Chapter 24
The next four weeks passed in a blur for Zoe. She focused on working at the diner, exercising the greyhounds and trying not to think about Nate. It was hard. Very hard.
Paula stayed on at her cottage and had started working a few shifts at the diner, and Zoe was finding the older woman’s help extremely valuable. They talked about everything and anything but never about Nate, unless it was an anecdote about his childhood or Paula praising him for something. Zoe suspected that Nate had told his mother that things would not progress further between him and Zoe and therefore not to make things awkward by trying to talk about them. And Zoe was grateful for that because talking about Nate would bring everything to the surface again and she couldn’t let that happen. Suppressing it was all that was keeping her going.
Zoe had also done her best to avoid Nate, checking with Paula when he might visit the cottage and ensuring that she was out. She spent even more time at work just to be sure, and avoided the sanctuary when he would be there. Even though they lived in the same village it was actually easier than she’d thought it would be. After all, before they’d got to know each other, Zoe hadn’t seen that much of him at all.
But tonight, Kevin and June were holding a farewell party at the cafe as Nate was leaving the next day. He was heading off into the world and would be gone for about six months. Zoe knew that this would help her to recover. Knowing that she wouldn’t risk bumping into him, that he was thousands of miles away, would help her to heal and when he returned, she would be well and truly over him. Then they could go back to being friends.
Of course it would be that easy…
Richard had been back and forth to Conwenna Cove and had even stayed over a few times at Zoe’s cottage, but she knew he was keen to find somewhere cheap for him and Paula to rent. Zoe liked having the company and her nightmares had vanished since Paula had been around, but she was realistic enough to know that the husband and wife would need their own space. Paula treated her like a daughter and Zoe would miss her when she’d gone; there was something so comforting about having another human being around.
Zoe blinked at her reflection in the bedroom mirror. She’d gone with jeans and a lemon and navy polka-dot blouse paired with flat, yellow thong sandals with white flowers that sat above her big toes. Her skin was golden from all the walks in the fresh air and the time she’d spent in her garden encouraging plants to grow and thrive, especially the herbs she was growing for use in the diner. There was a definite comfort to be found in gardening and she’d even been up to Mary Miller’s cottage to learn how to grow certain herbs and vegetables. Mary had green fingers and was a good teacher.
While there, Zoe had spent time with Eve and baby Iain, and she’d enjoyed watching the baby change over the weeks. It was amazing how quickly he learnt to do things and his small, smiling face always lifted her mood.
‘Are you ready, Zoe?’ Paula called from downstairs.
‘Yes, just coming!’
Zoe could have made an excuse not to go but she owed it to Nate and to his mother. Not turning up would seem petulant and as if she was bitter, and that simply wasn’t true. She was happy for Nate and wanted to wish him well.
Downstairs, Paula smiled at her.
‘Oh, Zoe, you’re such a pretty girl. Woman, I mean.’ She laughed. ‘I just see you as being so much younger than me. I’m the same with Nate.’
Zoe smiled.
‘Uh… Zoe… before we go, I need to speak to you about something.’
‘Okay…’ Zoe’s heart sank at the seriousness of Paula’s expression.
‘Sit with me on the sofa.’
When they were sitting down, Paula took a deep breath then released it slowly.
‘Zoe, I’ve been trying not to say anything but as Nate is leaving tomorrow, I have to. I can’t let this moment pass and do nothing.’
‘Paula, please, it’s better to let it go.’
Paula shook her head. ‘I can’t, darling. I care about you both far too much for that. Nate is hurting. I see it every day in his eyes and even in how he moves. He’s different, sad, damaged.’
‘Damaged?’ Zoe scanned Paula’s face. ‘By me?’
‘No, love, not you but by the situation. My son loves you, Zoe. He’d give up this whole travelling plan to be with you if you said the word.’
‘But I can’t do that to him, Paula. He needs to go, to do this and enjoy it. If he stayed, then one day in the future it could emerge as resentment and I couldn’t bear that. Imagine if we had children and he suddenly realized that he’d missed out. And, alternatively, if I said I’d wait for him then he’d be tied to me. He’s too good a man to cheat and I’d worry that he’d have regrets. I’ve seen how women are around him and he could find someone far better for him than me.’
Paula placed a cool hand on top of Zoe’s and shook her head. ‘He won’t find anyone better than you, love. You are the one for him. There is no one better. Why do you doubt yourself so deeply? You’re beautiful, intelligent and a successful businesswoman. You’re kind, funny and sweet. You have so much going for you and I would be delighted to have you in my family. Listen… I haven’t told Nate this but I was never impressed with any of his… flings. They were never good enough for my son but… you! You are perfect.’
Zoe allowed Paula’s words to sink in. ‘That’s a huge compliment, Paula, but there are things about our situation that run alongside feelings. Even if I admitted to Nate that I love him too… and went away with him, because that would be the only way I could allow this to happen so he didn’t miss out… then I couldn’t just up and leave the diner. Who would run it for me? Who could I trust?’
Paula nodded, then she squeezed Zoe’s hand. ‘I have a proposition for you. Please hear me out, then you can think about it this evening.’
‘Okay.’ Zoe smiled, hoping with all her heart that Paula had a magical solution to their situation, and then, that there was a chance Nate would still want her after she’d turned him away.
* * *
Nate smiled at the party guests and checked that everyone had a drink. He was pleased that they’d all turned up to say goodbye but, in spite of the fact that tomorrow he was heading to catch a flight to Australia, his spirits were low. This should be an exciting day and he knew that once he was on that plane, heading towards his destination, then he’d feel better. At least he hoped he would. His mum was feeling much better: she was visiting the greyhound sanctuary regularly and hoped to adopt Monica once they were settled, and Richard had managed to secure several interviews nearby, so hopefully he’d be earning again soon.
Everything was looking more positive.
Except for one thing.
Nate was leaving Zoe Russell behind, and it was the hardest thing he’d ever done.
But she didn’t want him and she’d made that quite clear.
He sipped from his bottle of beer then went to the door and stepped out into the late August evening. The balmy air was fragranced with the sweet scents of the flowers in the cafe window boxes and the mouthwatering aroma of fish and chips that drifted along from Catch of the Day, further along the main street. He was going to miss Conwenna Cove while he was away: the familiar sights, familiar faces, his mum, aunt and uncle… and, of course, he was going to miss Zoe. His mum had suggested that he could well meet someone else and that there were plenty more fish in the sea, but he’d known from her tone that she didn’t believe it, that she knew Nate didn’t give his heart away easily and that Zoe was the first woman he’d fallen for. Another person couldn’t easily replace those kinds of feelings and Nate knew he wouldn’t want anyone else. Zoe was special, she was unlike any other woman he’d ever met, and he couldn’t imagine another woman coming close. He’d have sacrificed the travelling to be with her and had suggested it but she’d turned him down and it had cut him to the core. He was annoyed with himself for being hurt, wanted to shake himself out of this love-sick behaviour but, try as he might, it just wasn’t happening. Nate
had it bad.
He looked up and spotted his mum and Zoe strolling down the road. In her simple outfit of jeans and a blouse, Zoe looked beautiful and, once again, he wished she cared for him as he did for her. He knew if she asked him to stay this evening that he’d do it, even if he lost the money he’d paid for the trip.
‘Mum!’ He hugged his mother then kissed her cheek. ‘You look fabulous. And hello Monica.’ He stroked the greyhound’s chin. His mother had been taking the dog out and about with Neil Burton’s blessing, so they could get to know each other better, as well as to socialize Monica, and he loved seeing their bond.
‘Hi, Nate.’ Zoe smiled at him and his heart lifted a fraction.
‘Hi, Zoe.’ He leant forwards to kiss her cheek and breathed in her vanilla scent laced with the heady tones of her jasmine shampoo.
‘Looks like a good turnout,’ Zoe said, as she peered through the cafe window.
‘All the regulars.’ Nate nodded. ‘Can I get you both something to drink? Uncle Kevin has a well-stocked bar for the night.’
‘Gin and tonic, please, Nate.’ His mum smiled.
‘I’ll have the same, thanks.’ Zoe ran a hand through her shiny hair. ‘With plenty of ice, please.’
‘Coming right up.’
Nate turned and went inside to make their drinks. This evening was going to be challenging but he also wanted to make the most of it. It would be his last in Conwenna for a while and his last in Zoe’s company, and he intended on savouring every moment so that he had the comfort – or would it be torment? – of the memories while he was away.
* * *
Nate returned with two gin and tonics and handed them to his mother and Zoe.
‘Thanks.’ Zoe sipped her drink and sighed. ‘That is so good!’
‘It’s the extra splash of gin I add in after the tonic.’ Nate smiled. ‘It gives it a special finish.’
‘You can make me more of these…’ Zoe winced. Why had she said that? It wasn’t as if Nate was going to be hanging around, was it?
‘You should come inside and see everyone.’ Nate nodded at the cafe, where the sounds of laughter and voices drifted through the open windows and out to the street.
‘I think I shall. See you in a moment.’ Paula raised her drink to them then went inside.
‘That was subtle.’ Nate huffed.
‘She means well.’
Zoe’s heart pounded now that she was alone with Nate. They were separated from their friends by just the glass of the cafe windows but it felt as if they were miles away. Everyone inside had a smile on their face as they ate, drank and chatted to friends and family but outside, the air between Nate and Zoe was tense and filled with things as yet unsaid, with the fear of holding on yet the devastation of what letting go would mean.
‘She does.’
‘Nate… your mum had an idea.’
‘About tonight?’
‘No. About us and about… about how I could come away with you.’ She took a shaky breath. He could well have changed his mind and she could be making a fool of herself.
‘And?’
Zoe met his bright blue eyes and her whole body tingled with love, need and longing for what they could share. She was afraid to say more yet terrified of letting this opportunity pass. No more regrets was the mantra she wanted to live by.
‘Paula said that if I trust her enough and that if I want to come with you, then she’ll run the diner for me.’
Nate nodded slowly. ‘After we spoke about it before, I was going to bring it up with Mum but she got there first. There didn’t seem much point in me raising it because you… well, you said we couldn’t have a future… but Mum told me she’s been thinking about it for a while. I told her it was too late and that you’d made your decision.’
‘Is it too late?’
He shrugged. ‘I can’t play this game, Zoe. I can’t bear to feel like you want me then you don’t. Tell me now, what is it that you want to do?’
Zoe chewed her bottom lip. She’d asked herself this since Paula made the offer. It was a big ask, not of her but of Paula. But now that Richard had a job possibility on the horizon, and they planned to settle in Conwenna, then it was perfect timing. Paula had experience in catering and of running a business and Zoe had seen over recent weeks how good Paula was in the kitchen, at serving and with customer care. In fact, the customers had loved her and she’d been generously tipped. It was almost too good to be true, and Zoe knew she’d never have another similar offer.
‘I’m… excited, nervous, nauseous… so many things. I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head and I don’t know which one to pick. This is such a big thing for me, Nate. And for you.’
‘Zoe…’ He took her free hand between both of his. ‘I know what I want. I want you to come with me. But only if you are certain that it’s what you want.’
She nodded, blinking hard to clear the tears from her eyes. Now was not the time to let emotion consume her.
‘Look, Zoe. No pressure, okay?’ He leant forwards and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. ‘Enjoy this evening, eat, drink, be merry and be my friend. My mother loves you and will do whether you come with me or not.’
‘I don’t want her to think I don’t trust her.’
Nate held up a hand and shook his head. ‘She won’t think that. Mum has been through enough in her lifetime to know that not all decisions are easy. She’s given you an option but I understand that it’s a big decision to make. Remember, I’m not leaving a business behind. I work for my uncle and aunt; I can leave knowing that they’ll be fine without me. But for you, this is a big deal. I know why you need to think this through. If you come, then you’ll make me very happy but if you don’t, then I’ll see you again.’
‘But not for ages.’
He nodded. ‘But it’s not… the end. It doesn’t have to be. Or maybe it does. It’s up to you now.’
Zoe tried to smile but her cheeks ached with emotion, because they both knew that if she stayed then it would be the end of them. How could it not be?
‘Now come on inside and see everyone.’
He led her inside and she forced a smile to her lips for the sake of their friends who had gathered to wish Nate bon voyage. Tonight was about Nate and the people who cared about him and Zoe would focus her energies on ensuring that he enjoyed the evening.
Chapter 25
The drinks had flowed with the conversation, laughter had bubbled and the atmosphere had been warm at Nate’s farewell party. It was a good gathering and Zoe had enjoyed herself thoroughly, listening to stories of Nate’s time in Conwenna and his childhood. It was obvious that all who knew him loved him and that he would be missed.
Zoe stepped quietly away from Grace and Oli and slipped out of the cafe door into the cool night air. From outside she watched Nate. He was deep in conversation with Jack and Kevin, with Paula and June looking on, smiling indulgently at the man they’d both helped shape. Nate was lucky to have had a family who loved him. It was so sad that his father wasn’t there to see the man he’d become, but at least there were people around him who cared.
Zoe had missed not having a close relationship with her parents and although she’d tried to push the thought away, it did surface at times like this. It was hard to suppress it when she knew how good it would feel to have a family of her own around who loved her. But that was never going to happen: her own parents and grandparents had gone and she was alone in the world, and there was no point wishing otherwise. She had friends now, and although those friendships were in their early days, she felt accepted for who she was. And that was a gift she’d treasure.
She needed to walk. She’d only had two drinks but her head was fuzzy with the weight of her thoughts so a good walk in the evening air would help clear it. She hoped.
She walked down to the harbour, enjoying the sea breeze on her face and as it toyed with her hair. The lights were on around Conwenna and the moon was out, a silver orb that brightened the cloudless sky a
nd gave the harbour an eerie silver glow. She passed the diner, the wine bar where she had spent a pleasant evening with Nate until those two girls had come along, then walked towards the cliffs. She climbed the path to the top and stood gazing down at the beach. So many things happened on that sand; it was a central point in the lives of the locals. It had seen picnics, carols, proposals, homecomings… and been part of the Surf for Sighthounds event. She had developed so much fondness for this place and it was now rooted deep in her heart. The thought of leaving was actually painful and she knew that whatever she decided, she would always come back.
‘Zoe!’
She turned to see Nate hurrying towards her. She waved at him, admiring him in spite of her musings.
‘I wondered where you’d gone. One minute you were standing there talking to Grace and Oli and the next you’d disappeared.’
‘I needed some air.’
He nodded.
‘Haven’t you still got party guests at the cafe?’
‘A few stragglers, but most have gone home now. Oli and Grace needed to get the children home and Jack and Eve don’t like to leave Iain with Mary for too long. They say it’s because they don’t want to take advantage of Mary’s generosity but, to be honest, I think they miss him. Even when they’re away from him for a few hours. It’s like they don’t want to miss a thing.’
‘That’s understandable.’
‘Zoe, I’m not here to pressure you but I wanted to give you something.’
‘You did?’
‘Then I’ll leave and you’ll be free to decide on your path.’
‘Nate, I need to tell you something before I make any decisions. I need to tell you a bit more about me.’
‘I’m listening.’
Forever at Conwenna Cove Page 22