by Jason Starr
“Her car’s not here,” Riley said.
“She left it at the country club yesterday,” Mark said. “I’m on hold on a work call.”
“Why?”
“Because sometimes I get work calls on Sundays.”
“No, I mean why did she leave her car at the club?”
Mark was going to explain that she’d been too drunk to drive but didn’t want to get into it and said, “It doesn’t matter why.”
“I don’t get it,” Riley said. “How did she go anywhere without her car?”
Mark thought he remembered hearing a car pull up before she’d left yesterday.
“I think a friend picked her up,” he said.
“A friend? What friend?”
“I don’t know… Kathy?”
“Kathy Davidson? I don’t think Mommy even talks to her anymore. They had some falling out or something two years ago.”
Now, vaguely, Mark remembered hearing about that. He had no idea what Deb had been doing with her time lately, who her current friends were; all he knew was that she could’ve gone back to work years ago, but hadn’t, and it had caused a strain on them financially.
“And besides,” Riley went on, “Mommy, Mom never stays over with friends. She always sleeps at home… Did you and Mommy have a fight? I mean, I know you always have fights, but did you have a big fight? Is that why she’s not home?”
Mark didn’t want to have a conversation about the divorce with Riley. Well, not yet.
“Aren’t you getting a little old for that?” Mark asked.
“Old for what?” Riley seemed confused.
“Mommy,’” Mark said. “Shouldn’t you call her ‘Mom’ or even ‘Ma’?”
“Don’t you even care that she’s not home?” Riley asked.
“Of course, I care,” Mark said. “I’m sure she’ll be home soon. In the meantime, don’t you have homework or term papers to do? When are your finals?”
“In two weeks.”
“Well, do some work. I have work to do too.”
“Why were you on Karen’s Facebook?”
“I wasn’t.”
“I saw you,” Riley said, “when I came in.”
“I was just surfing,” he said, not sure why he was lying about this.
“Surfing?” Riley said sassily. “Nobody says surfing anymore.”
“Can you just go and do some work please?”
Riley breathed deeply and headed upstairs.
Mark returned to Karen’s Facebook pictures, checking out some beach shots she’d posted of herself in various bikinis at various beaches. Then, after he finished troubleshooting with the morons in Hong Kong and got the systems up-and-running, he went upstairs. Justin was contently playing on his Xbox, so the bedwetting crisis seemed to be over, and Riley was in the bedroom with her door closed, listening to whatever pop music she was into these days. Mark was aware of how calm, how normal, the house was without Deb around. He’d definitely been in denial lately, maybe for years, not realizing how Deb had been disrupting everybody’s lives. There was no doubt her drinking had been out of control and when she was around there was generally an overall tense, anxious vibe in the house. This had been making Mark extremely unhappy—he was so aware of this now—and was probably why Justin was wetting himself, and Riley was sometimes confrontational and difficult to get along with. The divorce was going to be the best thing for everybody—even Deb. She’d be happier, not bickering with her husband all the time in a disintegrating marriage, and maybe she’d meet some guy—a rich guy, who was into traveling and art and all the other shit she was into. Meanwhile, Karen was going to be an awesome stepmom and a great role model for the kids. No doubt about it—it would be a win-win situation for everybody.
A little later, Mark took a drive to the strip mall down the road to pick up some pizza for him and the kids for lunch. When he left, he slowed passing Karen’s house, noticing her car in the driveway, but couldn’t catch a glimpse of her in the house. On his way back he slowed again but still couldn’t see her and her car was still there.
Back home in the kitchen, Justin was gobbling up his second slice, eager to get back to Xbox, and Mark was having some Greek yogurt with pieces of banana in it. He’d taken a bite of pizza then reminded himself that he needed to lose ten pounds to get into shape for Karen, so he opted for the less caloric lunch.
Then Riley came in and said, “I’m really worried about Mommy.”
Mark glanced at the clock: 2:26. Okay, he admitted this was getting a little odd now. It definitely wasn’t like Deb to just not come home. Then again, she didn’t usually ask for a divorce before she left either. Then again, why wouldn’t she at least call or text the kids?
“You didn’t get any texts from her?” Mark asked.
“No,” Riley said.
“Did Mom text you?” Mark asked Justin.
With his cheeks stuffed with pizza, Justin mumbled, “No,” as he rushed past Mark and Riley on his way upstairs.
“I’m really worried,” Riley said. “I think you should call the police.”
“Oh, stop it,” Mark said.
“Maybe she was in a car accident or something.”
“She wasn’t in a car accident.”
“How do you know?”
“Because the police would’ve contacted us if she was in an accident.”
“Then where is she?”
“I don’t know. Maybe she and a friend went into the city.”
“The city?”
“Yeah, maybe they stayed overnight, got a hotel room in Times Square or something.”
Mark remembered how he and Deb used to do that, like fifteen years ago, when they first moved to the ’burbs and wanted to have romantic nights in the city. Jeez, now the idea of a night in the city with Deb seemed like torture.
“Why would Mom go into the city and stay overnight without telling anybody?”
“I’m not sure,” Mark said, “but it’s not a responsible thing to do… if that’s what she did.”
If it did turn out Deb had gone off to the city, on a drinking binge, Mark was going to tell this to his divorce attorney; at this rate he was going to have a long list of ammo for his divorce. Forget about any chance of her getting full custody, she’d be lucky if she got any custody.
“What if she’s not in the city?” Riley said. “What if it’s something else? I want to call the police.”
“Whoa, let’s not panic and get ahead of ourselves here,” Mark said. “Somebody has to be missing twenty-four hours before they start looking, right? If we call the police they’ll probably just tell us to wait and keep trying to contact her. Did you text her?”
“I texted and called like five times.”
“Call again,” Mark said. “Maybe her phone ran out and she just charged it now. I’ll make a few calls. I’m sure we’ll hear from her soon.”
Actually Mark wasn’t planning to call anybody. He knew Deb would show up soon and admit that she was out drinking in Manhattan. Yeah, she’d try to apologize, but as far as Mark was concerned there was nothing Deb could say now that could save their marriage. Acting out with some drama at the country club was one thing, but disappearing and not calling and getting everyone, including the kids, upset was taking it way too far.
Sure enough about an hour later, Mark heard a car pull into the drive. Mark marched to the front door, ready to give his soon-to-be-ex some hell.
WHEN DETECTIVE Larry Walsh of the Bedford Police Department got the call to go into work, Stu Zimmerman, who was naked in bed with him, said, “Come on, man, not again.”
“Sorry.” Larry turned on his side to kiss him, holding him tightly. Then he let go, clapped his hands twice, got out of bed and said, “But you know how it is.”
Larry went across the bedroom to the bathroom and peed with the door open.
“How long you gonna be gone?” Stu asked.
“Don’t know,” Larry said. “Hopefully just an hour or two.”
�
��I won’t be here when you get back. Sorry, I gotta be home for my kids.”
“I understand.” Larry flushed. “I’m gonna shower, wanna come in with me?”
Larry looked in the bedroom, saw Stu was at the edge of the bed getting dressed, had already pulled on his boxer briefs.
“No, I think I’m just gonna take off,” Stu said, sounding pissed off.
“Come on, don’t be a dick about this,” Larry said, back in the bedroom. “You know my job’s unpredictable.”
“So what’s the big emergency today?”
“I don’t know, but my sergeant said he needs me.”
“More than I need you?”
Larry headed back toward the bathroom.
Stu rushed over, grabbing his hand to stop him and said, “Okay, sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. That shit was wrong.”
Larry and Stu were facing each other.
“If this is getting too hard for you, I understand,” Larry said.
“You’ll never be too hard for me,” Stu said, smiling.
“Ha ha,” Larry said, smiling with him.
They kissed, Stu’s hands on Larry’s ass. It felt good—too good.
“Down boy,” Larry said.
“I can’t help it, you turn me on too much,” Stu said.
Looking into Stu’s eyes, feeling lost in them the way he always did, Larry said, “You’re lucky you’re so fuckin’ hot or I’d dump you.”
“Bullshit,” Stu said. “You’ll never dump me. Even when I’m eighty with bitch tits and my pants pulled up over my bellybutton.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” More kissing then Larry pulled back and said, “I really have to go.”
“I don’t know when I can see you again,” Stu said. “Luke has swimming all next weekend, and the weekend after that we’re taking the kids to Janet’s parents’ in the Hamptons.”
“Well, I guess we’ll figure something out,” Larry said, feeling bad about the situation himself now.
“Hey, I’m doing whatever I can to get free to see you,” Stu said, pulling on his jeans, “but it might be harder to get away over the summer when the kids are in camp ’cause Janet’ll be in my face all the time.”
“I understand,” Larry said. “You’re doing what you can do.”
“And I know you’re doing what you can do. I didn’t mean to give you a guilt trip before, that was wrong. I just love seeing you so much, man. I think about you all the time, and I want to see you more, and it sucks that I can’t even pick up the phone and call you when I miss you. It’s like I’m in prison.”
Larry didn’t say anything, absorbing this. Then, wrapped in a towel around his waist, he waited until Stu was fully dressed with shoes on. Then he walked him to the door, making sure he was out of view when it opened. He lived in a community of semi-attached houses and had neighbors close-by on both sides.
“I’m gonna miss you, you sexy motherfucker,” Stu said, a little teary-eyed.
“Yeah, me too,” Larry said.
They snuck a kiss goodbye behind the door and then Stu left.
Larry rushed into the shower, trying not to feel the letdown, but it was hard not to. It always felt like a loss when Stu left, and his life felt bleak and empty without him. Emotionally, Larry wanted Stu to tell Janet the truth, that he was in love with a man, and leave his marriage, but rationally he knew that a total clusterfuck would ensue. She would be devastated, his kids would hate him, and he would become resentful of Larry, and it would probably ruin their whole relationship. Even if Stu could figure out a way to ease out of his marriage, he wouldn’t be able to be in an out-in-the-open relationship with a dude. When it was revealed that the affair had broken up a family in the community, Larry would be pressured to leave his job with the department.
Since they’d started seeing each other, over a year ago, Larry and Stu had run through every possible scenario for how their relationship could work long term to the point where they were both sick of the conversation. There was no point in even discussing it anymore as they kept coming back to the same conclusion—that the only solution was to stick to what they called their “eight year plan.” Stu’s youngest kid, his daughter Maddy, was ten years old. When Maddy went to college Stu planned to leave his marriage. At that time Larry would be fifty-three years old and would take an early retirement package. Then Larry and Stu could leave Westchester, move to the city, get married. As partner of his law firm, Stu could work out an early retirement deal of his own, or reduce his hours at least, and Larry and Stu could travel, live in South Beach part of the year, and do all the other things they wanted to do together.
It was a great fantasy, but a fantasy that wouldn’t become a reality for eight years, and who knew what could happen in eight years? Stu could decide he didn’t want to hurt his wife, or didn’t want to put his kids through any turmoil, or he didn’t want to come out after all and he wanted to stay in his marriage. Or maybe they wouldn’t last eight years—the sneaking around and secretiveness would get to be too much and Stu, or even Larry, would bail.
But Larry doubted he’d ever bail. How could he ever want to dump the love of his life?
As he got dressed for work and later, driving to the police station, he was aware of how the situation was already draining him. He was ruminating about it all the time, replaying conversations he’d had with Stu in his head and thinking up scenarios for how they could be together happily long term. He knew he was doing this by choice. He didn’t have to stay with a guy who was in a committed relationship with a woman. He could break up with Stu, meet somebody else. Most of his previous boyfriends had lived in Manhattan as he preferred not to shit where he ate. But he didn’t intend to meet Stu that day at Whole Foods in Port Chester—it wasn’t exactly a cruising spot—and he didn’t expect to fall in love with him either; it had just happened. Now this was the situation, and Larry had to be cool with it and deal with his jealousy—Stu didn’t talk about having sex with his wife, but Larry knew it was happening—or move on. Staying meant having Stu in his life, but with eight more years of torment and no guaranteed happy ending. Moving on meant losing Stu, maybe forever. Larry had been struggling with the dilemma for months and was no closer to finding a solution.
When Larry entered the station at Bedford Hills, a young police officer, Robert Kelly, came over and said, “Thanks for coming in. Been slow so far today, but we’re undermanned.” Kelly explained that Charlie Wilson, another cop at the station, had to go home with food poisoning, which was why Larry had been called in for OT. Larry, seeing a flash of Stu’s body, was irritated that he hadn’t been called in for a more urgent reason, but he didn’t want to get into it with his subordinate.
“No problem,” Larry said. “I had some paperwork I needed to get done anyway.”
It was true he was way behind on paperwork, and it would be good to get it out of the way, but he wished he was still in bed with Stu. They’d had fewer opportunities to see each other lately, and they had to make the most of them if this relationship had any chance of working out.
At his desk, Larry sipped coffee, trying to focus on the reports he needed to file, ignoring the images of the sex earlier that kept coming to him. Then he smiled when his phone chimed and he saw a text from Stu: You were awesome this afternoon, bro. Smiling, Larry texted back, I’m the luckiest dude in the world, trying to fight off some tears, aware of how tenuous this relationship was and how he was all-in emotionally—potentially a lethal combination.
“Hey, Larry.”
Shit, it was Officer Kelly. Larry looked down immediately and concealed the cell phone behind the desk. Larry didn’t want the young cop to see that he was crying over a text.
“Yeah,” Larry said, trying to sound casual, hoping his voice wasn’t cracking, giving his mood away.
“There’s a girl on the phone,” Kelly said. “Says she thinks her mother’s missing.”
“A girl?” Larry asked.
“Yeah, you know, a teenage
r,” Kelly said. “She sounds pretty upset.”
“Okay, put her through.”
“Right, boss.”
When Kelly left, Larry wiped the tears away with the back of his hand. Then a few seconds later his phone rang.
He picked up and said, “Bedford Police, Detective Walsh speaking.”
“He-hello.” The girl did sound upset, as if she’d been crying.
Hiding his own tearful tone, Larry said, “What’s your name please?”
“Riley. Riley Berman.”
“And how can I help you, Riley?”
“I-I think my mother’s missing.”
“And what makes you think that?”
“Because she didn’t come home last night.”
“Okay.” Larry wasn’t sure what to make of this. “How old are you, Riley?”
“I’m sixteen.”
“Is there an adult or another relative at home I can speak with?”
“My father’s here.”
“Can you put him on please?”
“No.”
“Why ca—”
“Can you just look for my mother, please? Can you do something? I’m really scared. She didn’t come home or call or text or anything. This isn’t like her at all.”
“Okay, you’re going to have to calm down,” Larry said. “I want to help you, but I’m going to need you to stay calm and answer some questions, okay?”
“Okay, I’m calm, I’m calm.”
“Good. Now is your father home or not?”
“He’s here, but he doesn’t care, okay? He’s barely worried at all.”
“Maybe he’s not worried because he knows she’s okay.”
“No, he’s not worried because he’s mad at her. My parents are getting a divorce. I saw my mom’s iPad. She was looking up divorce lawyers.”
“I understand,” Larry said, thinking this sounded like a lot of teenage drama. “So how do you know your mother’s not staying with a friend?”
“Because my mother wouldn’t do that. She’d never just go someplace and stay overnight without telling us. I’m telling you, she wouldn’t.”
“Okay, I understand,” Larry said. He wasn’t very concerned—this girl’s mother hadn’t been gone long enough to be considered missing—but he was glad to have a distraction from thinking about Stu. “What’s your mother’s name?”