by Annie Groves
‘No, we shouldn’t,’ he agreed, surprising her. Immediately she looked up at him and then realised her mistake when he bent his head and whispered to her, ‘We should be somewhere on our own.’ He lifted his hand to tuck a stray curl of hair off her face and his fingertips stroked the soft flesh just below her ear, making her shudder. He leaned closer to her. ‘Somewhere where I could take you to bed,’ he added softly, stroking his knuckles gently along the vulnerable skin of her bare throat.
‘Lee. Don’t!’ she begged him, almost choking on the words.
‘Don’t what?’
‘You know what,’ she told him emotionally.
‘I’ve booked us a room for the weekend,’ he told her abruptly.
Diane stared at him, not believing what he’d just said. ‘Where…?’ That wasn’t what she had intended to say at all! And she had no idea why she had said it.
‘A small inn tucked away in one of those Cheshire villages we drove through.’
‘You were very sure of yourself, weren’t you?’ she challenged him whilst she struggled to come to terms with what was happening.
‘I’ve always been sure of myself where you’re concerned. Sure of my feelings for you and how much I want you,’ he responded.
Why was she hesitating? It wasn’t because of her mother’s letter, was it? Because of Kit? Deliberately Diane hardened her heart against her ex-fiancé, reminding herself of how much he had hurt her. If she really meant what she had said about not letting him back into her life then perhaps she should spend the weekend with Lee. She would never be able to go back to Kit if she did. Her bridges would have been well and truly crossed then, and not just crossed but burned behind her as well. Inside her head she could hear her father’s voice and see her mother’s smile. They had liked Kit so much, welcomed him into the family, looked forward to him becoming their son-in-law, and now he had been to see them and…She looked at Lee and took a deep breath.
‘When…when do we leave?’ she asked him bravely.
She could feel his hand tightening on her arm and see the hunger in his gaze.
‘Bring a case with you on Friday. We’ll leave as soon as your shift finishes. That will give us the whole weekend together,’ he told her hoarsely.
‘No one must see us leaving together,’ Diane warned him.
He frowned. ‘The way I feel about you isn’t some hole-in-the-corner affair, Di.’
‘Maybe not, but you are married.’
‘Yeah, and to the wrong woman.’
The conversation was going down a route she didn’t want it to take. She started to shake her head, but before she could say anything Lee drew her closer.
‘Let’s dance,’ he suggested.
Diane nodded, unable to speak.
‘You haven’t said yet whether or not you managed to talk to Glen’s colonel,’ Diane reminded Lee ten minutes later, sitting opposite him and lifting her drink with one hand whilst beneath the tabletop she held Lee’s hand with her other.
‘No, I wanted to talk about us first,’ Lee replied. ‘I did speak to him though.’
‘And?’ Diane begged him anxiously, her hopes rising.
‘He’s a colonel and the guy’s commanding officer, Di, whilst I’m merely a major.’
She sank back into her seat, trying to contain her disappointment for Ruthie.
‘However…’ Lee looked at her and squeezed her hand, ‘I guess after what you said to me I kinda put myself on the line a bit and pressured Hal more than he really liked, but in the end he agreed that the matter needed looking into and the two guys who gave evidence have been approached.’
‘Oh, Lee.’ Diane’s eyes were sparkling with delight and pride. ‘I knew you’d be able to do something,’ she told him.
‘You’ve got a hell of a lot more faith in me than I have in myself. However, like I said to Hal, we can’t afford to make the mistake of accusing and then punishing an innocent man and letting a guilty man go free, even if it does mean having to wade through some pretty messy stuff to get to the truth. Will you quit looking at me like that?’ he mock complained. ‘First you get me so turned on on the dance floor that I can’t walk without looking like I’m suffering from a war wound.’
Diane giggled.
‘And now the way you’re looking at me is making me wish I’d booked that room for tonight.’
‘The weekend’s only two more days away,’ Diane whispered shakily. Right now she was feeling that she didn’t want to wait herself. Dancing with Lee, feeling his body pressed hard against her own, snuggling up to him whilst he took advantage of the lower lights over the dance floor to slide his hands down over her back and then back up against whilst he kissed her, had reaffirmed everything she already knew about the way her body felt about him.
‘Two days,’ Lee groaned. ‘Hell, right now two hours is one hour fifty too long.’
‘Now, I know that you’re exaggerating,’ Diane told him, trying to sound stern, but laughing instead, as she instructed him, ‘Tell me about Glen.’
Lee groaned again. ‘You Brits sure are hardhearted women. Here I am, trying to make love to you, and all you want to do is talk about some other guy. OK, OK,’ he gave in when she looked at him.
‘Hal, his colonel, has personally interviewed the two guys who claimed to have witnessed his quarrel with the dead man.’ Lee paused. ‘I shouldn’t really be telling you this. Technically, it’s against regulations but he promised them that he’d make sure, if they told him the truth, it wouldn’t come out how he’d gotten hold of it, and off the back of that they opened up and admitted that they were so deep in debt to Mancini that they were forced to agree to lie for him. They’re now on immediate transfers, to protect them as much as anything else, and Mancini is going to be facing a court martial, but at the moment it’s all under wraps and Mancini has no idea what’s going on. The colonel wants to get all his ammo together before he confronts him.’
‘But he does believe Glen?’ Diane asked anxiously.
‘Yeah. There’s no doubt about who’s the guilty one.’
‘So what will happen to Glen now?’
‘Once Mancini has been charged and put under guard, Glen will be given a full discharge, and a clean bill of health, and by way of compensation for what he’s been put through his colonel is going to give his permission for him to go ahead and get married.’
‘Oh, Lee! Can I tell Ruthie? She’s here tonight. Poor girl, she’s been through such a dreadful time these last few days, what with all this business and Walter’s death and then – well, you won’t know about this – but she worked in a munitions factory workshop where there was a terrible explosion earlier this week. Everyone working there was killed in the blast. Ruthie would have died too if she hadn’t gone home from work not feeling well.’
‘Jeez…’ Lee swore under his breath. ‘Poor kid. Well, I guess you can tell her, but you’ll have to tell her as well that she’s to keep it under her hat for now, bearing in mind what I just told you about Mancini.’
Diane gave him a tender smile and said lovingly, ‘I’ve just had a better idea. Why don’t I bring her over so that you can tell her? She’s only over there on the other side of the dance floor. I should warn you that she’s a bit on the shy side, but something tells me that she’s far more likely to believe you than she is me.’
‘Well…’ Lee looked dubious, but then when Diane squeezed his hand he laughed and said, ‘OK…I guess I’d agree to anything to have you smile at me like that, Di.’
‘Wait here.’ She released his hand and stood up. ‘I’ll go across and fetch her.’
‘Ruthie?’
Both Jess and Ruthie looked up from their silent contemplation of the dancers when Diane touched Ruthie lightly on the shoulder.
‘I was sorry to hear about…about what happened,’ she told them both quietly.
‘I keep feeling that it’s wrong for me and Jess to be alive,’ Ruthie said miserably. ‘It’s as though somehow we’ve cheated, and…’<
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‘Major Saunders has had a word with your Glen’s colonel,’ Diane told her calmly, overriding her despair. ‘And he wants to talk to you about it, if you can spare a minute.’
The immediate change in Ruthie’s expression was heart-wrenching. Diane watched the hope flare briefly in the girl’s eyes, only to die away again as she looked across the dance floor.
‘It’s no use, is it?’ she asked Diane. ‘He can’t do anything.’
‘You need to talk to him yourself,’ Diane told her.
Ruthie looked uncertainly at Jess. ‘I don’t like to leave you on your own.’
‘Don’t be silly,’ Jess told her robustly. ‘I’ll be fine.’
‘Dance?’
Jess looked up, Billy’s voice bringing her out of her dark thoughts.
‘I…I’ve promised Ruthie I’d wait here for her.’
‘She doesn’t look like she’s about to come rushing back any time soon,’ Billy told her drily, glancing over to where Ruthie was talking animatedly to the dark-haired American major sitting next to Diane.
‘I need to talk to you,’ Billy added, ‘about Walter.’
Jess discovered that her mouth had suddenly gone very dry whilst her hands had gone very clammy.
‘Why would you want to do that?’ she demanded warily.
‘Oh, I’m just so happy. I can’t thank you enough.’ Ruthie put her hands to her burning cheeks, her voice breaking with emotion. ‘I almost feel as though I can’t let myself believe it, just in case.’
‘Of course you can believe it,’ Diane assured her gently. ‘Lee wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true.’
‘That’s right,’ he confirmed.
Ruthie smiled beatifically and then stopped, her eyes filing with tears. ‘Oh, but I shouldn’t be feeling like this, not when…’ she gave a small shudder. ‘It seems so wrong to be happy with all those poor women and girls gone and poor Walter too.’
Diane exchanged looks with the major. He was beginning to appear slightly impatient and very much as though he wanted to have her to himself.
Touching Ruthie lightly on the shoulder she told her in a kind voice, ‘You must try to look on you not being there as something that was meant to be, Ruthie.’
‘Meant to be?’
‘Yes. You see, if Glen hadn’t been accused of being responsible for Walter’s death, you wouldn’t have been so upset that you had to go home from the factory, would you?’
Ruthie shook her head.
‘And then you and Jess would have perished with the others,’ Diane persisted. ‘So you see, you surviving must have been meant, and that means that you owe it to those who didn’t survive to make the most of what you’ve been given.’
‘You mean that because of them I have to be happy?’ Ruthie asked her uncertainly.
‘Absolutely,’ Diane confirmed. She’d never felt surer that life needed to be seized with both hands. And she would do just that this weekend.
‘Why do you think I want to talk to you about him?’ Billy asked Jess.
She heaved a sigh. They could go on and on round the houses like this for the rest of the night without getting anywhere.
‘I don’t know,’ she told him. ‘So why don’t you tell me?’
‘All right then, I will.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Why did you let on to me like you and Walter was together?’
‘I did no such thing,’ Jess denied immediately.
‘Yes you did.’
‘No I didn’t.’
They had stopped dancing now and were facing one another. Jess had her hands on her hips and Billy was glaring at her in exasperation.
‘Give over,’ Billy demanded. ‘You made out like you was sweet on Walter, clinging to his arm and looking up at him all daft-eyed and that.’
‘I never.’
‘Yes you did.’
‘I’m surprised you had time to notice how I was looking at Walter wi’ all them girls of yours fawning all over you all the time,’ Jess challenged him, changing tack.
‘What girls?’
Billy looked and sounded genuinely perplexed but Jess wasn’t going to give in.
‘Them girls wot you’re always flirting with, and don’t say that you aren’t, because you are.’
‘Well, don’t you tell me that you weren’t flirting with Walter neither.’
‘I never! Me and Walter were just friends. He was lonely and he wanted someone to talk to about his girl on account of having to leave her back at home without having a chance to say goodbye to her properly like.’
There was silence for a few seconds as they glared at one another, and then Billy said gruffly, ‘Well, you should have said summat to me then, shouldn’t you? You know, like telling me that he was just a friend, and you knowing he had a girl at home.’
‘What? You’ve got your nerve, Billy Spencer! Why should I go telling you anything of the kind? Huh! We all know now what would have happened if I had. The next thing, I’d have known, you’d have bin telling everyone that I was sweet on you and acting like I had to make sure you knew I was free for if you wanted to ask me out.’
‘Don’t be daft.’
Another silence. But a different one this time. Billy shuffled slightly towards Jess and when she didn’t move back he reached out and took told of her hand.
‘If you was to say that you were sweet on me, Jess…’
Jess looked back at him. She felt as though she was trembling on the edge of something that was both exciting and dangerous, something she longed for and yet at the same time feared.
Billy was pulling her gently closer to him and she wasn’t resisting. She looked into his face and her heart did a cartwheel.
‘Jess…I know this might not be the time but—’
‘Billy! There you are. I’ve bin looking everywhere for you. You owe me a dance, remember?’
Jess stiffened as the other girl came up to them, deliberately turning her back on her whilst she leaned towards Billy, acting as though Jess just wasn’t there, never mind having her hand held by him. Abruptly she pulled her hand from Billy’s and turned on her heel, ignoring him when he called out to her to stay. Stay here and wait in line for him behind someone like that? He’d got a nerve, and she’d got more respect for herself!
She could see Ruthie making her way back to their table. Determinedly, she hurried over to her and said, ‘I don’t know about you, Ruthie, but I’m ready for me bed. I reckon I’ve had enough here, what with all that’s happened this week, an’ all.’
‘I’m ready to leave as well,’ Ruthie confirmed. She couldn’t wait to get home and give her mother and their neighbours the good news about Glen.
THIRTY
‘Ready?’
Diane nodded without being able to look at Lee as he took her small case from her and put it into the back of the Jeep.
They had both agreed that it made sense to meet up away from Derby House and its prying eyes, but that didn’t stop her from feeling somehow uncomfortably shabby about the manner in which she had deliberately let the others think she was going home to see her parents for the weekend before making her way to her prearranged rendezvous with Lee on Wavertree Road. There was no reason for her to feel like this, she reassured herself. It wasn’t as though she had had to hang around on a street corner, advertising her intentions by putting her case at her feet, after all. Lee had been waiting for her.
No reason? What about Mrs Saunders, Lee’s wife? Wasn’t she any kind of a reason for her to feel guilty about what she was doing?
* * *
Lee was opening the passenger door to the Jeep for her.
‘Have you any idea how damn much I want to kiss you?’ he told her thickly.
Immediately her pulse quickened, whilst a now-familiar heat flooded her body. This was so different from what she had felt for Kit. Then her sexuality had been unknown, and untested. She had been inexperienced, knowing only that her desire for Kit, her love for him, were driving her on to make that leap into the unk
nown that was womanhood, in Kit’s arms. Afterwards, as a woman – Kit’s woman – she had grown used to the hot ache of her desire for him and her yearning for those stolen nights – sometimes merely stolen hours they had shared together as lovers.
Now she was already a woman, experienced, knowing the desires of her body and what fed them. The hunger she felt for Lee’s touch wasn’t the excited urgency spiked with uncertainty that belonged to a virgin, but the awareness of her own deepest self that belonged to a woman who had known physical love.
She and Lee would be meeting physically as equals. Her need for him was a woman’s need for a man, not a virgin’s need for the experience of sexual intimacy, or to ‘give herself to the man she loved’ that she had felt with Kit. How naïve that girl seemed to be to her now, how naïve, and impossibly morally pure, because that Diane, that girl, would never even have contemplated experiencing, never mind satisfying, her physical desire for a married man. She would not even have accepted that it was possible for a woman to feel that kind of hunger in its own right. For her, the sexual act had only been acceptable when it was the result of a woman having fallen in love and being loved back by a man who was free to give and take that love. She would never have accepted that physical sexual desire could be something a woman could feel simply because she was a woman and because she was missing what she had once had, because she was afraid that this war might take from her the right to be fully that woman.
‘My guess is that we’ll be there in about an hour and a half – can you wait that long to eat?’
Ridiculously after what she had just been thinking, Diane could feel herself suddenly blushing because she knew that her appetite wasn’t for food.
‘God, I’m so hungry for you, Di,’ he told her in a low groan, his words mirroring her thoughts. ‘You’re all I’ve been able to think about since Wednesday night.’
Myra grimaced in distaste as she made her way along the down-at-heel street in the fading daylight. With its boarded-up houses and general air of neglect and abandonment, the whole area had an atmosphere of sullen brooding resentment spiced with danger. It reminded her in many ways of the atmosphere at home whilst she had been growing up. Angrily she shrugged aside that thought. Just as soon as this war was over she would be leaving all of this behind her. There wouldn’t be streets like this one in New York: streets where houses had been bombed and left empty, where hostile dark shapes, human and animal, slunk along in the twilight, anxious to keep out of sight but still ready to turn and fight their corner if they had to. Myra’s grip on her handbag tightened. Nick had no right to expect her to come to places like this, she decided, conveniently ignoring the fact that Nick had not summoned her to the bar and that it was her own decision to come there and look for him, because he had not, as she had expected, been in touch with her since their return from London. Apart from anything else, she needed to see him to tell him about what Diane had had to say to her. Once they were married there would be some changes made and no mistake. It was all very well him claiming that it was business that brought him to this dank sunless street, with its fetid smell of corruption and fear; there must be other ‘business’ he could make money from, surely. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she started to walk down the worn stone steps that led to the bar.