‘I understand what you mean.’
And she did. And it was too late. Nothing could happen between them now. Perhaps this was because he was leaving anyway. Perhaps Nate would have ended up marrying one of those beautiful dates sooner or later, if he hadn’t been going away, and Zoe would never have got to know him like this. Perhaps, but who knew? Nothing was certain in life; nothing was guaranteed.
Especially not finding the one person you could love and rely on, the one person who would love you unconditionally and keep you safe from harm. A person you could trust.
* * *
Nate picked up the wine bottle.
‘Looks like we drank it all.’
‘It’s a very easy-drinking red.’
‘What shall we do now? Do you want another?’
Zoe shook her head. ‘Better not.’
‘Shall we make a move, then?’
Zoe nodded, even though leaving was the last thing she wanted to do.
She stood up and slipped her bag over her shoulder, then followed Nate into the evening air. They stood outside the wine bar and gazed at the dark expanse of the sea.
‘It’s exciting, isn’t it?’ Nate said, as he leant his arms on the rail.
‘What is?’
‘The sheer size of the sea. It goes on and on, and makes me feel that anything is possible. I could go anywhere if I got into the water and let it take me.’
Zoe shuddered. ‘Let it take you?’
He turned to face her and straightened up. ‘Yes. Well, it’s far more powerful than I’ll ever be. Yet I’ve always felt that it empowered me. Until I discovered my love of surfing, I was a very different person.’
‘How so?’
He glanced at his shoes then met her eyes.
‘I was a very quiet and shy young man. I always tried to avoid people, growing up.’
‘You? Really?’
‘I believed I was… insignificant. I didn’t like to impose my company on anyone.’
‘Of course you aren’t… weren’t. No one is insignificant, and that’s a very sad way to feel.’
Zoe’s heart squeezed as she stared into the depths of Nate’s eyes and saw the vulnerable boy he’d once been. Why had he felt that way when he had so much to offer the world?
‘I did as a boy. Then I found the water and I changed, almost overnight. Not wanting to sound cheesy but it’s as if I found me… out there.’ He swept his arm across the harbour.
‘Well, that’s a very positive thing… in that you became more confident. Life changes us all. Some for the better, but some not.’
‘Hey.’ He reached out and gently cupped her cheeks, smoothing his thumbs over her cheekbones. ‘Whatever happened to you, Zoe, it wasn’t your fault. You’re a good person, I can tell.’
Zoe couldn’t reply. She was struck mute by the sensations his touch had aroused in her, and by the deep blue of his eyes that shone in the light from the wine bar. It was as if he glowed from within and his warmth could envelope her and keep her safe and warm.
Nate moved closer and she could feel the heat of his breath on her lips, smell the berry flavours of the wine they’d drunk. His hands slid round her so that one entwined in her hair at her nape and the other rested on her back. He was so close that the heat of his body warmed her and her heart pounded as he lowered his lips to meet hers.
The sea lapped at the harbour wall and voices carried through the open windows of the wine bar as they kissed. Zoe was frozen in time, held firmly by Nate, knowing that she should stop this, prevent this, but though a part of her mind tried to fight, the rest of her surrendered. She shouldn’t want this, but she did.
When Nate finally released her, Zoe was breathless. She hadn’t been kissed like that her whole life: every nerve ending was on fire, burning with need and desire and threatening to make her fall completely and irrevocably in love with this man.
She took a step backwards and grabbed the handrail for support.
‘Zoe…’ Nate touched her arm. ‘I… I hope that was okay.’
She nodded. ‘It was more than okay but—’
‘No buts. Not for tonight.’ He sighed. ‘Tonight was perfect.’
‘It was.’
He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and they stayed that way for some time, gazing at the horizon, unable to tell where the sea ended and the sky began. And Zoe, in that moment, Zoe didn’t know where she ended and Nate began, because the kiss they’d shared had been so intense, so wonderful, so emotional, that she’d become one with him in a way that she’d never experienced before. It was terrifying, exhilarating and it shouldn’t have happened. But she didn’t regret it for a second.
‘Nate!’
Zoe and Nate turned to the direction of the shout that was quickly followed by peals of laughter. Two young women were staggering around the harbour, clinging to each other as they wobbled on very high heels. As they got closer, one pointed at him.
‘I thought it wash you! Nate, I lovesh you.’
She released her friend and lunged at Nate, causing Zoe to quickly sidestep to avoid being knocked over.
‘Oh… uh… come on now… You look like you need to get home.’ Nate held the girl away from him by her arms.
‘My name is Calishta! Kish me, Nate!’ She windmilled her arms as she tried to get closer to him but he’d locked his wrists and she couldn’t get close enough.
Nate glanced at Zoe and grimaced.
‘Calista, I think you and your friend had better go home,’ Zoe said.
The young woman turned to Zoe and glared at her. ‘And who the hell are you? What kind of frump tellsh me what to do?’
‘Yeah!’ Calista’s friend put her hands on her hips and squinted at Zoe. ‘Calista, don’t take no shit off…’ She eyed Zoe up and down. ‘Frumps!’
Both women cackled then, and Zoe’s contentment crumbled as the warmth from Nate’s kiss ebbed away. Calista was right, even in her inebriated state. Zoe wasn’t the type of woman Nate went for; she wasn’t a good match for him, and she never would be. She’d let herself be fooled for a moment, for an evening, and enjoyed spending time with him. She’d actually allowed herself to hope that this evening signalled the start of something more for her, that her future didn’t have to be lonely. Perhaps that was true, but it was also clear that there couldn’t be a future for her and Nate.
Nate would be better matched with Calista in her short denim skirt and pink crop-top, with her beautiful, long wind-ruffled hair and her flawless golden tan.
‘I’ll see you,’ Zoe said, giving Nate a quick wave before walking away.
She hurried along the harbour, glad she’d worn flats, trying to think of nothing at all except for getting home and crawling into bed then pulling the covers over her head.
Behind her, she heard a few shouts then a squeal of fury, but she kept her head down and kept moving. She passed her diner, the deli and the art gallery, then marched up the main street of the village, all the while taking deep, cleansing breaths and shutting out the sounds around her, behind her, and especially the voice in her head that told her to go back and fight for her man. There was no way she was going to be humiliated again, no way on this earth! Better to be alone than to risk the pain of heartbreak. And Nate was not her man…
She took a left at Riding the Wave, then turned right onto the road that would take her to her cottage. She breathed quickly as she tried to fill her lungs with enough air to keep her going until she got home.
When a hand landed on her arm, she screamed and instinctively swung her bag at her assailant.
‘Argh!’
Nate held his cheek as he looked down at her, his chest rising and falling rapidly.
‘What are you doing? Why have you followed me?’ Zoe glared at him. ‘And… oh… did I hurt you?’
‘I think the zip caught me.’
‘Let me see.’
Zoe gently pulled his hand away and a droplet of blood trickled down his cheek.
‘Oh, Nate,
I’m so sorry. I just… you scared me and I reacted. I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known it was you.’
‘I was calling you, Zoe. How didn’t you hear me?’
She opened her bag and pulled out a tissue, then pressed it to his face.
‘I didn’t, I’m sorry. I was lost in my thoughts.’
‘Why did you leave?’
‘Why d’you think?’
‘Because those two idiots were babbling nonsense?’
‘Nate… they were just being honest. Saying what they saw.’
‘What they saw?’ His voice broke. ‘That was utter crap, Zoe. You’re not frumpy. They’re jealous. You’re beautiful, classy… you have substance they could only dream of.’
‘They’re young, Nate, and Calista clearly has a huge crush on you.’
‘I barely know her. She’s here on holiday and has come into the cafe a few times.’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘What?’ His eyes were dark hollows now in the moonlight, and Zoe saw the blood seeping through the tissue.
‘We should get that cleaned up. I think you need a plaster.’
‘Okay.’
‘Come on.’
They walked the rest of the way to her cottage in silence. Zoe unlocked the front door and they went inside. She turned on the two lamps in the lounge.
‘Sit on the sofa and I’ll find my first aid kit.’
Five minutes later, she’d cleaned his cheek and was relieved to see that it was just a scratch. Nate had sat there silently, watching her as she tended to him. When she’d finished and stuck a small plaster on his cheek, he took her hand.
‘Zoe, please. I’m a bit confused. I thought we had a good time.’
‘We did. It was lovely.’
‘So what’s going on here… now?’
She leant forwards and rested her forehead against his, breathing him in for a moment and savouring his gorgeous scent, knowing that tonight had been like a lovely dream and that tomorrow it would be replaced by cold reality.
‘Nothing’s going on, Nate. I got carried away on too much wine and a very pleasant kiss. But thank you. It was lovely to imagine how different life could be, if just for an evening.’
‘Zoe?’ He stood up and tried to take her hands but she folded her arms across her chest.
‘I’m tired, Nate.’
‘Right, but…’
His face was so handsome in the lamplight and his eyes so full of questions and confusion that Zoe almost weakened. Almost. Then she remembered the look in Calista’s eyes and the feelings she’d tried to bury for so long. And she knew that she couldn’t go through all that again; she’d left that life behind her.
‘Good night, Nate.’
His expression changed, and it was as if a shutter had come down in his eyes to hide his emotions.
‘Good night, Zoe.’
He opened the front door and stepped out, then closed it behind him, leaving nothing in his wake other than a waft of his sandalwood aftershave and the heat of his kiss that still lingered on Zoe’s lips.
Chapter 8
Nate rubbed a hand over his stubble and sighed. He needed to have a shave but he’d been struggling to muster the energy or inclination to do much at all since Sunday. He still couldn’t understand how Saturday evening had gone so terribly wrong. At the wine bar, he’d had such a great time with Zoe and then that kiss they’d shared outside… He’d kissed a few women in his time but never like that. It was as if Zoe was the one he’d been waiting for all his life, and now that he’d finally found her, she didn’t want to know.
Or was it that her reluctance to take things any further between them was making her a more attractive prospect? Nate had never had to work for a woman’s affections, and part of him wondered if he liked the challenge that Zoe presented. Yet the other part whispered to him that it was because Zoe Russell was special, that she was right for him on so many levels, even those there was no logical explanation for.
Nate’s decision to go away now had been, in part, because he’d thought it was now or never, but it was also because his life – as pleasant as it was – had stagnated. While those around him like Jack and Oli fell in love, got married and had children, Nate was in the same situation as he had been in his twenties. He could continue to live like that, he knew he could, but recently he’d realized that he didn’t want to. He’d also been thinking more and more about his dad and how his life had been cut short. It could happen to anyone at any time. But at least his dad had loved his wife and his family; he’d had a deep connection with other people. Nate had friends and acquaintances but no one special. He’d spent years with beautiful, funny, successful women but not one of them had been someone he’d thought he could settle down with, and looking back at his behaviour now, it was obvious that he’d chosen those women deliberately. Nate might come across as the gregarious party animal, but inside he was more than that. Inside, he was still the quiet, serious boy he’d been growing up. Whatever he did and wherever he went, he would always carry that person with him. That side of him wanted more from a woman than the likes of Calista had to offer – they didn’t want the real Nate, the gentle, serious man underneath the flamboyant exterior, and as a result, he knew he could never reveal that side of himself to them. But something told him that he could share that part of him with Zoe. Of course he could, and she would never judge him for being that way because she was so similar.
They were alike.
Nate could be himself with Zoe, and that was something special.
But then he sighed. Zoe had pushed him away and closed herself down to him following their date, so even if he was aware of all this, it wouldn’t do him any good.
It was Wednesday evening, and he was sitting in the cafe alone after closing, trying to get his head around the plans for Surf for Sighthounds. It would have been great if he could have invited Zoe round to help him with them.
He rubbed his eyes then lowered his forehead to the table where he had his notebook open. He’d been trying to focus on the things he’d written, to push the pretty diner owner from his mind, but without much success. Zoe Russell had got under his skin and it was ridiculous. Nate was about to embark upon the trip of a lifetime, and he’d have plenty of opportunities to get to know beautiful women on his travels, but for some reason that thought did not appeal at all. Panic fluttered in his chest. What if he never felt like being with another woman again? What if he couldn’t think about any woman other than Zoe? How the hell would he manage if he went away for six months or more, knowing that Zoe was here in Conwenna and that she wasn’t thinking about him? At all. Ever.
He groaned and rubbed the back of his head. What was he going to do?
Focus! That’s what he was going to do. Time was flying past and he needed to get his plans for Surf for Sighthounds up and running.
A noise from outside the cafe caught his attention and he turned to look out of the window. A couple walked past, holding hands and laughing as if they hadn’t a care in the world. They were dressed up, presumably heading out for dinner or drinks, like he’d been on Saturday with Zoe. He’d felt lighter being with Zoe than he had done in ages, and although it seemed impossible, he actually missed her already. And Nate didn’t do this: he didn’t care about women, it just wasn’t his style at all.
But Zoe…
He shook his head then took a deep breath. He was going round in circles, getting nowhere.
Right, where was he?
His mobile buzzed on the table next to him and he picked it up, briefly hoping it might be Zoe, but it was a text from his mum inviting him for dinner on Sunday. He thanked her and said he’d be there, then released a slow breath. He’d been a bit worried about his mother recently because she hadn’t been as responsive to his text messages, and when he had managed to get through to her on the phone, she’d been a bit quiet and not her usual upbeat self. Nate knew people went through ups and downs, and his mother had been through some tough times – such
as the loss of his father – but she always seemed to be so stoic that he was able to avoid worrying about her. He needed to see her, so lunch gave him a perfect excuse to go and check how she was getting on.
He scanned the page in front of him where he’d written a list of local businesses that had agreed to help, and in what ways. The shops in the main street were involved, the Conwenna Arms, the deli, the art gallery and the wine bar, and Zoe had agreed to help out too. He ticked off the last few on his list, then smiled. It should be a good day and, more importantly, it would hopefully raise money for the greyhounds that would keep them going for a while.
He stood up and stretched. He needed to burn off some energy, and a run or surf would be a good way to do that. His muscles were tight and his shoulders tense; he clearly needed to exercise. He’d head down to the cove and clear his head before it got dark, and try not to think about the engagement party on Saturday. The party that he couldn’t avoid because Oli was one of his best friends, so he couldn’t exactly decline the invitation to attend his engagement celebrations, even though the party was at the diner and that meant that Nate would be in the same room as Zoe for a whole evening. She hadn’t sent him so much as a text since Saturday, and he hadn’t liked to contact her in case she got mad, because she’d seemed pretty certain that she didn’t want to pursue their friendship when she’d basically kicked him out of her cottage.
Yes, Nate needed to face facts: Zoe Russell was off limits and there wasn’t a thing he could do to change her mind.
* * *
Zoe walked along the cliff top enjoying the way the wind lifted her hair from her face and cooled her heated skin. Usually, she hated when the wind blew her fringe from her forehead in case anyone saw her scar, but the path was deserted and she could enjoy the freedom of being alone and unseen.
It had been a busy day at the diner and she was aching all over with tiredness, but she was glad of the exhaustion. Being so busy slowed her mind down and helped her to fall asleep, without going over the same old things hour after hour.
Forever at Conwenna Cove Page 7