by Linda Ford
Sarah’s eyes grew wide.
Celia failed to hide her excitement, though as soon as she noticed Johnny watching her, she turned away.
He brought his attention to Willow and her eager expression. She smiled at him. He understood it was anticipation over what they were about to see, but he nevertheless took it and tucked it into his heart.
“We’re almost there.” A few steps later they entered a grassy clearing. Twin streams of water gushed over the rocks and fell to a pool. The cascade was only about twelve feet high, nothing spectacular in the way of waterfalls, but he never saw the plummeting water without feeling awe.
He led them closer until they reached the edge of the stream. Spray from the falling water billowed toward them in the breeze.
Sarah closed her eyes and licked her upper lip. Celia actually laughed. Adam swiped at the moisture on his hand and gurgled. But Johnny was most interested in Willow’s reaction. Her shoulders lowered. Her breathing slowed and she smiled.
“It’s so amazing.” Her gaze came to him, open and accepting as if washed clean by the cool mist.
Adam squirmed to be put down.
“I’ll take him.” Celia grasped one hand and Sarah the other, and they swung him across the grass.
“It’s so peaceful here.” Willow’s voice fell. “Tell me the drowning didn’t happen here.”
“I can do that.” Johnny pointed to where the slope ended. “The water is deeper there. It’s a perfect swimming hole but it can be dangerous.”
She stared at the spot a moment, then turned her back to it and lifted her face to the spray from the waterfall.
“Let’s go closer.” He took her hand, pleased when she didn’t object, and they stepped over the damp grass to the edge of the stream. The sound of rushing water filled the air. They stood side by side enjoying the moment.
“When the Hamiltons lived here, we often had picnics in this spot.” His voice deepened at the memory of those sweet, innocent days.
“I can understand why. It’s peaceful and beautiful.”
“The whole place has had a sad and empty feeling until you came.” He meant all of them, of course.
“Your friend Thad will soon be here, won’t he?”
“I expected him by now.” But it wouldn’t be the same. Even though Willow and the children had been here only two days, Johnny would miss them. He’d miss the sounds of Sarah and Adam laughing and playing together. He’d miss Celia’s constant challenge. He would especially miss being able to watch Willow, hear her voice, see her smile, even see the way her eyes regarded him with caution.
He went to where Celia and Sarah entertained little Adam, and crooked his finger to the older girl. “Will you take Sarah and Adam back to the yard and watch them?” he asked, when she’d moved closer.
“You’re finally going to tell Willow that you like her?”
“I need a chance to talk to her alone.” What he had to say was for Willow’s ears only.
“It’s about time.” Celia went back to Sarah. Johnny couldn’t hear what she said to her, but the younger girl’s eyes widened and she looked at Johnny as if he had given her an early Christmas present.
He hoped he could live up to their expectations.
* * *
Willow closed her eyes and let the mist hit her skin, washing away the tension and turmoil she’d carried for so long. If only she could remain here, forever enjoying the peace and calm of the place.
But life was not like that. It was full of challenges and disappointments. She was learning to trust God through them. Last night she had found her Bible buried in the depths of her bag, and spent hours reading it. One passage after another had encouraged her.
She’d discovered a marked verse in the tiny book of Zephaniah. She couldn’t remember the exact words, but they had sung in her heart. The Lord is mighty. He will rejoice over thee with joy. He will joy over thee with singing.
The scriptures had healed a bleeding wound within her. God loved her. He rejoiced over her. He did not look at her with disfavor because of her sinful act.
She watched the girls go down the hill. She should join them, but instead chose to stay by the stream, longing to share her discovery with Johnny. Maybe it would enable him to see her as God did—a forgiven sinner.
He returned to her side. “I sent the girls back to the house because I wanted to talk to you.”
“I have things I want to say to you, as well. But you go first.”
They moved away from the waterfall to a sunny spot where it was drier and quieter. He faced her and held her hands in his.
She breathed in the earthy scent of him and the fresh, damp air of the waterfall. Her heart was calmed, her soul peaceful as she looked deep into his eyes, seeing a welcome she had missed these past few days. Was he seeing her for who she was and not what she’d done?
His voice was gentle when he spoke. “I realize how difficult it must have been for you when you realized you were going to have a baby.”
Her throat tightened. Tears pressed at the back of her eyes.
“From what I’ve heard of Mr. Reames, it must have been hard to go to him.”
Johnny understood and the dam in her heart broke. “He called me all sorts of ugly names. Said that’s what everyone would say about me. Most people would not hesitate to say it to my face. He said my baby was a—” She couldn’t say that ugly word about her sweet son. “That he’d be shunned his entire life.”
Johnny groaned. “What a mean-spirited man.” He opened his arms, and although she knew she was only borrowing more pain, she gladly went into them, leaning against his chest. The sound of his heartbeat steadied her. “I’m sorry you had to hear all those things.”
“I was old enough, had heard enough gossip to know it would happen.”
“And I proved Mr. Reames correct by my reaction.” Johnny’s voice rumbled in his chest. “I didn’t mean to.”
Her heartbeat matched the rhythm of his. Everything was going to be fine now that he understood. She’d tell him how she was slowly learning to understand that God still loved her, but it would be so much easier to believe with Johnny at her side.
Then he continued, “I was disappointed that you didn’t trust me enough to tell the truth. But I understand. I forgive you for not trusting me.”
Her body stilled. He forgave her? She felt a crack in her heart. She held her breath to stop it from breaking entirely. Dredging up strength from some unknown source, she pushed away from his arms, took two steps back and clenched her hands together in front of her. “You forgive me for not trusting you? What about the fact you didn’t trust me? You judged my reasons to be false. For all I know, you judged me for sleeping with Adam’s father.”
“Willow—”
She backed away from his outstretched hand. “Yesterday I might have thought it was enough for you to offer to forgive me, but I’ve been changing, and today I know it’s not. I need someone who will stand by me when my past is flung into my face, and especially when I make mistakes, for I’m quite sure I will make more of them. Though heaven forbid I should ever repeat that mistake. I need more than your forgiveness for not telling you from the start about Adam.” She breathed hard. “Not that I see any reason I should tell anyone until I am good and ready.” She saw so clearly now that unless he accepted her completely, she would never stop trying to prove herself to him.
“I’d never throw the truth about Adam in your face.”
“Maybe not, but if others learn the truth, they’ll be happy to utter ugly words and judge both me and Adam.”
“No reason they should ever know.”
He missed the point entirely. It wasn’t about what others thought. It wasn’t about who might discover the truth. It mattered not if he judged her for her sin, or judged her for hiding the truth. She
would no longer be controlled by what she’d done.
And she expected as much from any man in her life. She needed someone who accepted her as a forgiven sinner, a struggling Christian and a woman who made mistakes. Yet still loved her, wholly and unconditionally. Such a man would not have to think of forgiving her, because his love would not count her wrongs.
Willow hastened back down the trail and into the house, closing the door against her sisters’ questions and Johnny’s call.
She fled to the bedroom and shut that door, refusing to respond to Johnny’s knock.
The outer door opened and closed quietly. Footsteps sounded across the kitchen floor, too light to be Johnny’s. Without knocking, the girls entered the bedroom.
She remained facedown on the covers.
The mattress sank as first one and then the other sat beside her.
“Did he do something bad?” Sarah asked, her voice strained.
“He probably said something stupid.” Celia seemed resigned that every relationship should end badly.
Willow sniffed back a tear and turned toward the girls, smiling as Adam grinned at her. “He didn’t say or do anything bad.” She slipped her feet over the edge of the bed and pulled the girls and her son close. “We’ll go back to town tomorrow and we’ll start to live like a real Hendricks family. The way Mama and Papa would want us to live.”
Celia nodded. “We don’t need anyone else.”
“But I like Johnny,” Sarah said.
I do, too, Willow’s inner voice wailed.
She pushed aside the words. He wasn’t the man for her.
* * *
The next morning she hurried through breakfast. “Girls, pack your things. Celia, do you know how to drive a wagon?”
“I’ve done it a time or two.”
“Would you please bring it to the door?” She pretended not to see the sadness in Sarah’s eyes, nor the puzzled expression on Adam’s face. He had looked from one to the other throughout breakfast, probably not understanding why none of them laughed this morning.
“What should I tell Johnny?” Celia hesitated at the door.
“Tell him we’re returning to town.” Willow pushed aside the stabbing pain beneath her ribs. She should never have allowed herself dreams and hopes.
While Celia went to get the wagon, Willow made sure she left the house spotless. She shook out the mat at the door one last time. As she worked, Sarah held Adam, watching her accusingly.
Willow swept the hearth next. They hadn’t even had time to light a fire, though she’d imagined them clustered around the fireplace, Adam sleeping in Johnny’s arms as she did needlework and the girls played a game.
It was not to be.
The rattle of harness and creak of wood signaled the wagon’s approach. “It’s time to go.” She gathered up their bags. Celia rushed past her into the house as Willow stepped onto the veranda.
Johnny stood before her. “So that’s it? You’re leaving?”
“I never meant to stay more than three days.” She wished it could be longer—forever—but she would not be made to feel guilty for protecting Adam, nor for not wanting everyone to know what she’d done in the past. And she wouldn’t accept less than what she needed. If he couldn’t see that—
“I don’t understand what you want.”
She couldn’t—wouldn’t—look directly at him for fear she would weaken. “That’s exactly the problem.” She took Adam from Sarah, needing the comfort of his warm little body. “Girls, bring the rest of the things so we can be on our way.”
Celia carried out the box containing their supplies and stowed it in the wagon, then climbed to the bench and reached down for Adam. “I’ll take him.”
“Wait. At least let me say goodbye.” Johnny bent his head over Adam’s to kiss him.
Willow closed her eyes and forced slow, steady breaths into her lungs. She would not let the earthy scent of Johnny, nor the brush of his hair, cause her to change her mind.
“Goodbye, wee man. I hope I get to see you again.” Johnny met Willow’s gaze, his full of wanting, hers equally full of determination. “I wish I could say something to change your mind.”
He could. But unless he figured out what it was, she had to move on with her own plans.
He held out his arms to Sarah and she ran into them. “I’ll miss you, little one.” He reached up and patted Celia’s knee. “I’m going to miss your sharp observations.”
When Willow went to climb up, he took her hand and stopped her.
“I’m going to miss you every minute of the day.” His eyes were bottomless, allowing her to see clear to his heart.
She swallowed hard. He cared. Just not enough. Not in the right way. “Thank you for everything you’ve done.” Her voice quavered. “I might never have found my sisters and gotten to Granite Creek without your help.” He’d been a rock.
But his unbending strength blinded him to the total acceptance she needed.
“Goodbye, Johnny.”
“I refuse to say goodbye.”
They might see each other in town or at church. She expected such encounters would refresh the pain that at the moment threatened to rip her from stem to stern.
She did not respond to his comment as she allowed him to help her into the wagon. She did not look at him as he held her hand even after she sat next to Celia. Finally he released her, and Willow gathered up the reins and drove away without a backward look.
Thankfully, neither girl said anything about Johnny on the way to town. Instead, Celia amused Adam. Sarah sang song after song, no doubt comforting herself.
The only comfort Willow could find was in the verse she had looked up last night and memorized. God is in the midst of thee...he will rejoice over thee with joy. God loved her. She would not look back on her past, but only ahead to her future. One in which she forgave herself. One in which she would not allow anyone to make her feel guilty about what had happened in her weakness.
Chapter Eighteen
The house echoed with their absence. Johnny couldn’t stand the silence and would not sleep inside, preferring to continue sleeping in the barn. But even keeping his back to the yard and working at breakneck speed did not make it possible to pretend he didn’t ache to see them dashing about. Sarah on the veranda with Adam. Willow in the garden.
No two ways about it. The yard was empty, the house was barren and his insides were hollowed out, aching with loneliness.
He should never have invited them to stay here. Now he missed them in every corner.
Perhaps that was how Thad felt and why he had left.
Johnny renewed his determination to make sure that nothing was out of place to risk sending Thad back to the dark space he’d gone when his sister drowned.
But even thinking of Thad and trying to convince himself their partnership would ease his loneliness failed to make Johnny feel better.
After two days he couldn’t stand his own company. Perhaps he’d find peace at the waterfall. He always had in the past, though now that he’d taken Willow there, perhaps that, too, had been ruined. He climbed the path, hoping the sound of splashing water would fill his mind.
But after a few minutes of letting the mist wash his face, he turned to stare at the spot where he and Willow had stood. He’d thought to make things right between them. Instead, he had made them worse. He wanted to forgive her, but she didn’t want forgiveness.
You didn’t trust me. I need someone to stand by me.
The words played over and over in his mind. She’d accused him of judging her. He hadn’t.
He jerked back as if someone had punched him in the jaw. Yes, he had. He’d been so consumed with the fact she kept a secret from him that he had not realized his reaction was judgment on her. Judgment on Adam.
Johnny fell to his knees, moaning. He’d treated her as if she were Trudy, hiding the truth in order to take advantage of him. Willow’s only concern had been to protect Adam and her sisters. Johnny had failed to stand by her, just as she said.
He sat on a rock and stared at the frothing water. He wanted them back, to stay. He wanted to make them his forever family. Would she give him a chance to put things right between them? If so, would she want to live in this house by the waterfall?
But what about Thad?
Maybe if Johnny sent a telegram explaining the situation and it caught up with his friend...
He bolted to his feet. He had to try.
Johnny scrambled down the hill, in such a hurry that his boots slid out from under him in the steepest places. His mind scrambled with plans. First thing he had to do was clean up.
A bit later, his hair slicked back, his skin glowing from the scrubbing he’d given it, and wearing a brand-new shirt he’d been saving for a special occasion, he stepped from the house.
The rumble of approaching hoofbeats pulled him up halfway across the veranda. Coming up the hill toward him were a number of horses. He recognized the lead stallion immediately. This was the herd he and Thad had meant to breed. Sure enough, bringing up the rear rode his friend.
He waved his hat. “Open the gate.”
Johnny jogged to the corrals and threw it wide, then stood to one side to herd them through.
The horses, recognizing the corrals meant food and water, turned in. He closed the gate after them.
Thad swung out of the saddle and grabbed Johnny’s hand. “I’m here. Got them all. What do you think?”
I think your timing stinks. I think your arrival is going to change my plans. But he didn’t say that. Instead he pumped his friend’s hand, then turned to study the horses. “Fine stock. We’ll do okay with them.” No one else raised draft animals. Soon they would be selling well-broke, matched teams and making a nice living. They were partners. He’d given his word and had no intention of going back on it.