‘And she loved you, but loss does come part and parcel when you love people and animals.’
Zoe nodded. Grace was so right; love was accompanied by loss but the alternative of never loving and enjoying being with others, was a dreadful one.
They drank their wine and when the waitress came to clear the table, they went back through to sit in the bar.
‘How are things with Nate?’ Grace asked.
‘With Nate?’ Zoe acted surprised to hear his name, even though she had been picturing him throughout dinner, wondering where he was and what he was doing.
‘Well, yes. I saw the way he looked at you last night and how he held you when you danced.’
‘What?’ Zoe’s cheeks warmed as Grace’s bright eyes assessed her.
‘It’s all right, Zoe, I’m not prying. But I wanted you to know that you can talk to me if you need to.’
‘Thank you.’
Zoe finished her wine then sat back on the bench with its plump red cushions. She ran her fingers over the worn studs that pinned the cushion to the bench and wondered how many people had sat there over the years feeling a variety of emotions. Perhaps Nate had sat in that exact spot, thinking about his life and his plans to travel the world.
Suddenly, she experienced an overwhelming urge to share her feelings about him with someone and when she looked up, she found Grace watching her, waiting.
‘You’re right, Grace. I do like Nate. I like him a lot.’
Grace nodded.
‘I barely knew him before we went out for a drink, even though we’ve both lived in Conwenna for a while. But I avoided him because he was everything I never wanted to like in a man.’
‘What do you mean?’ Grace prodded.
‘He’s handsome, confident, funny, popular and…’ Zoe took a deep breath. ‘He’s a surfer.’
‘Oh.’ Grace frowned. ‘Is that a bad thing, then? In fact, aren’t all those things you listed rather positive?’
Zoe gave a wry laugh. ‘I guess they are but I’m just wary.’
‘Aren’t we all?’
‘Yes. When we’ve been hurt.’
‘So, there was someone else? Before you came to Conwenna?’
Zoe nodded.
‘He hurt you and you’re scared of being hurt again?’
‘Yes.’ Zoe’s answer was barely a whisper.
‘We all get scared, Zoe. I was terrified of getting involved when I met Oli, and so was he. But when you find that someone who you share a spark with… then you have to take a chance.’
‘Do you?’
‘Well, I think so. Nate helped me to work through some of my initial fears about getting involved with Oli. He was, and is, a good friend.’
‘You won’t tell him—’
‘What you’ve said?’ Grace shook her head. ‘Of course not. I see you as a friend too, Zoe, and I wouldn’t do that. This isn’t high school and I’m not going to ask him out for you, or vice versa.’ She smiled.
‘Thank goodness for that.’
Grace placed her hand over Zoe’s and squeezed her fingers gently.
‘Look, I like you and I like Nate. You’re good people. It’s obvious to everyone around you that you have some… electricity between you.’
‘It is?’
‘Yes. Eve mentioned it to me last night, too. But, whether or not you to choose to pursue those feelings is up to you and Nate. No one can tell you what to do.’
‘You’re right. Though I wish sometimes someone could tell me what to do and I could just nod along and do it. Being a responsible adult is hard going when the stakes are so high. I mean… Nate is going away soon. I have commitments here. I also have some issues because of what happened in the past and I don’t want to bring those issues with me and to hurt anyone with them, especially not Nate. He’s such a nice guy.’
‘He’s a gorgeous guy and he has a massive heart. Okay, so sometimes he’s a bit soft with some of the women who trail around after him, but I think that’s mainly because he doesn’t have a significant other. If he did… then I bet he’d be different.’
‘In what way?’
‘He’d be firmer with the women who chase him and I’m certain that he’s as loyal as they come. Nate wouldn’t hurt you, Zoe, if you gave him a chance.’
Zoe worried her bottom lip as she let Grace’s words soak in. If only it was all that easy, if only she could let go and fall in love with Nate, then life might be full of joy and excitement again. But it wasn’t that simple and there were things that she needed closure with.
‘I know it’s hard to let go of the past, Zoe, but it’s the only way to move forwards. Never forget, but forgive and move on… if you can.’
‘Thank you.’
‘What for?’
‘For listening and for helping me to work out what I need to do.’
‘My absolute pleasure, Zoe. Now, how’d you fancy a spin on the roundabout?’
‘After that enormous meal?’
Grace laughed.
‘It might blow some of that make-up off.’
‘Is it that bad?’
Grace nodded. ‘Amy has tidied your eyebrows up in the middle but, apart from that, they’ve grown rather significantly.’
‘How so?’
‘Well, you know if you went outside and found two big black slugs then perched them above your eyes…?’
‘Oh, dear.’
Grace shrugged. ‘It’s fashionable these days among teenagers, so I hear.’
‘What is?’
‘To have barcodes above your eyes.’
‘What?’
Grace snorted and Zoe joined her until her sides ached and she could barely catch her breath.
‘Now, come on – let’s head on out to that family of yours so I can thank them for letting me join you.’
‘It was a pleasure, Zoe. We all had a lovely time.’
Grace linked her arm with Zoe’s and they walked out into the sunshine. Zoe’s heart was filled with happiness, because not only did she now know what she needed to do, but for the first time in a long time, she had a female friend she could trust. And that was something she had once thought she’d never have again.
Chapter 12
Nate handed his mother the last plate from the dishwasher and she put it in the cupboard.
‘Shall we have a coffee now?’
‘Yes, please.’
Lunch had been an interesting affair as his usually confident and somewhat superior stepfather had revealed a side to himself that Nate had never before seen. In fact, Richard had got through two bottles of wine with lunch – while his wife had only managed a glass and Nate had stuck to water – then he’d finished off with a large brandy, apparently to burn a hole in it.
Richard was the physical opposite of Nate’s father and he suspected that might be one of the things that his mum had been glad about. Nate’s father had been tall and broad-shouldered with fair hair, and Nate resembled him – his mother told him so every time she saw him. Richard was a few inches shorter, his hair had been brown but was now thin and receding and he wore designer glasses, seeming to have a different pair to match his outfits. Whereas Nate’s father had worn jeans and T-shirts, hating being confined in suits and shirts, Richard often wore a tie – even when he was at home – and Nate couldn’t imagine him wearing jeans. He was usually quite portly but seemed more so at the moment, as if recent stresses had led him to seek comfort in food and drink.
While Nate and his mother had cleared the plates away and stacked the dishwasher, Richard had retired to his study. Nate had popped in there to ask if Richard wanted coffee and found the older man snoring his head off in his leather recliner. So Nate had sneaked back out and helped his mother to put everything away once the dishwasher had finished its economy cycle.
‘Let’s go and sit in the conservatory again, shall we, darling?’
Nate nodded and followed his mother into the glass room that overlooked their beautiful garden. The sky had become cloudy
as the afternoon wore on and the room wasn’t as warm as it had been that morning when Nate had arrived.
Paula perched in the edge of her seat and placed her coffee cup and saucer on her knees. She’d barely eaten at dinner and had pushed a sprout around her plate for so long that Nate had been tempted to reach over and flick it across the room into Richard’s glass, just to get a reaction out of him.
‘I’d like to help if I can, Mum.’
She sighed and when she met his gaze, her eyes were tired, the lines around them deep and dark with stress as much as the mascara that had bled into them.
‘I know, love. It’s simply one of those things, though. You know, after I lost your father, I thought that was the worst thing I could ever go through… apart from losing you, of course. That would have been unbearable. But seeing Richard like this makes me realize that there are varying degrees of awful. Your dad passed suddenly but it’s like I’m watching Richard slowly crumble before my eyes and it’s hard. I love him so much.’
‘I’m sorry, Mum.’
‘It’s not your fault, darling.’
‘So what will you do?’
She sipped her coffee then used her thumb to wipe away the smudge of lipstick that she’d left on the rim of her cup.
‘I guess we’ll sell the house to pay off what we owe. Or some of what we owe. With it being remortgaged, we might only break even.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know the full extent of it because every time I ask Richard to discuss it with me, he clams up and finds some reason to go out or to leave the room. I haven’t wanted to push him because it’s broken my heart to see him like this but now… I’ll have to push.’
‘Do you want me to speak to him?’
‘That’s a very kind offer, love, but I’m his wife and he’s a proud man. I’ll have to do it myself. We are meant to be partners in this life, after all.’
Nate took a sip of his coffee. It was rich and nutty and obviously very good quality.
‘I could well be drinking instant coffee soon.’ His mother smiled at him.
‘Instant coffee’s pretty good these days, you know.’
‘I always used to drink it and your father loved it. Mind you, he’d drink anything I put in front of him, that man would. And it would always be the best he’d ever tasted.’
‘He was a good dad.’
‘He was. And a wonderful husband.’
‘Richard is a good man, too.’
‘He is, darling. Such a good man and that’s why I have to be at his side as he deals with this. He’s made some silly mistakes but he only did what he thought was for the best. It’s just the current economy is so up and down, and while some businesses are thriving, some are floundering. Add to that a few chances he took and, well…’
They sat there in silence for a while, gazing out at the garden where birds swooped in and landed on the feeders, then pecked at the nuts and seeds on offer. Some of the smaller ones fluttered to the grass where their heads bobbed as they collected the seeds that had dropped to the ground.
‘I’ll miss the birds when we move,’ Paula said. ‘I love my birds. They come back every day because they know I always have food for them.’
‘Give them a forwarding address.’
‘Ha! Yes, such a good idea.’ She put her cup and saucer on the glass-topped coffee table. ‘Do you have any good news to cheer me up, Nate?’
‘Good news?’
‘Yes, you know, like you’ve won a surfing competition or… perhaps there’s finally someone special?’
He cleared his throat.
‘Oh, there is, isn’t there? How wonderful! My goodness, Nate, at last! What’s her name?’
‘No, there’s no one.’
‘Nathaniel Theodore Bryson!’ Nate winced as his mother used his full name, the name he’d been keen to escape from as a child because it always made his schoolfriends giggle. ‘You are fibbing to your poor old mother. Tell me the truth this instant. There’s a woman, isn’t there?’
‘Okay… kind of.’
‘Name?’
He met his mother’s eyes and saw a sparkle there, the one he knew well, so he knew that if this was providing her with a well-needed distraction then he wasn’t going to ruin that for her.
‘Zoe.’
‘Aw… I like that name. And who is she?’
‘Well, she owns the diner at the cove. But it’s complicated. I like her but I’ve made my decision now to go travelling.’ He held his breath. He hadn’t wanted to tell his mother that today, after seeing her so upset, but now she’d asked about Zoe, he had to give her the full explanation about his plans.
‘You’ve decided that now’s the time to jet off around the world?’
‘Yes. But now I know you’re having problems, I won’t go. In fact, I have savings, Mum, that you can have. And you can sell the van – it’s as good a time as any.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ His mother bridled. ‘You can’t put your life on hold because of Richard and me. Nate, I’m a grown woman, old enough to take care of myself, and I have plenty of skills and a good brain I can utilize. I won’t be down for long. We are certainly not going to take your hard-earned money or sell your campervan. Your dad would never forgive me.’
‘I think Dad would be quite understanding, actually.’
‘Well, I would never, ever forgive myself, but thank you for offering, my darling. However, Richard and I will emerge from this. I’m like a phoenix, me.’
Nate smiled. ‘I know that. You’re a tough old bird.’
‘Less of the old.’
‘You said it first.’
‘So I did, but in jest.’
‘I’m joking too.’
‘I know that.’
‘Anyway, I can hardly allow myself to get involved with Zoe then leave her so I can travel. What kind of idiot would that make me?’
‘Well, take her with you. Best way to find out if you’re compatible is to travel together.’
‘I would but she has a business and… there’s also something that she’s not telling me.’
‘Oh god, is it a secret husband or a baby, or she’s come out of a cult and they’re chasing her?’
‘I don’t think so, Mum, but thanks for bringing your gossip mags and daytime TV into this.’
‘Well, you never know. One of the girls I go to bingo with had a lucky escape after using Tinder, you know. Some man who’d been courting her on there turned out to be married twice already and wanted to make her his third wife so he could steal all her money.’
Nate swallowed his comment about courting on Tinder. ‘Sounds like a lucky escape indeed.’
‘You be careful, Nate, and find out all you can about this Zoe before you get involved. Then… and only then… you have my permission to fall completely and utterly in love.’
‘Well, thanks, Mum. I couldn’t have done it without your permission.’
‘You know I’m pulling your leg.’
‘As always.’
‘You should have an open conversation with her and tell her how you feel and ask her to go with you. If she says no, then you know where you stand.’
‘It’s hard to be that open, Mum. Besides, I think she would say no. She has her business to run.’
Paula shrugged. ‘And someone could step in and hold the fort, I’m sure, although it would need to be someone with the right experience and someone she could trust.’
‘It also seems a bit… sudden and impulsive. I mean… I’ve only just started to get to know her and she might think I was mad if I asked her to come with me. It probably would be mad of me to ask her.’
‘Oh, my darling, I understand why you feel that way, but I’ve never heard you mention a woman you really liked before and… well, life is so short. Sometimes, when I look back, I wish I’d been a bit more impulsive. We should all have got into the campervan and driven around the country. I wish…’
‘I didn’t know you felt like that, Mum.’
‘I would’ve
loved to have the chance to spend quality time like that with you and your dad. Hindsight can be painful, can’t it?’
Nate nodded. ‘Missed opportunities.’
‘Exactly. Better to take a few chances, love, than to look back and regret the things you didn’t do. Now, shall we have another coffee? Might as well enjoy the good stuff while I can.’
‘Sure, why not?’
Nate picked up their cups and followed his mother into the kitchen. He knew she was right about being open but he also knew that it wasn’t quite that straightforward. There was still a possibility that he liked Zoe far more than she liked him, and if he asked her outright to go away with him, she’d probably think he was completely mad.
He’d have to think about how to approach this honest discussion and to find the right time if it ever arose. But for this afternoon, at least, he was going to try to help his mother to think through her problems and hopefully find a way forward for her and Richard. Nate knew that he’d never be able to go away if his mum was stuck in Penzance, penniless and homeless; there was no way he’d let that happen. He’d give her all his savings if he needed to – even though she’d said she wouldn’t take them – and find a way to support her if she couldn’t get another job.
Nate loved his mum and she had been wonderful to him over the years, always putting him first and never worrying him with her troubles or concerns. Nate would be there for her, the same as she had been there for him. It was what his father would have wanted and it was what Nate wanted. He just hoped Richard would be able to put his pride behind him and accept whatever help Nate could offer, because otherwise it would be more awkward than it needed to be.
‘Is there coffee, Paula?’ Richard appeared in the doorway, rubbing his eyes.
‘Yes, love, go and sit down and I’ll bring you a cup.’
Richard nodded then shuffled away in his checked slippers. His shirt was hanging out of the back of his trousers, his tie was askew and his hair was sticking up where he’d been sleeping on it. He didn’t look like the strong, resilient man Nate had known and it worried him.
‘Let me talk to Richard with you, Mum. Let me at least help you speak to him. I think he might need someone else around and it’s possible that I’ll be able to offer some suggestions or think of someone who could help.’
Forever at Conwenna Cove Page 11