should go for it. You’ll never know if you don’t try.”
He bit his lip. “Okay, I will.”
“Good!” I kissed him quickly on the lips. “Good night, Marcus. Thanks for a great night.” I rolled over and turned off the lamp.
I felt Marcus slide over towards me. “Do you want me to stroke your hair again, or tickle your back?” he asked softly.
“Sure, why not?” I replied sleepily.
Marcus brushed my hair to one side, and then slowly started tickling up and down my spine and over my shoulders, his breath warm against the back of my neck, just like Riley’s always was. It was comforting, and I closed my eyes and started to drift off.
My eyes sprung open as I felt Marcus softly kiss the back of my neck and shoulder as his hand slid up my stomach to cup my breast. He was pressed behind me, and I could feel he was aroused as he rubbed against my back.
I sat up quickly, and flicked on the lamp. “What are you doing?”
He moved away, a little amused. “What do you think I’m doing? I’m going for it.”
“But what about Jason? Aren’t you two … friends?”
His face dropped as he realised what I was referring to. “What? You think … I’m not … No, there’s definitely nothing …” He sat up, the sheet dropping down dangerously low around his hips.
“What the hell? Are you naked?” I looked down at the sheet barely covering him.
He smiled sheepishly, his dimples scarcely showing. “I was just trying to get comfortable.” His look turned serious, and he ran his hand through his hair. “Let’s just get one thing clear: I am straight, always have been, always will be. Jason is a mate; that’s all.” He paused, gathering his thoughts before continuing, “I’m not interested in Jason. I am, however, crazy about you. I thought you knew. God knows everyone else does.”
I dropped my head into my hands. Fuck, how could I be so stupid? “I’m sorry, Marcus. You’re a great guy, and you’ve been a fantastic friend.” He rolled his eyes but I continued. “But I’m with Riley, you know that.”
“Riley’s not here; he never is, but I am. I’m here for you every day, whenever you need me. You deserve someone who puts you first, always.”
I thought about something that Kelli had said to me; “one day with Riley and nine apart was better than ten days with someone else,” and it was true.
“If I gave you the wrong idea I am really sorry, Marcus. I honestly thought there was something going on with you and Jason. If I’d known …” My apology trailed off. I didn’t know how to finish it.
Had I inadvertently led him on in some way? All the innocent hugs and joking around had somehow led to this?
“I’m sorry.” It was all I could manage to say.
I started to lean over toward him to hug my friend, but then remembered he was naked, and pulled back quickly.
He chuckled, amused at my lapse of judgement. “You can hug me if you want. I won’t bite … much.”
I slapped his arm lightly. “Marcus!”
He looked at me resignedly. “It’s okay. I guess I read more into things than were really there. Call it wishful thinking.”
He climbed out of bed and stood, facing me front on, completely naked and still somewhat aroused. My eyes flickered down—I couldn’t help it—but I managed to lift them again back to his face.
He smiled at me, his eyes twinkling, obviously pleased that I’d so noticeably checked him out. “Let me know if you change your mind.”
He bent down, picked up his clothes and left the room, leaving me still sitting up in bed, stunned.
He poked his head back in a moment or two later. “I’m going to head off now.”
Of course he was. I couldn’t expect him to stay after what had just happened, but I felt a pang of regret that things had gone so terribly wrong.
“Are you sure? You shouldn’t be driving. You’ve had too much to drink.”
He looked at me with renewed hope written all over his face, and stepped toward the bed. “Do you want me to stay?”
I shook my head. “Only on the couch.”
He stopped, and then took a step backwards towards the door. “I’ll walk home. I need to clear my head. I’ll talk to you later, Tara.”
I heard the front door close, and silence filled the apartment. I laid back down, replaying the event over in my mind, then picked up my phone and sent Riley a text.
I really, really miss u babe. I wi
sh u were here. Xx
I WAS woken up the next morning at six am to the phone ringing. I picked it up, and checked the caller ID.
With a delighted smile in my voice, I answered, “Good morning, babe, how are you?”
His voice was heaven to hear. It had been nearly a week of hardly any form of communication. “I’m tired, but good; I miss you too though. Is everything all right?”
Sighing, I rested my free hand on my forehead … where to start, and how much to tell? “I’m fine, I just miss you heaps. I’m really lonely with Kelli and Jason away, and I was really looking forward to seeing you this weekend. I guess it hit me last night just how much I miss you.”
“I know, babe, and I’m sorry we had to cancel. Don’t you still have Marcus there to keep you company? I thought you were going to the concert with him. You should try to spend some time with him so you’re not by yourself so much,” he suggested helpfully.
My eyes welled, tears threatening as the debacle of last night came flooding back.
“I don’t know if Marcus will want to hang out with me that much anymore.”
Shit, why did I say that? I knew what was coming.
“Why not? What’s happened with Marcus?”
I didn’t know what to say, so in my still half-asleep state, said nothing.
“Tara, what’s happened with Marcus?” Riley’s voice was a little more urgent.
“Um … well …” Here goes nothing. “You know how I told you he was friendly with Jason? Well, apparently he’s not that friendly … he’s straight.”
I paused, not really wanting to head down this track.
“Okay, so he’s straight. Why wouldn’t he want to hang out with you, though? You’re a great girl; gorgeous, funny, smart …” He stopped and I waited for the penny to drop. “Oh, he thinks you’re gorgeous, funny, and smart too, doesn’t he?”
I closed my eyes, but the image of Marcus standing naked in my room the night before crept into my mind. Opening my eyes, I stared at the ceiling. “Apparently so, but I told him nothing could happen because I’m with you.”
“He tried something on you?” His voice was a little higher pitched than usual as he processed what he was piecing together. “That mongrel. I’ll fuckin’ kill him when I see him.”